The Secrets In Telling
by iwantsprezzatura
Summary: "I can feel you," my brother whispered. I swallowed hard while his bright green eyes searched my face. "And you're beautiful." - Loki/OC - please read&review!
1. A Drop of Snow

**Hi there. Thanks for clicking on my story.  
** **I apologize for** **any linguistic mistakes - I'm not a native English speaker, so I ask you to bear with me.**

 **You all know that, but still: I do not own anything that you recognize, be it characters or dialogue or storylines.**

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 **A Drop of Snow**

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My brother was always peculiar.

Granted, there were not many memories of him in our younger years, the cause for which was debatable, though. Our father had always claimed that the boys did not care to share their time with me. There was little of interest in a girl's world for them. My mother had always said that it was not appropriate. Knowing my parents, her version probably came closer to the truth.  
Here is what it came down to: until my mother gave in to my request for magic lessons, only a handful of words had passed between Loki and I in my entire life.

I did not think much of Loki at the time. He was lanky, much more so than our brother, and I knew that father did not approve. No one approved, really. Asgard raised warriors, not weaklings. And Loki was nothing like an Asgardian - he was pale and dark-haired and slim. Not like Thor, with his sun-kissed skin and golden hair.  
Loki fancied himself to be very smart, though, and as far as I could tell, he liked to remind everyone of this fact as often as he could. He played tricks on everyone around him, most often Thor, and he laughed hard when our brother fell for it. Which he did, every time. My courage never sufficed to even start talking to him, too great my fear that I would be the next victim of his ill-natured pranks.

Thor, on the other hand, was much more likeable. Every now and then, he would ask me to dance at the feasts and he would go around, introducing me to everyone that I normally did not get introduced to.  
"Do you know my sister?" he would exclaim. "Have you met Eirlys?"  
He was all big smiles and booming laughter and I loved him very much.

That notion, of course, was wide-spread across the realm, perhaps even across all the realms. People looked up to our family. They admired my father's wisdom and strength, my mother's kindness and beauty and oh, how they adored Thor. No doubt he would one day be as great a king as Odin was and as his father had been.

Personally, I sometimes wished that I had been born a boy, as well. Then I could have become a warrior as well, could have trained and been admired. It would not have mattered, then, that my hair was not quite as golden as Sif's and that my eyes were not quite as blue as Thor's - in fact, they were more grey than anything - and it would not have mattered that there were freckles on my nose.  
As it was, I was doing embroidery, learnt nothing but dancing and painting and only sometimes, if my governess thought I had done exceedingly well, I was allowed to parade those skills at the next feast.

Perhaps that was the reason why, ever since my mother had displayed her magic skill in front of me for the first time, I had begged for her to teach it to me.  
I begged and pleaded and cried when she refused me - there was nothing I had ever wanted more in my life. And after long, when my mother was finally sick of me clutching at her skirts, she agreed.

To say that I was overjoyed was an understatement. Unfortunately, though, my joy did not last long. Apparently Loki had had the same wish for quite some time as well and our mother thought it unfair to teach one and not the other. Most of all, she thought it impractical to teach us separately. I broke out in tears when I heard the news.

Loki seemed just as disappointed with the situation. He was not crying, at least, but then again, he was a boy and I was not sure if boys cried at all. He _was_ pouting, though. Suffice it to say, our mother was not charmed by the attitude and she was not charmed by my tears, either.

"But mother," Loki argued. "You can't expect me to take lessons with a girl!"

"Surely," I said. "He'd be better off bashing his head in with the other boys."

He turned to me, green eyes sparkling with anger. "We're not bashing our heads in," he told me as if he knew a secret that I did not. "We're training for battle."

I attempted to make the angry sound the maid always made when someone ordered her to do something she did not want to do. It did not quite sound like it did with her. Indeed, it sounded a bit funny, and not in a good way, but now I had to stick with it.  
"Anyone can do _that_ ," I announced, even though I knew it was not true.

He laughed at me, then. It made me so angry that my eyes watered up, which of course made him laugh even harder, which of course made me cry for good.  
It was just so unfair that he had to be here, that he had to ruin it and in that moment, I did not want to learn magic any longer. Should Loki and our mother become happy with their magic lessons, I did not want to have any part in it.

Our mother had watched the scene unfold before her, but as I continued crying and my brother continued laughing, she stepped in. Needless to say, she was not amused.  
"Now children," she admonished while she wiped my tears away with her handkerchief. "Pull yourself together. You two can learn together, or you won't learn at all."

Loki's eyes widened and he started sputtering at that. "But," he cried out again. "Mother!"

She silenced him with nothing but a silent look. His mouth snapped shot, but that did not stop him glaring at me. I was still sniffling with tears, but I did not want to get that same look from my mother and so I kept otherwise silent. Besides, it was already embarrassing enough that I had started crying in front of Loki and I did not want to make myself any more foolish.  
In fact, I had to make up for my foolishness now. I _did_ want to learn and I would prove to Loki that I could learn magic and that I could better him, too. He would never laugh at me again, then. He would not dare, or else I maybe would turn him into a frog or something like that.

We both soon had to find that learning magic was not quite as easy as we had imagined it. The first step, as our mother had explained, was finding the power within us before we could even begin to put it outside of our body. It did not make a lot of sense to me, but I would never have admitted it, not in front of my brother.  
At least, he did not make any progress, either and he was getting impatient. He came to every lesson, but he usually stormed off halfway through or started screaming at our mother. I kept hoping that she would forbid him from learning, but she only ever reprimanded him and let him arrive again the next time.

To be honest, I got a little scared that I would never be able to do it. Perhaps there was no power in me, perhaps I was not special after all. But I was determined to at least last longer than Loki did. Maybe, if he gave up before I did, I could convince him that I could do it, even if it was not true.  
I knew I would have to make it very convincing, though, because my brother was a good liar. He made up stories all the time and I could never tell if they had really happened or not. He would ask me if it was true or not and would laugh at me when I got it wrong. Which I usually did.  
One time, he even called me stupid and I had burst into tears again. I did not think that I was stupid. It was the only time that our mother actually sent him away instead of him leaving. He was still allowed to return and I had promptly cried again when I had seen him. He had not laughed that time.

After a few months, even our mother seemed to get impatient. It was harder to tell´ and I only thought it because she was trying out new techniques. At first, I had thought that we might have made some progress and just did not notice, but that clearly was not the case.  
Loki and I started arguing more and more. He would make jabs at me and I would try to hit back, but I never managed to really hurt him. At one point, when we were screaming at each other, our mother finally decided that she wanted us out of her rooms.

"Children, listen," she announced. "I want you to go and work together and you mustn't return until you both have found the power."

"But," Loki started, but he did not get far, as usual. Instead, it was me that spoke up this time.

"What if one of us doesn't have it?" I asked timidly.

My mother raised an eyebrow and then she shrugged. Clearly, my concerns did not matter to her. "I told you. Either you both learn or neither of you will."

Loki stormed off again, but this time with me on his heels. It took him five minutes until he realized that he was being followed an he was far from pleased when he did.  
His demand for me to leave did not make me go away, though. I could not and I told him so - because mother had said that we should study together and so that was what we had to do. He threw a bit of a tantrum and I was shaking by the time he was done, but I did not move from my spot.  
My brother eventually calmed down, but he was still glaring at me when he was breathing calmly again. "We're going to the library," he announced and his tone left no room for discussion.

I had never been to the library before.  
When I had wanted to read something or I had been supposed to read something, a maid had been sent to retrieve it for me. I had never even considered the possibility to go here on my own.  
It was an imposing room with a ceiling that stretched to the sky and shelves that seemed to be almost as high. It was gloomy, but between the shelves, it felt like a comfortable sort of darkness, like pulling your blanket up over your head and being protected from the evil monster under your bed.

Loki, though, seemed perfectly at ease and he seemed to come here often, if the warm smile of the librarian was anything to go by. The man did not ask after me, but I was not entirely sure that he had seen me to begin with. His fingers skimmed along the dusty shelves, his eyes fixed on the backs of the books with scary intensity.  
He pulled out book after book and pressed them all into my arms until I was swaying and the staple was growing over my head. Then he grabbed two more, one for each of his hands, and ordered me to follow him.

We worked through the books for the whole day, and the day after and the day after. We had very little success. One book described what the power was supposed to feel like, but it did not say anything about how to find it within ourselves. Loki was soon growing angry again and he would start pacing around me while I read. He was also getting impatient with how slowly I read.

"This isn't working!" he finally screamed and I almost fell of the chair in fright.

"Maybe if we ask mother again," I whispered. "She'll help us."

He huffed in annoyance. "We're not going to go crawling back beneath our mother's skirts," he snapped. "Grow up a little."

My mouth fell open and I fought the tears threatening to spill again. Oh, I hated him and I wished by the Norns that he was not my brother and that I did not have to study with him. Indeed, I wanted to run away as fast as I could and hide away. In my room, or if need me, in my mother's skirts.

Loki watched me closely and suddenly started forward and grabbed the book from me. I let out a howl and rushed after it to gain it back. He laughed at me again, easily holding the book out of my reach and I clutched at his arm, trying to pull his arm down towards me.

He was still laughing when I felt it. It was nothing like the book had described, but there was never any doubt in my mind that I had found what we were looking for.  
It was pulsing, a bit like a heartbeat. It was like an extra-being, living inside my brother's body alongside him. It was cold, but not bitingly so - it was more like a fresh breeze. And it was light. Not in the sense that it did not have any weight, but in the sense that it was bright. It was shining, like a candle lit in the dark to chase the nightmares away.

"You have it," I breathed. He tried to wrench his arm away, but I grabbed on even tighter. I did not want him to take the light away, I was much too curious about it. "Don't you feel it?" I asked, looking at him in wonder. "You have it!"

"What do I have?" he asked crossly.

"The magic," I said. He always claimed to be so smart, but he seemed a bit stupid right now. "I can feel it, why can't you feel it?"

His eyes widened at me. "What does it feel like?"

With every word I said to describe it, his eyes grew even larger. His hand pressed down on top of mine and I watched him concentrate. I could see it on his face when he found the beating. Loki looked mildly surprised, but he most of all looked very pleased with himself.  
I did not think that he had any right to. After all, it had been me that found it in the first place.

Finally, my hand left his arm and I shook it a bit before holding it out to him again. "Now me," I said.

His eyes glinted evilly at that. "What will you give me if I find it for you?" he asked.

My mind started racing for something, anything he could want, before I realized that I did not have to give him anything. "If I don't find it, you can't learn," I said, trying my best to sound sure. "So do it."

Loki pulled a face, but he did not try to argue. I grinned at him, happy with my victory as he grabbed my arm. His fingers dug in deep and I bit my lip so he would not know he hurt me.  
He closed his eyes and his eyebrows furrowed as he concentrated. I was suddenly afraid again. What if I did not have it? He would never let me forget that I did not have magic and he did. I wanted nothing more than to be as good as him.

My brother suddenly looked at me again, his lips spreading into a wide grin. "Found it," he said.

"Really?" I asked.

He raised an eyebrow at me. "Dear sister," he said. "Would I lie?"

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	2. Wicked

**Thanks to everyone who read, fav'd and alerted - the response was quite sastisfying for a first chapter ;) If you want to make me really happy, though, leave a review! It would mean a lot!**

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 **Wicked**

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Loki had not lied, though I feared for the longest time that he had. He urged me to feel it, the magic pounding inside me just like my heart, until I actually did.  
Once I felt it, I could not get rid of it again. It had scared me at first - it felt like something that did not fully belong to me, like someone else was living inside my body. I did not dare show Loki my fear and instead proclaimed to be happy as profusely as I could.

Our mother was very proud of us when we returned to her, out of breath because we could not help running as fast as our legs would take us.

I had thought it would be the hardest part, finding the magic, but learning to control it was not much easier. Again, I feared that Loki might better me, but his impatience got in the way.  
He was not delicate enough, our mother said, though I was not entirely sure what she meant. I knew that when he was discontent with what happened, things tended to explode around him. The maids had started to complain because his quarters seemed to catch fire regularly now.  
I became very quickly afraid that things might explode at my hand as well. Nothing ever caught fire, though. When my mother was not around, my magic did not seem to work at all and after Loki's eyebrows had been singed for the first time due to his explorations in her absence, I did not dare try it anymore.

We also wanted very different things - I wanted to create pretty things, make flowers grow, perhaps change the colour of my dresses or, and that was the wildest dream, make myself appear more beautiful than I was.  
My mother was a very beautiful woman, but I did not think that I looked like her. Perhaps the Norns had punished me for making things so difficult for my mother during birth.  
They said she had just barely survived it due to Eir's skill. Surely, such a thing demanded punishment of some sort.

Loki did not want to look differently, and if he did, it was only to fool others, and he did not want to create pretty things, either. He longed for very different things. He wanted to make himself invisible, wanted to disappear in one place and appear in another, wanted to scare others with tricks and deception.

But I did not think that he wanted to play these tricks on me, not anymore. He did not complain anymore about having to study with me - in fact, he picked me up at my quarters every day so we could begin together.

It was also Loki who told me about the market.  
It was a traveller's market. It would be full of jugglers, artists, musicians, craftsmen that would sell their goods. And they would come not only from Asgard, bust also from Vanaheim and Nornheim, he told me.

"Please, Mother," I begged when we arrived at her quarters, Loki still going on about what he had heard. "Can I go?"

She sighed heavily. "It doesn't do for a princess to dwell among commoners," she chastised gently.

"But Mother!" I cried. It was not _fair_. If I was a princess, surely I should be allowed to go, rather than any commoner! Could they not leave and let me visit, instead?

"We can go in disguise," Loki said before our mother could make any answer. "Put on mantles and draw the hoods deep!"

My eyes widened with joy. "Yes," I said eagerly. "I promise you, I won't take the hood of, ever!"

"I'll watch her," Loki offered. "Nothing will happen, Mother, I swear to you."

She was watching him critically before breathing another sigh. I was convinced that she would deny us when she finally agreed. I hugged Loki in happiness and he seemed quite confused about it. In fact, he swayed amusingly when I threw my arms around him.

"You watch over her closely," our mother said pointedly. "You keep not one, but both eyes on her, Loki, do you understand?"

He promised her again, but the wink he gave me suggested that he would not be breathing down my neck.  
From the moment she allowed it, to the moment that we finally left the palace, I was giddy with excitement. And when we approached the tents, the music of flutes and tambourines already vibrating in the air, I was skipping along, smiling brightly at Loki whenever my twirling let me face him.

The music I had initially heard was made by a group of musicians from Vanaheim. I urged Loki to give them one of our golden coins for the effort but he refused. At my pouting, he chuckled lazily.

"You'd have me give our money away to _everyone_ ," he said. "We can't afford that."

I thought that we could very well afford that, and told him so, but I did not want to waste time fighting him. Instead, I dragged him along, further into the market.

Most merchants had brought tents - some huge and round, some hardly more than a booth in which they stored their goods. It was easy to recognize the Asgardian ones. The tents were made of fine fabric, often in gold or silver and they often doubled the other pavilions in height.  
The Vanir tents were more simple, but more complex in coloration - they were bright pecks of colour among the rest of the fair. The merchants from Nornheim, on the other hand, brought dark tarpaulins, covered in mysterious patterns that made me dizzy when I looked at them too long.

Loki had been right about one thing - I thought that everyone performing here was absolutely fantastic and I thought they all deserved a few coins, but he would not budge. The only one who did get a coin from him was a man from Nornheim who juggled with burning sticks. My brother claimed he gave it away because it looked so dangerous.

It did indeed look very dangerous, but it could not hold my attention for very long. There were too many things still to explore, to see, to learn.  
Only once did Loki give into one of my requests and it was to buy our mother a beautifully painted teapot. The only flaw it had was that the woman who had painted it was not exotic - she was a plain citizen of Asgard. Loki said that our mother would love it even more because it was from home.

"What about the other realms?" I asked him.

While I would never want to leave Asgard - why would anyone want to leave their home? - I thought the other realms to be fascinating. Their music was foreign, as was their clothing, and they brought with them bright and strangely shaped fruits that smelled absolutely delicious. The Asgardians had only brought big wooden carts full off boring apples.

"What do you mean?" Loki asked.

"There are nine, right?" I said. "But here are only people of three realms. Surely, others have music, too?"

Loki frowned at me, though the expression was half hidden by his cape. "I don't know," he admitted. "But some are horrible places. Swartalfheim is a dark place, for example. And there is no place more horrid than Jotunheim. I don't think they have music."

I shuddered at the mention of Jotunheim - the maids always told horrible stories about the cruel and brutish Frost Giants when she wanted to scare me. And I was terribly scared of these stories. How horrible to live in eternal cold - and how horrible a creature that revelled in such a land!  
Loki was probably right about them, I figured. Frost Giants did not seem like a happy lot and what other reason was there to sing?

"And Midgard?" I asked.

My brother laughed at that. "The mortals can't make anything that would impress us," he said.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "How do you know?" I demanded.  
Travelling through the realms was perfectly possible for Asgardians, but everyone said that it was not for children. I suspected that our father would soon take Thor on a trip, though - Thor had been bragging about his fighting skills for months. If that was true, Father would surely reward him.

But as of now, none of my brothers had travelled to any other realms and most definitely not to Midgard. Therefore, Loki could not know. He was just making it up.

"They are mortals. When we haven't even passed infancy, they're already dead," he explained slowly, adapting that tone he always used when he thought I said something dumb. "How would they even learn? They can never have skill like we have."

The most annoying thing about his words was that they made a lot of sense. Because I could not come up with any smart answer, I just stuck my tongue out at him and walked off.  
He called after me, but I ignored him. I knew he would not lose me. He had promised our mother after all, and I knew that Loki kept the promises he made to our mother.

While I was alone, though, I noticed something new. There were children all around, running, laughing, shouting after each other. I had never seen children my age, aside from my brothers and, on occasion, Sif.  
It was very obvious that these children were different, though. Their clothes were so simple, for example, and not very pretty. Most wore only brown colours, sometimes paired with a white shirt - but the white was more grey than anything else, so it did not really count. And they were dirty - the clothes as much as their wearers.  
Yet they seemed so happy, as if they did not have a care in the world. Surely, they did not have to beg to come here. They just left their home and came here and later, they would go home whenever they pleased.

"Staring is rude," Loki sang behind me.

"Sometimes," I said when he appeared next to me. "I wonder if it's nice to be poor."

"You're being stupid again," he said.

Another group of boys ran past us and I watched them move along through the tents. Perhaps he was right and I as being stupid. Why would I want to be dirty, after all? My mind went to the incredibly beautiful dress I had got for my birthday. Maybe I would be allowed to wear it at the next feast.

While we still watched, one of the apple cars moved backwards into the path the boys had taken. I did not realize what was happening before it was already done - but the cart and the group had collided, fruits were spilling all over the floor and one of the boys was suddenly trapped beneath the heavy wheels.

People stared shrieking all around them, the boys were calling for help while their companion was shouting in pain. The merchant was kneeling beside him already, but noone moved to pull the cart off.

"Why aren't they pulling it off?" I asked Loki.

My brother was watching with a thoughtful look. "They may shatter the bones," he explained. "If they roll the wheel over him again."

Loki was not that much older than I was, but he was so much smarter than me that I could not help but be a little in awe. Meanwhile, I did have an idea that I thought was pretty smart as well. If the cart could not be pushed, perhaps it could be lifted.

"Let's lift it," I said.

"Yes," he snarled at me. "Why don't you go ahead and start pushing upwards?"

"Loki," I pleaded. "We can lift it up with magic."

His eyes widened and he seemed to think for a minute before he started shaking his head. "We can't do that," he said.

"But-"

"Mother said not to draw attention," Loki reminded me.

"We have to help him!" I shot back.  
The boy was still groaning in pain and the rest of the ever growing group around him was still just as helpless. In my mind, I saw myself as the heroine - not only warriors could be heroes, I decided in that moment, I could be too if I managed to help that boy.

"Come on," I said to Loki and grabbed his hand to pull him along. He stood stock-still, though, and I was forced to go on my own. I pushed through the group, which was not very easy because they did not seem to notice me and I was not very strong.

It took me a few minutes until I could get my hands on the carts. Only then did I realize the flaw in my plan. I was not very good at magic.  
I swallowed hard and searched for the beating inside me. It was not hard to find anymore, but it did not like to leave my body very much. My hands pressed against the wood of the cart and I closed my eyes tightly. The people around me where chattering loudly, occasionally shouting and the boy was wailing pitifully. I tried to block it all out and only hear the pounding in my ears.

The magic did not want to go out and into the cart, but it had to. I wanted to help the boy, I knew that I could. I tried to imagine my mother's presence beside me, imagined hearing her supportive words and feeling her gentle touch.

I barely noticed when it moved and it was only for the gasps around me that I realized what I had accomplished. Just as I had wanted, the cart had risen into the air and the boy had been able to pull his leg free. It was bleeding, but he scooted backwards lively enough.

A delighted giggle escaped me as I watched the cart hovering in the air in front of me. I looked back to the boy, expecting his thanks and praise. But his eyes were not grateful. They were wide with fear and horror and his hand slowly rose to point at me.

"A witch," he called. "She's a witch."

"What?" I said.

"She's tried to hex me," he cried. A woman suddenly appeared next to him and pulled him into her arms. Probably his mother. She glared at me, turning her boy to shield him from my view.

"Get away, witch," she hissed.

"No," I protested. "I helped him!"

No one cared. More and more people started shouting at me and then I felt the first hand plucking at my coat, pulling at my clothes, pinching into my skin, screaming and scratching at me.  
My throat constricted in panic as I tried to pull free, my cheeks already tainted with cheeks. I could not understand what was happening. I had only helped! I did not mean to harm anyone and I had not. Surely, these people had seen it.

"Stop it!" another voice suddenly called out. "Stop it, I said!"

It was Loki. His slender frame was pushing through the crowd. He had pulled down the hood to reveal his face and he called for me. I screamed back at once and the crowd started to part for him.

"Stop," he ordered again when he drew closer. "Your prince orders you to stop!"

This time, as I hugged him, it was not out of delight, but I pressed as close as I could, hiding my tears in his neck. Loki led me away without hindrance, but people were still calling foul things after us as we left the market.


	3. Flaxen

**Thanks to everyone who read, fav'd and alerted. Though I would really, really appreciate it if someone were to review!**

* * *

 **Flaxen**

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I was still shaking like a leaf when Loki brought me to our mother. It was not that he wanted to rat me out, but I could not stop crying and he could not calm me down. Besides, by the time he had finished telling our mother what had happened, the story had already spread, the maids were talking and it only took half an hour until our father was standing in the doorway, his eyes blazing with fury.

"Why would you behave in such a way?" he thundered at me and I shrank even further into the chair that Mother had placed me in.

"I just wanted-"

"I do not care what you wanted!" he interrupted me harshly and my eyes welled with fresh tears. They were already so swollen that I could barely see him. "You embarrassed this family! They call you a witch!"

My mouth opened to explain - that I really had not meant to upset people, that I had only wanted to help the trapped boy - but all that came out was a weak little hiccup.  
My father was a very scary man. He wore the scars of battle with pride, even the lost eye, and it left no doubt that this was a man that no one could overpower. He was the mightiest man in all the Nine Realms, or so they said, and he was terrifying in his rage.  
I was terrified right at that moment.

"Father," Loki stepped in. "Please let me explain-"

"There is no explanation warranted from you, boy," Father interrupted while my brother shrunk just as I had.

"And you!" Father's eyes rose to our mother, but she did not shrink. In fact, her chin rose in defiance as she waited for our father to spit out whatever he wanted to say. "You're teaching them magic?"

"Yes," she said in a clear voice.

"I forbade it!" he said, his voice echoing in the small room.  
I had been staring at Loki for the whole time and it was in that moment that he met my eyes. His look was a mixture of sadness and that determined streak he always got when someone told him he could not do something. As if he was all the more set on doing it if he was told no.

"And I told you they had potential," our mother answered as she walked forward, putting herself between my chair and our father. "I will teach them, both of them, because it is something they want and something they'll excel at."

They screamed at each other for a while - I could not follow what they were shouting about, but it made my heart sink into my stomach. I had not wanted to make my parents fight. I had not wanted them to shout at each other and I was terribly afraid that we would not be allowed to learn magic anymore.  
By the time they were done, both were breathing heavily and Loki had sat down with me on the wide armchair and looked as uncomfortable as I had ever seen him.

"Fine," our father growled, his finger pointing accusingly at our mother. "But they have to be punished for today."

"They're banned from their lessons for a month," our mother said matter-of-factly, as if we had already discussed this.

"But-" I protested.

"Mother, please," Loki said.

"Hush," our mother interrupted quickly. "You heard me."

There was absolutely no room left for discussion in her tone and not even Loki dared to protest again. At least, our father seemed satisfied with this. The heavy doors closed behind him mere seconds later.  
The hard look on my mother's face softened as she turned back to us and I looked up hopefully. Maybe now that Father was gone, she would revoke her punishment.

"Do you know," she said. "Why you are being punished?"

I shivered slightly. "Because I made people call me a witch," I whispered. "And I embarrassed Father."

"No," she answered. "People say stupid things all the time about matters they don't understand. You are being punished because you used your magic, even though I said you couldn't. Because you can't control it yet."

It was nice of her to say so, but I did not believe it for a second. My father's anger was unmistakable after all. Did Mother not always preach that our father was wise and knowing and we should always obey him? Surely she only took this new reason to placate me.  
Still, I did not want to disappoint her any further and so wiped the tears from my cheeks and nodded at my mother.

"And I?" Loki demanded, his features twisted in anger. "What did I do, huh?"

Our mother raised an eyebrow at him. "You were supposed to watch her, were you not?"

Loki pressed his lips together tightly and did not respond. I swallowed hard - this was my fault, too. Had I not been so reckless, Loki would not be punished right now.

"Brother," I whispered. "I am-"

"Forget about it," he said. He stalked away then, his departure eerily similar to that of our father.

A month was a torturously long time and I decided that after not even a week had passed. Not being able to study magic was not the worst part, though. I had thought it would be, but it was not.

Loki was still mad at me.  
He did not say so, but my brother never said when he was angry. It took from the surprise when he took his revenge if he announced his anger beforehand. Yet he did not bother lying to me properly. It was not even that he ignored me. I thought that I could have dealt with that.  
No, Loki gave only clipped answers, he did not look at me and he got on better than ever with Thor. I could have cried every time I saw them together.

But I did not. Mother had noticed at once what was bothering me - unlike Father, her disappointment did not mean abandonment. She had dealt out her punishment and now things were back to normal - and she had also realized what Loki was doing.  
"Don't let him bother you," she told me gently. "He's upset and he'll continue if you let him get to you. Don't let him."

I looked at her with wide eyes. "Don't you think he's right?" I asked in a small voice. Because I did think Loki was right. After all, this was all my fault.

"Right to be angry at you?" she said. "Maybe. But not right in trying to make you sad."

So, the next day, the decision was made to show Loki he was not bothering me. He had taught me a few things about fighting, even though he would never even hand me a dagger, and he had said the best defense was a good offense.  
Therefore I went to watch my brothers' training the next day. They always trained with their friends - Sif, a golden-haired girl that was proud to be more like a boy than a girl; Fandral, a boy who in turn looked more like a girl; Hogun, who I had never heard utter even a single word and Volstagg, who was curiously round for being such a good fighter.

"Sister!" Thor bellowed when he spotted me and I tried my hardest not to look at Loki's face. "You all know my sister, Eirlys?"

Of course they all knew me. Thor had introduced me that way many times before and Sif very pointedly rolled her eyes at him. Fandral, in turn, shot me a grin that almost equalled Thor's in broadness.  
"How could we ever forget her?" he asked, winking at me.

"Well," Thor said. "I wasn't sure you'd remember her."

His words stung. Mostly because it did not sound like my brother thought that his friends were stupid; he sounded like it was easy to forget me.

"Well, I do remember her!" Fandral said. "Why did you join us?"

"I just," I stuttered. I should have thought about this before, I realized. A good lie was founded on attention to detail.  
"Wanted to watch you?" I muttered. "You're all future heroes, aren't you?"

"Well," Sif said as she glanced in Loki's direction. "Most of us."

This time, I did look at my brother and watched his lips press tightly together in annoyance. The group moved towards the training ground while I stayed behind on the stands. Loki was the last to leave, his eyes fixed on me while his friends moved away. Just because he turned himself, he said lowly, "You're a horrible liar."

"And you," I said. "You are-"  
But I did not really have anything to say and since he knew that, he just whirled around on the spot and followed our brother and their friends.

I had always thought that their training would be more impressive, that I would see proper warrior's at work, but I now realized that they were not as skilled as they always claimed to be. Still children, just like I was.  
Thor was strong, I had to give him that and he tended to knock his opponents over with brute force. Sif, in turn, was more skilled with her weapon and between the two of them, they were evenly matched.  
Loki tried to outsmart the others. Sometimes, he managed to fool whoever he was fighting, sometimes not. I could see exactly why he wanted to use magic the way he wanted to now. If he were to duplicate himself or vanish or just turn invisible, he would be unbeatable.

Just as I thought about that, the pressure of his and Sif's colliding swords had twisted the girl around and as she spun, Loki rolled over the floor, clearly in the hopes of attacking her again from the back. Unfortunately for him, she noticed him before he was completely up and pushed him back down.  
Her sword came to a stop right in front of his throat and he let his weapon go at once, raising his hands to indicate defeat. Sif huffed and kicked the blade away with her foot.

"You and your tricks," she spat. "It's not like an Asgardian to use tricks. But you don't look like one, either. Maybe you aren't from Asgard at all."

"I'm a prince!" Loki spat angrily. "Watch what you say!"

"Right, princess," Sif said. "Maybe you should get back to playing with your sister, where you belong!"

The others broke into laughter while Loki sputtered. I did not laugh, for what she had said was not funny at all. We were not _playing_ , we were training, learning to fight just like them. For a moment, I wanted to punch Sif in the face. I had never wanted to punch anyone before.  
Everyone else thought it very funny obviously - they kept making quips about how Loki was apparently a girl and how he had been rolling on the floor. I looked to Thor, hoping that he, at least, would say something - but out of all of them, Thor was the one who laughed the loudest.

It was hard to fall asleep that night - I was tossing and turning for hours until I finally fell asleep, the look on Loki's face burned into my mind - the mixture between sadness and utter hatred.  
Surely, if they were his friends, they should not be mean to him? And Thor was our brother! He should be nice to Loki, should he not?

It seemed that I had barely fallen asleep when I was shaken awake again. I screamed a little at being shaken by a dark figure in the middle of the night and a hand clamped forcibly over my mouth.  
I struggled wildly until Loki suddenly hissed, "Be quiet, will you?"

My eyes widened at him when I finally recognized my brother. Loki was in my rooms, Loki had woken me up. It was so surreal, having him in here, among the puppets and pink colours - he was like out of another world.

When he was sure that I would not scream anymore, his hand lifted from my face.  
"What are you doing here?" I whispered. My governess was sleeping just next door. She usually woke at the slightest noise, how in the Nine Realms had he managed to sneak in here? His tutor was certainly sleeping in his quarters as well, how had that man not woken up?

"Do you want me to forgive you?" he asked, a bit breathless, his eyes shining with excitement.

"Yes," I said at once. "Of course."

"Great," he said. "You need to help me do something."

"What?" I asked. "Now? It's the middle of the night."

"We can only do it in the middle of the night," he explained.

I blinked at him, confused until realization dawned on me. He wanted to play one of his pranks and he wanted me to help him. I suddenly felt a little sick. Our parents would find out, I was sure of it. What if we would never be allowed to learn magic again?

"But," I said.

"Well, shall I forgive you or not?" Loki challenged. "Do grow up, Eirlys."

I sat up straighter then. I was not a silly little girl like the tried to make me out to be. If he wanted me to help, fine, I would do it and prove to him that I was not afraid. I could do all the things he could.  
"All right," I said. "What are we doing?"

I could not help but match the grin that spread on Loki's face. It was infectious that way. "Follow me," he said lowly.

I scrambled out of bed, almost stumbling over my own feet in my hurry to follow him. Loki clearly was a master of walking the palace's holidays at night. He knew small passageways and hidden rooms; he knew exactly when to slip into one so the patrolling guards would not see us.  
Whenever it felt safe, I begged to know where we were going, but he would not tell, as if it was some kind of big surprise. Once we arrived, I did not need to ask anymore.

A few years ago, our mother had wanted me to be friends with Sif and she had brought me to her room a few times for playtime. We had not gotten along, but I still recognized the door. It had been slammed in my face so many times.

"Why are we at Sif's door?" I asked.

"Finally," Loki said. "A different question."

"Well," I said, putting my hands on my hips like mother did when she asked for answers we did not want to give. "Why are we here?"

His grin spread wide again. He reached into the mantle he was wearing - I had not even noticed that he might carry something in there and pulled out one of his daggers. I recognized them at once. Our father had given them to him for his last birthday and he had also made Loki promise never to use them outside of training. We were definitely not training now.

"Are you going to hurt her?" I asked in a small voice. I had wanted to punch Sif earlier, but I did not want to her to get seriously hurt, and certainly not with a knife.

He rolled his eyes at me. "Relax," he said. "I'm going to cut off her hair."

My eyes widened again. "Her hair?"

Loki nodded. "If she doesn't want to be a girl, she shouldn't look like it either, should she?"

Somehow, that made a lot of sense. I had always been jealous of Sif's golden hair, anyway. Being blonde was nothing special on Asgard - I was blonde, too, but not that kind of blonde. Not as shiny, not as wonderful as her hair. Cutting it off was the perfect revenge.

"All right," I said.

"You need to stand watch," Loki said, his hand already on the doorknob. "I'll only be two minutes."

My heart started beating wildly. What would I do if I was out here alone and someone found me? What if Sif woke up and started screaming? I did not have the first idea about how to stand watch. But I did not want to tell him that, because I really wanted him to forgive me.

"You'll be careful, right?" I said.

"Grow up," he answered. And then he had entered Sif's room and the door had closed behind him.

I looked around me uncertainly, back and forth along the dark corridor. Maybe I could pretend that I was sleep-walking if someone found me here. Maybe if they just took me away, they would not find Loki in Sif's room, cutting off her hair.  
I walked a few steps up and down, because that was what the guards did when they had to stand watch, but my footsteps sounded incredibly loud and I stopped again.  
The only thing I heard then was my heartbeat pounding in my ears. I worried that others might hear it, too. A runaway guard or even Sif in her room. It was very loud.  
Hopefully Loki had not lied when he said he would forgive me. I felt like I deserved being forgiven after this. I was very cold, too, mostly because I had not put on shoes and was walking barefoot. He really should forgive me.

The door creaked open again and Loki slid out with a wide grin, waving a chunk of golden hair in his fist. He laughed at my stunned expression and then I started giggling, too. He had really done it.  
Just as he closed the door, a terrified shriek sounded from inside and we both bolted immediately, running along the corridors we had come from, laughing and giggling as we went.

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	4. Sanctuary

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* * *

 **Sanctuary**

* * *

In retrospect, we should have known that we would get caught. Even if Heimdall, the gatekeeper, had not seen - and he saw everything, which made me squirm every time I thought about it - it was pretty obvious.  
At least, it was rather obvious that Loki had been a part of this incident. The dislike between him and Sif was known to everyone and it was just like him.

So when the next morning arrived, we were dragged into the sitting room of our parents' quarters. Never before had I gotten in trouble twice in the same week. While Loki seemed more relaxed than ever, I did not like it at all.  
A part of me wished that I had not followed his request last night. But then again, he grinned broadly now every time I glanced at him and I honestly liked it much better when he was not angry at me.

"I'm very disappointed," our mother announced the moment we sat down on the sofa.

Loki's eyebrows rose slightly at that, but he kept his mouth shut. Personally, I figured our mother had to be disappointed all the time. Granted, cutting off someone's hair was further than either I or my brothers had ever gone, but between the three of us, we got in trouble all the time, did we not? If she was always disappointed, our mother had to lead a very unhappy life.  
I felt more guilty about that than I felt about Sif's hair.

"I hope you are ashamed of yourself."  
My eyes turned to our father, who seemed much calmer this time than he had been a few days ago. I suddenly felt sick. He had said it so gravely that I wondered if I should really feel ashamed.  
"Such a vile act of jealousy," he continued. "I would have expected better of any daughter of mine."

I glanced at Loki helplessly, but he did not look at me, his face hidden by a layer of dark hair. It had not been my idea - and I had not done it out of jealousy.  
Or had I? I _did_ want to be like Sif and I had always envied her perfect hair. Perhaps I had been so eager to help Loki because of that and not because of him at all.  
My lower lip started to quiver, but crying in front of our father was unacceptable. Surely he would think it a sign of weakness. I did not want to be weak.

"It's not her fault," Loki suddenly said. Our father's eyes - or rather, his one good eye - suddenly turned to his younger son.

"Did I ask you to speak, boy?" the Allfather thundered, causing our mother to hiss out a small warning to him that he promptly ignored.

"But, Father," Loki said. He looked paler than usual, but his voice was firm. "It was all my idea. I promise you! I just dragged her along, she didn't even really want to-"

"Loki," I whispered.

He shot me a look that silenced me at once. It reminded me a bit of the look my mother always gave him when he spoke out of turn. "My fault," he repeated when he gazed back at our father. "My idea, my plan. It's not at all her fault."

Our father took a few deep breaths before he turned to our mother. She had wrapped her fingers in one of the many folds of her dress by her collarbone. "I told you to keep them apart," he said to her. "Now look at what happened."

I chanced another look at Loki, who's expression had hardened and I suddenly wanted to help. He had been so nice to say that it was not my fault - the least I could do was say something to help him in return.

"Sif was really mean to him," my mouth said before my mind could think about it properly. Our parents turned back to us, our mother turning worried eyes to my brother while my father focused on me.

"She was mean to him?" he repeated.

"Yes," I whispered.

"Any quarrel could have been sorted out on the training ground!" Father declared, his gaze darting between me and my brother. "Or they could have gone to the trainers. There is no need for such childishness!"

"But-"

"Quiet, Eirlys," he said and my gaze dropped to the floor.

I wished I had not spoken up, my words had only made matters worse. What was I thinking, anyway? Saying she had been mean as if a prince could be bothered by what a simple girl such as Sif had to say. As if a prince could not hold his own against a girl.

"I can make it right," Loki said, his voice less secure than before.

Our mother moved forward and knelt down in front of him so she could look at him. "And how?" she asked.

"Maybe if I use magic, I can restore her hair," Loki said, chancing an uncertain glance at our father. He did not seem pleased with this turn of events at all. Our mother, in turn, looked far more favourable to the situation.

"Do you think you can do it?" she asked carefully. "Magic isn't easy."

Our father huffed in annoyance, but Loki nodded seriously. "I think I can do it," he said.

Mother got up again, smoothing her hands down over her dress. "All right," she said and looked to our father with the same look that she used for Loki when she wanted him to keep silent. "If you can make it work, we won't punish you."

Loki's face spoke volumes about his relief. "Thank you," he said.

"Your sister will help you," Mother added.

I blinked up at her, then looked over to Loki and back to my mother, wondering if I should express gratitude like he had. But I did not feel particularly grateful. In fact, it felt like my involvement could make things even worse.

Loki seemed to think so, too, because he stormed off to the library at once and so fast that I could not follow. In the great expanse of the various rooms of the library, I could not find him until two hours later.  
He was engrossed in a particularly thick manual, with the books piling up around him. Perhaps this was what the way that one studied in a library. I would not know.

I stood a few feet away, watching as his eyes travelled over the pages, hoping they would rise to see me. I did not want to sneak up on him and make him angry. I feared that he was angry at me already. Maybe I should just turn around and leave again.  
My brother would figure this out on his own. He was smart like that. I would never tell him so, but I thought he was really, really smart.

"Will you sit down or just keep standing there?"

My eyes widened as Loki shifted into sharp focus again. He had not even looked up, his eyes still fixed on the book, but they were not moving anymore. And here I had thought I had been so quiet.  
I moved forward until I was standing directly in front of the table, still watching him warily. Why would he not look at me?

"Well?" Loki prompted.

"Are you mad at me?" I asked.

"A little," he said thoughtfully and then he finally looked up. I instantly felt better - because even though he had said he was angry, he did not look as if he was angry. "Will you make it right?"

I pulled back the chair and slipped on it then. The book-piles were surrounding me now, too - I liked it. It was as if Loki had built his own room here, like I sometimes built a house of cushions for me and my puppets.  
"Yes, of course," I answered, much like I had last night. "What do you want me to do?"

My brother smiled at me then, a mischievous smile that suggested that he planned yet another prank. I wondered what it would be like to be in trouble three times in a week. He squared his shoulders and flipped the book shut with a resounding 'bam'. The noise echoed in the big halls of the library.

"You said Sif was mean," he said.

My face flushed red at that. It was so embarrassing that I had actually said that. "She was," I said in a small voice.

"Right. And do you think mean people deserve to be pretty?" he continued.

"I don't understand," I admitted. I did not think that Sif deserved to be pretty, especially since she did not seem to care about it in the slightest. Especially because she had been mean to Loki. But I did not understand what he was planning.

"I figured out a way to grow back her hair," Loki said, that mischievous glimmer never leaving his eyes. "Just one little adjustment - and it will grow back another colour."

"What colour?" I whispered.

His grin grew even bigger. "Whatever we want. But I was thinking of black."

I started chewing on my bottom lip. The idea was so great. I loved the idea very, very much. My mind was already making up pictures of Sif with jet black hair, of her furious expression.  
On the other hand, though, our parents would be furious as well. They would know, of course they would and then we would get in even more trouble...

"Do you like it?" Loki urged.

"Yes," I said, though it came out weaker than I had hoped.

His eyes narrowed at me at once. "Don't worry," he said. "We'll just say it's a mistake."

My mouth dropped open in astonishment - I had not thought that it would be so easy to read my thoughts. "Do you think that will work?" I asked when Loki clicked his tongue impatiently. "Mother usually knows when we're lying."

He rolled his eyes and I almost expected him to say that I needed to grow up again. He did not, though. "It will work," he insisted. "It makes sense, doesn't it? We're only just learning magic, Mother will believe it if we say it was an accident."

Loki _really_ was smart. I started to love the idea even more than I had before. It could totally work, could it not? We would make Sif's hair all black and then we would pretend we did not mean to. We would apologize to her and pretend like we were sad.

"Do you trust me?" he asked, watching me intently.

"Yes," I said before I could think about it. "All right, we'll do it like you said."

My brother leant back in his chair with a satisfied grin. It was a good thing I did not tell him that I thought he was smart. He seemed to know that all by himself.  
He pushed the book lazily across the table and towards me. It looked very heavy and I was not at all sure where to open it. I did not want to be ridiculous.

"You need to lie really well, though," Loki insisted. "Do you lie well?"

In truth, I was not entirely sure, but that was the point about lying, was it not? So instead of saying I did not know, I said with as much conviction as I could, "Yes."

Loki pursed his lips at that. "You're a horrible liar," he announced. "But if I do a lot of the talking and you nod along, I suppose it will be good enough."

"I can lie!" I insisted. "Maybe I just wanted you to think that I can't lie-"

He started laughing at that. The sound echoed through the room just like the shutting of the book had earlier. Even though he was laughing at me, it made me giggle as well. My voice echoed, too, and echoed long after Loki had stopped laughing.

He was shaking his head at me until I finally grew quiet. "Thanks for helping last night," he said suddenly.

"I wanted you to forgive me," I said.

Loki shrugged slightly. "I wasn't very angry," he admitted.

I smiled at him for that. "I don't like when you're angry at me," I said.

He rolled his eyes at me yet again, but I did not think that I had said something stupid. Who wanted others to be angry at them, after all? Then again, my brother sometimes seemed like he wanted to make others angry at him, especially our parents. He was very talented at it, too.

"Why?" he asked.

I blinked at him, confused. "Why what?"

"Why don't you want me to be angry at you?" he asked.

I giggled again and watched Loki's expression turn to annoyance. What a stupid question for someone who was so smart! "Because you're my best friend," I said and saw his eyes widen in surprise. "Duh!"

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	5. Masquerade

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* * *

 **Masquerade -** **Centuries Later**

* * *

The great banqueting hall was buzzing with the chatter and laugher of hundreds of Asgardians - but the largeness of the crowd did not prevent me from spotting the dark head of Sif moving through the crowd. Even after all these decades, centuries, seeing her black hair still amused me. It was especially funny today because she had chosen to wear a golden mask.  
A flawless plan it had been, easily accomplished and even more easily covered up. Loki had always been a wonderful liar and his skills had only improved over the years.  
I wondered where he was, though his absence was hardly surprising. He did not much care for social obligations and therefore tended to show up late and only stay shortly, if he showed up at all - ignoring, obviously, that there was a horde of maidens just dying to even catch a glimpse of him. _Silvertongue_ , they called him, well aware of the double meaning.  
Of course, they were easily consoled about Loki's absence - our brother was present, after all, doling out his brutish charms. Thor was still exactly as he had been as a child. All broad smiles and booming laughter, born out of a misplaced sense of pride. My brother was strong and a brave warrior, but he was not very bright. He still thought that he would get whatever he wanted if he only threw his hammer hard enough.

Once more, I spotted Sif, because she appeared at Thor's side in that very moment. Anyone but my brother could see that she adored him - I wondered why. I disliked Sif, but that did not meant that I did not respect her; she was a brave warrior and her wit was as sharp as her swords. Personally, I thought she could do better.

"Why aren't you dancing?"

There he was. As it turned out, Loki did show up for this social obligation. Perhaps the masquerade theme suited him. He was smirking at me, his eyes twinkling behind the elaborate silver mask as they always were - like he had some hidden agenda. He probably did.

"The only one who asked me was Thor and he always steps on my toes," I answered.

"Well, we can't have that," Loki answered.  
He held out his hand for me and I took it gladly. The skin on my fingers tingled pleasantly as we touched. It always happened like this - Loki and I figured it was the magic, living up as it recognized a fellow practitioner.

In contrast to our brother, Loki never stepped on my toes. He had always moved with grace and elegance and it clearly paid off by now.

Loki's arrival on the dance-floor drew the gazes of the crowd immediately, but the attention did not hold for long. The prince dancing with his sister was not very interesting, after all.  
Any other girl would have caused an uproar of rumours immediately, of course. Sometimes, it seemed like the whole realm was waiting in front of my brothers' bedchambers, hoping that one of the unfortunate girls that woke up their would be a royal bride.  
They all whispered about my brothers, be it the servant girls or the noble maidens - every conversation I had with the likes of round-face Eostre or red-haired Nanna turned inevitably to the princes and how oh-so-desirable they were.

Loki spun me away from him and pulled me back effortlessly, leaving me giggling as I fell back into his arms. He did not waste time falling back into rhythm and I shook my head at him.  
"You're impossible," I chided gently.

His grin widened at that. "Oh, I know."

When he spun me anew, I was prepared for it and I was almost disappointed no one had paid attention to it. I hoped that when my parents picked a husband for me, he would be at least half as good a dancer as my brother was - it would be a real shame if no one ever saw that I could dance if given right incentive.

"Will you join me in my chambers tonight?" Loki asked and added a disturbing waggle of his eyebrows. "It's been a while since we trained together."

"Indeed," I said. "It's because I can't let you know all of my tricks."

He laughed, a joyful, carefree laugh that showed he did not believe a word I said. "Pray tell," he said. "What are those secret tricks?"

I raised an eyebrow at him. "If I'd tell you, they wouldn't be very secret."

"Hah," he made. "C'mon, Eirlys."

I had half a mind to refuse him the information he desired, but when it came down to it, I could never say no to Loki. It did not matter, either way - there were no real secrets between the two of us. Besides, I always needed Loki's help. Combined spells were a powerful tool and it very often was the final bit I needed to complete my own spells.

"I'm still working on the clones," I admitted. "They look real enough, but... I would like to have them resistant to touch."

His eyes were suddenly so much more intense. He eyed me closely, searching my features as if they held some unspoken knowledge. "That's impossible," he said. "Mother explained to you-"

"Yes, yes," I said. "I know what Mother said."

Our mother was a very powerful sorceress and also very skilled in her teaching. She had given us the best basis of education we could have ever wished for.  
But my mother was limited in her power, as anyone had to be. When Loki and I worked together, the surge of power was beyond anything I could achieve on my own, though. I was convinced - even though she would hear none of it - that together, we could surpass much of what our mother deemed impossible.

"Well, you'll show me your progress, won't you, sister?" Loki said while the song slowly but surely drew to an end. "I've been working on switching between the illusions... perhaps we can work from there."

"Yes," I said. "Of course."

The music faded out for good and Loki took a step away from me. He bowed slightly and I returned it with the appropriate curtsy.

"Until later, then," Loki said. "Milady."

"My prince," I answered.

He turned on his heel and disappeared into the crowd. It was easy enough to follow his trail, because he was tall enough to tower over most others. He disappeared for good after a while, though, and I supposed he had left the festivities for good.  
I smiled slightly, wishing that I could follow him right away. But I had promised Mother that I would attend the feast. Another hour, I decided, and then I would leave. In the meantime, I would just go back to my seat at the main table, right at the edge where no one would notice me. I would hardly notice the time go by.

Within the next half hour, the noise picked up decidedly. It was because most of the guests had had a tankard too many by the time. My brother, of course, seemed to have had more than one tankard too much - the most horrible thing about it was that our father looked at Thor's antics with approval. As if getting drunk out of their mind was proper behaviour for a future king.

It was uncomfortable to be surrounded by people who were about to lose all their inhibitions, while being completely sober oneself. Not that I wanted to be that drunk - I liked to remember what I did the night before, thank you very much.  
Still, it felt like all this was something I was not actually part of. I wondered if there was some secret that I was not aware of, something great that I had not yet learned.

The hour I had set myself was just about up, when the probably only other sober person joined me.  
My mother was smiling softly when she sat down next to me and set her mask onto the table before us. "Are you enjoying yourself?"

"Very much," I said.

Anyone else would have either believed it or would not have bothered to call me out on my lie. My mother was gave me a scolding look and shook her head a bit. Her eyes travelled about the hall with a small smile playing around her lips. "You could at least try. I didn't even see you dance," she said.

"I did dance," I said."With Loki."

Her features softened a bit, but she did not seem entirely pleased. "No one else?" she asked before she reached out to lightly trace a finger over the lacy material of my mask. "You look so pretty tonight."

"No one asked," I replied. "And it's not proper for me to ask anyone."

There was not much that could be said against this and so my mother switched the topic. "I wanted to talk about your birthday," she said.

"Mother, you know, I don't need or want a big celebration," I said. I made the same plea every year, but it never deterred her from her plans. She did mean well, though, I was sure of it.

"I had such trouble bringing you into this world, can't I at least celebrate that you're here now?"

She was right, of course. Perhaps this is how I should view the whole ordeal of my birthday celebrations - as something that I was doing for my mother, not something that was very concerned with me.

"Of course, Mother," I said.

"Good," she said. "Because there is another matter, Eirlys."

I pursed my lips at that. What could possibly be so important that we had to discuss it now, where we had to shout to even understand and when the time I had set myself was already up. "Tonight, Mother? I have somewhere to be."

"Your brother can wait," she said with a pointed look. It was amazing how easily she saw through me. Loki, too, for that matter. She was probably the only person he could not successfully lie to.

I inclined my head slightly in acquiescence. "Of course," I said. "Please do go ahead, Mother."

Her eyebrows rose at my obvious displeasure, but she did not comment on it. "You're old enough by now. Your father is looking for possible suitors."

"He is?"  
Perhaps I should not have been surprised - it was a princess' purpose to make a good marriage and support the realm, was it not? I was more surprised, really, that Father had noticed I was growing up. I could not remember the last time we had talked. I was not even sure that he had looked at me just once tonight.

"There are a few candidates," she said. "Nothing is decided yet, so do not worry. But your father will have a few of them come to the palace for your birthday celebrations."

The thought left a sour taste in my mouth. Obviously, my birthday really was not about me and had never been in the first place. For Mother, I reminded myself, you are doing it for Mother.  
And it was my duty - it did not matter if I had to face my duty on my birthday or on any other day of the year. It would not make it better, it would not make it worse.

I dreaded it either way.

Loki was already impatient when I finally arrived at his quarters half an hour later. It was not as obvious anymore as it had been when we were children. Back then, he had resorted to throwing tantrums - by now, one had to be weary when he was at his calmest. He was plotting, then.

When I entered, he was sitting at his desk, apparently engrossed in a thick volume of Vanir history. He did not even look up and I rolled my eyes at his antics. If he wanted to anger or scare me with that, he was failing.  
I moved through the room while he did not give a single sign that he had noticed my presence. He had pulled the curtains shut and the room was barely illuminated by the fireplace he sat by.

"It's not my fault, you know," I said lightly when I reached him. "Mother wanted to talk to me."

He raised an eyebrow at me, but it was obvious at once that whatever sour mood there had been was gone already. Not that his expression had shifted very much - Loki was the master of keeping his face blank - but his eyes were much kinder than they would have been if he had been displeased.

"What did she want?" he asked, finally putting the book down. With a wave of his hand, the volume sailed through the air, landing surely in its gap on the wall of shelves surrounding us.

"My birthday is coming up," I said. "Or did you forget?"

"Of course not," he said, dismissing the matter at once. "The illusions, then?"

For a moment, I contemplated telling him about what exactly my birthday would entail - for once, I did not know how he would react to the news. Then again, he would probably not be very concerned with any suitors. It _was_ expected after all. Perhaps it was better to just continue with business as usual.

"The illusions," I nodded.

Since I had last seen his work - and it had only been a week, if I counted correctly - his illusions had become more detailed. He produced clones with more consistency now. Before, he had tended to make mistakes if he produced too many of them. They would have the wrong hair colour or carried a wrong weapon. One time, he produce a clone with blue skin. But now, they were flawless.

"I'd like to switch between them," he explained when I asked what was next. "I've been thinking about what you said - and I figure, it'd be the first step, right?"

He was probably right. If we could physically switch between them it was only a matter of time until we could steady them so much that they became corporeal. I was already giddy with the prospect.

"All right," I said, holding out my hands for him. "Let's get to it."

He grinned and reached out to touch me. The tingle of magic spread through my whole body from where we touched, filling me with the dazzling buzzing of energy.  
Our eyes met, green boring into blue, and my own smile spread as he grinned at me. The room around us filled with identical copies - dozens of clones, me and him, with their hands touched and eyes locked.

I let out a sigh as I looked around and took in our success. They were all flawless. Loki's grin spread even wider and he nodded to his right.

"The two by the door," he said.

I closed my eyes at that, taking a deep breath. It was more important to feel than to see these things. Loki had already been standing close, but he felt even closer like this. Our power was joined and there was barely anything separating us like this.  
I had no idea how to switch between clones, but I concentrated with everything I had on the spot by the door that Loki had pointed out.  
The clones were standing on the bare ground whereas we were standing on a plush carpet - I tried to imagine the hard floor beneath my soles. It would be cooler, just as the air would be cooler as it was further away from the fireplace.  
I wanted to be there. Wanted to be close to the door on the wooden floor. I desperately wanted it, there was nothing I wanted more.

My feet were suddenly cold. My eyes flew open to meet Loki's sparkling gaze. He pressed his fingers tighter against me and he raised an eyebrow at me.  
"We did it," I whispered and finally tore my gaze from him.

A few of the illusions had disappeared and some of them had changed appearance. One of his copies was now sporting a golden beard and one of mine wore a green dress instead of the light pink one I was actually wearing.

Loki linked our fingers and he pulled me a little closer. "Not bad for a first try," he said.

"Again?" I asked. It was almost too easy to reinstate the illusions into their former state. This combined power was exhilarating in its endless possibilities.

"Again," he said.  
But instead of giving it another try, he gripped me more tightly and spun us again like he had earlier in the ballroom. Around us, dozens of illusions followed our every move, swaying and swirling in tune with his lead. For just a short moment, the whole world revolved around us.

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	6. The Brink of War

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* * *

 **The Brink of War**

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"What do you mean?" I asked with wide eyes while Loki kept pacing up and down in front of me. "What's that supposed to mean, war?"

He had simply burst into my quarters a few minutes ago, without any beforehand notice, without so much as a knock. His eyes had been wild with anger.  
Father had called for my brothers just an hour before, pulling them both from the breakfast table. Loki had complained about the inconvenience, but had obviously complied. He did not have much choice in the matter.  
And now, it seemed, Asgard was going to war again. It was unexpected to say the least. I had not been aware that we had quarrel with any of the other realms. There had been no argument so fierce that we had to resort to warfare for at least a century.

"Don't ask stupid questions," Loki grumbled. "You heard me right."

"I heard you, I just don't understand," I said.

None of what he said had been very informative. He had ran in here and started raging without much of an explanation offered. I had yet to learn who even was attacking us. In turn, I did know that Thor would get to commandeer his own battalion. Loki clearly was not very pleased with that, but to me, it was not the most important part of this new development.

"What's not to understand?" he spat. "Do not be ridiculous, Eirlys!"

I bit my lip. It was not my fault that he had not started from the beginning, but I also knew that he would never admit that. "How about you start from the beginning?" I said quietly.

"Karnilla decided to stand against Asgardian rule," he said and things immediately started falling into place.  
Karnilla, of course. She was rumoured to be a vey powerful sorceress - our mother spoke very highly of her skill - but she had also grown a bit too big for her boots. Father had had to remind her repeatedly that she had to bow to Asgardian law if she wanted to continue living on Asgardian ground.  
"Father decided he can't let her be, anymore. So we're going to war with Nornheim."

"Is there no other way?" I asked, though I, too, understood the necessity of putting Nornheim's queen in her place.

Loki scoffed and raked a hand over his face and through his hair. "Father says the time for diplomacy is over. I don't necessarily agree, but alas, we don't have a choice."

I sat down on the settee while my brother resumed his pacing. He seemed a bit unreal, standing in my chambers, like he did not completely fit here. Much like in his rooms, there were many books, but they were surrounded by light colours, by gentle fabrics and softly formed furniture. Loki, sharp and dark, stood in stark contrast to his surroundings.

Our new reality was very much like that, contrasting with what was before my eyes in that moment.  
We were at war with Nornheim. There would be countless people dead - and my brothers would be right in the middle of it. I knew - I knew - that dying on the battlefield was every warrior's dream, but the thought that one of them would not return...

"And Father made Thor - Thor! A general, commanding his own troops, can you believe it?" Loki shook his head and that wild look from before returned on his face. "He's incapable of even taking care of himself, how in the nine realms is he supposed to look after a whole battalion?"

I shrugged slightly. I did not know the first thing about warfare and so had to take his word for it. Though, considering everything else I knew about Thor, I had to agree that giving him responsibility was to be taken with a grain of salt.

"Of course, the first thing he said was that he wanted me by his side - can you imagine, me serving that oaf? I'll be saving his sorry arse-"

"Loki!"

"And he'll be getting all the glory for it!" he finished, finally rooted in place in front of me.

He obviously wanted me to say something, but I did not know what the appropriate response was. I had no idea if he was apt at leading men to war, I had no idea if he was better at it then Thor. He probably was, mind you, but I did not know. So I tried for diplomacy.  
"Father certainly has his reasons," I said gently.

"Yes!" Loki said. "That he prefers Thor, that's his reason all right."

I stared at him. "I," I began, a bit helpless, "I don't-"

"What?" he demanded. "Am I wrong?"

My throat constricted painfully as I tried to swallow. "No," I admitted in a small voice. "I guess not."

He sagged a little at that - it was as if all the tension had suddenly uncoiled inside him and left him boneless.  
Loki stepped forward and fell onto the sofa next to me. He looked so in need of comfort at that moment that I simply reached out to touch him.

He caught my hand before I could reach him and our eyes met. His gaze was always so intense, as if he could see right into my soul.  
Before I could start to explain my movement, he pulled me closer, settling me comfortably against his side. I shifted eagerly into his embrace - it was rare that he allowed my proximity and I relished in it when he did.

Our brother always joked that Loki's skin was as cold as his demeanour, but I could not understand the sentiment. Being close to Loki was comfortable - when Thor hugged me, it was smothering, too tight and too warm and overall not very nice.

"Don't worry about us," Loki whispered while I rested my head on his shoulder. "We will be fine."

"I cannot help it," I answered softly. "I will always worry for your safety."

He sat up at that and I uttered a small sound of displeasure at the sudden movement. But Loki quickly moved to take my hands, clasping them in his, pressing my palms together between his. He muttered a few words under his breath and something suddenly stared pulsating between my palms.

"Do you feel that?" he asked. "It is my heartbeat. When I'm not here and you utter my name, you will be able to feel it. As long as you can feel my heartbeat, you can be assured that I am alive and well. And I do promise you that as long as I am alive, Thor will be safe as well."

It was an unbelievable gift that he had given me and I tried it for the first time that very night. It worked perfectly the echo of his heartbeat pulsed steadily between my palms. I knew in that moment, in that first moment that I felt the pulsing, that it would be addictive. That there would not be a day passing without me trying, maybe there would not even be an hour.

I did not tell him how much exactly it meant to me. For one, I did not think that I could put it in words and if I should, through whatever blessing, be able to, he would not appreciate it. It had been long since he last told me to grow up, but he still liked to say it when I was too emotional for his liking.

And so, I did not tell him, not even on the day that he and my brother had to leave for war. Rallying the troops had only taken about a week. Much too soon, in my opinion, even though Loki claimed that the sooner he left, the sooner he would be back.  
I was still worried that it might be the last time that I saw him.

Thor knew no such worries. He was elated at the chance to charge into battle. The confidence and excitement was oozing out of him and it clearly affected his friends, as well.  
Fandral and Volstagg at least were buzzing with the same kind of energy, and with impatience. Hogun, as per usual, was more difficult to read, but he did not exactly seem reluctant.  
Sif very pointedly did not look in my direction but I heard her assure my mother that she would keep not one, but two eyes on Thor and that surely, everything would be all right. Something in her tone made me think that she tried to convince herself as much as others.

"Sister!" Thor boomed, enveloping me in a tight, bone-crushing hug.

"Brother," I squeaked out and he pulled back, holding me at an arm's length. "Please be safe," I added.

He laughed, a loud, cheerful noise that turned heads everywhere. Loki, too, looked over to us, his eyes narrowing as he took us in. I sent him a smile, the most happy one that I could manage in that moment, but he did not return it.

"There is no need for your worry!" Thor proclaimed. "Do you think anyone could slay your brother?"

To be honest, I did think that. I did not even think that it would be very hard. Thor was a mighty warrior, but he was reckless and he was obviously arrogant. I just hoped that Loki would be true to his word and watch Thor's back. He would need it.

"I will always worry for your safety," I insisted.

Thor chuckled at that. "You women and your soft hearts."

"Don't let Sif hear that!" Fandral clapped his friend on the shoulder, softening his warning with a bright grin. A grin that turned somehow insincere when he directed it at me next. "Milady!" he exclaimed. "I bid thee farewell!"

I forced myself to smile at him - the respectful title he had bestowed on me was not said out of actual respect, and it made me feel more ridiculed than anything else.  
Thor hugged me tightly once more before he and Fandral sauntered off towards our mother. I watched Fandral bow before his queen - directed to her, the gesture seemed genuine.

In the meantime, my other, preferable, brother had appeared in front of me. The usual confident smirk he wore around society had disappeared. Instead, he kept glancing in Thor's direction.

"You remember what we talked about?" he said, reaching for my hands.

"Yes," I said. "Though I still wonder how exactly you make it work."

The smirk was back at that, but - and it might have just been my imagination, just a bit of wishful thinking - the way he looked at me was different from the way he smirked at others. Less cold, less malevolent.  
"You can try to find out," he said. "Good luck."

"I will," I answered. "Just wait - you will return, and my skill will have far surpassed yours."

He chuckled. "I look forward to that." Loki leant forward and pressed his lips to my cheek. Heat spread through my face from where he touched me - I was blushing furiously.  
He nodded to me when he pulled back and I returned the gesture. No further goodbye was needed. Any more words would only make it worse.

Tears pooled in my eyes when, finally the group left the courtyard to join the soldiers further down in the city. Everything coiled tightly inside me and I felt like I might just be sick. I wrapped my arms around myself, hoping to hold myself together.

My mother watched me with sympathetic eyes, but I learnt very quickly, within the next few days in fact, that her being sympathetic did not change a single thing.

We had not even had word of our troops when my mother started talking about possible suitors again. The thought of it made my stomach turn and I actually pretended to be ill for a few days only to escape the topic.

To me, there was nothing more horrid to think about then who I could possibly marry. It was supposed to be something I should be happy about, should it not? The prospect of finding someone I was supposed to love, someone who was supposed to love me?  
But my mind could dwell on nothing for very long, apart from my brother and especially Loki. Over and over, his name left my lips so his heartbeat would be felt between my palms.

My mother kept insisting and I resisted until I at one point thought that I would be happy to never marry at all if it meant I would be allowed to sit in the dark, listening to Loki's heartbeat.

Maybe, I figured, this was not entirely healthy and so I picked myself up and left my room that day. I was not very content with it, though.

The man my father had picked out was called Kvass and came from Vanaheim. He also was abhorrent.

Not that he was ugly or anything like that. In fact, he was rather easy on the eyes and I knew that just about any girl at court agreed with me about that.  
He had sharp cheekbones and kind eyes and blonde hair that was probably prettier than my own. He was tall and muscled and he smiled a lot.

But by the Nine, he would not stop talking. He was of the opinion that he knew about everything and that, however well educated he was in the currently discussed subject, he knew more about it than I.  
He was very rarely right about it, but I did not dare to correct him. He was supposed to like me, after all and I had already made him wait when I had locked myself away in that first week of war.

Rumour had it that the troops were doing well, but there had been no details. All I knew was that Loki's heart was still beating, still as steadily and assuring as it had when he first showed me.

Kvass twirled me around and I very nearly stumbled over my own feet and into the couple dancing next to us. Why we had a ball while the biggest part of our population was at war, I did not know, but I suspected that it was supposed to be a show of strength.

"Did you know that the Vanir invented this dance?" Kvass said, sounding very pleased with himself.

"Really?" I said. "How very interesting."

"The Vanir are a dancing folk," he added. "You do like to dance, don't you?"

He was not unskilled, I had to give him that, but it somehow did not feel right being guided over the dance-floor by him. Like we did not fit together.  
His closeness made my skin crawl. His whole presence was stifling, it felt like he took up ever space around me and did not leave me any room to breathe. The urge to rip away from him was ever present, but I forced myself to say put.

I had to get over this, and fast. Father adored the chap, or at least he played it very convincingly- a match to Vanaheim would be good politics, too. The best I could hope for was an extended engagement period. The longer I could put marriage of, the better.

"Very much," I said, when I realized that I had never answered him. And it was not even a complete lie - I did like to dance. I just did not enjoy dancing with him.

He flashed me a big white-toothed smile that somehow made it seem like he was proud of it. As if my likes or dislikes were an achievement of his.  
I wished that I could wipe that annoying expression of his face. I could probably glue his lips together with a snap of my fingers, but it was not good enough. Loki would have known something better and with his help, my magic would not have been quite so meagre. It just was not enough.

It was part of why I suffered so much from his absence. It was like a part of me was missing, a part of my power had just evaporated. I had been searching for solutions to this problem and there was one that seemed almost to good to be true. It was a kind of merge, binding two people's power together by blood, enabling each one to use the other's magic as if it was their own.  
It was a little risky - not many people had done it and the connection was sad to weave the emotions together as it did the power - but Loki and I were already close, I doubted tying my power to him would make much of a difference.

Once I did, maybe marrying Kvass would not be so bad. My mind played the fantasies already, how easily I would be able to make his body shut down, to make his mouth stay silent and to keep his hands away from me. For the first time that night, a smile spread on my face.

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	7. Green-Eyed Monster

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* * *

 **Green-Eyed Monster**

* * *

Time moved at its slowest when Kvass was around, so I spent as much time as I could in the library, claiming that I had studying to do. I did study, too - only none of the things that Kvass or my father thought I was studying. I did not read anything of the old myths or of the heroic deeds of my ancestors. No reading up on Vanir culture or possible marriage rituals

Every minute that I could not fill with studying, my mother forced e to be with Kvass or _socialize_ , which meant that I was forced to endure the blabber of other girls my age who for some reason could not stop talking about my brothers. I wanted neither of my brothers to be stuck with the likes of Eostre or Sigyn - or even Nanna, though at least she was pretty. None of them were very bright, though.

Kvass' chatter was not much better, though, and the illusions were so much more interesting.  
I wanted to perfect the illusions and I wanted to be able to switch between them without Loki's help; and by the Norns, I wanted them solid - maybe one of them could marry Kvass, then, and I would never have to be touched by him.

Besides that, there was the blood merge. As it turned out, there were two different ways to perform the ritual, though both involved drawing blood. In the comfortable silence of the library, that did not seem too terrifying and I found myself plotting ways to take action.  
Loki and I were related, which made things a lot easier. In fact, I should be able to do it all on my own, if I had his blood and a strand of his hair. Not that I thought I needed to - if anything, Loki wanted to master his magic even more than I did.

My heart ached with every thought of him - it was the worry over him that was eating away at me, as well as just a terrible loneliness. It felt like I had not had a decent conversation in ages, and yet I had nothing to say to the people around me. I was suffering from my brother's absence, but the only one I really wanted to talk to about it was him. It was churning inside me and there was simply nothing that could sooth the pain.  
He was alive, of so much I was certain - I fell asleep every night to the feeling of his heartbeat - and there were good news from the front every so often. But still, shuddered with the thought that something might happen to him.

It took yet another month until I was shaken awake at night. It was one of the maids, a tall, but fragile girl with big brown eyes. She was positively frantic, shaking with excitement as she urged me to get up.  
Due to my sleepy haze, it took a long while to understand what she was going on about. But when I finally sat up, groggily wiping at my eyes, her words made it through to me after all.

"They're back," she repeated over and over again. "The princes are back!"

I was fully awake after that, brought into sudden consciousness as if she had drenched me in cold water. She tried to dress me, but I did not have the patience for anything more than just a dressing gown. None of that mattered to me - there was only one thought that kept vibrating through me, and it wore Loki's face. He was home, he was safe and just a few minutes from now, I would be able to talk to him again, to touch him again.  
The worry had eaten away at me these past few weeks, the everlasting fright that they would not return home after all. Now that they were back, it was like a heavy weight had been lifted of my shoulders.

It was the middle of the night, but the vast golden halls of the palace were filled with people, all of them rushing in one direction, towards the courtyard. It was like being swept away with a giant wave, there was no other option than to go with them and once you did, it carried you effortlessly where you wanted to go.

I attempted to push myself ahead, to move even faster, but it took a few announcements of who I was and a call from my mother to make the crowd part for me.  
What I saw when I arrived at my mother's side made everything inside me jolt to a sudden stop - it knocked the air out of me, froze the happiness until nothing was left but a sickening feeling of dread. It was not the triumphant return I had expected - in fact, the worry and the fright returned full force in that moment.

Fandral and Thor were half-dragging, half-carrying Loki, who looked as beaten down as they come. From what I saw, he was not bleeding, but dried blood seemed to cover him from head to toe. He was battered and bruised and his leg hung off him in an unhealthy angle.

I stared forward before I could help myself - in that moment, there seemed to be no other course of action. I reached out, hoping to lay my hands on a part of his body that at least would not make him flinch. His eyes focused on me then, usual brilliant green weirdly dull.

"I'm going to take the pain away," I announced.

"Can you do that?"  
It was perhaps the first time that I heard actual worry lace Thor's voice. My brother's gaze was frantically switching between me and Loki.

"Yes," I said. In this hurry, I could not mend broken bones or close open wounds, but I could at least make this predicament bearable until they could bring him to Eir.  
I let out a deep, shuddering breath and with it, I released the magic that I had gathered inside me, pushing it through my fingertips and into Loki's body. He tensed first until he suddenly relaxed, the tension the pain had caused ebbing away. I could feel it as much as I could see it.

"Brother," I whispered, hoping to catch his attention. "Brother, I'll be right with you - Eir will heal everything and..."

"Leave me," he choked out and as his eyes his lifted again, he was glaring at me.

"What?" I breathed out. "No, Loki-"

"LEAVE ME ALONE."

It was surprising, as weak as his body was, that it could produce such a roar and it made me shrink back at once. It had been long since he had been this angry at me and I was not aware of having deserved it.  
Loki hissed angrily at me, while Fandral shot me an apologetic look. They dragged him past me and I turned, in my stupor, to watch them disappear through the crowd. I stared after them, my mind racing for any explanation for what had just transpired. What in the Nine Realms?

Eir tended to my brother as I watched from the infirmary door. They had led him past the long columns that stretched to the high stone ceiling, past all the beds in between. Our mother had hurried past me at one point, rushing to his bedside. I did not dare to even set foot in the same room as him.

Loki was angry at me and I had never dealt well with that - it had always left me in a state between outrage and shame and it was even more confusing now that I did not know the cause of his anger.  
I was not aware of any transgression, but Loki seemed to be for when my mother assured him that I was worried about him, he very pointedly told her that he did not wish to see me. His voice was low and weak with exhaustion, but I still heard him just fine. It caused me to turn on the spot and sprint away.

My hands were still stained with his blood and I washed it away desperately. For the first time in very long, my brother had succeeded in making me cry. The white cloth I used was soon bright red, but I could not bring myself to let go of it. I had longed for him to come back and now... this.

With Eir's help, my brother healed within days. Considering how beaten down he had appeared, it was quite a feat. In the meantime, rumours spread about the reason for his injuries.  
It generally boiled down to the opinion that Loki must have somehow brought this on himself, that some reckless trick had brought him into jeopardy and that Thor had to free him and save his life.  
Loki himself would not speak, instead glowering at everyone who dared bring it up - Thor, on the other hand swaggered through the halls, proud as a peacock. Everyone seemed to take that as proof of the rumours, but I doubted it. The whole story did not match what I knew about my brothers

Since Loki would not talk to me, I had to resort to asking my older brother. He clamped a heavy hand onto my shoulder, shaking me slightly as he spoke.  
"It was glorious battle, sister," he declared. "Loki accidentally stepped in the wrong man's path."

I blinked at him. "That doesn't seem like him at all."

Thor laughed at that. "You wouldn't understand, it was the rage of war!"

In truth, that was the best answer given in the following days. Even Sif, who was usually more sensible in her descriptions of battle, only rolled her eyes when I asked her.  
"You know Loki and his tricks," she said. "He had it coming."

If anything, it seemed like she truly believed that and in turn, everyone believed her, even Kvass. Especially Kvass.  
I had managed to avoid him for a few days, but a week after my brothers had returned, Father insisted on a feast in honour of their victory. For they had been victorious - I had been blinded by Loki's injuries at first, but they had squashed Karnilla's armies and forced her into submission.

Kvass had quickly become - or at least that was what he thought - an expert on what had gone down on the battlefield. All throughout dinner, he tried to entertain me with stories - it seemed like he would never stop, not even quite when he was eating. He did not want to be seen with his mouth open while he ate, though, and so everything came out a bit muffled, unpronounced.

I nodded along as he talked, but watched Loki across the table. He did not even glance in my direction, which had to take some effort, because I was sitting right in his line of sight.  
It was almost a relief when the musicians struck up and Kvass held out his hand for me. I strongly disliked dancing with him, but staying where I was seemed even more uncomfortable.

"Did you know," Kvass said, "That as they fought Karnilla-"

He did not get to finish his sentence, for he instead smacked straight into someone else. Into Loki, to be specific. I was not sure when my brother had stepped into our way, but there he was, glaring at Kvass as if this had been his fault.

"Oh," Kvass said. "Beg your pardon, Your Highness."

Loki eyed him from head to toe and then his gaze rose to meet mine instead. My stomach turned at that it was the first time in days that he looked at me.  
"Who is this?" he asked me.

I should have been able to answer this rather smoothly, or at least should have been able to tell him Kvass' name, but the only thing that left my mouth was an undignified, "Uhm..."

I had never been so grateful for Kvass' ability to talk before. When no introduction came from me, he simply took it upon himself and bowed slightly to my brother. "Kvass, Your Highness, of Vanaheim," he said. "I am fortunate enough to court your sister."

Loki's eyebrows furrowed at him before he looked back to me. "You are letting _him_ court you?" he asked.

"Father likes him," I said and it probably explained enough.

His features twisted in disgust. It was so obvious that even Kvass, who usually was oblivious to what other people thought, clearly was insulted.  
He started sputtering, but before he could say anything to embarrassing, I reached out to lay a hand on his arm. It effectively cut him off and I smiled at him. I was sure it could not be very convincing, but it was the best I could do in that moment.

"You wanted to dance with me," I said, lightly tugging on his arm.

Kvass' face brightened at once and he gathered me closer to him, leading me away. Loki's eyes burned into my back, making the hairs on my neck stand on end. What was he thinking, anyway? First he did not talk to me at all and then, all of a sudden...

"He is rather strange, isn't he?" Kvass said as we swayed.

Outrage welled up inside me - it was one thing to think Loki strange myself and a whole different matter to have someone else say so. Especially Kvass, who was not half the man my brother was.  
"He's my brother," I said pointedly, my tone much harsher than it had ever been with him.

"Yes," Kvass said, oblivious as always about my emotional state. "He's also just leaving with one of the serving maids."

I wrenched myself out of his arms and spun around to see what he was describing. It was very true - and it was also rather impressive, thinking about it. How did one get to know a girl in two minutes and have her leave with them at once? Either way, there my brother was, his hand on the small of the back of this gorgeous girl - tall, with long red hair and breasts that seemed to jump out of her bodice.  
Honestly, she seemed like the kind of girl Thor usually left with. It had never bothered me when Thor had done it, all though I had always thought it bordered on disgusting. With Loki, though, something inside me twitched, my heart clenching as she giggled at him. Surely, Loki knew better than this, knew that he _was_ better than this woman.

"Oh," I said.

"Don't you think that's strange?" Kvass said, rising an eyebrow at me. I shot him a look, wondering if Kvass truly did not like the idea of leaving with that girl or if it was just that this kind of girl would not leave with him.

"Yes," I said instead of voicing my actual thoughts. "I do think that's strange."

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	8. Not Quite There

**Thanks to everyone who read, fav'd, alerted and most of all to and guest "Scarlett" (check below for a reply!) for reviewing.**

 **I hope y'all enjoy the new chapter!**

* * *

 **Not Quite There**

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The festivities dragged over days and every night seemed to go the same way. Thor would brag about whatever heroic deeds he had done on the battlefield, Loki would glare at everyone who looked his way and especially at me - and then he would search for a girl that took his fancy and leave with her as quickly as he could.

Kvass would look on with obvious disapproval, while everything inside me twisted violently whenever I had to watch Loki go. Yet, I could not look away. I had to see just how common or how vulgar the girl of the night would be, no matter how uncomfortable.  
At least he had never gone with someone that I personally knew - should I ever have to be told by Nanna or Eostre or Norns forbid, Sigyn, that Loki had taken them to his bed, I would probably puke.

Of course, the rational part of me knew that whoever Loki spent the night with was none of my business and should not concern me. There was no reason that I should get worked up over it... and I just did not understand why it bothered me as much as it did.

After two weeks of endless celebration and battle stories, the festivities finally drew to a close. Asgard liked nothing better than to celebrate - well, perhaps going to war in the first place - but order had to be reestablished at last. Father had decided that from the next morning on, we would return to business as usual.

On that last night, Kvass insisted on walking me back to my quarters - no matter how much I tried to convince him otherwise, he would not relent.  
Not to mention that my parents looked on with obvious approval. It was usually quite impossible to please my father and yet he had told me just the other day how he thought Kvass was the right choice. Mother had adored him from the beginning - whenever she saw me talking to him, her smile grew brighter.  
I did not want to disappoint either of them.

His hand rested on my back just the way Loki touched his girls, only Kvass' expression was less lewd. He always looked at me with admiration in his brown eyes, but even that felt wrong to me.  
Either way, his proximity made my skin crawl - the sensation seemed to spread from his touch all over my body and it made me twitchy. My pace increased in the hopes of reaching my destination sooner, but Kvass easily kept up. Maybe he did not even notice.

I wished that he would be a little more perceptive, but then again - how was I supposed to spend the rest of my life with him when he picked up on my reluctance already? Ignorance is bliss, they said, and perhaps it was kinder to leave him with his illusions. I did not wish him any ill.

"It is a lovely night," Kvass said.

"It is," I said.

He was right in a way; it _was_ a lovely night - warm, but not sticky, and there was not a cloud in the sky. From the feasting hall, one could see the stars sparkling in the sky - but I was sure that a look outside the great windows was not why he commented on it.

He proved me right at once as he smiled brightly at me. "Maybe we can take a walk - the gardens should be wonderful now."

Everything inside me tensed, seemingly to the point of breaking. It felt like I would snap if he said another word or touched another part of my body.

"I am very tired," I said, trying to twist out of his grasp. His hand reached out and trailed over my arm as I stepped away, only to link our fingers. "I should go to bed," I added.

Kvass stepped forward, his fingers gently squeezing mine. "Eirlys-"

He had never called me by my name before at least not that I could recall. If anything, it made me want to run even faster than before. I did not have any experience in this field, but I had read enough love stories to understand what was happening. And I did not want it to happen at all. Kvass was not the romantic hero I had always imagined when reading those books.

Kvass leant forward and I turned my head to the side in the last moment. His lips pressed against my cheek while my fists clenched so tightly that the nails bit into my palms.

The moment that he pulled away, I took two steps back. His eyebrows pulled together, confusion written over his features.  
He was not even that bad, was he? He was even fine looking, I supposed - that gentle face and those warm eyes... but he was not _attractive_. At least to me, he was not, even though it was hard to determine why.

I swallowed hard, wondering if it might not have been better to just let him do as he pleased. I would _have_ to marry him, after all, I might as well get used to kissing him already.  
Alas, tonight was not that night.

"Are you all right?" he asked.

"Yes, only tired," I said, attempting a smile. "I bid you goodnight."

"Goodnight," he muttered.

I pressed down on the door-handle - the door was heavy and I had to use a bit of force to do it. I still wanted to be elegant about it, so I leant backwards against it to push it open.  
Kvass' eyes remained fixed on me for the whole time, until I stepped backwards into my room and let the door fall shut behind me. I leant back against it when it finally closed, shutting my eyes tightly while I tried to calm my breathing.

"I'm surprised you did not invite him inside."

I jerked against the wall in fright, hitting my elbow in the process. My eyes flew open, only to lock onto Loki. He leant against one of the high bedposts, his fingers picking mindlessly at the hem of his green tunic, his hair hanging loosely around his face.

My heart was beating violently against my rips, he had startled me so. Through my haze, I realized that he should not be in here and surely not as lightly clothed as he was. What did he want, anyway? He did not speak to me for days and now he showed up in my quarters, late in the evening and unannounced at that.

"Not for lack to trying on his part," Loki continued. "If you had asked him, he would have come in."

It felt like he did not quite belong here, in this room. His own quarters were somewhat dark, they felt rougher, if that made sense, and they demanded seriousness. It was a bit like stepping into the library albeit more personalized.  
Here, among light colours and soft shapes, he seemed out of place. Loki did not belong between sheer curtains and perfume flacons, between all the things that were supposed to be found in the room of a princess.

I raised an eyebrow at him. "It would not have been proper."

Loki laughed and it was the cold, joyless laughter that usually was only reserved for people at the end of one of his cruel pranks. It pierced through me like a knife. Before he had gone off to war, he had never used that tone with me. Once again, I was left to wonder what in the Nine Realms had provoked this change in him.

He pushed away from the bedpost and advanced slowly. "Who cares about propriety?" he said.

The question was ludicrous and if Mother ever heard him talk like that, he would certainly be in trouble. Considering his upbringing, Loki knew exactly why propriety was important and Loki had always stuck by etiquette's rules.

Apart from the last few days, of course, when his behaviour had been anything but proper. Not that sleeping around as such was frowned upon, but Loki's choices did not quite live up to standard.  
Especially since there were more than enough girls of a more noble upbringing that would not push him away, but he left with the maids, the dirty, illiterate, lowly ones that were not worth even a minute of his time.

"Why didn't you invite him in?" he asked, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"I just told you," I said.

"No," he chided, none too gently. "That's the lie you can tell to anyone, including him, but not to me. You cannot lie to me."

I bit down on my lower lip. Technically, I could lie to him, I had just done so, and I had half a mind to stick with it. He would know, of course - he always knew and there was no fooling him.

Loki approached with the effortless elegance of a jungle cat and for a short moment, I wondered if the true reason I disliked lying to him was that I was afraid. My brother was deadly when he wanted to be and scary to most people around him.  
But I did not think that was true or at the very least it was not the whole truth. The truth was that I did not _want_ to lie to Loki, as if it was some grave transgression, as if I should be above such pettiness.

"Why are you here?" I asked. "Is your wench already tired?"

While anyone, including me, would have cringed at the accusation in my tone, but Loki's expression did not waver. "It seems I wore her out," he said lightly. "She seemed rather grateful, even when I kicked her out."

It made me a little sick, hearing him talk like that, and yet there was a small part of me - or maybe it was a bigger than I cared to admit - that was happy at the thought of him kicking the girl out. It was a strange bit of satisfaction, the knowledge that he did not care about her, probably did not care about any of the girls.

He was directly in front of me by now and I had to crane my neck slightly to properly look at him. Had he always been so tall? If I recalled correctly, I had at one point been taller than him during our childhood years. Loki had not liked that at all - Thor had thought it more than funny and had teased Loki mercilessly until he finally outgrew me, which did not take very long.

Loki reached out and brushed an escaped strand of hair back behind my ear, his fingertips brushing over my cheek in the process. I shivered slightly at the touch.  
"We should take up magic again," he said. "Have you trained in my absence?"

It was an opportunity if I ever saw one. I raised an eyebrow at him and then, just that bit of concentration and wishing later, I was across the room, away from his prying presence. Loki turned to look at me, his expression pleased but clearly surprised.

"I see that you have," he concluded. "That's a handy trick."

"It is," I said. "A variation of the switching between illusions."

He nodded slightly, moving towards me again, though slower this time. "Can you make them solid yet?"

"No," I said. "Though I don't see why you would want to talk about this - clearly, you are angry at me, I don't even know why you're here."

His head cocked to the side, his eyes searching mine. "I'm not angry at you."

He was an excellent liar - always had been - and this line, too, had been delivered so smoothly that I was almost fooled. But only almost. I was not stupid and I was not that easily blinded. After enduring his glares and his silence for two weeks, I would not let myself believe that I was overreacting.

"What do you want, brother?"

Green eyes narrowed at me. "I want to get back to studying," he said.

"Did Mother send you?" I asked.  
In the light of everything, that seemed the only plausible scenario. Our mother was the only person that Loki would listen to and if she said to go talk to me, he would.

"No," he said. "But I see you don't want to-"

"I do want to," I answered. "When do we start up again?"

A smile spread on his face and he stepped forward again. "Tomorrow," he said.

His lips pressing against my cheek was nothing like when Kvass had done it not long ago. His touch had made me seize up, wanting to flee.  
Loki's touch was cool, but it made warmth spread through me. I wanted to step forward and hug him, all ill-will forgiven and forgotten.  
But the moment was over before I got weak enough to do it, and he retreated, strolling towards the door. He looked over his shoulder one more time before he left.

"See you tomorrow then."

The door closed behind him and I plopped down on the bed the very moment it clicked shut. What in the Nine Realms was going on? With him? With me?

I rolled to my side, which was when I saw it. Had it fallen to the floor, it probably would have been lost and I would have never noticed. Loki had lost a hair and it lay right in front of me, in sharp contrast to the white sheets. I reached out to take it, holding it up above me.

He was right. We would go back to training tomorrow.

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 **Reviews would make me soooo happy ;)**

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 **Scarlett:** Darling, calm down. NO NEED TO SHOUT ;) I am very happy that you enjoy the story. Sadly I can only update every week, not every day because there's this other thing called life ;) Also, I can't reply to you when you're anon, and no one else will ever reply to you (this isn't AO3, comments don't really work that way ;))  
There won't be any smut, no, sorry to disappoint (actually, I'm not sorry. I do what I want^^). What else? Ah, right, like, glad that you enjoyed my little mixture of story and mythology, but wow, you sure hate Sif, huh? I'm not making any promises for a painful death ;)  
Anyways, thanks again for your reviews!


	9. The Brother that Care Forgot

**I contemplated if I should even update today - my mind is so occupied with what happened in Paris. As a matter of fact, I was in Paris just until Wednesday... it's scary, and outrageous and heartbreaking... my heart goes out to everyone affected by these terrible acts of terror. I hope all of you reading, especially those in France, are safe and stay safe.**

 **Thanks to everyone who read, fav'd, alerted and most of all to Belco, CrazyCountryGirl12 and guests "Katrina" and "Scarlett" (it's fine, darling, I'm glad you enjoy my story ;)) for reviewing.**

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 **The Brother that Care Forgot**

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"No."

My mother's voice was piercing, her eyes communicating that ultimate warning - that this was a matter where she would not budge, a matter best never spoken of again. It was a look that she did not wear often, in fact, it had been centuries since I had last seen it. Back then, Father had wanted to send my brothers to war and our mother had been sure it was too early.  
When she wore that look, she always got her will.

I slumped immediately, the defiance draining out of me before it even properly raised its head. My eyes found Loki, who leant, arms crossed, against a particularly dowdy cupboard.

Perhaps it had not been a good idea to bring this matter to our mother. Perhaps, my merging idea, my little grab for power, was not to be told to her. As much as I wanted to do it, I did not quite dare to make it happen on my own; if anything went wrong, not only my safety was at stake, but also Loki's. No matter our disagreements, I did not want to cause him any harm.

Mind you, Loki had not looked as if the idea bothered him - in fact, he had had that look in his face that he always got when he desperately wanted something. Yet, at our mother's refusal, his expression had evened out.

"Why not?" he asked lightly. "We _did_ get stuck with the illusions."

Our mother, who was usually so gentle, narrowed her eyes at him. "Because it's dangerous," she said. "To create such a bond between two people..."

Loki looked to me again, his lips twitching slightly. "I think it could get worse," he said. Even now, his tone was detached and cold, as if this did not matter to him at all.

"I said no," Mother reiterated. "You're tampering with things that should not be tampered with."

I huffed, but Loki nodded without further complaint. Mother looked from him to me and back. When neither of us protested again, she breathed a deep sigh of relief.  
She sank down into one of the ornate, dark-wooden chairs and waved us away. Her mood for teaching us had obviously passed. I bowed my head before Loki's hand on my back guided me across the plush carpets out of the room.

He pushed me outside so roughly that I basically stumbled out the door.

"What in the-?"

"Have you lost your mind?" he said loudly before I could finish.

I raised an eyebrow at him. "I don't think I have," I shot back.

"Why do you go to Mother with that kind of thing?" he demanded. "Why do you not come to me? You can't have thought that she would agree!"

I obviously knew that he was right. What he did not know, though, was that there was a part of me that had not been sure if the whole merge was a good idea - and the only one to ask, the only one whose opinion on the matter was worth something, was our mother. I was not satisfied with her refusal, of course. In fact, it did not bring the closure I had hoped it would.

"I do not come to you, brother, because I do not wish to see which skank you have in your bed tonight!"

Loki blinked at me in surprise - I was surprised, myself. The urge to backpaddle, to apologize, was immediate, but I did not get to voice it.  
His hand shot up to cut me off before I even started. "Perhaps Mother is right," he said coldly. "We should not be bonded like that."

He strut away and I called after him, but he did not so much as twitch. I cursed under my breath and pushed my hair backwards over my head.  
I was not sure if I was more angry at him or at myself. I should not have said that and more importantly, I _should_ have gone to him first.

Nothing of what had happened these past few weeks made any sense to me - what had happened to us? Loki and I had been so close. Not only siblings, but best friends. And now?  
If only I had known why.

Loki stayed away from me for the next week. In fact, he stayed away from public gatherings altogether. He had dinner delivered to his quarters, he did not show up for breakfast, he even excused himself when Mother invited him for tea.  
The excuse, of course, was poor at best. Apparently, he was attending to his correspondence. I did not know that anyone corresponded with my brother. Mother had but shaken her head when the maid announced that Loki would not join us.

Even though things had not been good, I missed him and because it got worse with every day, I decided to go to the one place where I knew he could not escape. At least, he could not escape without making himself look weird in front of our brother and his friends.

It was a beautiful day and the training grounds were widely populated.  
My brothers were already there, sparring with each other. It was hard to tell who had the upper hand, as it always was. Neither of them would have liked to admit it, but Thor and Loki were evenly matched.

Now, too, every hit was promptly returned, every evasive step followed at once. It was undoubtedly Thor's weapon that was more dangerous. The great Mjolnir - when Father had given it to him, he had proclaimed that it was a weapon fit for a hero, fit for a king and it really did hold great power.  
But where Thor had a mighty weapon, Loki was cunning. Watching him fight always left me with the impression that he had planned every single step beforehand, that he could read his opponent's mind.

Of course, Loki also had his magic. I waited for him to use it and almost started cheering when he finally did. I did not, though - in the middle of this fight, I did not want him to notice me. He used the illusions. It was obvious he had trained, for the switching looked effortless.

Thor swung the hammer at him, but it passed right through Loki's form, which flickered and evaporated. Thor stood in confusion, staring at the patch of thin air in front of him, when Loki stepped up behind him and pressed the tip of his dagger against Thor's back.

"Surrender, brother," he demanded playfully.

Thor had never been a good loser. Loki would always complain about it during our childhood years - how eventually, he had given up on teaching Thor chess because he could not handle our brother's bad mood as he kept losing.  
It was plain on Thor's face now that this character flaw had not improved since then. Rage settled over his features - I sat, frozen, dreading what might happen next.

Thor seemed to tense and then his weapon rose above his head and he slammed it down onto the ground. The whole training ground shook, even the stands where I was sitting, as if an earthquake had taken the earth.  
Several people fell, a few of the other girls watching the training started screaming. Loki had been thrown back with the sudden shake and landed heavily on his back. Seconds later, Thor had placed the hammer on his brother's chest, making Loki struggle like a bug fallen over.

"You surrender, _brother_ ," Thor said. "You and your tricks. Shouldn't you know by now that you can't win like this?"

I had barely registered that I was moving forward until I stood right beside him - the outrage that shone in Loki's eyes was the same that burned inside me.  
"Is this not a trick?" I asked. "Lift the hammer!"

"Eirlys," Thor growled, his blue eyes flashing angrily. "Stay out of this."

"Lift the hammer-"

I was pulled backwards and turned to see Sif with her hand on my shoulder. "Loki doesn't play fair," she attempted to explain. "You don't understand-"

"Oh, I do," I spat. "Loki's magic is foul play but the magic of Mjolnir is an honourable weapon! Your hypocrisy is despicable."

Sif looked insulted at my words, turning to Thor in her disbelief. In the meantime, Loki had been freed and clambered to his feet. He hissed as he tried to straighten up, doubling over again immediately. Two steps, and I was beside him, reaching out steady him.

"Leave it," he said, but his refusal of my help was not as adamant as it had been that last time. "I'm fine."

But the first step he took was clear indication that he was anything but fine. He was shaking on his feet and he groaned in pain. "I think you've cracked a rib," I said. "Eir needs to have a look at that."

Our eyes met and he nodded sharply. I laid a hand against his chest and pushed my magic forward in an attempt to ease the pain. I shook my head at his noise of protest and watched as he straightened up slightly.

"Careful," I reminded him. "It's still broken."

"Tricks," Thor said. "Your magic is naught but tricks without real use."

Loki caught my arm as I started forward, the discomfort of movement clearly visible on his face. I glared at Thor, who was looking incredibly smug.  
As always, he was right. I stood no chance at doing anything about Thor's attitude - the only thing I would accomplish was being ridiculed. So I grabbed Loki's arm and began to lead him away. Maybe my magic was only tricks as of now, but sooner rather than later, it would be so much more than that.

Seeing Loki off to Eir was a matter of minutes and I was out again just as quickly. Several maids had to jump out of my way as I approached my quarters. They had probably never seen me in such a hurry - honestly, I could not remember being in such a hurry before. I attempted to calm myself and my steps - things rushed would never turn out good.

Unfortunately, I could not slow down my mind. Thor wanted to see real magic? He wanted to know power that would withstand his stupid hammer? I would show it to him. It did not matter what Mother had said, it did not matter that she thought it was a bad idea.  
Obviously, merging was the best idea I had ever had. Loki had wanted it too, even though he had abandoned the idea after Mother's intervention. Luckily, I did not need his help.

As always, my quarters were in meticulous order. I never caused too much of a chaos, anyway, and the maids had leave to put away everything that was not where it should be.  
It had therefore been quite the task to hide away my ingredients and I had had to resort to illusions again. The small casket underneath my bed blended perfectly with its surroundings and only shuddered back to its usual wooden colour when I touched it.

I unpacked everything it contained - the small bowl I wanted to use for mixing, the towel, still drenched in Loki's blood that I washed off my hands and the strand of hair that he had lost in my chambers. Then, of course, there was the big, ancient book that contained the spell.

I spread all the items out on my vanity and they looked so out of place, I almost backed out in the last moment. Until, that was, the anger I still felt at my brother - the idiotic, brawny one, of course - fuelled me into action.  
The first thing I realized was that I did not have a knife. Without my blood, it clearly would not work and I looked around my room for anything to cut myself with. My eyes landed on a small mirror already lying dangerously close to the edge of my table. A quick push and the object clattered to the floor, shards of glass spreading over the wooden ground in front of me.

"Too bad," I breathed. "I did like you."

I picked up one of the bigger shards between two fingertips. I turned the palm of my other hand up and pressed the glass into my flesh before I could think too long or too hard about it. The pain was sharp and seemed to focus my entire mind into that part of my body. I hissed as I dragged the shard further and the blood welled out of the cut, flowing over my fingers.

Breathing hard, I held my hand over the bowl and watched it fill slowly. When the red liquid was swimming halfway up the cup, I pulled away and wrapped one of my handkerchiefs around it.  
It looked more dangerous now than I had imagined. Mother had warned me against this, Mother had always warned us against blood magic.

The blood was seeping through my handkerchief and I figured it was too late. Mother was not omniscient, anyway. When I was convinced that the bleeding was stopping, I pulled the towel with Loki's blood forward. Good thing that I did have some magic. I pulled the blood from the fabric and it gathered in the air in front of me.  
I spoke the first runes in the books when I added it and the liquid started swirling of its own accord. It glowed softly, a dark reflection of the blood's colour.

The mixture sizzled slightly when I added the hairs - for just a moment, golden and black locks swam in stark contrast and then, I lost all sight of them.  
I had to be careful with the next runes. They were slightly faded and complicated. My heart was battering in my chest as I spoke the verses; dark, beautiful words that seemed to wrap around my soul.

I finished my chant and watched breathlessly as the liquid glowed again, swirling amongst itself. "Come on," I whispered. "Please."

The swirling got slower and slower until it halted, slowly, lapping at the edges of the bowl. I was not sure what would happen. Surely, I would feel it - the merging should be strong, so strong that both Loki and I should feel it immediately.  
My staggered breathing seemed to echo off the high walls of my room while I watched the glow of the now steady liquid, my heartbeat loud to my own ears. I grabbed onto the edges of my vanity, staring hard at the bowl, internally begging for it to work.

The glow disappeared from one moment to another.

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 **Reviews would make me very happy ;)**


	10. A Moment of Breathless Delight

**Thanks to everyone who read, fav'd, alerted and most of all to Belco, guests "Scarlett" (things hopefully get cleared up in this chapter) and "Chloe" (thanks for bringing this to my attention, writing in a language that is not one's mother tongue has its complications) and Draegan88 for reviewing!**

 **I hope everyone enjoys this new chapter :)**

* * *

 **A Moment of Breathless Delight**

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If I had ever felt powerless, it was nothing compared to how acutely I felt it now.  
The spell had not worked. In fact, nothing at all had happened; nothing good, nothing bad, simply nothing at all. For a few moments, I had thought that something had gone horribly wrong, had half expected Loki to come storming in in rage over what had happened - but nothing.

To think that I had been so careful about it - I did it, even slower, even more carefully, with my back-up set, cutting the palm of my other hand this time, but my attempt failed just as it had before. I would have liked to throw the stupid bowl against the wall, but I did not know how to explain the blood stains to the maids.

After an hour of pacing up and down my room, trying to figure out what had gone wrong, I decided that I had to seek advice. Not from Mother, obviously, since she had so strictly forbidden it, but from Loki, who I should have contacted anyway.

I had expected him to still be recovering from his injury, but I had clearly been wrong. The girl that was with him looked positively terrified when I walked in on them.  
Not that they were doing anything too bad at the present state, but she was wrapped in his dark sheets, suggesting that they either had or were about to do something I did not want to see.

She was not even very pretty; in fact, she was rather round and also rather plain. Her hair was that weird shade between blonde and brown that always looked like it had not been washed for ages.

"I need to talk to you," I announced in Loki's direction. "Alone, if that can be arranged."

"Give me half an hour-"

"Now," I said. "Kindly ask your wench to leave."

The girl gasped in outrage, but did not dare to speak up. She turned her uncertain gaze to Loki, who merely pulled a face. It was quite interesting to see, how her anger was redirected from me to him in the blink of an eye.  
Surely, she did not want to displease him, but it was not enough to inspire her loyalty. She gathered up the uppermost sheet round her and stomped out of the room, the door clanking shut behind her.

Loki groaned in frustration. "Was this necessary?"

"She was a bit below standard, don't you think?" I quipped. I could not help it. In this very moment, I should have strived to placate him, but finding this girl here bugged me so much that I could not keep quiet.  
His features twisted in exasperation, but he did not seem very upset. Perhaps he, too, had realized that the girl was not worth keeping around.

"I've done something," I confessed. "You're not going to like it."

"Speak," he demanded. "Before I lose my patience."

I did not dare meet his eyes when I admitted what I had done. "I've tried the blood-merging spell."

His breath caught audibly while I held my own. I was full of horrible ideas today, was I not? "Why would you do that?"

I waved the question away - as if he did not understand. "You know why," I said. "Look, I've gathered your blood and your hair - because I thought if I'd just do it on my own-"

"Foolish girl."

I winced at his words. It felt like all those times in my childhood when he had told me to grow up - as if I was small and stupid and should grovel at his feet.

"How could you be so stupid?" he asked, reaching out and grabbing my arms. His fingers dug into my flesh painfully and I had to bite my lip not to cry out.

"That's not the point," I said. "I followed all the steps immaculately and it didn't work."

His eyebrows pulled together and he studied me carefully. "It didn't work?" he repeated. Smart as he was, I thought he would have figured that out by now.

"No," I said. "I did it twice, but... nothing happened! And it's supposed to! That's the thing about merging related blood, I should be able to do it on my own!"

He let go of me and started pacing himself, his back turned to me. His fingers that had gripped me so harshly now traced through his hair, pale skin in stark contrast to the blackness of it.  
It was almost funny how similar Loki's reaction was to mine - his steps were hurried, indicating the same restlessness that I had felt. It came out because there was no obvious solution, no immediate plan to put in action and it made both of us nervous.

"Are you sure-"

"Yes," I interrupted, anticipating his question. "I did everything right."

Loki turned back to me. "So?" he prompted. "What is your conclusion?"

I scratched at the back of my neck. What was my conclusion? The spell could have been wrong, but I doubted it. I had tried other spells out of the same book and they had worked just fine.  
The other possibility was that there was something wrong with the blood. That, of course, did not sit well with me at all. If it were not related, then it would obviously not work. But that was ridiculous, absolutely ridiculous. Loki and I _were_ siblings, even if he was more of a friend, even if he did not feel like a brother at all... Perhaps I should not have let the blood dry for so long. It was certainly my fault.

"I don't know," I admitted and he hissed slightly. "But I still want to do it."

Loki rolled his eyes at me. "Mother forbade it," he answered.

I pursed my lips as he turned again, walking towards the wide doors leading to the balcony. The curtains were pulled shut, though the late beams of sunlight shone through them, drenching the whole room in a green glow. It seemed to bathe Loki in green light, as well, and it made him look so wicked that his statement seemed even more ridiculous.  
I knew exactly that Loki did not care about what our parents allowed or did not allow, at least he did not if he wanted something.

"Please, are you going to let that stop you?" I asked. "Stop us? Think of all the power we could harness-"

"What do you even want that power for?" Loki said, tiredly rubbing a hand over his face.

I smiled slightly. "Does it matter?" I shot back. "I just want it."

He nodded slowly and kept nodding, his gaze still fixed at whatever he could see through the drapes. I waited in silence since he was obviously deep in thought.  
I could have said a thousand things to convince him - how much good such power could do, how he would be invincible he would be in battle, how he could finally teach Thor a much needed lesson - but I did not. There was no doubt in my mind that Loki would reach that conclusion all by himself.

Loki's fingers twisted around the fabric of the curtain. "Fine," he said. "Fine, we will do it."  
I smiled brightly at him, but he did not match my grin when he turned around. "We can't do it here, who knows who will barge in here."

I nodded at once, ensuring him of my compliance. "Where, then?"

"Through the gardens," he said and I realized that he must have just checked the outside for that very reason. "There's a hole in the hedge and we'll land right in the woods. No one will see us there."

"What about Heimdall?" I asked. "If he tells Mother-"

Loki shook his head. "I learnt to shield myself from his view," he explained. "I can do the same for you. If the merge works, hiding will be even easier."

My mouth almost dropped open, but I caught myself in time. The possibility that Heimdall was watching my every move had always scared me and to now learn that their was a way to prevent this... my admiration for Loki grew even more in that moment. What a genius he was, to eliminate that threat to our plan so easily, as if it was barely worth mentioning.

He clearly did not want to hear my praise, though. "Get the book," he ordered. "Get the bowl. I will get a knife. Meet me in twenty minutes at the other side of the hedge."

I made it through the hedge in even less. Just a quarter of an hour after I had stepped out of Loki's chambers, I clambered through the plants, tearing my dress in the process. Luckily, my coat had been left behind in the hurry - that one was much more valuable than the robes I was wearing now.

Despite the fact that I was early, Loki was already waiting for me. He seemed to be buzzing with energy, which was unusual in itself - he was always so calm, so unreadable. Now, his muscles were tense but his face shone with excitement. He clutched one of his daggers - I recognized it instantly. Father had given it to him a few years ago for his birthday. Since then, no one had seen it again and Loki had always claimed that it was too valuable to be tarnished with unworthy blood.

"Did you get everything?" he asked.

Wordlessly, I held up the bowl and book to show him. He nodded is approval and waved for me to follow him. He had not lied - we had arrived right at the edge of the forest, but this clearly was not hidden enough for him.

Loki strode forward with intent and I had to scramble to keep up with him. It was not clear if he did have a destination or if he just pretended to have one, but he did not stop until he had found a perfect spot.

A great white ash was stretching to the skies in front of us, its roots spreading wide around us. Their mere strength had elevated the earth in some places, sunken it in others and created various holes and arches around the tree.  
Even if someone followed us here - which I doubted - we would be able to hide all proof within seconds. If we chose the right spot, we might even be ale to hide ourselves.

"Have you hidden us already?" I asked while I put down the bowl.

"Yes," he said. "There's nothing standing in our way."

I smiled lightly at him and handed the book over. My spell had failed twice already, perhaps it was better to put the control in his hands instead.

He opened the book where I had marked it, but his eyes were still trained on me. "Are you sure?"

Without hesitation, I answered, "Yes."

He grinned in satisfaction and placed the opened book next to the bowl. I winced a little - the book was valuable and I did not want to get it bloody and dirty, but he did not leave me any tim

e to protest.

"First," Loki announced. "Your blood."

My hands had not properly stopped bleeding, but I held the right one out to him anyway. Our eyes met and he grabbed my hand, only to pull me closer. He caught me before I fell into him, one arm locked securely around my waist while the fingers of his other hand pushed gently at my robes.

"The closer taken from the heart, the more powerful the blood," he explained. His fingers reached bare skin and he could probably feel my heart beating violently beneath his touch.

"How do you know?" I asked hoarsely.

His lips twitched slightly. Instead of answering, he dragged the tip of his dagger along my collarbone. I had not even realized that he had reached for the blade and gasped at the sensation. He did not cut very deep - I had cut much deeper earlier that day - but it still stung.  
It bled beautifully - my dress would be ruined, despite the fact that Loki had bent down to retrieve the bowl at once. I watched, breathing heavily as the bowl filled.

Loki cut himself in the same place, his gaze firmly locked with mine. Only when the bowl was filled did his eyes fall downwards and I allowed my own to stray. The light colour of his skin contrasted sharply with the red that welled out of it.  
He stepped backwards and placed the bowl between us, holding his hands out to me. A spark of magic zipped through me as we touched and I took in a sharp breath at the sensation. Loki recited the spell firmly and I fell in tune.

It felt different this time. The power was sizzling between us, filling the air and filling me as well. I plucked a hair from my braid as Loki cut off a few strands of black hair.  
When we added them, the potion puffed, a cloud of red smoke flowing over the edges and around our feet while Loki grabbed my hands again.

The moment that the merge took hold was unmistakable. I could feel him, almost like a second heartbeat within me. The sensation was dizzying, but rather than sick, I felt content, as if I had had just that little bit too much mead that made you talk and laugh more than you should.

Even though he had been standing right in front of me the whole time, he somehow felt more present now, more real. It was like I could feel him, touch him, taste him without even reaching out.

Loki's eyes still held mine captive and I saw it in them when he smiled at me. "We did it," he said.

A breathless giggle escaped my lips. "We did it," I repeated.

His grip on my hands tightened slightly. Loki's skin, usually so cool to the touch, seemed warm now, even heated. I looked down, only to see the muscles in his arms ripple as he pulled me closer. I kicked against the bowl in the process and it caused the red mist to swirl and rise up further, enveloping us.  
Meanwhile, Loki had wrapped his arm around me again. The dagger long discarded, his now free fingers pushed back the hair from my face.

"I can feel you," he whispered. I swallowed hard while his bright green eyes searched my face. "And you're beautiful."

He leant forward and pressed his lips to mine. Every semblance of coherent thought was wiped from my mind, replaced by pure sensation. My fingers came to rest on his shoulders and while I felt like I might melt, he seemed solid, steadfast, safe.  
His lips moved gently against mine and before I knew it, a small sound of delight had escaped me. In response, his grip on me tightened and he tilted his head to deepen the kiss. One of his hands tangled in my hair, cradling my head as he nibbled on my bottom lip.  
I tried to press closer to him, though it felt like we were already fused together - to feel more of his warmth, more of his firm body against me. Just as my fingers rose to stroke his cheek, carefully, experimentally, he pulled away.

He stayed close to me for the shortest moment before he stepped back. "I'm sorry," he said and caused the world to crash down around me.  
What had we done? What had I just done? My own brother... my fingers flew up to my lips which were slightly swollen and tender to the touch, proof of the horrifying sin we had just committed.

"Eirlys," Loki pleaded softly, starting forward.

I could not let him touch me, too great was the risk of succumbing to desire again. "Leave me alone," I snapped instead.  
When I ran past him, he did not try to stop me.

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	11. We Made A Terrible Mistake

**Wow, thanks for the great response to last weeks chapter! As always, special thanks to everyone who read, fav'd, alerted and most of all tho those who reviewed - Draegan88, Just Me and My Books, CrazyCountryGirl12, SabertoothUnicorn321 and guests "Sarah"(I'm happy you thought it was perfect), "guest" (a shocking, but hopefully good surprise), "Scarlett" (yelling was appropriate this time, don't worry^^) and "Chloe" (thank you very much!).**

 **On with the story then ;)**

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 **We Made A Terrible Mistake**

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No one saw Loki for at least two weeks. Most people attributed it to the fact that he had always been strange, had always liked to seclude himself.  
Not even Thor seemed particularly bothered - he claimed to miss his brother but made no effort to go looking for him. Our father barely commented on Loki's absence and when he did, it was to complain about it. Mother, of course, appeared to worry, but she did not go looking for Loki either. She, too, knew that it was sometimes better to leave him to his own devices.

Personally, I wished that he was as absent as he pretended to be. Though Loki did not enter my sight even once, I could feel that he was upset - perhaps just as upset as I was. I could physically feel when he fell asleep, because his flailing emotions settled down then.  
No matter where I went or what I did, he was there, in every pore, in every ounce of my being. I could still feel him, ever since the spell had been completed.

The connection had weakened slightly as we parted, but there was not a single moment when he was not present within me - and with him, the memory of our kiss.

I could not believe that it had actually happened - every time I thought about it, I felt various degrees of sick.  
Not that I had not enjoyed it. In fact, this was probably why I felt so bad about the whole incident. When I closed my eyes at night, I could still feel his lips ghosting over mine and despite what my mind screamed at me, I longed to feel his kiss again.

Surely, there had to be something wrong with me that I felt this way. He was my brother! For Loki, it had certainly just been the effect of the merge, the sudden closeness that it had produced.  
If I were honest, though, the attraction had been there long before that night. I remembered that one night after he had returned from war - if he had tried, I would have let him kiss me, then, too.

No one could ever find out. The shame it would bring on our family... the rumours would not die down for as long as we lived. No one would want to marry me if this became known, not even Kvass.  
I felt even worse when I realized that this thought did not make me as worried as it should have. I had always suspected it, but I did not want Kvass to kiss me, not now that I knew what it could feel like.

"Oh dear, you don't look so good."

I shot up from where I had settled among beige cushions on my settee at the sound of my mother's voice. She usually was not one to sneak up on people, so I had to have been very deep in thought to not have heard her.  
Seeing me that way must have alerted her to my emotional state, for her eyebrows had pulled together, blue eyes watching me with worry. I tried to swallow the guilt down - bad enough that I was ruining my own life, I did not want to make it bad for everyone around me.

"You are awfully pale," she continued.

"Am I?" I asked, trying to keep my tone even. "I haven't looked in the mirror yet."

The worry etched on her face changed to disapproval within seconds while she eyed me up and down. I stared hard at the floor, fearing that she might be able to read the truth in my face when she had a proper look. Mother always seemed to see right through whatever facade her children had put up.

"I expected you for breakfast," she said.

"I'm sorry," I said at once. "I... overslept."

I could have cringed at my own lie and Mother tutted at me lightly, though she did not comment further. Instead, she approached and started pulling gently at my dress, which had bundled up weirdly while I was sinking into the cushions.

"I am worried about Loki," she said. "Do you know what ails him?"

The sudden lump in my throat made it hard to speak and I had to cough a few times until I could get out a proper answer. "I haven't seen him, either," I said. "Or heard from him."

Mother sighed and I chanced a look at her face. Once again, she looked worried, much more worried than I had expected - Loki's behaviour, though excessive, was not exactly unusual for him. He had always been recluse and mother had never been particularly concerned or upset by it.  
Where our father tended to be impatient and strict in what he expected and wanted to see from us, Mother tended to be understanding, supporting our odd behaviour, especially Loki's. Asking after him in this way, coming to me for news, was extraordinary.

"It's probably one of those moods," I said. "You know how he gets."

Mother's lips twisted into a frown. "I hope you are right. Thor did not seem to know anything either... is it right that they are fighting?"

"The usual things," I answered. With the sudden reminder of Thor's behaviour, my shame was almost forgotten and I answered before I thought about it. "Thor got upset when Loki bettered him."

At this, Mother smiled indulgently and it made the simmering anger inside me flare up into outrage. Thor's inability to act like a grown-up was not something to be encouraged, not something that one could look on with a smile as if it was no more than a freckle. It was a big flaw and it did not suit a prince and possible future king.

She obviously saw what was on my mind, because she brushed a gentle hand over my hair and said, "Neither of your brothers is flawless. That doesn't mean we should be blind to their strengths."

"What if the flaw is fatal?" I demanded. For now, Thor's pompousness was mostly directed at Loki, but it was merely a matter of time until it got him into serious trouble and who knew how many of us he would pull down with him.  
One of my brothers would one day be king and realistically, it was Thor. The future of the Realm Eternal was jet black if he did not change.

"Have a little faith," Mother scolded gently. "Your father watches both of them closely and he won't let any harm come to them."

"Having faith in my father" was Mother's go-to-advice in most situations and I had always heeded her advice. The Allfather's wisdom was not always apparent in the moment, but he always turned out to be right in the end. If he was not worried about his sons' behaviour, then perhaps I was worried without reason - or perhaps, that there were flaws even in our king's wisdom.

I stuck, very firmly, to the first possibility and the thought eased my mind for a while. Until, a week later, my father proved that his knowledge was very limited, at least when it came to his own children and their emotions.

He called me to him around midday, interrupting my studies. My father was always intimidating, but meeting him in the throne room stepped it up a notch. The sparse lighting, the columns reaching for the sky, the large, golden throne that seemed to give him an enormous height - all of it made him appear larger than life.

Not my father was expecting me, but the king.

The closer I got to the throne room, the more I wished that I had just pretended to be sick and stayed in my chambers - in fact, that would not have been much of a lie. I felt decidedly sick now.  
What could he want? My mind scrambled for explanations, but there was no mistake, no transgression that could be responsible for this. Unless...

Unless he knew.  
The thought made my knees buckle and I stumbled slightly. One of my maids following me reached out to help me up, but I could see the amusement, barely concealed on her face, and shrugged her off at once.

What if he did know? What if he had found out? Father would be beyond furious and there was no telling what he would do to remedy the situation.

The guards bowed when they opened the door to me, a gesture of habit more than of devotion. I attempted to take a calming breath when I entered the long hall, but my heart was racing and made my breath come out in sharp gasps.  
The walk to the front seemed even longer than it usually was and my father made no move to make the way shorter and approach me.

He was seated on the throne, staring down at me as I got closer. I inspected him as closely as I dared. He did not seem particularly displeased, but it was hard to tell with him in either case.

I curtsied deep when I reached the stairs leading up to his throne, but he bid me rise at once. When I looked up again, he was smiling slightly.

"My daughter. I have news that should delight you."

That did not sound like he knew. My nerves settled a little bit, but the doubt was still present within me. I had never received delighting news in this kind of setting.

"I am glad to hear," I said, my voice coming out higher than usual. My father did not seem to notice.

"As you should," he told me. "Just this morning, the messenger brought news from Vanaheim. Their ruler has approved of your engagement to Kvass."

I had not known that we had diplomatic contact to Vanaheim over this matter. I had not known that Father had inquired in this matter. I had not known that I would be left with so little time, after all.

The apprehension must have shown on my face, for my father's eyebrows furrowed, making the skin bunch around his eye-patch. "Are you not happy?" he demanded.

I swallowed down the truth and instead did what was expected of a properly raised princess. I smiled. "Yes, I am," I said. "You merely surprised me. This is indeed splendid news."

He believed me. I could not help but think that Mother would not have believed my strained words - and Loki would have laughed in my face, so easily could he have seen through my lie.  
Father did not realize that I was not telling him the truth and he perhaps would not have cared had he known how I felt. It had always been clear that my opinion did not matter much. My marriage was a state affair and it would be treated as such.

Everyone knew that I was lucky to even get Kvass - most of Asgard still called me a witch, and difficult and meek at the same time. In short, I left something to be desired.

"We should not wait too long," my father continued. "Though I do suppose you'd prefer a summer wedding."

Truth be told, I had always fancied a winter wedding - something about the swirling snowflakes and crackling fires seemed romantic to me - but it did not do for the whole court having to freeze to watch their princess get married.

"You are right," I said.

"We might have to settle for spring, then," Father said, absentmindedly rubbing his beard. "I don't think he will want to wait that long."

My stomach churned, the thought of Kvass touching me too much to bear in that moment. He would not want to wait that long, my father was right. I could not even blame Kvass - he seemed to like me, though I had never given him much reason to. The problem was that he was that much fonder of me than I was of him.

If we had both been forced into this, it maybe would not be so horrid. Maybe we could have found an arrangement that would have suited both of us. Like this, though... and with Loki in mind, it seemed the most terrible thing that could ever happen to me.

"We will need the time," I reminded him. "A royal wedding requires extensive preparations."

Which, at last, was the truth. My gown alone would take months before it would be finished, not to mention deciding on the food, the decorations, the various rites that had to be fit in, the guests that had to be invited... It could probably be done before spring, but we would have to hurry, then.

My father hummed thoughtfully. "I will discuss this with your mother," he amended. "And Kvass' parents, of course. They are opinionated people."

I had not met them - yet - but I was sure that he spoke the truth, if Kvass himself was anything to go by. The thought of Kvass and the tirades I would have to endure for the rest of my life made me want to hurl again and I hurried to make an excuse to leave.

"Is there anything else?" I asked. "I would like to talk to Mother..."

An indulgent smile spread on my father's lips, much like the one Mother used when she spoke of Loki. "Of course," he said. "It's better to discuss these things amongst women."

I would have to go to Mother after this, I realized, or he would know - but I did allow myself a minute to lean into one of the alcoves Loki had shown me years and years ago and let the tears stream silently over my face.

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	12. Who Am I?

**Thanks to everyone who read, fav'd, alerted and most of all to SabertoothUnicorn321 and Just Me and my Books for reviewing!**

* * *

 **Who Am I?**

* * *

The moment that they found a date for the wedding - late spring, because Mother assured me that preparations could _easily_ be sped up to suit me - my father launched the court into celebration of my engagement.  
Despite being the youngest, I was the first of the royal children to marry and the whole country seemed to be delighted with the prospect of a great celebration like this.

Very little of their delight was about me, though. Due to Loki's instructions, I was rather skilled in hiding myself in the palace and was therefore always informed on the latest gossip between the servants.

"She's always been so quiet," the thickly cook told a couple of maids as they followed the matron. "But I tell you - still water runs deep. The poor guy is in for quite the surprise."

While her words stung, they were nothing compared to what other people said. 'Witch' seemed to be muttered everywhere I went. One time, I had the dubious pleasure of listening in on two guards patrolling the halls.

"But if I tell you," one of them said. "She's nasty, always been."

"I hear that's why the Allfather gives her away so soon," the other agreed. "He wants to be rid of the bother."

I wanted to feel angry. I wanted to have the courage to step in their way and have them removed from their duties for speaking so rudely about a princess. Instead, I pressed further into the wall, tears threatening to spill with the fear that there was truth in their words.

Father had never been very affectionate with his children, least of all with me - perhaps it was not him, after all, but me. They called me a witch - and it was true. Even now, I longed to cover myself in magic, if to hide away or to feel just that bit of power, the only power I had.

The magic had only ever brought about my father's embarrassment, though. To him, it did not matter if I was powerful or not. To him, it did not matter that I was _so close_ to making my illusions substantial. Last night, I had made one of them so firm that the apple I had thrown at it had bounced back instead of passing through.  
It was no good, of course, for Father had no need of magic tricks and he certainly had no interest in them when they were performed by his daughter. It was not like I would ever need them to be what he wanted me to be.  
Perhaps he _did_ want to be rid of me.

"You shouldn't listen to them."

I flinched violently, jerking my head back against the wall while my brother folded himself out of the shadows. I did not know if the dark just suited him and made it easy to hide or if he had used his magic, but it was as if he had appeared out of nowhere.  
Loki looked paler than usual and his cheeks were hallow, as if he had not eaten properly. He looked tired - there were deep, dark rings beneath his eyes.

I felt suddenly queasy - maybe I should have payed him a visit after all, and tried to smooth things over. At the same time, the memories came rushing back and I felt him more keenly than I had before.  
The connection intensified with every bit of physical closeness. His presence had grown constantly weaker in the past week and only now did the realization come. That it had been because he, himself, had become weaker.

"What are you doing here?" I asked quietly.

"You felt... distraught," he said thoughtfully. "I got worried."

I raised an eyebrow at him. It was not like him to admit to emotional reasons like this. Perhaps this merge had affected him more than we both anticipated.

"I'm fine," I said, though the words sounded hollow even to me.

My attempt at leaving was stopped at once - his fingers wrapped around my forearm, not tight enough to keep me, but enough to get my attention.  
"Eirlys," he said. "About that night-"

My throat seemed to close off and I found it hard to breathe. Before I knew it, my heart was beating rapidly. Only one thing was certain in my dizzy mind: we could not talk about this. Talking about it made it more real than it should be and we risked being discovered, too.

"Don't," I said before he could go on to say whatever he had planned to say. "Don't ever speak of that night again."

His face fell for the fraction of a moment before he had himself in check again - only signs of his annoyance remaining in the aftermath. His lips pressed tightly together and the look in his eyes became murderous. I inadvertently shrunk back against the wall.

"Fine," he spat. "Maybe those guards were right after all."

His comment did not only sting like all the ones before had. No, it felt as if he had stabbed me, the pain of his words sharp and deep within me. There was no telling if he meant it or not - Loki had always been apt at hiding these things. And he had always had had the sharpest tongue in all the realm. I learnt now, for good, that it could not only seduce, but be spiteful, too.

To my surprise, I did not cry. I just stared back at him while he looked at me, long and hard, before he turned and melted back into the shadows the same way he had come. As if he had never been there.

My brother disappeared off the face of the earth again, just as he had the weeks before. I felt horrible for condemning him like this, even if it was not entirely my fault. We were bot equally to blame.

Mother asked about Loki regularly - it was how I found that I had to be much better of a liar than Loki always claimed, because she believed it at once when I said I had not seen him. The thought of relaying our encounter made my stomach drop - surely, the more someone learnt about our quarrels, the more likely our transgression was to be discovered

No one could know, though it would most certainly save me from my marriage. No one could know that I spent day and night, remembering the feel of my brother's lips on mine. No one could know that I longed for him - that I wished he was not my brother, that I wished that I could marry him... someone I actually loved.

Of course, our mother was not the only one who was wondering about Loki. The next afternoon found me at the training grounds again. Kvass had decided to join training and while I doubted that it would be very enjoyable watching him, there was no way around it.  
Thor's booming voice greeted me the moment that I stepped into his view. He was smiling broadly, but for once, the smile did not reach his eyes.

"Sister! How great of you to join us!" he called while he strut towards me.

"I haven't been here far too long," I answered, looking around the grounds. Sif was standing by the pit, watching closely as my brother greeted me. "I figured it was time."

Thor nodded along with my explanation before he cast another look back to his comrades. When his focus returned to me, the smile was gone. "Have you spoken to Loki?"

"I'm afraid I haven't," I said. "Have you?"

He shook his head, his eyebrows furrowing in concern. It was in such moments that I remembered the affection I had for him - despite his many faults, Thor did care for Loki and he did care for me. His actions did not always reflect the sentiment, but he meant well and his worry was honest. He simply was not the brightest gold in the vault.

"No," he said. "He's been locking himself away for too long," he said. "Don't you have any idea what ails him? It strikes me as strange that he wouldn't speak to you - you've always been close."

I swallowed hard in an attempt to get rid of the lump forming in my throat. He did not know, I reminded myself, his comment was completely innocent.  
"You know how he gets," I said, hoping to placate him.

Thor shrugged. "It's been long," he said. "I can't help but worry."

"Seek him out if you can't help it," I advised. "But I'd be careful. We both know our brother's temper."

He pulled a face and I knew he would not go to Loki. Perhaps it was for the better - there was no telling how Loki would react to an unwanted intrusion, especially by our brother who was not likely to be delicate about the situation.

Thor walked back towards the pit, swinging his hammer already and the other fighters backed out of his way at that. Kvass was grinning like an idiot - out of politeness or pure naivete, I did not know.  
The only one not focusing on Thor was Sif - she was still watching me and I did not like the critical look at all. I did not like her much, but I had to respect her and where Thor's mind was as blunt as his hammer, hers was sharp, just like her swords.

Thor accepted Kvass' good-natured challenge to a duel and while the two exchanged blows in the pit - my brother was clearly going easy on him - Sif strolled slowly towards me. She arrived, standing silently by my side for a long moment while Kvass futiley stabbed at Thor and my brother tried not to break his bones with the hammer.

"He's not much of a fighter, is he?" she asked finally.

The remark drew the first laugh of the week from me. "His talents lie elsewhere," I said.

Sif raised an eyebrow at me. Her eyebrows had not changed colour when we had altered her hair so many years ago and now she had to pencil them over every morning.  
"Is that so?" she said. "He's not a great dancer, either. And conversation with him is most tiring."

I started chewing on my lower lip - I should defend my fiance, I knew and Kvass surely deserved being defended, but I could not bring myself to do it. She was absolutely right in everything she said and I was afraid that she would know when I lied.  
Besides, what was the point? Everyone knew that Kvass was dreadfully boring - the best that could be said about him was that he meant well and that he at last had a pretty face to make up for it. It was neither enough to love nor to hate.

"Who is it?" Sif asked finally when I did not respond.

My stomach dropped. "Excuse me?"

"The one you actually like," she said. "I know that look you sport - you long for someone other than your fiance and you're heartbroken because you can't have whoever it is."

I frowned at her, but found nothing in her expression but curiosity and concern. I would not have expected it from her, but it seemed that she meant well.  
Still, I obviously could not tell her the truth - if she ever learnt it, her friendly attitude would change at once. Secrets were exchanged between friends only and certainly not between people like us, acquaintances bordering on enemies.

"There's no one," I said.

Sif smiled slightly at that, her eyes fixed on the fight in the pit. Thor had not yet hit to win, but it was obvious he would be winning - Kvass looked worse for the wear and had not even wounded my brother once. It was surely only to save Kvass the embarrassment in front of me that Thor had not ended the fight by now.

"That's what I always say, too," Sif answered.

At that, I had to smile. It was an open secret that she fancied my brother and everyone but Thor had figured it out by now. It was a wonder that no one had let it slip before, but perhaps everyone was too afraid of Sif to tell on her.  
I had always thought that she was a bit ridiculous for loving my brother like this - my boisterous, foolish brother - but right, I felt sorry for her. What a horrid thing, to feel so strongly and to not have him notice at all.

"My brother's a fool for not seeing you," I said gently.

"Fandral always tells me that I am the fool," she said.

I scoffed. "Fandral wouldn't know true love if it hit him in the face."

It was her turn to laugh, though she became serious again rather quickly. She shook her head slightly while Thor finally had enough and knocked Kvass of his feet with Mjolnir. Kvass stayed lying on the ground, panting heavily, his weapon useless next to him. He might have dragged it out, but Thor's grin was nonetheless triumphant. A little too triumphant, perhaps, for a fight so easily won.

"I know that I'm not much qualified to give you advise in matters of the heart," Sif said. "I'm not great with feelings, anyway. But... I would not let myself be bound to a man that I do not love."

I sighed heavily. "Thank you," I said. "But I fear I don't have the freedom to follow your advise."

She shrugged. "Then take that freedom," she said. "Happiness is too precious to tarnish it."

I offered her a small smile and she nodded back at me. Sif strolled back towards her friends and her weapons and I watched as she crossed Kvass, who tried to play his failure off as good sportsmanship. She smiled at Thor, who offered a big grin in return, albeit one that did not mean anything more than simple friendship.

In that moment, I wished that I could be like her. Strong and fearless and without any restrictions. Her advice was sound, but I could not take it. After all, I was a princess and not a shield maiden, even though I would have given every single strand of blonde hair on my head for it to be otherwise.

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	13. The Point of No Return

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* * *

 **The Point of No Return**

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After about a month, my parents decided that the engagement festivities had to end - Mother said that we needed to concentrate on planning and Father had nodded grimly. Thor remarked that enough was enough. Apparently, drinking oneself into oblivion was not quite as fun when your parents were watching as you did it.  
I would not know - while I felt like I deserved and desperately needed a drink, I could not. Kvass' parents had arrived in the middle of celebrations and I had to be on my best behaviour as not to embarrass king and realm.

At the culmination of everything was a great ball and my mother was so excited about it that she insisted on doing my hair herself. She was very skilled at it, I decided, while she combed my locks gently, but I still felt like this was not entirely appropriate.  
My handmaidens clearly thought so, too. One of them was an elderly woman who frowned upon the whole scene and the other one was a young girl, younger even than I, who did not dare raise her eyes to my mother.

Mother ignored both of them. Her fingers wove deftly through my hair, creating the complicated pattern that would soon become a crown on my head.  
"You look beautiful," Mother commented, though my head looked like utter chaos as of yet . "Your beloved will be ever so pleased."

She was referring to Kvass, of course, but my mind jumped immediately to Loki. He had announced that he would not attend and I could not fault him for that. Still, my heart longed for him, desperately, my eyes yearned to see him and yet everything inside me clenched with fear at the thought.  
What would happen if we met again? Would it not be terribly obvious to all those around us what was in our hearts? Loki might be able to hide it, king of lies that he was, but I? I stood no chance.  
It was probably for the better that he should not be there.

"Thank you," I answered. "I'm sure he will."

She smiled slightly at me through the mirror. "Are you happy, my dear?"

My gaze fell at the question - I could not meet her eyes anymore, not even in the mirror. It felt like I was failing, utterly, at being the princess I was supposed to be, at being the daughter that my parents wished for. Why could I not be happy with the faith destined for me?  
Where the courage for my question came from, I would never know, but it was perhaps the only moment that I would ever dare ask and could not pass it up.

"Did you always love Father?" I asked. "From the beginning?"

It took five passes of the brush through my hair before she answered. "Your father was to be king. I was very honoured by his proposal."

"Yes," I said. "But did you love him?"

I chanced a glance at the mirror. Her face did not show it, but I did hear the soft sigh that escaped her. "I love him now," she answered. "Is not that enough?"

It might have been enough for her, I figured, the prospect of maybe growing to love her husband, but it was not enough for me. Not enough to be happy, at least.  
Besides, I thought it quite impossible that I might grow to love Kvass - in fact, I was afraid I might grow to hate him, instead.

"It seems to me," I said. "That the heart does not always obey the commands of the mind."

When I dared glance up at her again, my mother's smile had grown even wider. "I fear it is always the other way," she said. "That the mind blindly follows as the heart commands."

"And do you think... that this is the right way?" I asked.

"I think it is the only way," she said as she slid a hairpin effortlessly into the hair. It might have been magic or simple talent, but this one pin seemed to hold the whole of my locks. "You'll never have an advisor wiser than your heart."

While everything inside me screamed to follow my mother's advice, I was not sure if she had given it had she known the truth of my desires. If only Loki was not my brother, if only he was a prince from some other realm or at least a noble... then, I could have chosen him instead of Kvass.  
As it was, Father would probably hand me over to the Frost Giants if he ever learnt the truth.

Half the realm had showed up for the ball and for once, people seemed to notice me. I was not sure I liked it, for with the added attention came added whispers. People smiled at me and turned around to spread rumours in the next minute. I did as I had always been told - I smiled and laughed and conversed as if I did not notice.

Kvass, next to me, appeared to be completely oblivious. He was in a good mood, which might have been the result of mead - he smelled slightly off it and he slurred a little bit. I did not mind terribly, he tended to be quieter when he was drunk.  
It also did not matter much while we were sitting, eating and chatting. The meal was magnificent - it was hard to satisfy a large group of Asgardians with raging appetites, but the kitchen staff had outdone themselves. The roast boar, especially, was exquisite.

Soon, though, the evening progressed to dancing. Kvass was not a splendid dancer, even sober, though he usually pulled through all right.  
In his drunken state, dancing with him was not very enjoyable. He kept stepping on my toes and pulling me roughly into wrong directions.

"Maybe we should sit back down," I said after holding out through two full dances.

His grip tightened on me and made my skin crawl. He was already too close for my liking, but he would not let me pull away. "We're dancing," he said.

"Yes," I said. "But I have had enough."

Kvass' gaze was smothering and it left me feeling dirty, as if his eyes alone soiled me. I stopped moving along with him, trying to pull free, but that did not deter him. Up until now, Kvass had always been the perfect gentleman, but now he was drunk and it scared me.

"Kvass," I said softly. I did not want to make a scene, did not want to embarrass him and myself in front of our parents and the whole court. "Please, let's stop."

He blinked at me, as if my words did not make any sense to him. "But we're enjoying ourselves," he answered.

"Kvass, please," I choked out.

Kvass had kept tucking me towards him, when suddenly, there was another set of hands on me, circling my waist and pulling me in the opposite direction. Kvass' eyes went almost comically wide and he let go of me, causing me to stumble backwards into my rescuer.

There was not a single doubt in my mind who it was, even before he spoke.  
"I doesn't seem to me that my sister was enjoying herself," Loki said coldly.

Under the effects of the mead, it took Kvass longer than usual to respond, but he finally bowed slightly. In the meantime, Loki's arms had wrapped more firmly around me.

"Your highness," my fiance mumbled. "I apologize."

The tone in Loki's voice was murderous - he did not raise his voice, yet the low tone made it seem all the more dangerous. "It's hardly me you have to apologize to," he announced. "I believe I will keep both eyes on her for the rest of the evening."

Kvass swallowed hard, his adam's apple bobbing as he did. "Your highness, I can promise you," he started, but was cut off at once.

"She's clearly not safe with you."  
There was a finality in his words and Kvass did not protest when Loki turned around, still keeping me close, and walked away. I hurried to match his long strides. I chanced a look up at his face and found his jaw clenched tightly.

When I did not look away, he noticed my gaze and met my eyes for a short moment. His eyes were filled with concern, though he looked away again quickly.

"Loki-"

"Don't talk," he said. "We haven't caught any attention yet and I'd rather not."

My eyebrows pulled together. "Do you plan to do something no one's supposed to see?"

His lips stretched into a wide grin. "Yes," he said.

Teleportation was a tricky thing to do, even on your own and especially if it was to be done through longer distance and through thick walls. Even trickier was taking something or someone with you. The last time I had tried to take something with me, my hand mirror had become stuck in the wall. So I shrieked, and quite possibly caught some attention, when Loki's grip tightened and he made me vanish with him.

The teleportation had taken me by surprise, but the destination did not. Loki's chambers were as dark as ever, but unusually chaotic.  
It said quite a bit that this was noticeable, because Loki's belongings, especially his books, were by the norm strewn about the room anyway.  
We had landed on the large, green rug he kept in the middle of the room, mere inches from a fallen chair. The chair had obviously been home to various pieces of clothing which had now landed on the floor, as well.

"What did you do to the place?" I asked.

Loki wrinkled his nose. "I had no wish to see the maids," he said.

I scoffed and bent down to pick up one of his mantles. "That surprises me," I said. "You're usually so fond of them."

He growled a little, but did not answer me. I straightened the chair and hung the mantle over it, before I started to collect all the other items of clothing. He was lucky that I was the one to see it and not our mother. She would have thrown a fit at the state of his rooms.

Loki watched me work for a bit until he stepped in my way and pulled a shirt from my hands. "Stop."

I took a deep breath, trying to calm my wildly beating heart. After weeks of absence he was suddenly so close - without even reaching out, it felt like he was touching me. The magical connection between us had flared up violently as well. Having him so near felt like being put together a new, as if I was only one piece of a two-part puzzle.

"I shouldn't be here," I said. "Mother was right. We meddled with things we didn't understand and now..."

He raised an eyebrow at me. "You think this is the result of the merge?"

I frowned at him. Did he not think that this was the reason? It had not occurred to me... but then, had I not longed for him before that? Had I not missed him and been jealous?  
My attempt to put this on the merge was nothing more than a fool's hope for answers, the desperate search for a reason for why I felt the way I felt.

While I had been contemplating, probably opening and closing my mouth like a demented fish, Loki had turned away from and started pacing the length of the room.  
It was a complicated thing to do, since the floor was so crowded and he had to kick stray bottles and other trinkets out of the way as he walked.

"Is this... is this the truth?" he asked. "You haven't felt for me - at all? Before? It was just the magic?"

I swallowed hard. It would have been my chance to lie and end this before it was too late, but I knew that there was no lying to Loki.  
"No," I said. "Don't be stupid. Of course it wasn't just the magic. I... only, I didn't think that you..."

Loki stopped dead in his tracks to face me again. "That I-?"

"That you cared for me," I said. "You haven't been very nice to me, ever since you returned from Nornheim."

His shoulders slumped at that. His eyes were firmly fixed on his feet when he spoke next. "Because I am a fool," he said quietly. "And envious."

"Envious?" I repeated.

Loki raked a hand through his dark hair. "I was in the middle of war, and I missed you more than I could have admitted to anyone. And then I got word that you had found a suitor, while I was lying in muddied pits in Nornheim and I hated you for being happy without me."

My tongue darted out to wet my lips as I contemplated his words. Could it really be true? Or was he lying to me just as he lied to everyone else?  
It seemed to good to be true, to think that he would want me so much that he would get jealous. That while I had been here, feeling for his heartbeat every chance I got, he had been thinking of me too, missing me.

"I didn't find him," I said. "It's not like I went to search for him. I did not even choose him - you know that."

"Of course I know that!" he bit back, voice rising suddenly along with his eyes. "He's horrible! You'd have to be mad to choose him."

"He's not horrible," I said gently. "He's just not... you."

Our eyes met and he grinned at me, a satisfied, proud grin that made me shiver.  
As much as I desired him, as much as I yearned for him and his touch, there was no continuing this. He had to know this, too - no matter what we felt for each other, it could never be real. He was my brother - we would not be the first to face punishment for a sin like this. No one would ever forget the unhappiness of Njord and the failure of his marriage after he had been separated from his sister.

"You think too much off it," Loki said as he regarded me.

"Can you blame me?" I asked. "Look at us, look at this mess."

Loki walked towards me, more steadily now than he had before because I had already cleared the floor here. Equally, I walked backwards - I feared that, should he come to close, the sorry remains of my resolve would crumble for good.  
I was not wrong. My back bumped against the curtains and the window behind me and Loki's hands came to rest on either side of my head.

"Would you rather deny us this happiness?" he asked lowly. "Don't you think we deserve it?"

I sighed gently as he stepped even closer, just short of pressing against me. "Of course I... but Loki, we can't do this."

I could feel his chuckle more than I could feel it and then his teeth were gently nibbling on my earlobe and it sent my heartbeat into a frenzy.  
"But I want to," he whispered to me.

No more than a sharp intake of breath later, his lips were pressed to mine and my arms wrapped firmly around his neck. I did not quite know how it happened, but it did not matter - not when he gently bit into my lower lip, soothing the sting immediately with the tip of his tongue.

"Stay," he whispered against my lips.

"Loki-"

"Stay," he urged me again.

His kisses became more forceful and in return, I held him even tighter. The small moan that escaped me seemed to be enough for him and he swept me off my feet. I did not protest as he carried me through the room and placed me on his bed, his lips never leaving mine.  
Our fingers tangled and he pressed my hands gently against the cool silky sheets. My breath left me in shuddering gasps while he trailed small kisses up and down my neck.

He hummed when he reached my ear again. "You're exquisite," he said. "There's no one as beautiful as you."

"Really?" I whispered. My voice sounded pitifully small.

Loki lifted his head to look at me. "Oh my love," he answered. "I would never lie to you."

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	14. Wicked, Again

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* * *

 **Wicked, Again**

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Not much had changed since I had woken up that morning, still wrapped in Loki's arms, and yet everything was different.

I was still engaged to Kvass, I still performed dutifully at whatever event my parents needed me to appear, I still smiled and nodded and made meaningless conversation as I was expected to do.  
Now, though, there was the secret and despite the emotional turmoil it forced me into, nothing could have made me happier. It was hard to pinpoint, why exactly my heart swelled whenever Loki was near - there was not one single thing that earned my affections.

He made me feel _special._ My brother could be so harsh with others, but he was gentle and kind with me. He used to kick his girls out as soon as he was satisfied, but I was allowed in his bed. It seemed to me, that nothing and no one else could pull his attention from me.

Even now I could feel his gaze on me.  
I was not a very social person and I had never entertained many friendships. Whenever some girl or other had attempted befriending me, it had left a bitter taste in my mouth - somehow, their attempts did not ring true. People had always whispered behind my back - calling me a witch being the friendliest term circulating - and those girls were no different.  
Still, every now and again, my mother decided that I required company. Today was one of those days and so I sat in the garden, surrounded with courtiers' daughters.

They mostly chatted amongst each other and I put a good face on the matter. It was no secret to me that Mother liked to watch - she was strolling through the gardens casually, as if on an unrelated journey, and Loki had joined her. His presence was unmistakable to me and I would not have needed the visual conformation to know he was here.  
As it was, the sight of him was not entirely unwelcome, even though he was smirking at me.

One of the girls around me sighed suddenly. Eostre's round face had taken on a dream-like expression. "He always seems so... sinister," she said, while the rest of the group turned to see who she was referring to.

"It's because he's sour," Nanna said, brushing her long, red hair back over her shoulder. "He looks like he never has fun."

Eostre sighed again, shaking her head slightly. "Maybe he just needs the right incentive."

My stomach clenched at her words and before I could think on it, my mouth was already talking. "I believe my brother holds up just fine, thank you very much."

She looked taken aback for a moment and then the whole group burst into giggles. I frowned at them, but my annoyance only lasted for a moment - amusement built within me and it took me a bit to realize it was not my own.  
Loki was not looking in my direction, but his grin was unmistakable even as he continued talking to our mother. It made a smile spread on my lips at once.

While the rest was still watching Loki, the youngest of them turned to me. Sigyn was not exactly ugly, but she was quite plain - her hair more brown than blonde and her eyes a washed-out blue.  
"I still think he's handsome," she said. "Fun or not."

Nanna rolled her eyes, but Eostre nodded eagerly. It was a true miracle, how out of the three of them, the only one who would even come close to having a chance was the one who did not want my brother. Sigyn and Eostre with their common place appearances would never even be looked at twice.  
Of course, I honestly hoped that Loki would not look twice at anyone but me, though I dreaded to know if I was right in doing so or not. I was engaged and Loki would not remain unmarried forever, either. The thought made me sick.

"Maybe," Sigyn said, "You can introduce us."

This time, Loki met my eyes when I looked to him. One of his eyebrows quirked in question, clearly anticipating whatever answer I came up with.

"I'd rather not," I answered. "I imagine he would have very little patience for the likes of you and I don't want to embarrass myself."

Both of them looked insulted while Nanna started giggling. Across the garden, Loki was shaking his head at me in fake disappointment. On the inside, his amusement filled me with joy, doubled up by the fact that we were both feeling it, feeding from one another. When I felt like this, it was easy to ignore that our happiness could not last forever.

Loki was still joyous when we met late that night and his good mood was making me giggle even as he pressed me into the mattress beneath him.

"You've done so well, my love," he whispered hotly before bending down to suckle on my neck. He would have to heal the mark before I left in the morning so no one would see, but he nevertheless enjoyed the act and I let him.

"I don't know," my sentence was interrupted by a breathy moan when he bit down, the sensation just short of painful. "What you mean."

He chuckled lazily when he released my skin. "Right," he said as his lips trailed further down my body. "I like you like that... that catty."

I swatted at him, but he caught my hand easily and pushed - gently, but determinedly - until he held it down above my head. I struggled a bit, but it did not bother him at all. Instead, a finger of his free hand started lazily circling my nipple. Struggling was forgotten, then.  
"I'm not catty," I said.

Loki hummed, his breath caressing the sensitive skin, making it harden and tingle. "You mustn't let people walk all over you," he said. "It's just fine to protect what's yours."

My mind slammed to a stop and not just because his lips had closed around the tips of my breasts - was this what he was? Mine?  
I did not get around to asking him.

There were a lot of things we did not talk about, either way - like the horrible guilt I felt whenever he was not around.  
Because, if we were honest, we should be ashamed. What we did was not normal, in fact, it was forbidden, a crime even. Should our relationship ever become public knowledge, Father would have no other chance but to punish us.  
For good reasons, too, for even the thought of someone else indulging in what we did made me sick. Surely, we were already condemned and would spend eternity in Hel when the time came.

I felt terrible, my soul twisting every time I thought of what I was doing and yet, when Loki was there, the happiness would overwhelm me. It made everything so much worse once he left again for I felt that I was too weak to do the right thing.  
It was like my heart had split in two - one part desiring to be good and the other desiring to be happy. The two seemed irreconcilable.

Besides, there still was Kvass. He had apologized repeatedly and profusely for his behaviour at the ball and I had graciously forgiven him, but it did not change the way I felt about him. It was most unjust, especially to him, who was so excited for our wedding.  
To make trouble worse, my parents had decided that he should go along to public appearances with me. There was not a single event where I would show up without him - it became tiring trying to escape him after a while.

Today as well, he accompanied me. I was due in the town's orphanage by request of the elderly woman thad led the place. Asgard, as such did not have very many orphans; there were not very many children in general and even less who lost both parents.  
Therefore, most of the children came from other realms - from Vanaheim, for example, where a lot of people still died out of simple hunger or from Alfheim, which was plagued by invasions.

"I think this is by far the nicest assignment to date," Kvass commented while my father's guards led us through the city. "Don't you agree, my lady?"

I detested going into the city and I detested speaking to the people. That day of the fair, so many centuries ago, was not forgotten, not by me nor by them.

At my hum of response, Kvass turned in his steps to frown at me. "Do you not like children?"

"I never much thought of it," I said, which was the truth - I did not want to think of it, either. I wondered what it would be like, seeing my children bear Kvass' features... my heart clenched at the thought that maybe the would bear another's features. It _was_ possible, after all.

"Well, I have," he said and nodded to me. "And I think our children will be beautiful."

Maybe we could pass any resemblance off - Loki and I were siblings after all, no one would suspect. As long as they did not inherit the black hair. That, I was certain, would rouse suspicion.

"Don't you agree?" Kvass urged, but I was saved from responding because we arrived at our destination.  
It was an old house, but painted in a variety of colours, which made it appear more homely than it actually was. Laughter and good-natured screams were pressing outwards even through the closed windows. I had never been very loud as a child and would probably have been reprimanded for screaming.

The doors were thrown open and an aged, chubby woman stepped out, one who had to be the leader of the house. She radiated a motherly warmth and it made me wary. What had I done to earn that sympathetic smile?  
For once, I was glad that Kvass was with me - he was so much more sociable than I was and answered the lady's smile and her questions with ease and eagerly.

"Momma!" a small voice called suddenly. "Look, it's the witch!"

It was a small boy, barely reaching up to my hips and his face shone with nothing but pure excitement - I could detect no hint of contempt in his features. His words were but carelessly uttered, as children would, but they still stung.  
The boy moved forward, towards me, but the mistress grabbed him before he could reach me and swung him around so he faced the entrance again.

"Now, none of that," she said. "Go back to your mother - I apologize, your highness-"

But by now, the mother had arrived in the doorway. She was a Light Elf - her long silver hair and pointy ears gave her away. Yet she looked nothing like the Light Elves I had encountered thus far. They were always fair, standing high and walking lightly and elegantly. This woman whoever, crouched, almost bent double and her face was riddled with wrinkles and the occasional scar.  
If anyone had ever looked unhealthy, this woman surpassed them.

"Your highness," the headmistress started again. "We have visitors from Alfheim-"

"Momma is very sick," the little boy said, turning his wide eyes back to me.

"She's bringing me the boy," the headmistress said. "So he has a place to stay when she-"

The mother hobbled forward, reaching out to me. When she spoke, her voice was as wrinkled as her face. "Please, your highness," she croaked. "We have heard of you - of your great talent with magic. People speak of you in all the Nine Realms."

Firstly, I was sure that was a lie, and secondly, it did not make me happy. In fact, her words left a sour taste in my mouth. People were not only calling me a witch here in Asgard, but everywhere in the Nine Realms. There appeared to be no escape.

"Momma says you can make people healthy again," the little boy said and I realized exactly where this was going.

They wanted me to heal her. I was not entirely sure that I would be capable to do so - and I knew that off spells could do make matters worse rather than better.  
Father would be so angry if I failed - in fact, he would probably be angry whatever I did. He thought it unseemly to practice magic in public, especially when I did.

Also, I really, _really_ despised it when people called me a witch. It was unjust and rude and overall displeasing. People accepted my help and then turned around and talked about me as if I was some diabolical sorceress come to hunt them down.

"Please," the mother uttered again. "I cannot leave him alone..."

Everyone was staring at me - the headmistress appeared apologetic and Kvass was looking at me with excitement. I had not known how he felt about my magic, but apparently, he was not too put off. While that made me feel slightly better, it did not change the overall situation.  
If I did this and failed at the attempt, a witch would be by far the nicest thing people said about me. There was a high chance that I failed, too - I could mend broken bones and close wounds and maybe help against infections. But still, that was a mere scrap of Eir's skills.

"No," I said.

"My lady please," the mother urged me - as she stumbled forward, she actually fell on her knees in front of me. "Please-"

I swallowed against the lump in my throat. "Go to the Healing Chambers if they'll have you, but do not bother me with it."

"Eirlys," Kvass said, reaching out for me. "If you would think about it-"

"I said no," I told him, my voice a lot sharper than intended. If only Loki were here - he might have given me the confidence to try or he would have, at least, understood my refusal.

Kvass, on the other hand, was shaking his head at me, disappointment clearly written on his face. "I knew you were a witch," he said slowly. "But I never thought you were wicked."

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	15. Egoistical

**Sooo... I hope everyone who celebrated had (or is still having, I suppose, depending on where you are) a very merry Christmas!**

 **Thanks to everyone who read, fav'd, alerted and most of all to the six people who reviewed: Belco, , chocolateisoverated, Mari Clair Roemajji Celts, ThoseEvilDucks and "guest" (glad you enjoy it!).  
On to the next chapter!**

* * *

 **Egoistical**

* * *

"I won't lie to you," Mother said sternly. "I am disappointed."

She had swept into my chambers unannounced about an hour after my return from the orphanage. I suspected that Kvass had told her his version of what had happened there after he, himself, had accompanied mother and son to the palace's healing chambers.  
He, too, had been clearly disappointed, the look he had shot me before departure had bordered on disgust. It was about time, I thought - maybe he would become less bothersome if he did not worship me, anymore.

"I really don't see what the fuss is about," I said. "I did not do anything."

My mother's fingers curled tightly in her pale blue gown while her eyes narrowed at me. She had lied, after all. She was not disappointed, but angry. Weirdly enough, I preferred it that way.  
"Do you not see what you have done wrong?" she asked.

"No," I answered stubbornly. "Father doesn't want me to practice magic, least of all in public. Just think of the scandal if I had failed. I just do as I am told to do."

She sighed heavily. "Maybe," she amended. "But did you do what was right?"

My teeth hurt as they clenched, the coil in my chest tightening even further. How was I ever going to please my parents? Whether I did one thing or the other, one of them would inevitably be displeased.

"Maybe," I bit back. "I don't care about that."

My mother stiffened at my words and her fingers clenched around the fabric even harder. It was obvious I had taken her by surprise - not the demure, quiet girl that I usually was.  
I instantly felt bad about it. It was not that I did not care - matter of fact, I was glad that Kvass had taken the woman to the healers. But was not this what being royalty was all about? Putting the reputation of the realm over personal preferences and opinion? Was not this what Father always aimed to teach us?

"The woman will be all right," I said by way of pacifying the situation.

Unfortunately, Mother would have none of it. "Not by your doing."

"I hardly think that's relevant," I bit back.

Mother shook her head at me. I wondered if she talked to our father like this when she disagreed with his choices. It was inevitable that she did disagree - my parents had very differing opinions on many matters. It seemed that my father usually kept the upper hand, or at the very least was not convinced to change decisions once made.  
Mother always preached that our father was wise and knowledgeable and that we should heed his advice. Surely it could not be so wrong to follow his example now.

As I was still pondering this, my mother's features evened out - the lines of worry and creased eyebrows of disappointment disappeared, replaced by a look that very much reminded me of Loki.  
It was the smooth expression that always came with his defiance, the determination to have his way, consequences be damned. He hid all his thoughts of mischievous plans behind that expression.

"You were afraid to fail," she said. "Clearly, we need to train harder."

Hopefully, the sinking feeling in my stomach had no impact on my features, for I did not think that I could have controlled it. Mother had not seen me practice magic since the merging with Loki.

Since then, I had improved greatly - if not in skill, then in power. Illusions were easy now, especially the clones. I could make them stable now, solid for a short amount of time. Practice was all that was needed to make this permanent. It took very little effort to teleport and even less to turn invisible - I was more powerful than I had ever been.  
Loki and I had trained, whenever we could step apart for long enough and since these were the battle skills he wanted and needed, we had grown good at it very quickly.

Even if Mother wanted to try another field of magic, she would undoubtedly notice. It was effortless by now to channel my brother, almost second nature. I would not be able to prevent myself from doing so.  
She would know then, what we had done - and who knew what else she would uncover in the process.

"I'd rather not," I said. A good lie starts with attention to detail, I reminded myself, so make something up. "I have enough on my mind, with the wedding and all. If ever I need advice in the field, I shall go to Eir herself."

My mother had a way of scrutinizing me, watching me so closely that I felt she stared right into my soul. "I would have you tell me what is on your mind," she said. "There is something you hide from me."

"You imagine things," I said. "I am an open book."

It was a lie, but only since it was told to her. Had I said the same to Loki, it would have been nothing but the truth.  
He practiced the same piercing look, but he actually unveiled what lay within. The very gaze lay on me when we had supper that evening.

In earlier days, I had always sat next to our mother, but now Kvass was sitting beside me and he was still angry with me. When others were angry at me - my parents or, even worse, Loki - it made me desperate to earn their forgiveness. It made me struggle and beg, aiming to please.  
Now that Kvass was angry, it only made me irritated, as well.

"The woman's fine, by the way," Kvass said between two bites of chicken pie. "Thanks for asking."

He had never been less civil - in fact, I had not thought that he had it in him. Especially not towards me. Kvass had always treated me with undeserved reverence. Idiocy left his mouth regularly, but never harshness.  
For a moment, I was surprised. "I did not ask," I shot back.

Kvass slammed his fork down onto the table and turned to glare at me. "Does it not bother you at all? Don't you feel anything?"

I put my cutlery down as well, slower than he had. This entire conversation was testimony to how little Kvass knew about me. He could not see through the facade and he could not understand what or how I thought. He had built up an illusion of me and it did not match the reality he had witnessed today.

"Perhaps I don't," I answered. "Does that bother _you_?"

Kvass' face pinched together as if he was in pain. It seemed my question had hit right where it had been supposed to. "We are to marry," he said. "Can I not wish for my wife to be compassionate?"

So far, amusement had been rolling off of Loki and it had down quite a bit to keep my spirits lifted. At Kvass' words, though, his mood spiralled downwards, from humour directly to fury. For someone who always appeared so composed, he sure had a quick temper.

"You can wish," I confirmed. "I don't know if it shall do you any good."

It got easier and easier to sense Loki, even from a distance and it was especially simple when he was angry. It wound me up as well - it was still hard to keep separate what I felt and what he felt.  
So it was not a surprise to find him in my chambers, lounging on the light yellow sheets of my bed. It was not a very welcome sight, though. We usually went to his rooms for a reason: we were less likely to be interrupted there. The maids barely dared enter after knocking, they would never just barge in. Unfortunately, they were not that scared of me.

He sat up when I entered, his expression curiously calm. Had we not been connected the way that we were, I would have never known his real state of mind. As it was, it felt like I was boiling inside.

"You're angry," I noted while I started undoing the braids running through my hair.

Loki did not confirm it and instead swung his legs around and off the bed so he could get up. The turmoil inside him settled slightly while he approached.  
I did not look up. At this time of night, it was totally possible for someone to enter the room - a handmaiden or even our mother. After my row with Kvass at supper, I would not put it past her to come and reprimand me once again.  
Bad enough if he was in here should anyone joins us, it did not need to be any more inappropriate.

"At me?" I asked instead.

He hummed as if he was thinking about it. "I don't think so," he said. "It seems the merge messed with my mind a bit. Are you angry at yourself by any chance?"

I loosened the third braid - I was supposed to wear my hair loose until the wedding, but it bothered me, always getting in my face. Braiding little pieces helped, but getting my hair out of the way was one of the few advantages of getting married, in my mind.  
"No," I responded. "I'm a little angry at Kvass."

"Right," he said. "I think that's me as well."

"He's angry at me, too," I said.

"I heard," Loki said in a clipped voice. When my eyes rose to him, I found his jaw clenched, his lips pressed tightly together. "He should mind his tongue."

The heat that had been boiling inside me due to his angers toned down suddenly - instead, a satisfying warmth spread through me at the sudden rush of affection I felt for him.  
Loki was the only one who knew my true feelings about Kvass and not only that, he shared my distaste. He was the only one on my side and I was grateful for it, though his dislike for my fiance was born of jealousy rather than anything else.

He was so close already, it took no more than a small step until I could lean into him, burying my face against his shoulder. His arms wrapped around me at once, holding me closer. I took a deep breath, relishing in the comfort I had not known I needed before.

"I can't bear this," he said above me. My muscles stiffened at once at his words. I twisted slightly so I could look at him, but he held me tight against him. "I don't like to share."

I closed my eyes and took in his scent - a mixture of books, herbs and something muskier, darker. "What would you have me do?" I whispered. "You always knew-"

"Yes, I knew," he said, his fingers gently pricking apart the last of my braids as he talked. "And I thought that I could... but I can't. You can't marry him."

This time, when I pulled away, he let me, though he pulled out a few hairs as I did. I hissed at the pain, though it was soon forgotten.  
He could not be serious. It was not my decision to marry Kvass and it certainly was not my decision not to. Father would rip my head off before he even considered ending the engagement. Half the realm already had dresses picked out for the occasion, including me.  
It was too late.

"You're out of your mind," I said.

"Perhaps," he said. "Does that bother you?"

I narrowed my eyes at him at the unwelcome reminder. "This isn't funny!" I said. "How do you suppose I do that? Tell Father that I don't want to marry Kvass? I might as well drop into Jotunheim defenseless! And without a reason! Or should I tell him that you and I-?"

It was hard to tell which part of my irritation was mine and which was his, but we were both furious. I started hitting against him as he pushed me backwards, but it was futile - he was much stronger and much more determined.  
My breath escaped in a huff when my back collided with the wall behind me and Loki pressed his hands against my hips to keep me there.

"Enough," he hissed.

We both needed a moment to catch our breaths, a long moment in which we glared daggers at each other. It was obvious when he relaxed, his grip on me loosening and his anger settling down once more. It took most of my fight down with it.

"You and your lack of faith," Loki said. "I would not send you to Father... I'd never throw you to the Frost Giants." He leant forward and gently nipped at my throat. I had half a mind to push him away... but then I did not really want to. "I'm the only one allowed to bite you."

I shook my head at the lewd grin that spread across his face. I was hardly capable of keeping up with his temper changes.

"No," he said softly. "We have to be more subtle... don't worry, my love, I will find something and I will free you."

A giggle built up inside me and escaped before I could hold it in. It was entirely inappropriate, but he obviously did not mind. His eyebrows drew together in indignation, but the amusement was radiating off him.  
"Well, aren't you my knight in shining armour," I chuckled.

The grin returned and he leant forward, to press a kiss to my lips this time, leaving me breathless. "We'll see about that," he said when he pulled back slightly, his lips still ghosting over mine with the movement. "I'm more of a snake in the grass."

I sighed happily and wrapped my arms around his neck. "I shan't care, as long as it's you," I said before uniting our lips again.

* * *

 **So, I suppose I won't write to you again before the new year, so I suppose I'll wish you a good start into 2016 already (in German we say: "einen guten Rutsch" which basically means "have a good slide into the new year", as in: stay safe and have a good New Year's Eve. I don't know if there is an expression like it in English, but it would be super useful for occasions like this^^)**


	16. A Knight in Shining Armour

**I know I'm a day late, but I somehow forgot all about which day was which o.O Anyways, here's the new chapter!  
**

 **(Also, thanks to everyone who read, fav'd, alerted and most of all to , Mari Clair Roemajji Celts, Kyoki no Megami and guest "Scarlett" (glad to see you're back!) for reviewing!)**

* * *

 **A Knight in Shining Armour**

* * *

My brother's plans tended to be twofold: both brilliant and cruel in idea as in execution.  
I had not thought that he would actually come up with something to get rid of Kvass, had thought that his words were only spoken in the heat of the moment, fuelled by both jealousy and lust. In retrospect, I should have known better.

"We are not going to do that," I said pointedly after he had explained his plan.

We were walking through the gardens, mostly because it was raining and no one else would have wanted to come out here. As it was, we were predicted from the heavy raindrops by a sheer layer of magic, the very same that shielded us from Heimdall's view.

"Why not?" Loki shot back. He had seemed so excited before - the kind of excitement that always came with whatever mischief he had up his sleeve. Only this was not a humorous prank on our brother, this was a lie that would ruin Kvass' life.  
"Think about it," he urged me. "There are only so many reasons Father will accept for you to break the engagement - but if Kvass was impotent-"

"But he isn't!"

"How do you know?"

I hissed at the loaded question. He was being absolutely ridiculous and he had to know it.  
Loki was right of course, in one thing - if Kvass was impotent, Father would allow me to break the engagement. He would probably even allow divorce if things progressed that far. What was the point of marriage, after all, but to produce heirs?

It would be so easy, too. The Harvest Festival would be held soon and visitors from all over the realms would be coming to Asgard for the celebrations. Warriors would come to display their talents in tournaments. Artists and craftsmen would be there to sell their goods. They would be accompanied by hundreds of others, including maidens and women from Vanaheim. Loki was sure that a few of them could be convinced to speak against Kvass if presented with the right incentive.

Who would not believe it? And yet, I could not bring myself to agree. This would ruin his reputation, not to mention the chance of ever finding another wife. I did not hate him _that_ much.

"He wishes for children," I said. "Children he will never have if we go through with this. I'd ruin his life!"

Loki huffed. "Would you rather he ruin your life?"

I stopped abruptly in our tracks to turn to him. "Shall I be that selfish?" I demanded.

"If you won't do it for yourself," he said, reaching for me. "Then do it for me, instead."

He looked honest - Norns, he even _felt_ honest, but what he asked of me was so very wrong. Worse than any sin we had committed so far - at least, with those, we would only ever hurt ourselves and no one else.  
I wanted to please him, I did, I wanted him to be happy... but this could not be right, could it? Despite everything, I knew Kvass, and I knew he was aiming to be a good man. He did not deserve having his dreams and hopes destroyed for good.

"I won't," I said. "I'd never forgive myself."

He jerked his hand away suddenly. "Do you not care about us?" he asked, so loudly that I feared people in the palace might hear. "Do I mean so little to you?"

"You mean everything to me!" I said, my voice shaking. "But be reasonable - if it is not him, it's going to be someone else! How many times, do you think, until Father notices that my fiances are all curiously incapable-?"

His gaze dropped from my face, but he kept on shaking his head as if he could drown out the reason of my words like this. Loki was smart - he, too, had to know that there was no escape forever. We had gotten ourselves into a situation that would inevitably break our hearts.  
What was the point of delaying it? For all his faults, Kvass was a good man. I might have a future of being unnerved, but certainly not one of being mistreated. That had to count for something.

I stood, breathing in the smell of damp earth, waiting for his reaction. It was rare to have a rainy day in Asgard, but I thought it suited us well. It especially suited Loki well - in the dimmed light around us, his eyes matched the wet green of the leaves around us.

"What would you have me do, then?" he asked.

"I would have you accept what is not to be changed," I said. "As hard as it is, for both of us. I'd rather relish in what we have for as long as possible than spend the rest of my freedom fighting with you over this."

Loki scrunched his face and raised a hand to drag through his hair. I watched while his fingers clenched around the strands, watched until he had his features back under control.  
"You might be contend to surrender," he said finally. "But I am not."

I never enjoyed seeing him walk away, but this time, I hated it. I called out for him as he made for the way back to the palace and he looked over his shoulder at me.

"No," he said. "I will fix this for us."

I did not have the chance to plead with Loki again - the days leading up to the Harvest Festival were busy as ever and both of us were somehow worked into the proceedings.  
Asgard was neither very large nor did it have the optimal climate for farming, and therefore, every crop was worth celebrating. The guests from foreign realms would bring gifts of their own - bread and fruit and the like - to be distributed in the streets.

Kvass had insisted that we attend the distribution and my agreement had clearly calmed his fury. The wide plaza in front of the palace was filled with people, all of them decorated in flowers and similar things. I saw one man who had braided strands of grapes into his beard and a girl whose entire dress was made out of crops.

We gave away the presents, basket after basket, fruit after fruit. For once, I had the people of Asgard smiling. It was hard to concentrate, though, because down the street, Loki kept glancing at me as he was distributing his own baskets. Sensing him from that distance was not easy, but he was tense with anticipation.

"It seems the Lady Sigyn has taken a liking to your brother," Kvass said suddenly.

I followed his gaze and indeed - the girl's eyes were fixed on Loki while she handed a farmer next to her a bowl of seeds. Clearly, my crushing of her hopes had not been thorough enough.  
She had to be so naive - no matter how lovestruck, she had to know that any other girl in Asgard would have better chances than her. Before all of them, of course, came I.

"How foolish," I said, but my voice refused to sound as light as I wanted it to be.

"Why?" Kvass asked, looking at me in mild surprise. "She seems to be a nice girl, as fine as any. Don't you wish for your brother to find love?"

My stomach turned at the question. No, I did not wish for my brother to find love. He already had found it and even though it could never be and even though it would make both of us miserable forever - I did not ever want him to turn away from me. It was selfish and petty, but the thought of him with another girl made me sick. I did not think I could bear it.

"I wish my brother every happiness," I answered. "But not with her. My brother deserves someone _special_."

"Special?" Kvass repeated. "Like who?"

I sent him a look that was hopefully disapproving, though my heart started beating violently against my ribcage. What if he suspected? What if he knew?

"Like who?" he asked again, his voice more quiet but all the more urgent. "Like _you_?"

The basket I carried plummeted to the earth, the peas it held spilling on the brick floor below. They were a soft green, almost the shade of Loki's eyes in the sun. My heart, already beating violently, raced even faster, so much that pain spread through my chest.

"What?" I breathed.

"I am right, aren't I?" Kvass demanded as my arms wrapped around me to protect against his suddenly hard eyes. "You and he - you and your brother!"

Norns, Father would have my head! Who knew what he would do to Loki when Kvass told him... I found myself suddenly short of air, shaking my head helplessly at Kvass.  
"You don't know what you're saying!" I pleaded.

Suddenly, I was stumbling forward and it took me a moment to realize why - Loki had grabbed my arm and pushed me forward. I stared at his fingertips, digging into my skin so deep that it turned white, but there was no pain.  
His other hand was wrapped around Kvass' throat, guiding the man as steadily as he was me. Kvass sputtered and choked, but no one turned to help him. Only when I thought of it did I feel the familiar pull of magic. Loki was shielding us from their view and probably from Heimdall's.

With everyone preoccupied on the plaza, the small streets and alleys leading up to it were deserted. Loki pushed us into one of them, barely far enough not to be noticed before he let go of me.  
Kvass hit the wall with a bang, Loki pressing him to it at the neck. Kvass was clawing at his arm, but he stood no chance against my brother's strength.

Then there was the dagger.  
I screeched and darted forward as quickly as my feet would carry me. My fingers wrapped around Loki's wrist, but my attempt to pull the weapon away was as futile as Kvass' struggle.

"Let go," Loki growled.

"No," I said breathlessly. "You can't hurt him... don't kill him."

His dagger cut into Kvass' flash, causing blood to spill around the blade. Kvass' struggle ceased completely as he tried to mold into the reddish wall behind him.

"Why?" Loki demanded, his gaze never moving from the small wound he had created.

"It's going to be a mess," I said. "They're going to know."

Loki jerked his head to me and I held his gaze, even though I still felt dizzy. My heartbeat was still drumming away at a deranged speed and my head wa spinning - but if Loki killed him, we would be in so much more trouble than we already were.

"He knows," Loki said pointedly.

"Yes, I gathered," I told him. "You still can't kill him."

"Please," Kvass piped up, his voice shaking as was his body. "I won't tell."

Loki sneered at him - it was an ugly sight and one that made my blood run cold with fear. In this moment, I did not doubt that my brother would kill Kvass if I let him. I would not. Even if I did not have any qualms about killing, which I did have, it would not be a solution at all.  
A corpse would mean an investigation, and though Loki was smart, I did not think that he could commit the perfect crime and not be found.

"Loki," I whispered. "Please."

"He'll tell," he hissed back.

"He won't," I said with a look to Kvass, who was shaking his head as frantically as he could with a blade pressed to his throat.

Loki's voice raised with every word he spoke. "How do you know?" he yelled and I flinched slightly at his shouting. "The moment I let him go, he'll run to the Allfather and tell on us!"

My eyes darted from Loki to Kvass and back. He had a point. I did not trust Kvass one bit and we could not be sure that he would not spill the beans to our father the moment our backs were turned.

"Then let's make him forget," I said. "Make him forget and break off the engagement. Loki, _please_."

He stared at me, chest heaving with heavy breaths, his eyebrows drawn together in concentration. I suddenly felt like a small child again, desperate for my big brother's approval. My plans had never rivaled his own, but just this once, he seemed to approve.  
After a few tense moments, Loki nodded at me and the dagger was inched back, allowing Kvass but the most minuscule of rooms to move.

"You are lucky," Loki told him. "That my sister is more merciful than I am."

The dagger disappeared and instead, Loki's hands shot out, clasping Kvass' head between them. Kvass screamed yet again, attempting to bite and claw, but once more, Loki was not swayed.  
He was pulling so much energy from me already, so when he took my magic yet again, my legs crumbled beneath me. From the floor, I watched as Kvass' contorted face went curiously blank. Loki let him go with a jolt, causing his head to snap back against the wall.

Loki turned and held out his hand for me, pulling me back to my feet effortlessly. I fell into him and he lifted me into his arms, hushing me gently as I clutched onto him.  
Kvass was moaning in pain, but when he looked at me, his expression showed no sign of recognition. Could it be over?

"Don't ever force me to look at you again," Loki said coldly before he started his way back towards the palace.

I buried my head in the crook of his neck, barring my last look at the man I had been supposed to marry. It was over.

* * *

 **Review! Pretty please with a cherry on top? Also: Happy New Year!**


	17. Heir to the Throne

**Thanks to everyone who read, fav'd, alerted and most of all to Belco, SavySnape7, chocolateisoverated, Mari Clair Roemajji Celts, , ThoseEvilDucks and guests "Guest" (I'm glad you enjoy it! Also, it was not much of a sex scene, but I promise more kisses ;)), "Isi" (not a case of total amnesia, but he's probably not quite the same anymore - it doesn't matter too much! We're nowhere near the punchline yet!) and "Scarlett" (Glad you still enjoy it!) for reviewing!**

* * *

 **Heir to the Throne**

* * *

Kvass disappeared from the realm from one moment to the other, without any notice or explanation, without so much as a word of goodbye to the princess or her parents. At least, that is what it seemed like to everyone else.

Things shifted in his wake. Before, the best I could hope for from the people of Asgard was indifference, though more often than not, I was met with distrust and fear. Now, the people looked upon me with sympathy. They smiled when I walked by and they told me that I deserved better. Everyone that had adored Kvass before suddenly hated him with a passion.

Even Mother was boiling with anger, which was a strange sight. She usually only got angry at our father, but even then, it was tinged with affection and she never let us see the worst of it.

"Oh dear," she said whenever the topic came up. "It is not your fault."

I always told her that I knew that, even though it kind of was my fault. She seemed satisfied with that and so I took to just going along with what everyone was saying about Kvass. I even laughed when Thor called him a disgusting bilgesnipe.

It was enjoyable, I decided, to be left at the altar without any of the heartache. For a few weeks, I could do no wrong, not even in the eyes of my father.  
I could come and go as I pleased, do as I pleased and no one even mentioned another marriage. Loki was ecstatic with the new status-quo and his enthusiasm overtook me effortlessly. For once, things were good.

It should have been obvious that things would not stay that way.

It was one of those absolutely awkward moments. We sat together in the living room of our parents' chambers, Thor, Loki and I, silently awaiting whatever our father had to announce. Mother stood behind the large loveseat he was sitting on, her fingers gently massaging his shoulders. My father rubbed a hand through his tired face, tracing carefully around the eye-patch.  
Father had seemed weary for a while. It had been centuries since he had last fallen into Odinsleep, in fact, I barely remembered the last time.

Loki's brows were furrowed as he watched the scene and as we exchanged a look, I could feel the worry radiating off him. The atmosphere was tense, tenser than it had been in long. This could not be good.

"I am getting old," our father announced finally.

Thor let out an awkward laugh and Loki shook his head. It caused our father's lips to twitch, though it did not develop into a proper smile. He hardly ever smiled properly.

"Please," he said before any of us could actually protest. "I am. When the time for my next sleep comes, I want to know that the realm is in good hands."

Loki shifted next to me. "I am sure Mother will-"

"No," Father said, shaking his head. Again, a smile pulled at the edges of his mouth. "It is time for my son to take the throne."

Both my brother stiffened and I looked between them. Loki's expression was a guarded as ever, not a single emotion betrayed. Thor's face, on the other hand, shone with open excitement.

"Thor," our father said. "I am sure you will be as great a king as your forefathers."

It seemed that it took a second until the news sank into Thor's consciousness. A large grin spread on my brother's face while my stomach turned.  
My eyes shot back to Loki whose jaw was quivering slightly. Our eyes met and for just a moment, I could feel all of his anger and desperation - and then, it was just gone. It was like he had cleared his mind, wiped it clean just as he did his expression. The smile he plastered on his face id not quite ring true.

"Brother," Loki said finally. "Congratulations."

Our mother smiled slightly at that. "I trust you will support him, Loki," she said.

"Right," Thor said, reaching over me to clap Loki on the shoulder. "You will be my most trusted advisor!"

Loki inclined his head, his emotional state still curiously numb. Once again, our gazes locked. His eyes betrayed nothing, either, but I was not that easily fooled. Loki was at his most dangerous when he was calm - like a cat, laying low, fully concentrated on its pray before it finally did strike.

"It seems we are all facing a bright future," he said finally as he shook off Thor's hand. Fortunately, our brother was too high on his new found glory to notice.  
When his hand fell from Loki's shoulder, Thor wrapped it around me instead. I turned back to hug him when I realized that I had yet to offer my congratulations.

"I am proud of you," I said and it was not even that much of a lie. I loved my brother very much and this was his life's greatest ambition: to become the king he had been raised to be.  
Yet, I could not imagine an prince less suited to rule than Thor. If anything, he still needed time - what was Father thinking, handing the throne over already? He could not possibly feel that old, could he?

When we were excused, Loki pulled me along. His steps were decisive, not even the teleportation could deter him in his stride.  
Thor was so excited about the news, we could not be certain to remain alone should we go anywhere where we could be found by him. Without consulting me, Loki had decided on a place where our brother would never come looking for us.

He had us appear deep in the library, so far off that not even the loudest echo would fight its way to the front. His hurried steps from the corridors transformed into pacing instantly.  
Loki had kept a hold on his emotions while we had faced our parents, and I was thankful for it - I was not apt at handling the overwhelming nature of his emotions yet. Now that we were alone, his anger erupted, as if the lid had flown off a carefully bottled can.

The sudden onslaught made me feel nauseous, especially since the anger was laced with something else: a deep sadness, dizzying in the way it turned my stomach.

Loki's posture was stiff and his muscles tense, which made his movements seem slightly off. I could not bear to watch it for long.  
Instead, I sat down with my back against one of the mile-high bookshelves and pinched the bridge of my nose in the hope of blocking out Loki's anger.

Any lesser floor would have bowed beneath the unrelenting path, but the dark Asgardian ash withstood until Loki noticed that I had sat down. He stopped in his tracks, his brows drawing together while I peeked up at him at the sudden lack of movement.

"Are you all right?" he asked finally.

My lips twitched slightly at that. "Your anger is all powerful," I told him. "And not easy to withstand."

He pressed his eyes closed and I watched his fist clench and open rhythmically. He looked barely restrained, but did calm down inside. I breathed a deep sigh of relief, feeling the kind of relaxation that came when pain suddenly lessened.  
Now that I settled, I had the chance to think and sort through the feelings raining down on me. I thought my own was mostly disbelief - disbelief that Father would bestow this honour on Thor, _now_ , and disbelief that Mother would go along with it.

"I apologize," Loki said, his eyes still shut tightly. "My temper seems to have gotten the better of me."

"Tis not surprising," I answered and his eyes flew open to look at me. "I am upset as well."

"You are?"

I sighed heavily and pulled my knees up to wrap my arms around them. My chin rested on my knees and I watched Loki's fingers tremble as his fests unclenched.  
"It might be hard to believe," I said. "But I do care about the good of the realm. Father choosing Thor, now, is-"

My sentence never got finished. Loki's fingers had pulled together again - a scream tore from his lips and was then torn from me as well. The scrolls behind me, dangerously close to my head, had suddenly caught fire, sizzling and cracking, the flames reaching greedily around.

I scrambled away, patting hurriedly over my hair and clothes to make sure nothing had caught fire. Loki cursed loudly. A sure wipe of his hand extinguished the flames, but they had tasted at least ten scrolls.  
The bruised papers were still fuming slightly while I breathed heavily, trying to calm my violently beating heart. So much for controlling his anger.

My eyes searched Loki again as he raked a hand through his hair. He was curiously pale, making for a stark contrast of his white fingers against the darkness of his locks.

"Odin's Beard," I whispered. "That didn't happen in long."

Loki hissed through his teeth, but held out a hand to pull me up from where I sat in an undignified heap on the floor. I gladly took his hand - he was unusually cold, too, the usual sizzle of his magic replaced by the slight sting of frost.

"Are you hurt?" he asked.

I shook my head. "No - are you?"

His eyes did look hurt, but it was pain of the soul and not of the body. His hands travelled down my arms and I did not protest despite the chill they left behind. It seemed like a comforting gesture for me, but it was more for his sake than mine.

"The old man has gone mad," he said finally. "Putting Thor on the throne, he'll make us all _extinct_ within the century!"

My lips parted, but no sound escaped. If Loki noticed my lack of answer, he was not deterred by it. His grip on me tightened slightly before he continued on.

"And what of me?" he demanded. "If either of us is ready for the throne, it is me!"

I drew in a sharp breath. Until this moment, I had not yet thought of that. Thor was undoubtedly ill suited for the throne and perhaps, Loki would be the better option - but then he had just made a set of ancient scrolls explode in his anger and that was not much better than the fits Thor tended to throw.  
Perhaps neither of them was ready for the throne. Perhaps the best solution would be for our father to hold onto the crown for a little while longer.

It was obvious to me that Loki would not want to hear any of these things - instead, his gaze was urgent, demanding a positive response and it left me speechless.

"Loki," I breathed.

"Don't you agree?" he demanded.

"I - I don't know what to say," I confessed.

His eyes narrowed me and I had to scramble to hold onto him as he stepped backwards. My hands grabbed onto his cloak and I tugged slightly to enforce my point.  
"What would you have me say?" I asked. "I'm not overly fond of the idea to have Thor for our king but this is the Allfather's decision!"

Loki huffed. "The Allfather's decision, which robbed me of my life's purpose without so much as a word of consolation! As if I had never been considered an option! And instead? Thor, that blundering fool-"

I shook my head frantically, my fingers tightening on him while I stepped closer. "Loki, I beg of you - what you say is treason! You can't talk of this to anyone else!"

His hands, before so rigidly held at his sides, came up to take my face between them. His green eyes were still shining with the frantic urge from before, but they softened as our gazes met.  
To be quite honest, Loki scared me like this - this angry and this adamant about getting what he wanted. In this case, even what he wanted scared me.  
But Loki always protected me when bad things were about to happen to me and when I was about to do foolish things. I wanted to do the same thing for him. More importantly, I had to.

"Fine," Loki whispered. "I won't breathe a word. It will be one of our secrets."

Our lips met, a short, sweet encounter, barely there for it lasted so short. When he pulled back, the chaos had melted off his face and I breathed a sigh of relief.  
Loki's lips twitched and he brought me to him again, the meeting of our lips more insistent this time.  
One of his hands glided down to my neck, his fingers pressing gently into my skin and holding me in place against him. Not that I would ever have wanted to move away.  
His kiss wipe my mind clean - there was nothing but his body pressed into mine, his hair between my fingertips, his smell invading every cell of me.

"LOKI? EIRLYS?"

Neither of us had heard the footsteps approaching, even though the sound of Sif's heavy boots must have carried through the halls for a long time.  
I jumped backwards, hoping to put an appropriate distance between us just before she turned the corner.

It was hard to tell how much time had passed since we had parted ways with Thor, but if Sif's appearance was anything to go by, they had been celebrating. Her hair was loose, her cheeks flushed and she was wearing a loose tunic and pants instead of her usual armour.

While my heart was still racing from the sudden fright, Sif stopped to take us in. I looked to Loki, but his eyes were fixed on the shelf with the blackened scrolls.

"We've been looking for you," Sif announced, her voice ore friendly than she usually used to speak to us. "Thor has sent us out to search for you!"

"Well, good call looking here," Loki said. "You found us."

Sif rolled her eyes at him. "All right, then. We're celebrating! Come join your brother - it's his greatest day so far!"

Loki's jaw clenched visibly. "We are busy," he announced.

Sif was quite clearly not pleased. In her state of intoxication and without her weapon, she was not dangerous, but Sif _was_ a force to be reckoned with. Who knew what she would do once she got the chance and who knew what she would figure out by observing us, despite the circumstances.

"But we'll be there soon," I assured her. "Wouldn't miss it for the realm."

Sif's expression softened and she nodded to me. I brushed a hand against Loki's arm as I passed him. We had an awful lot of secrets between us and we had to keep all of them. No matter what.

* * *

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	18. The Waltz of Treachery

**Thanks to everyone who read, fav'd, alerted and most of all to chocoateisoverated, ThoseEvilDucks and Mari Clair Roemajji Celts for reviewing!**

* * *

 **The Waltz of Treachery**

* * *

Apparently, planning a coronation took up even more time than planning a wedding. Father did not even contemplate having it done in half a year, though he had half the realm jumping into action the day after he had announced his decision to us.

A week after, the seamstress came to me and wanted to prepare the dress for the coronation. Sigyn and Nanna were already talking about hairstyles. The Warrior's Three wanted to have new armours for the occasion, though Volstagg complained that he could not know just how much his belly would grow in the meantime.  
Personally, I would be more worried about what would get stuck in his beard in the meantime, but to each their own.

Loki had launched himself into studying. He hoped to learn everything he could about the realms our brother was soon to rule. In contrast to Thor, Loki had always been interested in the workings of Yggdrassil. I could not remember a time when Loki had not been knowledgeable about these things and about Father's politics - he would always explain them to me when we were younger.  
Now, he wanted to know even more and he became like a sponge, soaking every bit and piece up.

"At least one of us has to know these things," he said when I complained about his lack of attention for me. "We can't count on Thor being diplomatic."

By the Norns, he was right, but I still missed him when he buried himself in the library or his chambers, with no patience whatsoever for anything but the books he was so engrossed in.  
It made me more irritable than usual. Luckily, people still remembered how I had been left by my fiance and wrote it off to the supposed trauma that had inflicted.

I wished that this was what was driving mad, because then, at least, I could have talked about it to any number of people - anyone would have listened, my mother, my brother, any girl that passed my way.

As it was, no one could know and it was eating me up from the inside. The longer I was separated from Loki, the more horrible I felt. I made myself sick, every time I thought about how Loki felt against me, inside me, every time I longed to be in his presence, every time my heart ached because _I loved him so much_.  
Something had to be wrong with me, with us. Perhaps it was a disease, some illness of the mind - perhaps it _was_ the lure of magic, present so long before we had ever merged.

"I doubt anyone would want to kiss that lip if it is bleeding," a voice suddenly called out. I looked up while Fandral plopped down onto the bench next to me. It was the middle of the day, so not many were present in the great dining hall and the long wooden benches and tables were mostly deserted. The rest followed him at once - Sif and Hogun sitting down on the opposite side of the table and Volstagg descending on my right side, making the bench shake. I wished they had chosen a separate table and not bothered me.

"With all due respect, my lady," Fandral finished his thought.

"What are you doing here?" I asked lightly, ignoring the fact that Fandral probably felt no ounce of respect for me. "Shouldn't you be in the training grounds?"

Sif sighed exaggeratedly. "Volstagg was hungry," she said.  
Proving her point, Volstagg grabbed onto his full-laden plate and started to gulp down the food he had piled on it. I blinked, slightly disgusted with the display and turned back to Sif.

"And what of my brother?" I asked.

All of them groaned at that question, though Volstagg's noise could have been in response to whatever was currently in his mouth. A bit of it dropped out and crumbled down his beard and belly.

"I don't know when he last trained," Sif said with a shake of her head. "He gets easily distracted."

"Have you seen the girl?" Fandral demanded, leaning towards her across the table. "Who would not want to bury his face between-"

"Please," I said before he could finish that sentence. "I would rather not know where you like to bury your face."

He waggled his eyebrows at me and I was glad that Loki was not here to see it. Not that I thought Fandral desirable in any way, but Loki did have a jealous streak... much like I had when it came to him.

My fingers wrapped around the edge of the bench beneath me, my knuckles turning white with how hard I gripped it. My stomach had turned yet again. Why had I made it so that I could not think of my own brother as just that?

"Anyway," Sif said with a pointed look to Fandral. "He disappeared with that girl and we have not seen him since."

Her lips pressed tightly together and I shot her a sympathetic look - it could not be easy for her, seeing Thor disappearing so carelessly with someone else. Hogun reached out to put a hand on her shoulder, but she shrugged it off, prompting a heavy sigh from Fandral. Volstagg was still inhaling his meal.

"Right," Fandral said. "Maybe you can tell us off Loki, milady. We haven't seen him, either - is there a girl, too, after all? It would be about time-"

My lips curled and I had to let out a sharp breath. "Not that I'm aware of," I said

"Ah, look at that," Sif said. Until this moment, she had obviously been too caught up with her own emotional turmoil to be a bitch, but now she was back. "They are fighting again."

My heart clenched at the way she said it. As if it was something inevitable - and as if it was something that amused her. I did not need or want Sif to be my best friend, but was it too much to ask for her to be cordial?  
I was about to tell her just that, when the doors to the hall opened again and my brother strut in. Thor, that was, his arm wrapped about the shoulders of a crudely under-dressed girl.

She was slim - though her breasts were obese - and not very pretty apart from that. She kept holding the remnants of her dress up, but had to let go every now and again to flip her light brown hair backwards, while she giggled at whatever Thor said. Mother would be furious if she were to see this display.

"Quite the contrary," I said in response to Sif and nodded my head to direct her attention away from me and at the new arrivals. "I know which brother I prefer."

"Oh dear," Volstagg suddenly said.

He was absolutely right - while the hall had not been crowded, a few of the tables towards the entrance had been taken while we were talking and one of the patrons had clearly noticed Thor and the girl.  
It was an elderly man, but broad and great in his anger. His facial features were nothing special but the crookedness of his nose was very similar to that of the girl. If I had to wager a guess, I would have said that he was her father.

The group around me was clearly worried about the development while the man approached my brother. The girl broke from his embrace, shrinking in her stance.  
As far off as we sat, it was hard to make out what was said, even when they started to shout - my brother's booming voice echoed uncomfortably and was thus made incomprehensible. It was not very hard to follow what was happening, though - the man was not pleased with the touching of his daughter and Thor, as always, was not pleased with being told what to do.

I shrieked when Thor's hand drew back, though, and his fist flew and smacked the man straight in the face. He went down, blood splashing around, his nose probably broken.  
The girl dropped to the floor beside her father while my brother shook his hand almost dismissively. Without another look at the man he had wounded, Thor turned on the spot and left the hall as he had come, strutting confidently.

"Norns help us," I said. "That's our future king."

I ignored Loki's warning not to disturb him that night. Long after everyone else had gone to bed and the doors had been closed by the maids, my magic transported me into Loki's chambers, right onto the fluffy carpet in front of his bed.  
I had expected Loki to already be resting, but he was still up, his studying only lightened by one candle sitting on his desk. The fireplace was already extinguished, all other lamps equally shut down.

He flinched slightly when he noticed my presence. It was one of those rare moments when I had managed to surprise him - incidents I cherished because how slim the chance was.  
Loki twisted in his chair to take me in, green eyes raking up and down, but clearly not approving. I waved my hand, causing the darkness to diminish - the spell caused a light off itself, independent of any fire and candle and I liked it very much.

"Leave me," he demanded as he squinted due to the sudden light.

"No," I said. "We have things to discuss."

Loki groaned, but he did leave his chair - he did kick it over in his frustration, though. It landed with a loud clank on the marble floor, the backrest splintering in the process.  
Loki stood, watching the havoc, his cheeks pulling inward as he bit on them before he relaxed, his facial features taking on the usual blankness.

I watched the whole display in silence. As he calmed, I walked forward and reached out to touch him, to stroke his arms. His eyes closed and he allowed me, for a moment, to also see how he felt - awfully tired, being the most important.

"I saw Thor today," I told him. "He... He was a fool. His actions were of little consequence today, but they were harsh and uncalled for and stupid."  
Almost of their own accord, my fingers gripped tighter onto Loki. "I fret for Asgard's fate. He cannot be king!"

Loki's eyes shot open, green gaze drawing me in immediately. "You called this treason not a week ago."

Before I knew it, I was chewing on my lower lip. He was right - I had called it treason, for the very reason that it was the right name for what we were thinking.  
It was wrong and disloyal, to our brother at least. Perhaps it was the right and loyal thing to do where the good of the realm was concerned. Our people, our home. Was not our duty to them rather than our family?

"Treason it might be, but I fear his foolishness more than whatever punishment will be bestowed on us," I said. "You have a plan, don't you? I want in."

He sighed and stepped away from my touch. "Why do you think I have a plan?"

I smiled slightly. "Because you're... you."

Loki's lips twitched and I realized I was on the right track. He turned his back to me, and his long fingers reached out to brush the book he had left open on the table.

"Loki," I said softly. "Please."

He hummed and with a flesh was back against me, his fingers tilting my chin up. "I love it when you beg me," he said.  
I did not resist when he molded our lips together. In that moment, all my doubts, all the self-loathing that built up when we were separated was swept away, replaced only by desire for him.

But I knew an attempt to distract me when I encountered it, so I interrupted his progress when he pulled me closer. "Stop," I said and he let his head dropped against my shoulder, nuzzling against my neck. "I'm serious... Tell me your plan."

Loki groaned, but he raised his head and stepped backwards. Once more, he eyed me up and down and I kept the most determined expression that I could muster.  
He released a heavy breath and reached behind him to grab the book from his desk. He held it out to me and I leant forward to see what it said.

It did not say much at all - in fact, it contained a drawing. It showed a blue, rectangular box, covered in strange carvings that I could not identify.

"It's the Casket of Ancient Winters," Loki explained at my confused look.

I blinked at him. "All right," I said. "What about it?"

He inclined his head slightly before he pulled the book back and put it out of the way, snapping it shut without care. "Do you know how it came into our possession?"

"Of course," I said. "Father took it when we were last at war with Jotunheim, a thousand or so years ago - everyone knows that. But why does it matter?"

Loki smiled slightly, but inside, he was buzzing - I recognized the feeling, a mixture of impatience and excitement, the same feeling he always got when he was about to play a prank on someone. He could not wait to see how it played out.  
"I plan to interrupt the coronation," he said. "Thor's always been a sore loser, denying him his great day will make him furious and prone to do dumb things."

My eyebrows pulled together in coronation - Loki clearly had a plan that made sense to him, but I could not seem to figure it out. I gestured for him to continue and he laughed at my confusion.

"It has to be something of importance, you see? Coronations don't get interrupted for spilled wine goblets - but if the Jotuns were to break into Asgard-"

My stomach dropped and I think my face fell with it. "Have you gone mad?" I demanded.

"Just a few of them," Loki clarified, in a tone that suggested I was being absolutely ridiculous. "They'll be crushed at once - but it will interrupt everything and with any luck, Thor will do something stupid and convince our father to rethink his choices."

My lips were hurting with how much I chewed on them. It could work, so much I had to give Loki, but it was also incredibly risk. And who knew if Thor would raise to the bait, who knew if there would be _any_ outcome?  
Loki's eyes were shining with mischief, though, and I wondered - was this really about the good of the realm or only about his jealousy? It would interrupt the coronation, all right, but would it free the realm of the impending doom?

"The casket will be the bait," Loki continued, oblivious to my doubts. "It was their main power source, the Jotuns won't be able to resist."

"Brother," I said softly. "Are you sure about this?"

His eyes narrowed at me and I was reminded, yet again, that Loki could be dangerous if he wanted to be. I looked away, sighing heavily.  
There was anger in him due to my words, but more crushing was the surge of disappointment that had shot through him and thus through me.

"Well, you don't have to help," he said. "I do well on my own, thank you very much."

I glanced at him again and shook my head. I was not at all sure if this plan of his was a good idea, but I most certainly could not let him do this on his own - who knew how far he would go, who knew the dangers he would get himself into. He needed my support, if not more.  
Besides, if this was the plan Loki had come up with, then perhaps there was no better one. Perhaps there was no better way to sway our father and keep Thor from becoming king. Loki was the master of such things, after all.

"No," I said. "No, I want to help - count me in."

* * *

 **I know the last two chapters have been a bit filler, but they are necessary set-up! I promise more action soon!  
If you still enjoyed the chapter, please do leave a review, it would make me very happy :)**


	19. Frozen

**Thanks to everyone who read, fav'd, alerted and most of all to Mari Clair Roemajji Celts and "Guest" (I'm glad you enjoy! You'll see a lot more if you stick around ;)) for reviewing!  
I hope this chapter will inspire a few more people to review :P**

* * *

 **Frozen**

* * *

"I will not let you go alone!" I hissed.

Loki wrapped his thick, black coat tighter around himself - pale as he was in the dark, his face shone almost like a ghost's between clothing and hair. He looked as if he felt cold already and I shivered, myself.

After a week of hopefully inconspicuous searching, Loki had found a portal that would lead into the depths of Jotunheim. The plan was risky - neither of us had any idea if the Frost Giants would ever want to cooperate, if they would even be willing to listen to two Asgardian royals appearing in their midst.

Which was why Loki had decided, for himself and without telling me, that he would go alone. If he thought I would abandon him so easily, he was sorely mistaken.  
Fear was something that my brother very rarely felt, but there was no doubt that the sense of dread, the twist of my stomach I had experienced was his and not mine. My feet had carried me quickly, then.

I had caught him in the hallways and after our hissed arguing had grown too loud even for our own ears, he had pulled me into the kitchens, which were deserted in the dead of night.

"I'm not letting you come," he shot back.

"Then we're at an impasse," I said, leaning against one of the brick stone counters. It was cold to the touch now without any fire to warm it. I shuddered again at the though of visiting the realm of ice.

"You're the most stubborn girl I have ever-"

"And you're the most stupid man!" I interrupted.

He blinked at me in surprise. I had never called him stupid before, at least not in earnest and not since we had been children. It was usually pointless to say such things to him because they were so obviously untrue. Today, though, Loki seemed to be as much of an oaf as our brother.

"Stupid?" he repeated.

"Just think about it!" I said. The sudden urge to move drove me forward and I started pacing while I explained. "You'll barge into Jotunheim - you! Odin's son - a warrior! They'll attack you without second thought!"

He pursed his lips, and almost rolled his eyes at me. "I will not go with my sword drawn-"

"Your reputation precedes you!" I continued, my voice rising slightly to drone him out. "Everyone knows about the magic tricks, they'll attack even if they don't see any weapons!"

He stopped my pacing by grabbing my arms tightly. I slammed to a halt while his fingertips dug painfully into my skin. "All the more reason for you to stay behind," he said.

"No!" I shook my head at him, imploring him to understand. The Jotuns were a violent people, but they were not mindless beasts. They were smart enough to make political decisions and not just kill everything that came into sight. "My presence will make them hesitate! A princess is so much more worth as a bait rather than dead - it will at least make them wait long enough for us to talk!"

Green eyes observed me closely, darting over my face, which hopefully showed the determination within me. It was not that I wished to go to Jotunheim - nothing could be further from my heart, but it did not much matter what I felt about it. I could not let Loki go on his own, perhaps never to return. The urge to protect him was stronger than any fear I felt.

"You don't have any idea how to fight-"

"I don't need to fight," I reiterated. "I need to talk - diplomacy to the queen and war to the king, isn't that right?"

I watched his adam's apple bob as he swallowed hard, his eyes closing tightly as if to block out what was bound to happen.  
"I worry for you," he said finally.

My heart fluttered at the confession and the warmth of my affection spread through me. The night around me did not seem quite as cold anymore.

"Then you better do your best to protect me," I answered. "You wouldn't want your sister to get eaten by monsters, would you?"

He grinned at me. "I don't care about my sister," he said. "But I'd really miss you in my bed."

I gently slapped at him and his hand came up to cover mine as it hit his chest. My eyes darted to his fingers and then back up to his face.  
He was smiling slightly, but it looked strained - he worried, still, and his dread was mixing with my own fear. His fingers tightened around mine when he read my expression as well as my emotions. I breathed a heavy sigh at that.

"It'll be all right." I tried to assure him as well as myself. "We'll be together and it will be all right."

There were countless portals spread throughout the realms, but they were not known to many. Loki claimed that he had been sneaking around, finding them to see where they lead, since childhood. Since I knew he had spent his childhood either studying with me or training with Thor, I found that hard to believe, but indulged him.

To his credit, he did find a portal, not far from the place we had merged all those months ago. We climbed through the hedge again, once more hidden from Heimdall's view and started out through the forest.  
My chest was tight and my breath was sharp, but my spirits lifted slightly at the familiar atmosphere. Loki's expression was a numb as his mind seemed to be whenever he looked back to me. His steps were certain, brisk, but his whole form was tense.

The portal turned out to be little more than a whole in the ground - a cave, dropping down into the earth among harsh rocks. Whatever was beneath us vanished out of sight a few feet below, descending into never ending darkness.

"We have to drop?" I asked.

"Problem?" Loki shot back, though his voice was hoarse, which made the stab sound a bit lackluster.

My tongue darted out to wet my suddenly dry lips. "Are you sure?"

"As sure as I can be," he said. "Do I need to push you?"

My breath came out ragged as I looked back down into the void beneath us. If Loki was right and this was a portal, everything would be just fine. If he was wrong, I would be jumping to my certain death.  
I trusted Loki implicitly, but there was just a tiny shimmer of doubt. Just enough for me to whisper, "I think you must."

He did not hesitate. Loki reached out and, with a firm push, shoved me over the edge. Despite the fact that I had counted on it, a scream tore from my lips as I tumbled into the abyss.  
My stomach dropped seconds before I did and then everything was a whirl of blackness. I had never known there could be so many shades of black.

It is hard to tell time when you are falling, because it is both a rush and the longest time you can ever experience. I fell for what felt like ages and seconds at the same time and when I was sure that I would hit the ground soon, my bones crumbling and my body shattering, I felt it.  
It was the sudden pull of magic, jerking me suddenly sideways rather than down. It felt as if I was an arrow, let loose by ancient power.

Then, there was the cold. I did not land hard - in fact I landed soft - but wet. It took a moment for me to realize that I was laying face-down in snow.  
My arms stretched out and my fingers dug into the snow beneath me. My fingertips and my face were instantly freezing cold, tingling with the biting sensation. I pressed down to push myself up.

My world spun for a moment as I straightened. What came into focus when the black patches in my vision cleared was not what I expected.  
I was sitting in a wide, open field. The parts that were not covered in snow were of a blueish grey rock, sticking out of the white carpet with rough edges. Some rose only enough to maybe reach my knees, others towered high above my head.  
In the distance, my eyes found mountains made out of the same rock, but at a much nearer distance, there was a river - or at least I assumed it was. It was frozen, its surface a bright, sparkling blue that shone even in the moonlight. There was never snow in Asgard. I had not known until that moment that I missed it.

I felt Loki's presence the moment he arrived, tumbling no more gracefully than I had into the snow, but I did not spare him more than a fleeting glance.  
My eyes were still trying to take in everything around me. This place was raw and cold and unforgiving, but Norns help me, it was beautiful. There was incredible beauty in the harshness of this place, where there was _nothing_ instead of the _everything_ I was used to.

"You all right?" Loki's voice was quiet, almost quiet enough to be carried away, unnoticed, by the wind. It was howling, hugging me tightly.

"Yes," I said. "I am simply in awe."

"Don't be sentimental," he said. His eyes were darting around in a very different manner. While I was looking at things, he was looking _for_ things. He probably expected the Frost Giants to jump from behind the next rock any second.

"Where to?" I asked.  
It would not do to dwell in this place for too long. If we stayed, we were more likely to freeze than anything else. At least getting eaten by Frost Giants was a faster way to die.

Loki sighed, looked up to the moon shining brightly above us and shrugged. "We'll just follow our nose."

When I huffed, my breath pooled in front of me as a little cloud of dust. "Good to know you're prepared."

His jaw clenched and then he trudged away. I hurried to follow him while he did, indeed, go exactly where his nose pointed. It was not as easy as I had thought, for my feet sank deep into soft snow beneath me.

"Spare me the attitude," Loki said when I caught up to him. "You were the one who insisted on coming."

"Good thing, too, seeing as you came here without any knowledge or directions," I said.

He stopped in his tracks and I ran straight into him. He stood stock-still, glaring at me and I wondered why he did not shiver. Was he not cold? As freezing as it was, the cold even seeped through my enchanted cloak. It was so cold that the air burned in my lungs and cut into my skin.

"Will you stop?" he demanded. "I do very well on my own, thank you very much-"

Then there was the roar. It echoed from many directions, a giant, earth-shaking sound. It was as if the ground itself was rustling.  
Loki pushed me behind him, but it was fruitless. They jumped, much as I had feared, from behind hills and rocks, and they were terrible.  
Much like the rocks, the Jotuns were blue, with markings, almost like scars covering their tall frames. I had never quite grasped just _how_ tall they would be - but they were not just tall, they were about thrice my brother's height.

My stomach flipped as they charged. There were maybe ten of them, but that number was more than enough to mean our certain death.  
Loki had drawn his sword and he met the first of the giant's swings easily. The sound of splattering metal and ice rang in my ears.

One of them charged at me - it's features were raw, as if hammered into stone. It snarled, raising a fist twice the size of my head to strike at me.  
It was completely instinctual. My hands flew up and my magic did the only thing that it could. Fire exploded in front of me. The Jotun shrieked, a terrible sound of pain that I had never heard before.

Loki groaned in the same moment while he was thrown back. He rolled out of the way of yet another long sword. The Jotuns were yelling at each other, but I could not understand a single word of their language.  
The next one that launched himself at me got his face burnt straight off. Loki stabbed another in the foot. The giant roared, its foot rose.

My brother attempted to scramble away and then howled loudly. Another one had managed to lodge its icy sword in his hand. Blood gushed out when the Jotun pulled at his sword and raised it again.

"STOP!"

The copies of myself, scattered around the wide field were slightly taller than I was and much taller than I felt. They were clad in armour much like my brother's and their voices carried effortlessly over the wind and yelling.

"I am Eirlys of Asgard!" I announced. "And I wish to speak to your king!"

In Asgard, foreign diplomats would have been greeted with honours, even if they had come unannounced and even if we had tried to attack them beforehand.  
This was not the way of the Frost Giants. They had seen proof of my 'witchcraft', or at least so they said, and therefore did not dare lay a hand on me. Loki, though, was dragged behind them, cursing and sputtering all the way.

I was shaking, half of the cold and half of fear, but did not dare look at Loki too often. If they realized how desperate I was to save him, they would exploit that weakness.

Their palace was made of ice. Some parts were so thick that no bit of light came through; others were so light that even the moon came through it like a ray of sun. The light broke in rainbows on the floor.

When their throne came in sight, I squared my shoulders, stealing myself. Even sitting their king towered above everyone else. In comparison to the others, his features were defined, almost regal. His red eyes moved up and down my form, cold and unyielding as was his realm.

I stopped far enough away so that I did not have to crane my neck. Loki was thrown to the ground by my feet and immediately pushed himself up. The wound on his hand was still oozing blood.

"Eirlys of Asgard," their king said. He spoke in heavy accent, his voice rumbling and low. "What matter do you bring to me?"

"It is my brother that seeks you out," I said, gesturing to Loki beside. "It is his urgent matter that brings me before you."

The king leant forward and it was almost as if the mountains themselves had moved. "You attacked my people with witchcraft!"

"I ended a fight," I said. "I never intended to hurt anyone! If only you allow my brother to speak, you will come to understand we mean no harm!"

"Asgardians that mean no harm," the king grumbled. "But very well. Your brother may speak."

Loki stepped forward, his hand cradled tightly to his chest. For someone who had been stabbed, he carried himself exceptionally well. His words were fluent, almost velvety, spinning a picture of a glorious future, of the beauty that was the Casket of Ancient Winters.  
The king's expression was stoic, but his eyes were shining with intrigue. The longer Loki talked, the more relaxed he seemed. It even felt like the air was growing slightly warmer around us.

"And what of your reward?" he asked when Loki had laid his plan open. "What do you get from it?"

Loki's lips twitched slightly. "Let that be our worry," he said. "For now, we only ask to grant us safe conduct as we return to our home."

"Your sister burned my men," the king said. "That hardly merits safe conduct."

Loki's face fell the same moment that my stomach dropped. The stern features of the king had suddenly become malicious as his eyes turned to me.

"They attacked her," Loki started, but I shook my head at him.

The giant's gaze was firmly fixed on me and despite my heart being about to jump out of my chest, I straightened yet again.  
"My brother got stabbed," I said. "That doesn't merit negotiations, either."

The king's eyes narrowed at me. "You are the ones who came into our territory unbidden."

"With a gift, and nothing more," I shot back. "If you harm either of us, you won't get your casket. We can't hide you if we're alone, we can't let you in on our own. So you decide. Take your revenge on me or get your treasure back."

A heavy breath left the king and then another and before we knew it, he had broken out into roaring laughter. The sound shook the walls around us and the earth beneath us.  
Loki swallowed hard, I could see his throat moving. His eyes darted to me - I had never truly seen him afraid, but now his soul was clenched in fear.

"Ah," the king breathed when his laughter died down. "Eirlys of Asgard... You truly are Odin's daughter. You may go and we thank you, both, for your most generous offer. Be sure we will take you up on it."

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	20. Family Portrait

**Thanks to everyone who read, fav'd, alerted and most of all to Savysnape7, , Mari Clair Roemajji Celts and Darth Jar Jar for reviewing!**

 **Chapter 20 already, can you believe it? It feels like I started this story, like, yesterday o.O Anyways, I hope y'all enjoy today's chapter :)**

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 **Family Portrait**

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My skirts spread around me, I sat cross-legged on the floor in front of my mother's fireplace. It was old and richly decorated, much like the rest of her chambers.  
Mother sat across from me, her many notebooks full of spells gathered around us. She leaved through one of them, though her eyes rose every now and again to eye me critically.

I did not know what she was looking for, but I aimed to keep my face as blank as possible. My success was not sure, though - I was no master of lies and deceit like Loki was.  
At another suspicious glance from my mother, I raised an eyebrow at her in question. She sighed and the notebook was lowered into her lap.

"I am merely surprised," she finally conceded. "You said you wouldn't come for my help."

My lips pressed tightly together. It was true, I had said so, afraid that she might discover my sudden leap in power. Our recent trip to Jotunheim had left me quite desperate, though. I needed to learn how to fight and I needed to learn how to heal wounds more efficiently.

Truth be told, I had gone to Eir - but a master of healing such as her apparently had too much to do to satisfy the curiosity of princesses. She had categorically refused me and told me to look to someone else if I wanted to learn magic tricks.  
It had made my eyes sting with indignant tears, but I had headed her advice, anyway. Though Mother would probably never refer to her magnificent powers as magic tricks.

"I apologize," I said. "I was rash and angry at the time. You are still the best teacher I could imagine."

My mother scoffed and shook her head. "Flattery will get you nowhere."

I hummed lightly in response. "I was being sincere."

"Would that it were true," she responded, but picked up her book again. "Remind me why you are interested in frost burns."

My tongue darted out to wet my lips. Neither Loki nor I had been touched by the Jotun's ice-cold skin, in fact, the one wound Loki got was an almost regular stab-wound that he played off as a training accident. I would have known how to at least stop the bleeding - and even if I did not, there were many people who could heal a stab wound or at least make it bearable long enough to get the wounded to a healer.  
A frostburn would be something quite different and I would not have the first idea what to do about it. If we did let Frost Giants into our realm, I would rather be prepared.

"I just recently realized, I would have no clue how to treat a frostburn," I said, which was as close to the truth as possible. "And I figured I had to start somewhere."

Her eyes narrowed at me yet again. "No ulterior motive? I can hardly believe it," she said.

"You confuse your children, Mother," I said. "I am not Loki."

Her mouth opened slightly and she looked almost as if I had caught her in a forbidden thought. It made a giggle break from my lips and she broke into a smile of her own at that.  
It was weird to find that my mother apparently was not perfect, either. She had her suspicions, and though they might be true, I had never given her reason to doubt me. It was strange to find out about one's parents' weaknesses.

"You're absolutely right," she said. "Forgive me."

"Not at all," I said. "I was never angry to begin with."

"Of course," my mother said. "You're a good daughter."

It was on the tip of my tongue to ask if Loki was not a good son, but the question seemed cynical. So I smiled and nodded at my mother.  
The book in my mother's hand was discarded in favour of another one, but she kept shaking her head as she looked through it. I wondered if I should start collecting my own notes, in the hopes of handing them to my children if I ever had any.

The door flew open and in tumbled both of my brothers. It was almost like in our childhood years, back when they had seemed to move in a constant heap.  
They were both laughing and my heart clenched at the sight. Pure happiness was oozing from Loki, which did not sit well with me at all. What were we doing to our brother and why were we doing it when we still loved him like that?

Our mother looked on disapprovingly while Thor and Loki straightened themselves, but a wistful smile was playing around her lips.  
"Why, what a pleasant surprise," she said.

Thor's big hand brushed over the leathery sleeve of his opposite arm, his smile that of a boy caught in some forbidden action.  
"Apologies, Mother," he said. "Did we interrupt?"

She looked to me, but I did not meet her eyes, too aware was I of the sudden shift in mood. Loki's happiness was now laced with worry as he studied the books spread around us.

"Not at all," she said. "Was there something in particular you wanted?"

Thor glanced to Loki and a goofy grin spread wide across his face. "We are going into one of the taverns, Loki and I and our friends."

I had to keep in a scoff - Thor said 'our friends', but in truth, these were only Thor's friends and sometimes, they graciously let Loki tack along.  
Surprisingly, only the smallest amounts of the usual bitterness sparked in Loki at the words and the smile on his face stayed ever prominent.

"And?" I said when Thor did not continue his explanation. "Are you asking permission or-?"

"Oh, no," Thor said. "It was our idea to ask our sister to come along."

My mouth must have dropped open in surprise and my heartbeat sped up at once. Surely, I must have misheard him. Never before had I been asked to join my brother and his friends, much less come into town with them.  
I looked to Loki for confirmation. Perhaps this was a trick that he attempted to play, one of his lesser plans that he played to pass the time. His face gave nothing away, but he _felt_ honest.

"I... I don't think that's a good idea," I said.

Thor's face fell and Loki shook his head at him as if to say 'I told you so'. My gaze dropped back down and my fingers twirled into my skirts.

"Oh, dear," our mother said. "Of course that is a good idea."

This time, three mouths dropped open - both my brothers and I stared at her. A night in town might seem innocent enough with anyone else, but with Thor and his friends, it might as well dissolve into chaos. Mother had never protested against my brother's escapades - or more precisely, Thor's escapades, for Loki very rarely acted indecently - but that she would encourage it - and me?

If there was one of her children she tended to protect, it was me. The precious daughter, the valuable princess that had to be kept safe and innocent.

"Go on," she said, waving for me to get up. "What are you waiting for?"

"And our lesson?" I asked.

"We'll continue another time," she said with finality. "You heard me. Go on."

Thor insisted on me riding with him, despite my ability to handle a horse just fine on my own. He was equally oblivious to the glare Loki sent in his direction as Thor lifted me up.

The whole way into town had me torn between excitement and dread. I had wished my whole life to belong with them, and yet I struggled to think of a single thing to say to start a conversation.  
What did Thor talk to them about? What did Thor talk about, period? Was it all just battles and conquests and girls? How did Sif hold up?

The people on the street were not surprised or particularly excited to see my brothers, probably because this was a regular occurrence on their part.  
They greeted Thor with bright smiles and casual waves and Loki with more respectful nods of their heads. Their eyebrows rose when they spotted me, but no one said a word. Perhaps they did not dare with my brothers present or perhaps they did not care to.

My brother's friends greeted us inside a rusty tavern. Their voices only just so carried over the drunk conversations and shouted orders. Thor had taken the head of the table and I was now placed between Hogun and Loki. I instinctively scooted closer to Loki when he sat down on the wooden bench beside me.

"Why did you bring me?" I whispered to him.

He glanced quickly at me, and then back to Fandral, who was just demonstrating something rather rude about the maid tending to our table.  
"Why not?" Loki answered in the same low tone while Sif rammed her elbow into Fandral's side. "I like having you around."

The group around us let out a roaring laugh at Fandral's offended face and I shot back, "Do they?"

Loki reached out to me an his fingers trailed gently over the skin of my neck. I sighed and relaxed into his touch. "Who cares?" he retorted.

The air already tasted of grilled meat and alcohol, which made my desire for either plummet into nothingness, but Fandral jumped up the moment his story was done and dragged Volstagg with him to the counter for another round of drinks.  
Our table descended into sudden silence and only the never-ceasing circles of Loki's fingertips on my skin kept me from complete tension.

Thor looked between the remainder of our group and finally straightened his shoulders. "Sif's been complaining about the dress-fittings," he said. "What do you think, sister?"

Loki hissed under his breath and I looked apologetically to Sif for this attempt at a conversation topic. To my surprise, Sif's face lightened up and she nodded to me.

"Oh, it's horrid, isn't it?" she said. "They come at you with their needles and prick you, but Norns forbid that I prick them with my sword-"

"You threatened your seamstress with a sword?" I said. At her nod, I let out an incredulous laugh. "I wish I had the guts to do that!"

Sif shrugged. "I would much rather just wear my armour," she said. "You know? Something practical and something that represents me."

My eyebrows pulled together at that. "Wouldn't you rather look like a girl for once?"

I knew immediately that I had offended her, but did not quite know how to take back what had just tumbled out of my mouth. I opened it again, hoping to apologize, but got interrupted by my brother.  
The brother that I least expected it off, too. Thor reached out to rest a hand on Sif's shoulder and he grinned at her.

"I don't see why a woman shouldn't wear armour," he said. "Sif's one of the realm's greatest warriors and I think she wears her weapons beautifully."

Sif beamed at Thor, but my brother had already turned his gaze back to me. "Of course," I said at once, while my stomach plummeted. That had not been very nice of me - since wen was Thor more sensitive to other peoples' feelings than I was? "I didn't mean it like that," I added for good measure.

The pressure of Loki's fingertips on my neck heightened slightly, but he was not looking in my direction when I glanced at him. I wondered if the others could see what he was doing or if his movement was completely hidden by my hair.

Meanwhile, Sif was waving my remark away. "Maybe I'll just wear the armour, though," she said. "I'm sure Eirlys will look girly enough for the two of us."

I knew I had started it, but I was still insulted. At least, I had taken my unthought-of blabbering back at once. Sif had raised an eyebrow at me as if to dare me to speak up.  
I did not.

Hogun suddenly pointed across the room. "Seems they got our drinks."

Fandral and Volstagg had indeed just received seven mugs of what I presumed to be mead and were now waving for help. One would think that a big guy like Volstagg could easily carry more than two mugs, but apparently, that was not the case.  
Before anyone else could say a word, Loki had shut up from his place and was pulling me with him.

"We'll rescue them," he announced at Hogun's bemused expression.

Indeed, Fandral and Volstagg sat off to meet us halfway, the moment that they saw us moving. "Thank you, my friend!", Volstagg shouted to Loki over the decidedly higher level of noise closer to the counter.  
Loki grabbed two of the left over mugs when we reached it, but it seemed he had sensed my need for conversation, for he did not move backwards.

"So?" Loki prompted.

"Are we doing the right thing?" I asked.

It could not be heard above the sound around us, but I could _see_ him seething. "What makes you say that?" he retorted.

"Thor just said something kind and insightful and empathetic," I elaborated. "And it made me think-"

Loki's emotions twisted, spiralling quickly into rage. The look he gave me was murderous and I almost shrunk beneath it. "Is it that easy to sway you?" he asked. "I'm disappointed."

Truth be told, my doubts had commenced much earlier - I did not think that one could battle Frost Giants and then have no doubts about letting them into one's home.  
Besides, Thor was my brother, was he not? Doing this to him seemed right when he had been mean-spirited and foolish, but when he was being nice and invited me along... it did not seem all that right anymore. It seemed like the betrayal it truly was.

Loki was still watching me impatiently, though and if I did have to pick a side, it would always be Loki's.

"No, I'm not swayed," I said. "I'm just not cold-hearted."

"Neither am I," Loki said. "That's why we're doing it."

Our eyes met again and when he read my acquiescence, Loki nodded sharply to me. Then he was off, carrying the two mugs to his waiting friends.  
Given the mixture of happiness and jealousy that sparked through him when he sat down, I figured that Loki had, for once, been truthful.

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	21. Nerves

**Thanks to everyone who read, fav'd, alerted and to sarahmichellegellarfan1 for reviewing. Noone else reviewed, though, which is kinda disappointing - I hope y'all like the new chapter better!**

* * *

 **Nerves**

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The morning of Thor's coronation dawned bright and golden. Most days did, in Asgard, but it seemed that the Norns looked on this day with special happiness.  
The birds were singing since the first rays of sunshine had broken the darkness, there was not a single cloud in the sky and a soft breeze made for a pleasant warmth.

Dawn also found both me and Loki wide awake. We were both too tense to sleep and too strung-up to be without the other. Loki still rejected any doubt or second thought on what we had planned, but he could not hide the nervousness from me.

I stood by the window to watch the sunrise. He had the luck that his chambers were facing towards the gardens, whereas I ever only looked onto the courtyard.  
Loki had lain sprawled out on his bed, but had risen so silently that I did not realize he had even stirred until his arms wrapped around me and pulled me back into him.

"Ready, my love?" he murmured into my ear.

I sighed and let my head loll back against his shoulder. Almost immediately, he lowered his slightly and his lips ghosted over the tender skin of my neck. "No," I said.

In response, his teeth grazed against me. "We've been over this," he whispered.

"I know," I assured him and tilted my head to the side, giving him unrestricted access. "I won't tell, you can trust me. I'm just... scared, I suppose."

Loki's lips curled against my skin in a gentle smile and his arms wrapped a little tighter around me. "There's no need for that. I will never let you get hurt."

In this position, enwrapped in him both body and soul, it was easy to believe his words. I was not scared for myself, as such, anyway. If everything went according to plan, I would not even lay eyes on the Frost Giants and I also happened to know that I could hold my own against them.  
The results could be disastrous, though - what if they managed to take the casket and made off with it? What if our father realized who had enabled their attack? What if all this ruse had no effect whatsoever - what if Thor became king and led all of us into destruction?

Given the uncertainty of the result, I should never have supported Loki in taking this risk. Perhaps I was not capable of not supporting Loki, though.

"You should go," Loki said, though he did not move an inch. "People will be all over the palace within the next half hour."

I hummed in response... I did not want to go. If I did not leave, perhaps time would stay put as well and we would not have to face the day. I would be happy to stay with him, in here, forever.  
I extracted myself from his embrace and turned to press a kiss to his lips. "Be safe today," I said. "I love you too much to lose you."

He did not return the sentiment, but the sudden surge of affection inside him was enough answer for me. As much as I cursed our connection sometimes, it was probably the best thing that had ever happened to me.

Loki's prediction concerning the other people in the palace turned out to be exactly right. I had barely left and had only just returned to my own bed before the doors flew open again and my handmaidens poured in.

My dress did not look complicated to put on - it looked soft, all flowing pink fabric - but it took ages to make it sit right where it was supposed to. After getting into it, it was not supposed to shift on my body and it was therefore absolute torture to put it on. They pulled the straps tight and sewed sleeves on.

Despite rising early, I was almost late by the time that dress, hair and makeup were done. The women ushered me along until I was practically pushed into my mother, who was waiting in front of the back doors to the throne room.

"There you are," she said.

"Here I am," I answered. "Are we ready?"

She smiled wistfully. "Your brother is nervous," she told me. "He still needs a minute."

I raised an eyebrow at that. Thor rarely got nervous and when he did, he did not admit to it. He made up for it with a show of strength and he undoubtedly intended to do the same today. He would leave us waiting so he could make the pompous entrance he desired.  
The thought left a sour taste in my mouth.

At my mother's gesture, the guards opened the large doors for us and we were greeted by the roar of the crowd already assembled.  
The Warrior's Three were talking amongst each other, Fandral grinning at the crowd occasionally. Sif was standing next to Loki and the two were chatting as amicably as I thought was possible.

I had seen many a feast in the centuries of my existence, but I had never seen the hall so full - not even the intimidating stare of my Father's good eye could calm the crowd. I inclined my head slightly as my father's gaze turned to me. Perhaps it would be the last time that I would bow to him.

The moment that Thor entered was unmistakeable. The already high level of noise got suddenly deafening as the hammer shot out over the heads of the onlookers. Mother shook her head, but she was still smiling.  
Thor emerged, catching Mjolnir effortlessly and turned with outstretched arms, relishing in the attention. My brother had never looked happier.

He arrived at the front - his weapon landed heavily beside him and then Thor was kneeling before our father. It was not a gesture of humility, not truly, at least if the wink he cast in my direction was anything to go by.  
The crowd, so untamable before, fell silent when our father straightened to speak. I exchanged a glance with Loki, but his face was as blank as it could be. It could not be long, now, if he wanted to interrupt the process.

"Thor Odinson." Father's voice rolled through the hall like thunder. "My heir - my first born."

My eyes were still fixed on Loki and for once, the bitter twitch of his face was not concealed. I wished that I could have reached out for him, to comfort him, but our mother was standing between us and I did not want to draw attention to Loki's mood.

"So long entrusted," the Allfather continued. "With this mighty hammer, Mjolnir - forged in the heart of a dying star, from the sacred metal of Uru. Its power has no equal, as a weapon to destroy or as a tool to build. It is a fit companion for a king."

I shivered at the words. If only, I thought, the wielder had the wisdom to use it as it was supposed to.

"Do you swear," our father demanded. "To guard the Nine Realms? Do you swear to preserve the peace?"

Thor smiled broadly. "I swear!"

Across from me, Fandral started rubbing at his arms. In fact, as I looked around the hall, many people seemed to feel cold. My own shiver suddenly had a different connotation. I looked to Loki again, but he showed no sign of being cold.

The cold seemed not have reached our father and Thor, either, for they carried on with the ceremony undisturbed. "Do you swear to cast aside all selfish ambition and pledge yourself only to the good of all the realms?"

"I swear," Thor proclaimed.

My eyes fell on one of the large, golden banners that decorated the walls. It took me a long second to realize what I was seeing: ice was creeping along the fabric, spreading steadily across.

While my father was still attempting to proclaim Thor king, the attention of the hall focused on the spreading cold. I was not the only one to notice the ice.  
People were pointing, whispering, some started to look panicked. My mother's mouth had dropped open as she noticed it.

Then our father noticed it as well. He fell silent in the middle of his sentence, his eye darting around to take in what everyone else had already seen.  
He came to the right conclusion within seconds. "Frost Giants," he said and the entire hall erupted in chaos.

People started screaming and pressing for the doors. Guards pushed through, trying to keep the crowd at bay and trying to make way for my father.  
He had risen from his throne and with Thor at his heels, was striding across the hall in grim hurry. Loki grabbed my arm for a hot second before he followed them.

"You stay right here," he said urgently and I nodded frantically.

Mother was wringing her hands together, her eyebrows drawn tight together. When she noticed my gaze, she reached out and pulled me to her. I clung to her arm, while the remainder of the guard assembled around us.  
Most of the Einherjar had left with the king, but the queen and the princess were obviously to valuable to be left unattended.

People were still crying - one child had started as well, the high-pitched wail echoing even across the ruckus around it. Meanwhile, my eyes were still fixed on the ice-covered banners. Beneath them, the column was frosting as well.

What had we done? My heart was beating hard in my chest and the cold seemed not to be only outside, it seemed to be spreading inside me as well.  
We were not much better than Thor, were we? Both Loki and I always complained how reckless he was and here we were, letting Jotuns into our halls, endangering our family, our friends, our people.

"Do you feel that?" Mother asked suddenly, shaking me gently.

As she said it, the ice drew back in front of us, crackling and then melting away. It disappeared as if it had never been there in the first place. The hall grew suddenly quieter while the air warmed around us. The child stopped crying.  
From below, as if from the belly of the palace, a dull clang sounded. It echoed in my ears even after the moment had passed.

The guard around us shifted and one of them turned to his comrade, whispering with obvious worry, "They are in the vault."

Mother sucked in a sharp breath at that, while I closed my eyes. Inwardly, I searched for Loki. It was so much harder to find him at the distance and so much harder to sort through what was his emotion and what was mine.  
Half a year ago, it would have been impossible, but now I could find him and find him well. He was not concerned or frightened - in fact, he felt light with relief and triumph.

"How could they get in?" Mother whispered to me.  
I had never seen her this unsettled. I had seen her worried and angry, I had seen her sad and disapproving. I had never seen my mother scared. In fact, I had not quite realized that she could be scared. My parents had always seemed as if nothing in these realms could shake them.

My stomach turned and I swallowed harshly to keep the bile from rising. Hurting our mother had never been on the agenda. Neither Loki nor I would ever want to hurt her.

The moment was gone as soon as it had come. My mother straightened, her features shifted into determination and she was queen once again. A mere wave of her hand, called the next guard over.  
"Send for Heimdall," she ordered. "We have to know how they got in."

"Milady," the guard said. "We should wait for word of the king-"

"Which one?" she asked with a raised eyebrow. "Whoever returns, and in whatever state, we need to hear Heimdall's account. Send for him, now."

I had thought it extremely courageous of the man to speak up in the first place - I would not have, not since she had used the voice that demanded unquestioning obedience - so it was not surprising when he nodded and hurried off at once.

"I'm sure they're fine," I told my mother.

The tightness in my chest lifted slightly when she smiled at me. It would have been nice to tell her that Loki was fine, that Thor and Father were undoubtedly fine as well, but it was not possible. She could not know about the merge, as she could not know about so many things were Loki and I were concerned.

"Of course they are," she said. "Our family consists of great warriors."

I nodded at her, but my answer was cut short. An immense satisfaction welled up inside of me, so intense that it took a long moment to figure out that it was not my happiness at all. Loki's heart had swelled with joy, but it was impossible to tell why.  
The surge of emotion had me torn - it obviously meant that everyone was safe. Loki would never be this happy if one of them was hurt - but Loki's joy could be malicious and it could very well mean the unhappiness of another. Chances were, Loki's plan had worked.

I did not have to wait long to find out. Minutes later, guards poured into the now empty hall once more. Father strut in the middle, his features twisted with anger.

"My love!"  
Mother rushed forward to greet him and he stopped in the middle of the hall. He did not look at her, his eye glaring at the throne, while the skin got pushed around the eye-patch.

"He's not ready," he growled. It was obviously meant to be a private conversation, but in his anger, my father could not keep his voice quiet enough to keep it so. "Our son's not ready to be king and I don't know if he will ever be."

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 **So we finally stepped into the plot of the film! Please tell me what you think!**


	22. A Chill in the Air

**Thanks to everyone who read, fav'd, alerted and most of all to dymondkds, mybonded, Mari Clair Roemajji Celts, Erudessa-gabrielle, sarahmichellegellarfan1 and "Guest" (glad you like it!) for reviewing! We went from one review to six, maybe I should complain more often :P**

 **Anyways, I hope y'all enjoy this new chapter :)**

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 **A Chill in the Air**

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My search for Loki through the whole palace, which was absolutely deserted. It seemed that everyone had fled, not even the usually so noisy maids were walking about. There was no sound to be heard aside from my footsteps echoing in the long hallways.  
That changed when I turned my eyes to the dining hall. There was a loud bang, followed by the cluttering of a myriad of objects on the marble floors. I sped my pace up, then.

The hall was in a state of absolute disarray. One of the large tables was flipped over, food, cutlery and plates that it had held were strewn across the floor.  
Due to the mess, it took me a while to notice Thor, standing amidst the chaos, breathing heavily. His chest was heaving, his face contorted with anger.

When he spotted me watching him, he bent down and picked up one of the golden cups rolling along the floor. It was sailing towards me within an instant and my heart missed a beat before my brain worked again and a wave of my hand sent the cup hurdling off in another direction.

"Leave me," my brother demanded.

"What happened?" I asked instead, stepping towards him. I could not be angry at his hostile actions, not since it was partly my fault that he was in this state.

"I flipped a table," he grumbled.

I clicked my tongue at him for that. Even Thor was smart enough to know that I had not meant the chaos around us, but the events in the vault.  
Instead of giving me a proper answer, my brother moved across the hall, uncaring of grapes, meat and other things he stepped on in the process.

He sat down heavily between two columns. A slight boost of magic let me pass across the floor without stepping on anything, but I had not yet reached him when steps sounded behind me.  
Volstagg entered first, Fandral, Hogun and Sif directly at his heels. They stopped in the doorway, just as I had, and took in the mess that enfolded before them.

"Redecorating, are we?" Sif asked.

Volstagg shook his head, completely aghast. "All this food," he moaned. "So innocent, cast to the ground! It breaks the heart!"

Thor groaned under his breath and I shook my head at the voluminous man. We had just been attacked by Jotuns and Thor's ascend to the throne had consequently just been cancelled and he was worrying about spilled food - and drink, because Fandral had just so swivelled past a puddle of wine in front of him.

Loki emerged from the shadows behind one of the columns. I had not noticed his presence, not even emotionally, which led me to believe that he had just transported himself here. He met my eyes for a split second before he sat down next to our brother.

"It's unwise to be in my company right now, brother," Thor said.

Loki's lips twitched slightly at that. "Who said I was wise?"

Thor did not seem amused at all. "This was to be my day of triumph," he said darkly.

I had finally crossed the room to join the two of them, while behind me, Volstagg had bent down to pick up some of the undamaged food. I sat down on Thor's other side and reached out to put a hand on his shoulder.  
"Nobody knows their fate," I said, hoping to comfort him. "Maybe there's a reason for this... I am sure your day will come."

Thor pulled a face and dropped his head in his hands. I desperately wanted to soothe his pain, to assure him that everything would be fine - but how could I? He could never know the truth, no one ever could.

"If it's any consolation," Loki said. "I think you're right. About the Frost Giants, about Laufey, everything. If a few of them could penetrate the defenses of Asgard once, who's to say they won't try again? Next time with an army?"

Thor had still hung his head and I narrowed my eyes at Loki over his neck. What in the Nine Realms was he trying to accomplish now? Father had decided not to go through with the coronation, we had achieved what he wanted. Taunting our brother like this, assuring him, was only adding fuel to the fire. Why would he not stop now?

Thor looked up at his brother's words, nodding in response. "Yes," he said. "Exactly."

"But there's nothing we can do," Loki said pointedly. "Without defying Father."

One could almost see the wheels turning inside Thor's head. His eyes darted from Loki to Mjolnir. The hammer lay discarded by the steps, but the gleam in Thor's eye as he regarded it was unmistakable. It was the look of a man who was ready to charge into battle.

"No," Loki said, following the same glance. "Stop there! I know that look!"

Despite his words, Loki only felt mischievous glee and triumph. It vibrated through me and only served to make me angry. He was doing this on purpose - it was ridiculously easy to fuel Thor into action, to lead him into danger.  
This was not what we had planned, this was not what we had wanted. At the very least, it was not what I wanted. I had wanted my brother not to be on the throne, I had never wanted for him to charge into war with Jotunheim.

"It's the only way to ensure the safety of our borders!" Thor argued.

"It's madness," I countered.

At that, the rest of the group, almost forgotten until this point, suddenly perked up again. Sif's eyebrows knitted together in worry, while Volstagg turned away from his meal for a second.

"Madness?" he asked. "What sort of madness?"

"We're going to Jotunheim," Thor announced and I groaned in exasperation. It was hard to decide who to be angry at - Loki, for manipulating our brother into this or Thor, for being so gullible.

While Thor walked to his friends, arguing the ups-and-downs of riding into battle, I turned to Loki, whose blank face did not betray the satisfaction he felt inside. I had never been more disgusted with my connection to him.

"What are you doing?" I hissed.

Loki's eyes darted across the hall before he answered me, so low that even I barely heard him, just a step away from him. "Problem?"

I felt like I might burst and wished that I could scream and shout and scratch at him for doing this to me, to us. He noticed my anger, as he was bound to do, but it served only to amuse him. He grinned as he realized the new spark of my anger and I actually swatted at him.

"This was not the plan!" I ground out as he effortlessly caught my hand before it touched him.

He pulled me a little closer so he could whisper into my ear. "Don't you trust me?" he asked lightly.

At the very least, he should not be trusted. Despite this being abundantly clear, I still did trust him and I could never deny him anything when he asked for him. Not even a confirmation of my trust in him.  
I looked up to him, searching his green eyes, but I found nothing in them, but that beseeching look. "Of course I trust you," I answered. "But this is-"

"I've got it under control," he said.

Odin's beard, I knew this was wrong. Logically, I knew that I should not go along with this. I should never have supported all this mess in the first place. What in the nine realms was wrong with me?  
Loki's fingers stroked languidly down my arm, but inside, he felt tense. If it was directed at me or at our brother, I could not tell, but it made me even more nervous. Why was he so anxious to get Thor into Jotunheim?

"Are you going to bring him back?" I asked.

He raised an eyebrow at me. "Don't be ridiculous," he said.

In that moment, Thor marched over to us and clamped a heavy hand onto Loki's shoulder. My brothers grinned at each other, though the expression was twisted with grim determination.  
They were both thrilled to be charging into battle, but neither of them was stupid enough to underestimate the potential danger. After all, this was what they had been paid to do.

"I fear we'll live to regret this," Sif said, shaking her head at the two.

"If we're lucky," Volstagg added.

Thor laughed at them and the group set into motion. Before following, Loki turned to me one last time, every trace of laughter gone from his face.  
"Listen to me," he said lowly. "You go to Father and tell him."

"But-"

"Do you understand?" he demanded. My head tilted to the side off its own accord. I did understand him on an basic level, but this sudden order did not make a lot of sense."Eirlys, do you understand?"

Loki's eyebrows rose to prompt my answer and since words failed me, I just started nodding my head. He watched me for a split second before he turned on his heels and quickly strode after Thor and their friends. I swallowed hard as I watched him go, my mind curiously blank.

I sat down heavily on the cold marble steps between the columns. For a short moment, as I regarded the spilled food, I was tempted to clean it - it would not take much more than a swipe of my hand. Should I feel extravagant, I could have clones picking the things up, walking about, sweeping the floor.  
What was the point, though? The chaos in front of me was much more fitting considering the state of affairs and considering my state of mind.

The ice had melted from the palace walls, but I still shivered. Before I knew it, my teeth had clamped down on the skin of my fingers, chewing gently in an effort to ease the tension.

The hall was suddenly illuminated and I turned where I sat, craning my neck to see the bright ray of the Bifrost shooting through the sky.  
My breathing grew shallow as my throat seemed to clenched shut. Now I would have to face my father, both my parents, probably, and confess to them my brother's transgressions. How would I even begin?

My feet carried me with shaking steps through the corridors, which were still eerily empty. I did not see a single living soul until I turned the corner and faced my father's chambers - five guards were watching the large wooden doors, two on either side and one marching up and down between them.  
The man froze when he noticed me and then, all of them bowed at once in a sharp, mechanical movement. They straightened again in equal synchronisation and I nodded slightly before approaching.

"I have to speak to the Allfather," I announced.

Fortunately, none of them protested. The one who had been marching stepped up to the door and pushed it open after a loud knock. I passed him with a muttered 'thank you' and straightened my shoulders as I stepped inside.

The king's chambers were not a place that I commonly visited, but on the rare occasion that I had, the brightness and shimmer of the ever-present gold had been the most astounding thing.  
Today, the shine was not as bright. It seemed as if the sun itself was dimmed and the gold columns and white marble floors seemed weirdly dull.

My father was sitting in an armchair, his head buried in his hands and my mother was sitting on the armrest, her hand gently kneading his shoulder.  
When I stepped inside, both of them looked up. Concern crossed my mother's face and my father's eyebrows pulled together tightly.

"Eirlys, what-?"

"Thor has gone to Jotunheim," I said before I could take too long to think it over.

My mother covered her mouth to hold in the shriek that escaped her. Father, in turn, did nothing to hold in a growl, angry and more akin to a wild beast than to a man.

"Heimdall has opened the Bifröst to them - Sif and the Warrior's Three are with him. Loki accompanies them to prevent the worst," I added. "Please, Father, I fear for them."

Father rubbed a hand across his face and I watched while my heart almost jumped out of my chest. I had not been dishonest per say, but I had certainly not disclosed the full truth. Could he tell?

"Please," I said again, hoping to urge him into action instead of thinking things over. "Loki sent me to get you, I don't know how long he can stall them-"

My father rose, vengeance written across his features and in that moment, I knew why the mortals called us gods. The gravity of his movement, the sheer strength and determination behind it - it was as if one watched nature itself move.

"I will bring that _boy_ home," he spat. "My patience has expired for his defiance and foolishness."

My stomach dropped at these words. I did not know what I had expected, but his anger took me by surprise. If there was one thing I had counted on, it was our father's love for Thor. His demeanour right now did not speak of such love.  
Mother seemed to feel the same, for she reached out for the king.

"Husband," she pleaded. "Be merciful."

My father shrugged her off abruptly. "I cannot be merciful today," he said. "I have to be the king."

My mother was usually fighting like a fierce lioness when it came to her children, but now she bowed down without question. She pressed her lips tightly together and nodded at the stern nod my father gave her.

Norns, what had we done? Making Father angry was an easy task and one I had never doubted we could accomplish, but to turn our mother against Thor? Perhaps Loki's plan had worked a little too well.

"Eirlys, you follow me, and take a few guards - maybe they will be wounded," Father ordered. "We'll need your magic."

My heart swelled, and yet I could not quite believe my ears. "Surely Mother would be more suited-"

My father's lip curled dangerously. "When your king gives you an order," he demanded. "What do you do?"

I swallowed hard, almost shrinking under his glare. "I obey," I answered.

He nodded sharply before he passed me. The doors opened for him and I turned just in time to see the edge of his cape disappear out of sight.

I released a deep breath that I had not realized I was holding. I had always wished that Father would acknowledge my skills and their usefulness, but now that the moment was here, there was no happiness within me. I just wished that we would have no use for my healing magic, whatsoever.

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	23. Look Through My Eyes

**Thanks to everyone who read, fav'd, alerted and most of all to Mari Clair Roemajji Celts, sarahmichellegellarfan1, SabertoothUnicorn321 and mybonded for reviewing!**

* * *

 **Look Through My Eyes**

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Heimdall had always been imposing: he was steadfast, calm, and yet there was no doubt in the citizens of Asgard that he could be absolutely lethal if his watch was challenged. He seemed even more impressive now. I wondered how much he really saw, if he had figured out what was between me and Loki from the way we were when we did not shield ourselves from his view.

Maybe he could see what was happening in Jotunheim, whether they were safe or not, but I did not dare ask. He stood in the middle of the opulent room, planted by his sword that was lodged in the control panels, and looked entirely too impressive to be spoken to.  
How Thor and Loki had managed to convince him was a miracle to me. Earlier, Loki had not seemed sure if they would be able to pass. Maybe he had even counted on being refused.

When I had arrived, two guards flanking me - their faces blank and hard as if caved in stone - Father had already disappeared through the Bifrost. So I had sat down on the wide, dark steps leading into the observatory and waited.  
I wrapped my arms around me and gently rocked back and forth. What would happen, I wondered, if they did not return? Was that even possible, for the Allfather to return without victory? Was it possible for Thor not to be victorious and with Loki by his side? What would become of the realm should they fall?

The room was suddenly enlightened by a bright, glistening light erupting from the centerpiece. It blinded me for a moment and I reached up to cover my eyes. When the light died out and I looked up again, the room was more crowded.

My father pulled out the sword in a swift movement and tossed it to the Gatekeeper. Heimdall bowed and backed away, but the king had turned away ere he could see it.  
Everyone who had set out had, it seemed, returned, but all looked worse for wear. My eyes found Loki first and he seemed shaken - in the turmoil of his emotions, I could not figure out what it was that bothered him exactly.

Then, I noticed Fandral. He was only upright because Volstagg and Hogun were supporting him. Blood was dripping onto his cape and his features were twisted in pain.

While Father turned to Thor, I got up and hurried down the steps. I quickly stroked a hand down Loki's arm as I passed him. His emotions became more distinct when I touched him, but it did not help much to figure him out. The multitude of his feelings only served to make my head spin.

Fandral was breathing heavily. It spoke volumes about the seriousness of his injury that he did not say a single word when I reached out to touch him. It looked as if he had been impaled, pierced two time straight through the chest. It was a wonder that he was even still alive.

"I'll still the bleeding," I told him, though he barely reacted. "And take a bit of the pain away, but I probably can't close the wound completely."

"Do it," Sif urged me. "I don't know how long he'll hold out."

I nodded my understanding and splayed my hands out further across the fur of Fandral's mantle. He flinched at it but relaxed again when my magic flowed into him. The blood that had continued spilling stopped gushing against my fingers.  
Fandral's breathing evened out and he stood a little straighter. He was awfully pale, though, and I suspected he had lost a lot of blood before Father brought them back.

"Get him to Eir," I ordered in Sif's direction. "This does look pretty serious."

They guided him outside on staggering legs. My hands were coated in blood, but despite this and the questioning look from the guards I did not move to follow the group along the bridge.

Our father had rounded on Thor, his features tight his fingers so tightly wrapped around Gungnir that the knuckles turned white. Thor was glaring back at him while Father shouted at him.

"You cannot protect your friends," Father accused. "How can you hope to protect a kingdom?"

"There won't be a kingdom to protect if you're afraid to act!" Thor shouted back. "While you wait and be patient, the Nine Realms laugh at us! You'd stand giving speeches while Asgard falls!"

"You're a vain, greedy, cruel boy!"

"And you are an old man and a fool!"

They stood glaring at each other, both heaving and flushed. An odd silence fell on the room while we waited for Father's response. I moved carefully towards Loki who reached out for me the moment he noticed my shuffling. His touched told me that he was predominantly worried - all sense of pleasure that he had felt earlier had now vanished.

"A fool," our father breathed. "Yes - I was a fool to think you were ready."

"Father," Loki implored, pulling me with him as he stepped forward.  
Yet we both shrank back at the sound that came out of our father's mouth. Half roar, half scream, it silenced both of us for good. After glaring at us for good measure, Father turned back to our brother.

"You have disobey the express command of your king," he said. His voice was not that of an angry father anymore, but it held the authority of a ruler. "You have opened these peaceful realms and innocent lives to the horrors of war."  
He plunged Gungnir into the panel that usually held Heimdall's sword. The turret around us started turning as the Bifrost opened. Father's head turned and he spotted me. Before I could move, he had grabbed me by the arm and pulled me forward. With just two steps, we stood in front of Thor and ripped the cloak from his shoulders.  
I doubled over because at the touch, he pulled from me. The magic flowed out and I could do nothing to stop it. So this was why he had wanted me here. My heart clenched tightly - what did he attempt to do that he needed to channel me?

"You are unworthy of this realm," Father announced to Thor. "Unworthy of your title - unworthy of the loved ones you have betrayed."

I looked to Loki in hopes of reassurance, but he felt and looked as panicked as I was. This was going way too far - our father was not meant to be this angry, he was not meant to push Thor away so far. He was just supposed to rethink his decision, but now...  
Father reached out and Mjolnir was wrenched from our brother's grip. "I hereby take from you your powers!" he declared. "And I cast you out!"

With a swish from the hammer, Thor was thrown backwards, into the portal opened behind him. Father let me go as I screamed and I darted forward, but Loki's arms wrapped securely around me at once, holding me back. I struggled while the Bifrost flashed brightly, swallowing my brother whole.  
I could barely see through my tears as our Father whispered to Mjolnir and then hurled it at the same portal. With another flash of light, it vanished as well.

I turned in Loki's arms and buried my head against his shoulder. His fingers squeezed my neck gently, but his presence was not as comforting as I had hoped. He was just as upset and distraught as I was. What had we done?

Father went through the palace fuming, stomping, and finally smashed the door to his chambers shut behind him.  
News apparently travelled as fast as kings did in this realm, and so our mother slid around the corner mere seconds after our father had disappeared.

"Mother!" Loki said and abandoned my side for the first time since leaving the observatory. "You have to convince him - he has to bring Thor back-"

She stopped with her hand already on the door handle. "Your father knows what he is doing," she said. "Trust in his wisdom."

My throat constricted at her words. Father had no seen through Loki's and mine illusion, in fact, he had punished Thor for our transgressions. To me, that did not seem like he knew what he was doing.  
"Do you truly believe that?" I asked, more meekly than I had intended.

Mother's eyes raked over me and took in my tear-stained face. "Of course I do, dear," she said. "Don't you worry."

With that, she slipped through the door and it closed with finality.  
I slumped, leaning back against the wall. If even Mother did not want to bring Thor back after what had transpired, then there was no hope left for him.

Loki's fist were clenched tightly at his sides. His inner turmoil had calmed slightly, but he still felt desperate... and tired. His voice, too, was laced with exhaustion when he spoke next.  
"We should go look for Fandral," he said. "He looked as good as dead."

He had almost reached the next corner when I made myself speak up. "Is this what you wanted?" I asked.

Loki looked back to me over his shoulder, his face as unreadable as it had ever been. "Are you coming or not?"

I pushed myself off the wall and followed him.

Luckily, we found Fandral already halfway healed, sitting upright with his friends and looking altogether more heathy. His more peachy tone of skin hardly matched the mood, though.  
The whole group had assembled around a fireplace, perhaps in the hope of warming their frozen bones. Loki and I were barely greeted when we entered, but for once it did not seem to be out of spite. Exhaustion and weariness were evident on each of their faces.

Hogun, as per usual, seemed the most collected. He bowed slightly to me when we joined them close to the fire. "My condolences," he said.

"He's not dead," I answered.

Volstagg shook his head and his bear swung slightly with him. "We should never have let him go," he said.

Perhaps he was right, I though as they all nodded. Fine friends they were, to see so little reason, to not step in before it was too late. Loki had counted on their willingness, though, clearly he had wanted them to support Thor. How could I blame Volstagg then, or any of the others?

"At least he's only banished," Fandral said in a staggering voice. "Not dead. Which is what we'd all be if Odin had not known where we'd gone."

At that, the group straightened. "How did he even know?" Volstagg asked.

I glanced at Loki, but he was busy rubbing the hem of his shirt, staring intently as if he were completely transfixed by the view. I gritted my teeth. Fine, should it be on his head if my words did not suit his plan.  
"I told him," I answered. Loki's head snapped up so he could add one more pair of eyes to the stares on me. "Though I regret hesitating - I shouldn't have taken so long."

It took longer than I had thought for my words to sink in. Volstagg's mouth had dropped open and he attempted to speak at least thrice before he finally succeeded. "You," he said. "You told the king."

"She saved our lives," Loki said as he stepped forward to take my hand. With his touch to reassure me, I managed to stand up straighter even against Sif's glare in my direction. "And Thor's."

"If I'd known he would be banished," I said, but did not know how to finish once I got to the point. What would I have done had I known? As Fandral had said, it was better to have my brother banished and well instead of dead. Had I known the outcome, though, I might have decided differently long before that.

Loki's eyes were shining with the same question when he looked at me and I squeezed his hand in reassurance. This was our combined fault and I would not betray his trust in me, ever. We were in this together and should the truth ever see the light of day we would take the blame together, too.

While we had been occupied with our own thoughts, Sif had apparently taken heart and decided on a new approach. "Please," she said as she stepped forward. "Loki, you're the only one who can help Thor now. You must go to the Allfather and convince him to change his mind!"

"And if I do, then what?" Loki asked. Anger welled inside him again, paired with a pain that I could not place. "I love Thor more dearly than any of you, but you know what he is! He's arrogant, reckless, dangerous! You saw how he was today! Is that what Asgard needs from its king?"

His explanation was greeted with silence. Sif crossed her arms in front of her chest while the others exchanged glances. If they saw that Loki had a point, they would surely not say so.  
Loki felt inwardly tight to the point of snapping. He pulled his hand from my grip and turned on his heel. Uncaring of my worried eyes on him, he left and slammed the door shut behind him much like our father had done earlier.

Sif shook her head with pursed lips. "He may speak about the good of Asgard," she said darkly. "But he's always been jealous of Thor."

"Laufey said there were traitors in the House of Odin," Hogun added. His face was somber, but his voice betrayed his worry.

My stomach dropped as if it had been thrown out of the highest tower. They could not be allowed to know the truth - who knew what they would do with such knowledge. If Father learnt the truth, Loki and I would be lucky should banishment be the only consequence. That was, if the Warrior's Three and especially Sif waited with their revenge to bring us to our father.

"Listen to yourself," I said, hoping to lace my voice with distaste. "Talking like this is _treason_!"

"Thor is banished!" Sif argued. "How very convenient for Loki! When Thor is gone, he'll be on the throne!"

I wished that I had sword and skill, for in that moment I would have gladly slaughtered Sif on the spot. Loki had never meant hurt Thor, only to dissuade Father from his plans. After all was said an done, Loki was a good man, thinking of the good of the realm. Thor, however, was not - he was cruel and greedy and reckless and Sif only refused to see this because she was in love with him.

"Tell me he's wrong, then!" I said and watched the group flinch at my raised voice. "Tell me you don't see Thor's flaws! Tell me I was wrong to alert the king and that Thor's actions were right!"

Sif squared her shoulders, glaring back at me. "I would do so at any time!"

"And I would call you a liar," I shot back. "And a lovesick fool."

She stiffened, but I did not wait to hear any retort she might have had. I left in very much the same way that Loki did, the door falling shut loudly behind me.

My feet carried me, without any explicit direction, to Loki's chambers. He was not there, but I was too exhausted to leave and go looking for him. Instead, I laid down on his bed, relishing in his scent. Here, I felt safe and comfortable and tired as I was, I did not get up again.

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	24. Not While I'm Around

**Thanks to everyone who read, fav'd and alerted. Also: yay! We crossed a 100 reviews! Thanks guys! Special thanks, of course, to last week's reviewers: dymondkds, chocolateisoverated, Mari Clair Roemajji Celts, my bonded, sarahmichellegellarfan1 and guest "Scarlett" (You're back! What up? Thanks for reviewing! But, like, being a sister to Thor and Loki will sure put you in some tight spots^^)**

 **On to the chapter!**

* * *

 **Not While I'm Around**

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It was hard to say how long I had slept, but it must have been deep and dreamless, for waking came without warning and unexpected to my tired mind. It was Loki's voice that interrupted my slumber.

"Eirlys! Eirlys, you have to get up!"

A tired groan left my mouth. My body stretched almost of it's own accord while my eyes fluttered open. I was still in Loki's bed, I found, and he had returned.  
I could not feel him at all - it was as if he had gone entirely numb. He stood right in front of me, though, in the flesh - I could see it once my eyes had shaken sleep and focused on him.

He looked as if he had seen a ghost. He was pale and his eyes were red-rimmed. When I looked more closely, I found that his fingers were shaking slightly.  
My stomach clenched as I took in the sight. He was usually so collected. It was hard, even for me, to notice when he was upset, because his stance and expression never gave anything away. My mind spun, trying to figure what could possibly make him look so distraught.

"Father has fallen into Odinsleep." His voice sounded raspy and exhausted. "I'm sure Mother will want to talk to you."

If he thought that this would make me leave, he was very wrong. Father falling into Odinsleep, at this most unfortunate point in time, was worrying, but it was no reason for Loki to look that grief-stricken. It had been long since it last happened, but it was hardly the first time Mother had to mind the realm due to our father's recovering.

To me, the fact that I could not feel Loki was much more frightening. It was as if the usual connection between us had suddenly broken. It made me feel strangely empty, as if my presence alone was not quite enough to make me real.

"Loki," I said and reached out to touch him. He stepped out of my reach once, a look of panic flashing in his eyes. I pulled back my hand at once. "What's going on?"

He had never refused my touch before. He had not held anything back from me since the merge, not his touch, not his plans, certainly not his emotions be they malice or dizzying happiness. Now, he had pulled everything of himself back and refused to show me what ailed him.

At the shake of his head, I urged him again, aiming for a more gentle tone. "Tell me, please."

His eyes widened slightly and the shake of his head became more profuse. His mouth opened and closed without a single word uttered. It was also the first time I witnessed him, who usually was so eloquent, at loss for words.  
What had happened since we parted? It could not be Thor's banishment, there was no way he was so shaken about it. Knowing his emotions made it so easy to guess his thoughts, but without it, I was stranded.

"Tell me," I repeated.

"I can't," he answered. When I scooted closer to the edge of the bed, to him, he took a step backwards. "You have no idea."

"You are suffering," I said and petted the mattress beside me. "Let me ease your mind. Talk to me - whatever it is, I want to share in your pain."

His eyes focused on my hand, while his own fingers twisted nervously together. After a long, tense moment of hesitation, he stepped forward and sat down heavily on the bed, as far away from me as he could. The movement did not fit his usually elegant stance at all.  
He plopped down, making the mattress shake and the blanket bundle up around him.

I did not speak again, only waited as he staled himself. His breathing went slightly steadier as he sat, but it seemed as if every muscle in his body was tense to the breaking point. I could see the muscle's strain on his neck and his fingers gripping so tight onto each other that his knuckles turned white.

Finally, he released a deep, shuddering sigh. "When the Allfather took the casket out of Jotunheim... It was not the only thing he took."  
My eyebrows drew together just for him to look up and see the confusion written on my features. His jaw clenched and looked down as quickly as he had found my gaze.

"He found a child," Loki continued. "Cast out, left to die..."

He trailed off and I reached for him again. This time, he did not pull away, but maybe he should have. As my fingers brushed against his hand, his skin turned an icy blue and it turned equally cold. So cold, in fact, that it burned me and I let go with a surprised shriek at the pain.

Loki scrambled away from me, the look on his face making him seem more terrified than I was. "I'm sorry," he choked out. I wondered if he had ever apologized to me before. "I'm so sorry."

My mind was racing with both the pain and the scramble to understand what was happening. Through the haze, Mother's teachings came back to me and a gentle trail of my fingers across the burn healed it. It was not my best work, and the skin still smarted afterward, but the mental shock was worse than the pain..

Meanwhile, Loki was rubbing at the spot on his hand that had frozen me, despite it having long returned to its usual colour. I wanted to demand explanation, but Loki had to be soothed first. I could not stand the terror in his eyes.

"It's all right." I held my had out for him to see that it was healed already. "See? All better."

He did not look me in the eye and instead shook his head again. "You should go," he said. "Eirlys, please, for Odin's sake, go."

The sadness in him broke my heart. He was clearly shielding himself from me - I did not know how, but he did it. Perhaps he did it to protect me from the horror inside him, but if he did it to drive me away, he did not suceed. My love and my compassion were not dependent on our connection.

"I'm not leaving just because you-"

"I'M A FROST GIANT."

I flinched at his sudden outburst and while it drove tears into my eyes, I did not budge. My love also did not depend on him being Asgardian. "I don't care," I told him.

His eyebrows rose and he searched my face, perhaps for deceit or foolishness. "I'm a monster," he said finally. The anger had disappeared from his voice and it left nothing but defeat behind.

"No, you're not," I said at once.

"I hurt you-"

"You did not mean to," I told him.

Loki was not perfect - he could be jealous and arrogant and sometimes downright malevolent, but he was also many good things and he cared for his family. Someone capable of love could hardly be a monster he claimed to be.

He had revealed a horrible truth and had I not witnessed the change of his skin, I would probably not have believed him. Yet it made entirely too much sense.  
Despite his claims otherwise, Father had always favoured Thor. Loki had been the odd one out, so very different from the rest of Asgard.

What I could not quite believe was that my parents had never told him. That was, I could believe that Father would be ready for such a lie. It did not seem like our mother at all, however.

"Brother," I said carefully, though I did not quite know what to say. "I am-"

"I'm not your brother," he interrupted me briskly.

I drew myself up to sit straighter and squared my shoulders. "Nothing has changed between us," I told him.

This time, when he looked to me, he seemed almost hopeful. "Aren't you relieved?" he asked quietly.

It had not quite occurred to me yet, that I could be relieved. Loki and I were not actually related - and that meant our union was hardly as wrong, or as disgusting as we had ever thought. Our chances to be together suddenly looked a lot better than before.  
We had still grown up as siblings, though, and people would always see us as such. In the end, nothing much had changed. The people would not approve of such a union and our parents certainly would not, either.

I found, in that moment, that I did not care either way. Loki's love was worth every internal struggle and every bit of the disapproval that could be directed our way and it had always been, related or not.

"I don't care," I said. "You're my brother and my lover and my best friend. My ally and my protector. Both my best teacher and my best student. You're my source of power and comfort - you are everything and I love you. This changes nothing. I don't care if you're a Frost Giant or not, I would not even care if you were half Bilgesnipe."

His lips spread into a weak grin and when he looked at me again, he finally met my eyes. I was relieved to find them less haunted now. This time, he reached for me and he had himself in check. His fingers brushed over my palm before he grasped my hand firmly.

We sat in silence for a while, both lost in thought and exhausted from the day's revelations. Loki's mind had calmed when he allowed our connection again. He was filled with a deep sadness, but at least he was not spiralling as I had feared he would.  
I squeezed his hand gently and he responded by circling his thumb over the back of my hand. It would take long until the truth sank in fully and even longer for it to be accepted.

It did not make much sense to me, the whole ordeal - why would our Father take a child from Jotunheim? A Frost Giant? Even if he saw some kind of blackmail opportunity, or a political ploy - why would he adopted the child? Why make all of us believe Loki was our brother? What was the point of it all?  
Finally, though, I realized why I had not been able to do the blood merge on my own. We had never been related - what had seemed too absurd to be considered an actual possibility at the time had now become our truth.

"I can practically hear you thinking," Loki sighed and dragged his other hand over his face. "What are you wondering about?"

"All of it," I answered. "But you don't have to talk about it now."

He nodded. I noticed a small spark of gratefulness, but it soon vanished beneath everything else. He released a heavy, deep sigh. "Only the most important question that you have, then," he said.

It was hard to determine what exactly the most important question was, for the ordeal confused on every single part. So I just blurted out the first question I could coherently think of.

"Why did he take you?" I asked. "Has he said? Knowing our father, he must have had a reason."

His grip on my hand tightened to the point of pain, but I did not protest. He was hurting much more inside than I was on the outside and I would give him everything he needed.

"He thought," Loki said lowly. "That we could unite the kingdoms. Put me on the throne after growing up amongst Asgardians." He shook his head and looked at me with the most despairing look I had ever seen on him. "I was never meant to be his heir. And now, it turns out, I'm not even good enough for Jotunheim."

Everything inside me screamed in outrage. Loki was more than worthy to be Asgard's heir and if he ever took Jotunheim, it would just be a pretty addition. How dare Father insinuate that Loki was _not good enough_? What kind of father would say such a thing? My rage drove tears into my eyes.

Loki sighed yet again and I only then realized that he could feel me, too, that I had just put another bundle of rage on top of his. He pulled his hand away and started messaging his temples.

"Headache?" I asked. "I can-"

"Eirlys?" he said lowly. "You should go look for Mother. With Father asleep, she'll be distraught."

I wetted my lips and reached for him once more. He met my eyes before I could touch him and it froze my movement. He look on his face was scary. It was hard to tell what exactly made him look like this, but it did not seem like himself at all. He seemed colder, darker than I had ever seen him.

He probably felt my fear, for his features softened again and he attempted as smile. "Please, _sister_ , I need a moment," he explained.

It did not sit well with me, but I could hardly deny him when he wished to be alone. Perhaps I would want the same if I was in his place.  
My fingers brushed over his arm once again, but I did get up and nodded at him. He kept his eyes on me until I was right at the door. When I looked back to him, his gaze was fixed on his arm once more, the other hand rubbing up and down.

I wanted to tell him again that he had not hurt me, that I still cared about him, that everything would be all right, despite what it might seem like in this moment.  
He would probably not appreciate such a thing, though, and so the only thing I said was, "Please be safe."

He did not answer me, not even looked at me, but outrage and bitterness welled up inside him. I wanted nothing more than to hug him, to shield him from the horrors of the world and make everything all right.  
I could not, though. He did not want me to, and there was nothing I could have done, anyway. It would take more than my sympathies to make this right again.

Perhaps he was right in suggesting I go see our mother. She obviously had some explaining to do, especially now that our father had conveniently fallen asleep. Even if she could not explain, she would probably have advise on how to proceed.  
Besides, I had yet to experience any pain that our mother's love could not cure. She could probably handle this, too.

* * *

 **We finally reached that point! The big revelation - tell me what you guys thought of it in a review ;)**


	25. Long Live the King

**Thanks to everyone who read, fav'd, alerted and to ThoseEvilDucks, Mari Clair Roemajji Celts, sarahmichellegellarfan1 and guest "Scarlett" (Did you just make up fanfiction about my fanfiction :P? Maybe you should write your own story some time! Also - "until I finished it"; we have just reached the midway point ;) ) for reviewing!  
**

 **(Also, guest "Chloe" reviewed the chapter before last - and, darling, I might even agree with you, but that line about Thor being cruel is from the original film (I even rewatched the scene to confirm that I hadn't made it up), so there's that ;) Otherwise thanks for your review!)**

 **I won't keep you any longer, on to the chapter!**

* * *

 **Long Live the King**

* * *

The lights in my father's chambers were dimmed. The faces of the Einherjar guiding me inside appeared even more sullen and gloomy in the light. None of them had spoken even a single word to me, each perhaps equally trapped in the seriousness of the situation.

The bed was central to the room now and it was covered in gold, spinning light. It did not shine, though. If anything, it seemed to suck every other bit of light from its surroundings.  
Father lay on it, covered with pelts and blankets. His face was stern and grave as ever and his hands were folded above his chest. He looked more dead than asleep.  
Mother sat at his side, watching intently while her hands smoothed out the sheets. She looked up when she heard me approach and a soft, mournful smile spread on her lips.

I did not return it. I sat down at her side silently and watched my hands glowing dimly when I, too, reached into the barrier to touch my father. His hands were clammy, but still held some warmth. Even though he did not look it, his heart was beating.

"We know the truth," I said when my mother remained quiet. "About Loki."

Her breath caught, but I did not look to see the expression on her face. I did not want to see her fear or her shame or her sympathy. Forgotten was the idea of comfort - on my way here, something had shifted inside me. Perhaps the distance from Loki had allowed me to push away the gentle need for sympathy and become angry instead.

Whatever it was, I did not want to forgive my mother just yet. So I kept my eyes fixed on the wrinkles deeply embedded in my father's face.

"Where is he?" she asked finally.

"I left him in his chambers," I answered. "He's not faring too well."

She shifted beside me and it took her a few moments to make an answer. "I was wondering - they were in the Vault together - Loki and your father and... Is he very angry?"

I had to clench my teeth so hard it hurt in order not to snap at her immediately. Yes, Loki was very angry and sad and lost and just generally upset - just as anyone would be that had just found that their whole life was a lie. How very good that she had been _wondering_.  
I was itching to hit her, to scratch at her, to just make it hurt - give her just a tiny taste of what she had done to Loki, who she had always claimed to love.

Did she really? I could not tell truth from lie anymore. Perhaps I had never been able to and perhaps I should have never put such trust in my mother.

"What do you think?" I ground out. "All our lives you have taught us how Frost Giants are monsters, the evilest of the evil and-"

"Loki's not like that!"

Her interruption drew my eyes to her for the first time. She appeared genuinely offended by my words and her eyebrows drew together to that scolding look I knew all too well.

"I know that," I said pointedly before she could dare to lecture me. "But you still made him grow up with this belief about his own race - about himself! You could have told him from the beginning - you could have told all of us, instead of making us live a lie!"

I had half a mind to tell her the whole truth, about me, about Loki, about everything we had done together. Maybe then she would understand the depth of what they had done to us, the pain that they had caused us - a completely unnecessary pain, as it turned out.

The words did not leave my mouth. It would cause all of us more pain than it would do us good, right in that moment, though I no longer had doubt that we would tell her one day.  
Preferably soon, for I did not want to keep any more secrets that did not need to be kept. I was done cowering in fear in front of our parents, who had so obviously failed in every aspect that mattered.

"Your father thought it best to keep it from him," Mother attempted to explain, "For his own safety-"

"Did you ever think," I bit back. "That he might be wrong? That the mighty Odin could err? Or are you so blinded by throne and scepter that you cannot see?"

Mother sat up straighter, clearly in an effort to regain some of her authority. "Careful how you proceed," she said. "He can still hear you."

"So he shall," I retorted. "I would say it all even if he was awake."

She shook her head at me, disappointment clearly written on her features. It made me clench my fists tightly. How dare she look at me this way when I was in the right?  
"We only ever wanted what was best for you!" she argued. "Especially your father!"

It was as if someone had lifted the veil and for the first time, I could see clearly. I had spent all my life firmly believing in the wisdom of my parents - and while my father's decision often made me sad and angry, I had never doubted that he did indeed do what was right. Until Thor's coronation, that was, though even then I had thought that perhaps there was some deep knowledge, some long-standing plan that he sought to execute.

The truth was quite different. Odin did not want what was best for his children or he would never have acted the way he had. My mother, it turned out, was just as fallible as anyone else. Her blind faith in the king had made me believe the same, but I had been wrong.  
I did not know if Odin was a good king - I had never lived under another, had no comparison. It was easy to determine though, that he was not a good father. I did not need to know another to understand that.

Most importantly, I was tired of bowing to his decisions and denying both my own mind and heart.

"Our happiness and comfort were never his concern!" I said, surprised myself by the loud sound of my voice. "Nor yours, when it did not suit you! I did not even dare tell you how much I disliked Kvass, because I knew it would not matter, but only serve to make Father angry! No more. From now on, I will only believe myself and I certainly won't take your orders anymore."

Her eyes narrowed at me. "He is still your king and your father."

"He's also asleep - when will he wake?" I asked. "And who takes his place while he rests? You? With all the lies you've spun, I certainly won't bow to you. Thor's gone - who will it be? Are you putting the Frost Giant or the daughter on the throne?"

She did not need to articulate her answer. The look she gave me was more than enough. Not that I had ever truly thought I would ever be considered - not that I had ever had any desire to rule - but in the light of everything, it still stung. Loki was in no position to take the throne right now, distraught as he was, but sure - the little girl was an even worse option.

I got up and had almost reached the doors when she called out to me again. "I think you'd be an excellent queen," Mother said without raising her voice. I froze with my hand on the door handle. "But I also think Loki will be an excellent king. How do you expect me to choose?"

I took a deep breath. "I expect you to make the right choice for your children," I answered. "Just once."

It was hard to say how long I walked, but it seemed to me that I walked every hallway of the palace, every little trail in the gardens, every row of the library before I dared return to the world of the living.  
Loki's emotions had shifted between despair and anger for a long while, but then a sudden surge of pride and triumph had took him. I assumed he had learnt that he was to rule while Odin was asleep.

At any other given time, I would have congratulated him. I had always thought that Loki could be a great king, a much better one than Thor would ever be.  
Right now, though, he was a mess of flailing emotions and such was no time to hand him great responsibility. Even if they did not want to hand it to me - and perhaps I did understand, I had never been raised to rule - putting all this power in Loki's hands was not a wise decision.

It was instinctual to find him, and I did so in the throne room. He was sprawled on the throne, his long legs thrown over the arm rest, Gugnir draped lazily at the side.  
I could only imagine what others would see when they looked upon him, but to me, he did not seem happy. His heart was still as heavy as it had been all day. Yet when he saw me, his face lightened up and a grin spread on his face.

I stopped in front of the steps leading up to him and inclined my head. "My king," I said.

He uttered a laugh at my mockery. Loki swung his legs back around and sat properly, squaring his shoulders for full effect. His eyes were gleaming with mischief.  
"Don't you think this suits me?" he asked.

"I do." I had always considered Loki to be more impressive and more intimidating than others gave him credit for. He was especially more intimidating than Thor. I had always assumed it would serve him well, one day, but seeing the result in front of me now was more frightening than I had imagined.  
"Loki, are you all right?"

"Of course." The answer came so swiftly that it had to be a lie. "Mother says you are very upset with her."

I pursed my lips at that. "I am very upset in general," I answered.

His eyebrows rose. "There's no need to be angry on my behalf," he said softly. The sadness creeped into him again.

"Who else will be?" I asked. "Angry, I mean - you clearly don't have the time and no one else cares enough. I want to be angry on your behalf, outraged and furious, because what happened to you is terrible and I don't want it to be forgotten or brushed over. I don't want it swiped under the carpet as if nothing had ever happened."

He took me in from head to toe as if he saw me for the very first time. His eyes shone when they finally met mine again. The rush of affection I felt could only indicate his own emotions - and when he calmed with it, I did as well.

"Perhaps now is not the time," he said, gesturing to the empty throne room. "With Father asleep and Thor gone, but I promise you this will not be forgotten."

I could not help but think that the longer he waited, the more terrible his wrath would be. Loki was one who plotted and planned, elaborately and beautifully. When he wanted disaster, he got it.

"So we'll wait, then?" I asked. "We just go back to normal?"

"Is that a problem?"

Loki swept down the stairs and gathered my hands in his. They were unnaturally warm. For a moment, I thought my perception had changed, now that I expected something much colder, but that could not be it. Loki had always felt cool to the touch and now it was as if he was burning. My eyebrows pulled tight together as I looked up to him.

He did not need me to speak to understand my confusion. "A simple spell," he explained. "I don't want you to get hurt again."

"You've never hurt me before and I am not afraid," I said. "Lift it - it must cost so much strength."

His reaction was no more than a gentle twinge inside him. It was not quite what I had thought it would be. Instead, he lifted one of his hands and gently traced his knuckles over my cheek.

"Luckily," he said. "I have my own power-source right here."

He probably did not mean it as an insult, but his words still stung. For a single terrible moment, it seemed as if everything had been a lie. Of course he had only used me so he could grab the additional power, of course he did not actually care about me - the moment was gone as quickly as it had come, but it still left me feeling sick.

I pulled my hands from his grip and took a step backwards. Confusion was written on his features and I felt another pang in my chest at how hurt he looked.

"I'm sorry," I said. "We both had a long day."

I tried to count back and found that despite the late hour, we probably had not yet crossed midnight. It was still Thor's coronation day and the world as we knew had suddenly spiralled out of control. Just a single day and nothing was the same.

"Indeed," he muttered. "We should go to bed. No doubt the first opposition will arrive tomorrow. Sif has been looking at us shrewdly."

Loki sounded tired, but anger swirled in his mind. I did not comment on it - tonight, I felt, was no time for discussion of any sort, much less a fight. Tonight was not the time to defend Sif or any of the others.  
I would remain alert, though, and keep an eye out for her tomorrow. I would never consciously work against Loki, would never dream of sabotaging or hurting him but given the situation - I was not sure if it was wise to support him, either.

* * *

 **PLEASE review, it would make me very happy :))**


	26. Forbidden

**Thanks to everyone who read, fav'd, alerted and to , Tabloid Teen, sarahmichellegellarfan1, connorfrantastic and guests "Scarlett" (my first stories weren't good either! We all have to start somewhere ;) As for anything else - I completely agree with you!) and "Chloe" (Oops, I didn't catch that! My bad! But the more I think on it, the more I like the line. Not for what it says about Thor, but for what it says about Eirlys) for reviewing!**

* * *

 **Forbidden**

* * *

We slept in my bed that night, for probably the first time ever. He did not say why - indeed, he did not say anything at all about the matter. Instead of turning for his chambers, he strut towards mine as if there had never been another option.  
I did not protest. I was entirely too tired to question his motives and I did not mind sleeping in my own bed for a change.

The new day dawned as bright as the one before and the irony was still poignant. The air around us felt heavy from the moment I woke. Loki was still sleeping, but even in dreams, his mind seemed plagued.

I shimmied out of the sheets as quietly as possible, but the first few taps of my bare feet on the cold floor pulled him from his rest. He groaned behind me and shifted beneath the blankets.

"How late is it?" he asked, his voice laden with sleep.

"Still early," I said. The sun had only just risen over the hilltops. "Go back to sleep."

Loki groaned again and pushed his hair out of his face. It spilled in sharp contrast over my light sheets as he shook his head. "I have to get up," he murmured. "I'm the king."

Hopefully, in his sleepy haze, he did not notice the clenching of my heart at his words. There he was, our king, both body and soul exhausted before his rule had properly begun.

"No one needs a king who can't keep his eyes open," I said gently. "Get some rest."

He heeded my advise, I supposed, as best he could. He closed his eyes again and seemed to be resting, though he did not get back to sleep. I felt more than saw him gradually waking up while I moved silently about the room, dressing and arranging for the day.  
When I had finished my braids, he would not be contained any longer. Loki sat up and moved about the room and I watched him in the mirror.

Once he, too, was dressed, he kept on pacing. Yesterday, most of what had bothered him had been based on sadness. Today, he seemed more angry than anything.  
When at last, I could not take the build-up any longer, I decided to speak up and distract him.

"We should tell Mother," I said. "About us, I mean."

He froze on the spot at my words and turned to glare at me. I met his eyes in the mirror. "No," he said through clenched teeth.

I raised an eyebrow at that. "You might be willing to keep up this charade for all eternity," I said. "But I am not. We need to tell her eventually, might as well now."

As a matter of fact, I thought this was the perfect moment to tell her the truth. Right now, she was in the wrong. She was the one who had to make amends for her continued lies - if there ever was a moment to break a harsh truth, it was in this very moment. When our own wrongdoings were outweighed by hers and when Father was not their to crush our skulls.

Loki walked towards me and I finally turned to face him properly. "What, pray tell, do you think will happen? Will she be happy for us and with her behind us, we can tell the whole realm the truth? Is that your plan?" he demanded. "Let me tell you, it won't be like that!"

I scoffed - I hated it when he acted as if I was dumb. I was not, not the slightest bit. Our options were more than limited; but while he had brooded through the night, I had found a scenario that would serve us rather than hurt us.  
"Look," I said. "If we made your parentage public-"

"I am king," he said pointedly. "If we admit to the truth, I have no claim to the throne whatsoever."

I chewed on my bottom lip while he resumed his pacing in front of me. Perhaps he would eventually wander a hole into the light blue carpets. The maids would not be pleased with that at all.

"I know," I said. "But if you think about it - with Thor gone and you out of the equation-"

He hissed dangerously, but I refused to be silenced. I had a plan, a good one if I might say so myself, and I at least deserved to be heard out. Neither of us liked the situation and it would not be good in a long while, but we had to take our chances while we still could. That was, before Thor returned - I did not doubt that he would, eventually. He was our parents' favourite, after all.

"Look, with Thor gone, I would be heiress to the throne," I said. "The only option. And whoever marries me will be king."

His eyes went wide at that. I had never thought to ever see him taken by surprise, but here it was. These days seemed to be full of such occasions. It surprised me, in turn, that he had never thought of this possibility.

"You would marry me to put me on the throne?" he asked. His voice sounded suddenly hollow.

"It's not the only throne we can put you on," I said carefully. I was already treading on thin ice, but I feared I was about to break it. "You'd be the legitimate heir to the throne of Jotunheim-"

Our connection was not needed to recognize his annoyance - it was written plainly on his face and his breath left him in a huff. Loki glared at me and when I did not back off, his lips twisted into a cruel sneer.

"You truly are Odin's daughter," he said.

It was insulting at best, like a slap in the face, but it did little to sway me. Odin was a terrible father, but he had managed to keep Asgard largely peaceful and prosperous and never had the power of the realm shaken since he had defeated the Frost Giants. At least, it seemed our father was an apt politician.

"His plan might have been reprehensible, but you cannot deny it bears some political beauty," I said. "We could conquer a whole realm without a single drop of blood spilled..."

His tongue darted out to lick over his lips. "I would not mind spilling Jotun blood."

"I'd mind spilling Asgardian blood, though," I retorted. I realized my mistake immediately - for a short moment, it felt as though my insides were twisting and then he was suddenly numb again. He had cut off our connection, yet again, and I still did not know how he did it.

"Of course," he seethed and I also realized that this was not the time to ask him magic questions. Before I could correct it, he had walked wide out of reach, stomping slightly like a petulant child. He stopped in the middle of the room and pointed at me as if for dramatic effect. "I will not be bound to you because of a political whim."

His words stung, but my voice luckily remained calm when I answered him. "You speak in rage. Once you calm down, you'll see I am right."

Loki did not move when I got up and approached him slowly, as you would a wild deer. It was hard to say how he would react, when he had cut himself off from me, and I did not know what would set him off.  
By the time I reached him, he had sagged slightly, the tension seeping off of him slowly. I reached out for him and my fingers travelled tentatively along his arms.

"I love you," I said. "And that doesn't change, no matter who we tell or who sits on a throne or if we ever make this official or not."

"Eirlys-"

"I am merely," I interrupted him. "Suggesting a way in which we will even gain something from all this mess. So think about it."

I did not know if he could still feel my emotions when he broke the connection or if it went both ways, but just in case, I tried to focus on the love I felt for him, tried to pour out every bit of affection I had. My love was the only thing I had to fix his problems and though it was not much, perhaps it was enough. I desperately hoped so.

Loki smiled wryly and relief flooded through me at the sight. "I never thought you would be the one to propose," he teased. "Not sure I like it."

I nodded, mesmerized by this new outbreak of good humour. "I'll give you a chance to do it properly," I offered. "I promise I'll even act surprised."

I dropped by Father's chambers after parting with Loki only to find things unchanged. Mother was still glued to his side, stroking his hand or his hair, frowning all the while.  
She finally managed to whisper out an apology. It would take a good while longer, I figured, until I could completely forgive her, but the woman I saw here, worrying over her husband, was not one I wanted to argue with.

Apparently, my parents had expected the sleep to come for a long while, but Mother was still surprised by the suddenness of the ordeal. The last time my father had fallen into Odinsleep had been centuries ago and my memory was fuzzy, but Mother had counted on him being able to give warning and lie down by himself.

"He's put it off too long," she told me. "I worry he won't wake up again."

Perhaps I was a monster, but I did not feel too bad about that. At least, with him gone, he would never try to marry me off again. He would never lie and manipulate again. He would never be able to make either me or Loki feel inferior and he would not be able to commit such foolishness again as to put Thor on the throne.

I left the dim presence of my mother and headed for the kitchens when my stomach reminded me, rather loudly, that I had not eaten in a long while.  
I found the kitchens in a state of chaos. It took me several minutes to locate the cook and the head-maid, in passionate debate on whether or not the warriors would be fed today. They only stopped when I tipped the cook on the shoulder and rather loudly announced that _of course_ business would be running as usual.

"While you're at it," I added. "I'm sure the king would want for his breakfast to be delivered. My brother hasn't eaten for too long already."

For once, rumour seemed not to have travelled faster than me and my words caused the whole kitchen to erupt in hurried whispers and incredulous gaps. The head-maid paled in front of my very eyes while the cook continued to nod hurriedly.

A critically raised eyebrow and a bit of ushering later, the staff had managed to both hurry out with a tablet for Loki and procure some bread and fruit for myself.  
It was there, in the middle of the kitchen, watching everyone fall back into routine, where Sif and the Warrior's Three found me.

The moment the maids spotted Volstagg, they brought him a plate bursting full of ham and a jug of ale. Much to my surprise, he turned both of the offers down. Fandral, though, picked one of the grapes from my plate and popped it into his mouth with a wink. Sif elbowed him in the stomach.

"Shouldn't you be in the Training Grounds or something?" I asked.

Sif's eyes narrowed at me and she pushed a bit of her jet-black hair out of her face. "Without Thor?" she said. "Hardly!"

I pursed my lips at that. "Well, you'll have to wait long if your training is dependent on his return."

All four of them exchanged a look that was laden with something more than worry about their friend. Hogun's scowl was even more prominent than usual and Sif crossed her arms in front of her chest.  
My stomach dropped at the sight. They had already questioned Loki's behaviour yesterday, but now they appeared even more suspicious. It could not be that they had figured out the truth - or could it? What did they think they knew?

"We've just been to see your brother," Fandral said carefully. For once, he was not smiling brightly. "We asked him to bring Thor back."

I picked up my tee cup and swirled the liquid slightly within it. "What did he say?"

Not that I had any doubt as to what Loki had said. Sif gave me a look that told me she also knew I was only pretending. Surely, she could not have believed that Thor would be brought back, and so quickly at that?

"Look," Fandral said and sat down next to me. "We think that Loki might have had something to do with the Jotun attack and that's why he doesn't want to bring Thor back."

When Loki felt that an unfortunate truth was exposed, his features always evened out. For me, likewise for our mother, it was a tell-tale sign that we had hit the nail on the head, even though most people never saw beyond the facade.  
I could only hope that I had a similar skill, because if the clenching of my insides was displayed on my face, there would be no doubt, even for someone as simple minded as Fandral.

"I told you once, I'll tell you a thousand times," I said, praying to the Norns that they would not notice the shaking of my voice. "Banishing Thor is the right thing to do - Odin has cast him out for a reason and it is not our place to questions this decision. And if you honestly think that Loki would do such a thing as to betray us all, then you are the traitors and you can count yourselves lucky if I don't report you."

Sif groaned loudly. "Okay," she said. "We get it. All hail King Loki."

She was buzzing with energy, and I supposed it was the same outraged wish for action that I, too, felt when I thought about what my parents had done. It was the kind of outrage that made you want to punch someone, to fight, to just do something.  
Obviously, Sif could not be allowed to put that kind of energy into action and so I attempted to smooth things over. Perhaps, if they believed that Thor might come back one day, they would not be as opposed to the current situation. Maybe they would even stop investigating.

"I'm sure Loki will do his very best in ruling this realm," I said. "And maybe we can bring our brother back one day. Just now is not the time."

Sif shook her head with an ugly sneer and Hogun pulled a face that showed he did not believe me. Volstagg, too, was watching me with content, but at least Fandral attempted a smile in my direction.

"I see," he said. "Thanks for your help, Eirlys."

I just so resisted the urge to hiss at him. He slipped from the bench and the four of them made their way back out of the kitchen. Since they had been with him before, Loki probably already knew, but I would have to warn him of their suspicions, anyway. Their loyalty to Thor was dangerous and the last thing we needed right now was to bring him back. We would have to find a solution for those people.

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	27. The Downward Spiral

**Thanks to everyone who read, fav'd, alerted and most of all to Red of Dawn, , sarahmichellegellarfan1, my bonded and guests "Guest" (She's definitely evolving - glad you like the change! We'll see how it continues ;)) and "Scarlett" (We certainly do! Thanks for your review!) for reviewing.**

 **On we go.**

* * *

 **The Downward Spiral**

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The trouble was, my search for Loki was futile. He was not in the throne room. He was not in the library or in his rooms. He was not with our mother. He was nowhere to be found and no one had seen him come or go; the kitchenmaids had brought the food I had sent to him back untouched.

Even worse, he had cut me off again and had not reactivated our connection. For all I knew, he could be lying dead in the streets somewhere. When I found him, he would get told exactly what I thought of locking me out.

It was long past midday when I could not take it anymore. There were only so many birds I could stand to hear sing, only so many worried servants I could stand to see hurry past me.  
I leant my head back against the walls of the stone alcove I had sought refuge in and closed my eyes, reaching for Loki again. He was able to hide his emotions from me, I found, but he could not undo all of the merge. I could still feel his magic vibrating inside me, fuelling my own power.

The thought that he was cherry-picking the things he wanted to be connected to me about sent me straight into action. Before I could think better of it, the power had built up inside me. It took but a little push and I found myself striding along the Rainbow Bridge, transported effortlessly across the realm.

Heimdall's observatory rose in front of me. It always appeared so small and unimportant from a distant, but standing in front of it, it was one of the most majestic pieces of architecture we had.  
The Gatekeeper was already facing me when I entered and watched my descent inside with raised eyebrows. He did not bow to me.

His voice was a deep rumble when he spoke to me. "Why have you come here?"

"Can you not guess?" I retorted lightly. "I am looking for my brother, the king."

He hummed. "He is shielded from my sight," Heimdall answered. "Which is not surprising, since the two of you disappear quite often."

I swallowed hard. I had always wondered if Heimdall noticed that we shielded ourselves, if he ever specifically looked for us. Apparently, I had found my answer.  
"We aim for privacy," I said. "Not for deception."

Heimdall regarded me with obvious disbelief, but his lips were twitching as if he were thinking to smile. It made my heart a little lighter - if he was still amused, he did not suspect anything horrific.

His eyes darted away from me and he stared into the distance as if lost in thought. His eyebrows drew together tightly and his fingers curled around the heft of his sword.

"So he has not come through here?" I asked, aiming to ease the tension that had suddenly befallen us.

Heimdall shook his head, but his focus remained far-off. "But he will be here soon," he said finally, turning towards the middle of the observatory. "Loki has just stepped into my view." Once, before he plunged in the sword, did he look back at me. "He is in Jotunheim."

My stomach dropped at that. What in the Nine Realms was Loki doing on Jotunheim? It was a bit early for a self-exploration trip and Loki was not the type for one, anyway. Which meant, in turn, that he was up to something a lot more threatening.

He emerged in brilliant flash to flight out of the Bifrost and Heimdall stepped away to let him pass. His eyes settled on me at once, but he still addressed Heimdall first.

"What troubles you?" he asked lightly, as if he could not imagine a single thing that could be wrong.

My gaze remained fixed on Loki, but I could see Heimdall shift from the corner of my eye. "I turned my gaze upon Jotunheim, but could neither see nor hear you. You were shrouded from me, like the Frost Giants who entered this realm," he said.

Loki cocked an eyebrow at that. "Perhaps your senses have weakened after your many years of service."

They sized each other up until finally Loki moved towards me. The Gatekeeper did not follow him. Loki grabbed my arm when he reached me and, ignoring my - not very fierce - struggle, dragged me towards the exit.

"What do you think you're doing?" I hissed at him.

He glared at me. "Not here," he said tightly and pushed me outside onto the Rainbow Bridge. Inside the gateway, he turned once more and ordered, "You will open the Bifrost to no one until I have undone what my brother has started."

I could not see Heimdall bowing, but I could only assume that he had, because Loki returned to my side looking much more satisfied than he had before.  
That satisfaction was about to be brought to an abrupt end, for I would not stand for yet another threat to the peace of our realm. We had done enough collaboration with the Jotuns to last us a lifetime.

"Tell me then," I demanded. "Where were you?"

He narrowed his eyes at me and shook his head at me. "Don't you worry about it-"

"But I do!" I snapped and to my great satisfaction, I saw him flinch slightly at the raised tone of my voice.  
Good. I did not want him to think that he could walk all over me like that. That he could cut me off and go on some mystery adventure that would endanger us all. This was still my realm and my home and if we were completely honest, this was my throne. I would not give things over to chaos so easily.

"Tell me where you were," I said again.

He straightened himself and squared his shoulders. "I visited our brother and then, guess what, I visited _my_ father," he said and then strut away, his steps so heavy that I feared he might break through the multicoloured, sparkling floor of the Rainbrow Bridge.  
My mouth dropped open as I watched him go and I hurried to follow him.

"Our brother?" I repeated incredulously.

"Yes," he said, never even slowing down. "He had to cease trying to come back, I ensured he would not bother us again."

My breath left me in a helpless rush and my stomach clenched painfully. Surely, he had not... I reached out to stop his progress, but only grasped onto his cape swaying behind him.

Loki hissed dangerously when he noticed the contact and wrenched the fabric from my grip. "Don't be ridiculous," he said. "I didn't kill him. I told him he could never come back. He saw reason easily."

Relief refused to settle inside me. There was no telling if Loki was honest or not. It could be the blatant truth or he could have made every word up out of the blue.

"You're lying to me," I accused. Tears filled my eyes before I knew it and my lower lip quivered.

His tongue darted out to wet his lips and he inclined his head slightly. The sparkle in his eyes was almost one of amusement and it made something in me roar. The tears dried as soon as they were falling.  
He reached out to wipe a stray one away and I pushed him back, shoving as hard as I could. His eyes widened slightly in surprise while my own narrowed at him.

"Tell me the truth," I demanded.

Loki pointed an accusing finger at me. "I am king and you don't get to tell me what to do, little girl!"

This time, when I pushed him back, it was with the combined force of mine and his magic. He staggered and almost fell and his features twisted in ugly anger.  
I swiped my hand through the air and the magic cut open his cheek. Blood started pooling from the long clean cut in his pale skin. I was not usually violent, but this felt undeniably good.

"I would remind you," I said. "That I am not a little girl, I am a princess and your sister and it would do you some good to show me the respect I deserve!"

His eyes were so dark they were almost black. He took a step forward and slashed the air with his hand just as I had. It slapped me in the face, making my head jerk to the side, though it did not break the skin.  
I hissed dangerously. If he wanted to fight, he could have a fight. My next swipe hit his feet and swept him clean of the ground.

Loki landed with a groan, but was back on his feet in a matter of seconds, heaving. His next hit punched me in the gut and I, too, was knocked down.  
I slammed my hands down onto the ground and made it shake, causing him to loose his balance yet again.

"Tell me the truth," I yelled to him while we both climbed back on our feet.

His jaw clenched at that. "He thinks Father is dead," he said. "There, happy?"

It was like another punch to the gut. I shook my head, gasping for breath. It was beyond me how he could be so cruel, to our own brother nonetheless. It was as if I looked upon a man that I did not know at all.

"And the Jotuns?" I demanded. "What of them?"

"I have a plan," he said. "And you don't have to know it!"

His face was hard, not betraying any emotion. I wanted to know how he did it, blocking me like this. I wanted him to stop with it at once.  
The anger broke from me in a scream and my magic hit him at the same time. This time, he was prepared and stood against it, digging his heels into the ground.

"Stop it!" he ordered through clenched teeth.

"Then stop lying to me!" I screamed. "Allow our connection and tell me the truth! All of it!"

"I am the king," he yelled back at me. "I don't have to justify myself to you!"

Another push and he was yet again knocked of his feet. He kept lying there, breathing heavily while I approached. "This is my throne!" I told him and saw his fists clenching tightly. "And you sit on it by my good graces! I will not watch as you bring us all into ruin!"

He hissed at me, almost like a snake and then he knocked me backwards.  
Before I could quite catch my stance again, I found my throat constricting. I tried to gasp for breath, but no air would enter me. My heart started beating frantically and my head started spinning. My legs gave out and I sagged to my knees when black spots started appearing in my vision. I was only dimly aware of his approach. His footsteps echoed dimly through the rush in my ears.

Then the air was back. I sucked in a loud, deep breath and slumped forward, splaying my hands against the ground while I heaved. The world slowly came back into focus and I found Loki standing over me, glaring.

"You've gone mad," I whispered when I could finally speak again. "Turning against me? We were supposed to stand together!"

He sneered at me. "You don't have any choice but to stand with me," he said. "We are merged. You can't win and you can't be rid of me."

"I'm going to do what I bloody well like," I said. "I am not your puppet!"

Loki snarled at that. It was a ferocious, murderous sound and it chilled me to the core. "You can try," he said. "We'll see how much you can do from your chambers - I will make sure you won't leave them again."

This time, the tears fell as I shook my head at him. I did not protest when he grabbed my arm and hurled me upwards. I should never have left him out of my sight, no matter what he had claimed to want. Maybe he would not have snapped like this under my supervision.

Perhaps, though, he would sucked me along into this spiral of madness that had taken him. Knowing us, he would quite surely pulled me along.  
Yet, he had not and I was well aware of what was happening. He was dangerous, like this to all of us and most of all to himself. He had crushed our brother, he had allied with the Frost Giants, he had almost choked me to death. There was no telling what he would do next.

His fingers dug painfully into the flesh of my upper arm - it would surely bruise - and I swore to myself that I would not let him win. This was not the Loki I knew and not fighting against this version also meant not fighting for my Loki.

If being involved in his mischief had taught me one thing, then it was that it was best to deceive people with patience. I would let him lock me away and pretend I could not break out. I would strike when the moment was right - and when it was there, he could bet I would not give up again.

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	28. Live and Let Die

**Thanks to everyone who read, fav'd, alerted and most of all to dymondkds, sarahmichellegellarfan1, xxvampirebitexx, SabertoothUnicorn321 and guests "guest" (Thanks!), "Scarlett" (It... it kind of was, wasn't it? I did not even think of that, but it does have some parallels. Thanks for your review!) and "Chloe" (Your reply turned into a bit of rant, so you'll find it at the end of the chapter ;))**

* * *

 **Live and Let Die**

* * *

For the first time in a long while, the morning did not dawn bright. The evening before, clouds had started piling up on the horizon and a harsh wind had started blowing. Of course, I could only witness it through the glass of my window, huddled in my blanket, but I did not have much else to do.

Mere minutes after Loki had deposited me, rather harshly, in my chambers, the bright light of the Bifrost had illuminated Asgard once more. I had wondered if Loki had left again, but doubted it. Which meant that Heimdall had decidedly disobeyed his orders.  
My conclusion had been that he had let the Warrior's Three and Sif pass - I could not come up with anyone else who would attempt to leave the realm. They were probably going to search for Thor.

Since then, nothing of importance had happened; it had fallen dark and dawned again without any bit of news delivered to me. It seemed Loki had locked me away for good.  
Hopefully he had forgotten about me for now. A mere day ago, I would never have believed that I could be comforted by such a thought.

I pondered on what I should do next and when. Two Einherjar were guarding my door, but they would be easily fooled, even with my diminished strength - whatever Loki was presently doing, it used up a lot of our combined magic.

If only we had never merged, I thought. What had I been thinking? My mother had been exactly right when she had warned us back in the day. This much power was dangerous and it was especially so in someone not quite stable. Loki should not be wielding that kind of energy right now.

Maybe if I put enough distance between us, if I went a myriad of realms away, he would not be able to access me anymore. The hope was not substantial enough to risk it, though. I did not want to be stranded in the wasteland of Svartalfheim for nothing.

My eyes closed while I internally reached for Loki again, but to no avail. There was still nothing to be felt. He had refused to tell me how he had done it, even when I had demanded an answer again before he left.

The bright light of the Bifrost shone through my eyelids and they flew open at once. It seemed especially bright in front of the grey, stormy clouds.  
I inched a little closer to the window for a better angle but from the large distance, it was impossible to say what was going on. Could the Warrior's Three be bringing Thor back already? Would they dare to come back through the Bifrost? Surely, if my guess was correct, Loki had figured it out as well and was keeping an even closer look on Heimdall than before.

Then I saw them. First, I saw only Loki, striding from the Rainbow Bridge into the courtyard below my window. My heart fell when I spotted who was next. Behind Loki strode, tall and terrible, the king of Jotunheim, his blue skin almost grey without the sun. The ground shook beneath his heavy steps, even the glass of my window was rattling gently. Wherever he stepped, he left ice spreading in his wake.

I could not tear my eyes from them until they had passed from sight and only the heavy fall of Laufey's feet could still be heard. Then my eyes darted back towards the observatory. Heimdall was probably in a very tight spot, if he was not dead altogether. The question of what I should do next was suddenly answered: I had to get back to the observatory as soon as possible.

My blanket dropped to the floor halfway between window and door. I wrenched the door open, only to have the guards whirl around and point their staffs at me.

"You are to stay inside," one of them growled. "Orders from the king."

"I know," I said. "But I am cold. Sent for the maids to light the fireplace."

One of them actually raised the spear as if he wanted to run me through with it. "You can light it yourself, witch," he said. "Stay inside."

The door fell shut in front of my face and I pressed myself against the wall of the corridor. The two guards turned from the doors, satisfied to find me supposedly staying inside and I tensed when they looked in my direction.  
Neither of them even twitched and I released my breath in long, silent stream. Apparently, my invisibility spell had worked as well as my double.

They had not realized the figure in my chambers was not real and they had not seen the real me across from them. I had needed to test it before going out - the Jotun king certainly had not come into a hostile realm without reinforcements. For all I knew, the Rainbow Bride could be littered with Frost Giants.

The closer I drew to the observatory, the more assured I was that I had been right in my estimation. It was unnaturally cold for Asgard and it grew more freezing the longer I walked on the Rainbow Bridge. I did not dare teleporting closer, because I did not know where or on what I would land.

The sight I was met with made my heart stop for a hot second. Heimdall was frozen. His entire form was covered in thick, heavy ice, even his sword, stretched out above his head as if ready to strike. I could barely make him out through the ice.

Worse, though, was that I indeed found two Jotuns with him. They were striding through observatory, slinking slightly. The whole room was frozen, as if covered with an icy tapestry.  
I wondered why I had not brought a weapon before I remembered that I could not handle any weapons at all.

The ice bit into my skin when I wrapped my hand around where Heimdall's wrist was supposed to be. Slowly but surely, the ice beneath my hands turned to water and it started to ebb away down his form. My eyes darted nervously towards the Jotuns behind him, but they had not noticed so far.  
When I looked back to the icy statue before me, Heimdalls eyes were moving beneath the surface. My breath caught and I let him see a flicker of me before cloaking myself again. I could see his lips twitching.

Relief flooded me one moment and then I realized that I had committed a grave mistake. Heimdall had not been the only one to see me and the Frost Giants charged with a ground-shaking roar in my general direction.  
I screamed and thrust my hands out, causing a wall of fire to erupt behind Heimdall's back. Unfortunately, invisibility and fire were too much at the present moment - the illusion dropped and I had to face my opponents for good.

One of them was holding a club and swung it at me viciously. I dropped to the ground and it just so went over my head, hitting the frozen statue of Heimdall instead. The ice splintered and came crushing around me.

The Gatekeeper let out a guttural roar. When I looked up, he was whirling, his sword was slashing through the air and then it stabbed one of the Jotuns straight through the chest. As the other one charged, I slammed my hands on the ground and he lit up in fire. The Frost Giant crumbled with a heart-wrenching wail.

When I straightened, Heimdall was already limping towards the controls in the observatory. He slammed the sword, dripping with blood, in and the Bifrost started rotating. He was shaking and I rushed towards him to support him.

"Your brother," Heimdall wheezed. "Is coming back."

"Good," I retorted. "I never missed him more."

Then his figure had formed - Thor looked more proud and determined than he ever had, though he seemed battleworn. As did his companions; I had never thought I would be so relieved to see my brother's friends in one piece.  
Before I knew what I was doing, I rushed forward and flew into his arms. Thor shook slightly as I slammed into him.

"I am so sorry!" I proclaimed.

He pushed me away slightly. "Let's talk of it later - where is our brother?"

"He brought Laufey here," I breathed. "I fear the worst."

Thor nodded at me. "You take the others to the Healing Chambers," he said. "Leave Loki to me."

The walk back along the Rainbow Bridge was long and and weary. The warriors held themselves upright as best they could, yet they were all wounded and Heimdall, weakened from his stay in the ice was leaning heavily on me.  
Thor had sped in front of us, using Mjolnir for his powers of flight and had long since disappeared out of sight. I could only hope it would not be too late.

With our connection severed, it was impossible to say what Loki would or would not do - perhaps he had already killed Odin, perhaps our mother was hurt... who knew if Thor could beat him.

We had almost reached the palace gates when they flew open from the inside. We had to leap out of the way as a mighty steed charged past. Loki's cape was blowing behind him as he clung to the horse.

"You go on," I said in Sif's direction. "It seems I'm not meant to leave this bridge yet."

Her eyebrows knotted together. "Don't let him fool you," she said while she walked over to steady Heimdall.

I disentangled from beneath the Gatekeeper's heavy arm. "Wouldn't dream of it."

This time, I dared teleporting and just in time, too. When I materialized in the observatory, Loki had already thrust Gugnir into the controls.

"What are you doing?" I exclaimed. It was no good running away and I had never thought Loki cowardly enough to do so.

He turned to look at me, a mad gleam sparkling in his eyes. "I'm going to end this," he said.

"End what?" I asked. "Where are you going?"

Loki shook his head and a wide grin spread on his face. It made him look all the more insane. "I'm not leaving," he said. "But Jotunheim is going to vanish forever."

I looked from him to the bright light of the Bifrost and back again. I shook my head when the pieces started falling into place. If the energy of the Bifrost was directed too long on the same spot, it would consume the place, everything around it and, eventually, the whole realm.

"You don't want to do this!" I said, stepping closer to him, but he backed away at once. "Destroy an entire realm, the entirety of its people? To what end?"

His voice suddenly raised into a shout. "Oh, don't feign sympathy for the Frost Giants!" I flinched as he suddenly did come towards me. "You hate them! And why wouldn't you? They're monsters!"

He still did not allow our connection, but it was clear to me, in that moment, what was going through his mind. It was not loathing directed at someone else, at the Jotuns, it was a loathing directed entirely at himself.  
He sought to redeem faults he had not even committed by destroying Jotunheim, he sought to prove that he was as much of an Asgardian prince as our brother was and it was tearing him apart.

"You're wrong," I said. "You're not a monster, Loki, I beg you-"

He bared his teeth at that, hissing at me. "I was not talking about me!" he yelled and I held up my hands in surrender. Perhaps this was not the right time to start a therapy session. "What's this newfound love for Frost Giants?" he continued. "Thor would have killed them all with bare hands."

I did not have an appropriate response, but I luckily did not need one. Thor came charging through the door in that very moment. When he was in reach, Loki swung the spear - and Gungnir hit our brother straight in the face.

"Fight me!" Loki demanded. He swung the spear again, but Thor caught it in one mighty hand.

"I've changed," he said.

"So have I!" Loki fired a blast from the spear at our brother, who was hurled backwards with the sudden eruption.

Thor picked himself up slowly, tears stealing into his eyes as he regarded Loki. "Is the throne really worth what you've done?" he demanded.

"I never wanted the throne!" Loki yelled back. "I only wanted to be your equal!"

A gesture of Gugnir threw Thor to the side again and he landed with a heavy groan. Loki pointed the spear again and I could no help but hurl myself in the way of his weapon.  
His eyes widened slightly before his face twisted in rage. I shook my head, imploring him to stop this already.

"Please, this is madness-"

"Is it?" he shot back. "Out of the way, _my love_."

"Don't you dare!" I yelled, temporarily forgetting our audience. It seemed that the truth about what was between us was hardly the most relevant or the most shocking thing at the moment. "Belittle what we have like this."

He laughed. I was shaking with fury and he laughed. I could not believe that he actually felt like that, that he had forgotten everything and that it did not mean anything to him. Yet I could only judge by outward appearance and I did not find any prove to the contrary. His expression was gleaming with malicious amusement and it made the tears fall from my eyes.

"Sentiment," Loki sneered. "Your brother suffers from it, too... this woman on earth made him soft."

Thor let out a terrible roar and pushed me to the side before I even realized that he had gotten up. Mjolnir swung through the air and it clashed loudly with Gugnir as Loki only so managed to pull it up in time.  
With a howl, he pushed Thor back and then fired with the spear, blasting our brother out the observatory. I shrieked while Loki lept behind and Thor picked himself up from the bridge.

They clashed again with a roar and were senselessly catapulted back once more. I felt the familiar pull of magic and found Loki hanging of the edge - or rather, it was one of his illusions. I called out to Thor, but it was already too late - when he extended his hand to pull Loki up, the illusion vanished and he instead got stabbed in the back, quite literally.

In a move eerily similar to my fight in Jotunheim, Loki's projections scattered across the bridge. I stumbled with the sudden effort while Thor lay on the ground and Loki was laughing manically.

I had almost crossed the distance to meet them when Thor, in a last great effort, smashed the hammer into the ground. The illusions were destroyed and Loki was hurled back, as was I. I landed with a crash on my side, pain spreading from the arm I landed on and the cheek that scraped along the floor.  
When I sat up, Thor had pinned Loki to the floor with the hammer. Loki was writhing and yelling, while Thor walked towards the observatory.

"There's no stopping it," I said with a look back. The Bifrost had built to more than its usual power and the air was sizzling with the energy. "Not anymore."

The despair on Thor's face suddenly shifted into determination. "Come here," he said. "Get away from the rondell."

I did not have time to ask for an explanation, for with a small gesture, Mjolnir came flying. Thor hurled the hammer onto the ground. The bridge beneath him cracked and I staggered backwards while Loki sat up.

"What are you doing?" he yelled. "If you destroy it, you're never going to see her again!"

Mjolnir connected again and the crack deepened with a boom. Loki pushed me backwards as he hurried past me. He hurled himself at our brother just as Thor raised the hammer yet again.

The bridge shattered beneath the force. The observatory sank and the energy of the Rainbow Bridge broke free and hurled, unhindered into nothingness.  
Loki crashed into Thor and together, they hurdled towards the edge. A scream ripped from my throat as they fell, slipping into the abyss. I reached out my hand, hoping that my magic might hold them yet, when I was pushed aside once more.

It was as if I beheld someone risen from the dead. Father stood, proud and powerful as ever, over the edge and his strong hand had wrapped around Thor's leg. I crept closer to find Loki dangling beneath, clutching onto the spear that Thor had managed to catch.

"I could have done it, Father!" Loki yelled. "For you!"

Our father took a deep, shattering breath and his head tilted slightly. "No, Loki," he said.

In that moment, the despair broke through the barrier that Loki had set up between us. It made me crumble and drop to my knees right there at the edge. I called out for him, but did not even hear my own voice. Slowly, almost one at a time, Loki's fingers loosened from the spear. Another cry broke from me, but it was too late.

Loki let go. He fell and was gone.

* * *

 **Reviews? Please? Thanks!**

 **Chloe - They did that a lot in ancient Egypt. But also royalty everywhere married their own cousins all the time. (Though, if I remember the mythology correctly, Asgardians did definitely frown upon incestuous relationships).  
** **It's not entirely certain how high the risk of getting a disabled child is, there's no representative study or anything, but if history is any indication, it's at least not a good system to keep in the long run ;)  
** **Loki and Eirlys are not blood-related, either way, so the biggest problem would have been that she'd be pregnant, out of wedlock, with a Frost Giant baby, which is - a big problem, but you know, relatively unproblematic in comparison. ANYWAY, I like to think that two moderately clever people like Loki and Eirlys would think of contraception in some shape or form ;)  
In conclusion: Thanks for your review :D!**


	29. Witch Hunt

**Thanks to everyone who read, fav'd, alerted and most of all to , ThoseEvilDucks, xxvampirebitexx, sarahmichellegellerfan1 and guest "Scarlett"(I'm afraid it was inevitable ;) Thanks for your review!) for reviewing!**

* * *

 **Witch Hunt**

* * *

I had never felt such pain.  
It was as if I had been buried deep beneath the sea and there was nothing left but pain. People would talk to me, but I could not hear them. They touched me, led me away, put me into bed, but I did not feel it.

The only thing that registered was the sheer loss. In the last moment, I had felt him again and now there was nothing, not even a little pull of magic.  
It felt as if a part of me had been cut out and now I was bleeding out until I would inevitably succumb. In those first few days, I felt like I might die and follow Loki any moment. _I longed for it._ I just wanted to see him again, touch him again, hear the sound of his voice once more and I did not care if we would see each other in Hel - anything would be better than to have him dead and me, still alive.

I spent days, lying in bed and staring at the ceiling without actually seeing anything else than Loki's face, the desperation and the defeat of those last moments.  
My eyes stung, but tears would fall no longer. I could not remember when I had last had even a drop of water and I did not particularly care, either.

I slept, but dreaming was not much more pleasant than being awake. When I did sleep, I did not see his fall, but I dreamed of all the times before, when we had been happy, and it was even worse torture.

One morning - it was impossible to say how much time had passed, if two days or two centuries - I woke and was not alone. I did not turn my head to see, simply opened my eyes and found the ceiling just as I had every time before, but there was a change in the air.

"You have to get up eventually."

The clear, cold voice pierced evenly through the cloud around me and I turned my head to see. Mother was clad in black and she was unhealthily pale, apart from the deep, dark rings beneath her eyes. She looked as if she had not slept in days.

My voice was hoarse and every word I spoke felt like my throat was scratched open, but I managed to get the words out, anyway. "I don't think I ever will."

She stepped forward. There was no trace of a smile on her face, there was not even the littlest bit of pity. She looked sternly on me and she stopped so closely to the bed that I had to turn my head again to look at her.

"Thor told me everything that happened," she said. "Every word Loki said."

I closed my eyes tightly when she said the name. Maybe, if I did not see, everything would become less real. Maybe she would stop talking.

"He called you his love," Mother continued and now, her voice was shaking slightly. "And you did not negate it."

It felt, strangely, like this was the time to laugh. One would have thought that with Loki dead, such secret would be kept forever. I had never been that lucky.  
Of course, the first words directed at me were not ones of consolation but an accusation. Perhaps it was better that way. Perhaps they would smite me dead for the shame and this would finally end.

"Why should I?" I breathed out. "We loved each other more than anything else."

My mother's jaw clenched tightly and then she suddenly broke. Her eyes watered and she plopped down on the bed next to me. Her hand grasped mine and she shook her head in sorrow.  
"Your father is more angry than I have ever seen him," she told me with a shaking voice.

"I am past angry," I responded. "But I ought to be. He made him fall."

"Loki let go-"

"And why," I retorted. Odin's last word to Loki was still echoing in my mind, that final, defeating 'no'. If I had seen a point in it, I might have gotten terribly angry at him.

Mother's thumb stroked over the back of my hand and she shook her head yet again. "Please tell me, that you did not act on it-"

This time, I could not help the tiny laugh that escaped me. "Loki and I... were united in every way but in marriage."

She pulled her hand away and I had to laugh again. I had always feared the moment we would have to tell her and dreaded the judgement. Now, it seemed ridiculous to be afraid and her scandalized look was amusing.

"How could you?" she whispered.

The question had burnt inside me so many times in the past, but now the answer seemed so astonishingly simple that I wondered why I had ever fought with myself.  
"I loved him," I said. "And as it turns out, we were always right. The only bond between us was one of our own making and I refuse to apologize - Mother, I loved him so much."

She clasped my hands again and watched me avidly. We stared at each other for a long tense moment and then she nodded at me. "Before you face your father," she said. "There is something you need to know."

Mother had barely finished her explanation when they came for me. It left me just enough time to put on decent clothes and square my shoulders.  
Mother was ushered away and they put me in chains; dragged me through the palace and into the throne room like some common criminal. I did not once protest. I did not speak at all. There was no point fighting soldiers who mindlessly completed their tasks.

The man I had to fight was not mindless, he was everything but and he had made an entirely too intricate plan for the lives of his children. Something, I decided, that he would from now on have no say in anymore.

It was for that very reason that when they tried to make me kneel before Odin, I did fight. So vigorously, in fact, that they did not manage to bring me to my knees. They recoiled at my threat to melt the chains and turn my magic at them. Each and every guard paled visibly at my words and I turned my eyes to Odin on the throne.

"You forget your place," he announced, standing from his throne. "You are disrespectful."

My hands clenched tightly into fists in their chains. "You have lost all respect I once harboured for you," I retorted. "I won't kneel and I won't bow - not for someone like you."

He descended the stairs with grave, heavy steps. It was as if the whole realm shook with each of them. The guards lowered their eyes, some even stepped back at his approach, but I refused to be intimidated.  
He wanted to be the king before me, but all I saw was my father and I hated him with a passion previously unknown to me.

"Do you know the pain you could have spared us?" I demanded. "The burden you could have taken from our shoulders had you just spoken the truth?"

By now, Odin was directly in front of me and glowering. It was the face that had always stunned me into silence, that had made me obey no matter how much I disliked the orders. It was this look that had made me agree to marry when I did not want to; the face I had seen in my nightmares when I feared that people might find out about Loki and I.  
I did not want to be bound by it any longer.

"I will not take the blame," he yelled. "For the incestuous relationship you indulged in!"

Such revelation was too much even for the Einherjar and I squared my shoulders as they whispered to each other. Maybe they could add a few new words of insult to the catalogue already reserved for me.

"You refer to family," I said. "To blood - but Loki and I were not bound by such and you never let us be family - I wondered why, why you wouldn't let us play together, why you did not want us to study together. But today I learned the truth."  
I had never seen him hesitate before, but now he did not speak and I took it as a confession. Not that I had thought Mother would lie to me. My voice rose with every following word.  
"You always planned for this - for me and Loki to be bound by marriage, isn't that right? Because raising a Frost Giant is not enough, they aren't to be trusted. What better way to ensure loyalty than to give your daughter away, put her on the Jotun throne - that was the plan was it not?"  
His silence, in that moment, was too much to bear.  
"Talk to me!" I yelled, momentarily stunned by the sound of my own shout.

He took a few deep breaths, his good eye focused on the marble floor at my feet. There was no trace of shame or sympathy when he finally looked up at me, his expression was as stern as ever.  
"You are right," he said. "That it was my plan to unite our kingdoms - but I would have never given you to anyone dangerous. Loki was my son-"

"Spare me your lies," I retorted. "You'd have given me to anyone who suited your needs, dangerous or not. And now you shame me for doing exactly as you wanted, just because it wasn't by your orchestration."

We glared at each other and it was hard to say who of us was angrier. Odin turned on his heel and strode back to his throne, but his fury was less threatening to me than his calm demeanour had been. I did not fear his wrath. There was no punishment he could bestow upon me, not even death, that would truly hurt me.

"Loki committed treason," Odin said when he had reached the top of the stairs. He did not turn to me. "He attempted to murder the king."

"I refuse to believe that."

"You aided him." His voice shook as he yelled and the guards next to me flinched slightly at the sound. "You would deserve death."

"So do it!" I pleaded. "Call me a witch and burn me, I do not care! Not about Asgard, not about you - everything I cared about fell from the edge of the world and died!"

Odin turned with a swoosh, sat down on the throne and slammed Gungnir, leant against the stool, down on to the floor. The clank echoed loudly through the length of the hall.  
"You are not worthy of such relief," he announced. "Banishment has served your brother well. I hope it will suit you, too. You will be stripped of your magic and sent to Midgard. You may return when you see the wrong of your way."

My stomach dropped at his words - to be stripped of magic was to have the last bit of me taken away that still felt like myself. It made the tears rise in my eyes, but I refused to let them fall.

Instead, I held my head high and looked the king dead in the eye. "Then you will never see me again," I told him.

That did not seem to bother him very much, or at the very least, it did not deter him. At a wave of his hands, the guards took up the chains again. They did not drag me this time, perhaps out of fear, and let me walk at my own pace. I left the throne room with the certainty that I would never enter it again.

It took three days until they were sure they could send me off. The Bifrost was destroyed and no one yet knew how to repair it, but that apparently did not deter Odin from his plan. His desire to have me off the realm was so strong that he was obviously willing to go to extremes.  
The king had used these days to investigate the objects of the vault in regards to their magical power. He would have to combine a few to gather enough power to send me away. Mother refused to tell me which objects he would channel, if because of ignorance or because of fear what I could do, I could not tell.

Mother came to escort me to the Rainbow Bridge and very sternly send the guards away. She did not cry again and yet she had a defeated air around her. Personally, I felt queasy, and the closer we got to my departure, the harder my heart was pounding, but I refused to let her see it. I smiled when she came to me and hugged her tightly.

"Just strive to be better," she urged me as we walked. "He won't keep you away for long... Thor got back after three days-"

"I am not Thor," I answered. "And I will never again strive for Odin's approval. I should rather think this will kill me than bring me back to honours."

Mother suddenly gripped on to me, so tightly that it stung harshly. I would arrive on Midgard with bruises on my arms. "Don't say such things!" she said. "We cannot lose another child!"

Perhaps I was a monster, but I could not bring myself to act on sympathy. At the very least, I could have told her not to worry, promised her to take care of myself, that she would not lose me.  
I did not say any of those things. It was not the truth - she would inevitably lose me, if now or in fifty years, for when I was mortal she would live long after I had died. Right now, I did not have patience for anything that was not the truth.

"You have already lost me," I told her. "But know that I never meant to hurt you."

She recoiled, shaking her head at me. Her mouth opened and closed, yet no words escaped. Terror shone in her eyes, but I held my head high. What good would it do, to break down in tears and make vows of everlasting love and memory, when neither of us would ever see fruition.

Odin marched onto the bridge, accompanied by a whole league of Einherjar. Two of them grabbed me when the king had marched past and lead me along. They stopped at the very edge of the bridge where Heimdall was waiting, staring into the nothingness that had once been his observatory.

They positioned me in front of the king, who kept glaring at me. It truly was no wonder that we had become they way we had, with a father like that.  
He stepped forward and his hands curled around the cuffs that bound my arms. I gritted my teeth as the magic seeped from me. I fought, inwardly, as hard as I could, tried to stem myself against the sensation, but it was no use. My resistance broke like floodgates and from one moment to the other, I was empty.

My legs were suddenly weak and I swayed, trying to keep standing. When I raised my head again, Odin looked me dead in the eye.

"Any last words?" he demanded.

"None for you," I retorted.

He stepped backwards and reached out a hand for one of the guards to hand him Gungnir. He slammed the spear hard onto the ground.

The pull started behind my navel. It twisted and tore at me, as a hook leading me along. The sensation spread, first through my abdomen, then through my whole body. The cuffs fell from my wrists and with them the last trace of my magic. The scenery swam before my eyes until everything was drenched in black. It felt as if I was spinning, pressed together and pulled apart at the same time.  
I was being shot through space, hopefully making my way as surely as possible towards Midgard.

* * *

 **As you've probably gathered, next chapter we will jump straight into Avengers ;) Until then - if you reviewed, it would make me very happy!**


	30. Gone Girl

**Thanks to everyone who read, fav'd, alerted and most of all to dymondkds, SavySnape7, chocolateisoverated, The King in White, ThoseEvilDucks, , Onitsu Blackfeather, sarahmichellegellarfan1, RocketRaccoonGirl83 and guest "Scarlett" (Hope you'll like this update!) for reviewing!**

* * *

 **Gone Girl -** **A Year Later**

* * *

Rain was too gentle a word. The downpour I was currently experiencing seemed more like a natural catastrophe to me than a normal weather phenomenon. I was wet and chilled to the bone. Perhaps it had been a bit of a bad idea to move from Rome to Paris in the middle of winter. The sun had still been shining in Italy when I left.  
I attributed it to my still not complete adjustment to my Midgardian existence. Not a year ago, I would have been able to keep myself dry and warm with the wave of a hand. I was not used to checking the weather report.

It seemed my arms were also not yet used to carrying a week-full of groceries. They were complaining harshly and I was straining to keep my bags up off the muddied pavement.

I wondered how long the research job from Rome would pay for my stay here. It was probably my biggest problem at the moment - I picked up languages easily and it was not as hard as I had thought to blend in.  
Getting a job, however, was a completely different matter, especially without recognized qualifications. Spending all my life studying and reading whatever book I could get my hands on was suddenly rendered useless.

So I had had to resort to illegal measures and had, without further ado, forged a certificate. From one day to the other, I had become an expert on Norse mythology and culture. This had served me well when I had been in Rome, supplying information for a study on comparative mythology.  
In France, it did not pay, at least it did not right now. Yet I could not stay where I had. Rome did not have the answers I had been looking for and I was hoping I would find them here.

I heaved my bags through the door of my apartment building and breathed a long sigh of relief as I escaped the steady downpour. The flat that I got was nothing much, small and awfully expensive despite being so far out in the suburbs - and there was a deep crack in one of the walls that made my skin crawl. At least, it was clean and warm and it had properly running water. Stranded on a foreign planet, I supposed I could have done worse.

My neighbours' children scuttled out of the way when I passed. There were not many children on Asgard and it was strange to see them here in such abundance.  
I had never much cared for children, but then I never had anyone suitable to have children with. I was sure I would never have children now, not with some ignorant Midgardian who did not even know other realms existed. Besides, after Loki, my heart would probably never heal.

I managed to get the door open without scattering my groceries across the floor and carried them inside in a last great effort. The bags landed on the table and I stared at them, contemplating what to do next. Exhaustion won and I flopped down onto the bed which was mere steps away.

"All right," I muttered to myself. "You've got this."

Truth be told, I was not too sure if I got this. The money would not last me long. It was a right luck that I got a room that was already furnished, albeit sparsely. I did not think that I could have paid for more than a lain-through mattress without risking starvation.  
One day, I figured, I would have to get a real job. One that would pay for all my life. I could do this for a year, maybe even for two, but there would come the day when I would inevitably have to end my quest. When I would have to give up.

Today was not that day.

It felt like an almost impossible rallying of strength, but I pushed myself off the bed and moved to put my groceries away. I would have to face the rain again today. The library was waiting.

I had been searching Europe's libraries. London, Stockholm, Rome, Paris. There was not one hint at what I needed and I desperately needed it - my magic back.  
I wondered if I would have better luck on another continent - even after spending only a year on Midgard, I knew that America promised to be the land of unlimited opportunity - but it was a futile thought. Travelling through Europe without a passport was possible, going on an international flight to the United States without identification was not.

Truth be told, I did not have much else left to care about beside my magic and I wanted it desperately. With my powers intact, I would be able to survive easily. I would be able to go wherever I wanted, I would even be able to leave this forsaken realm behind.  
Trouble was, the mortals did not actually believe in magic and every bit of writing they had on it was tainted with that same disbelief. Records from millennia past, when people had still seen proof of our existence, were long since lost.

I doubted I would ever find what I was looking for, but for now, I put my trust in the French and their opulent yet dusty library. Perhaps they, at least, still believed in ancient power.

"Bonjour!" one of the librarians at the door chirped when I passed them and I waved a greeting in return. I had already figured out in the past few days that asking for help here did not do any good. When you asked them about magic, they pointed you towards Harry Potter.

Libraries were the one place where Midgard could feel like home. The familiar smell of old paper, the sound of pages turned carefully, the gentle sighs of those bent over their stacks of books. It was almost like being back in Asgard. Sometimes, it felt as if Loki would step around the next shelf any minute, smiling mischievously.  
The pang in my heart had not lessened since the day of his death. Whenever I thought of him, everything inside me clenched so tightly I might as well have screamed from the pain.

The books on Norse mythology were among the dustiest of the whole stack and they held very little merit. All knowledge was gained centuries after the last northerners saw us and most stories were bloody ridiculous.  
I decided on a book written about religious rituals of the Norse people and hoped that it might at least include a hint at what I was looking for.

I had barely settled down on one of the fragile tables when a commotion started up front. People were chattering and gasping. I leint back in my chair to see what was going.  
A bit of a crowd had assembled around the front desk, all intently watching something playing on a computer screen. I looked between the group and my book and decided the ancient rituals could wait.

It took me all the walk up front to put together a correct sentence. "What's going on?" I asked.

My French was terrible enough that those around me automatically switched to English. I was not necessarily good at that language, either, but at least it was closer to my native tongue.

"Some maniac in Germany," a black gentleman explained to me. "They brought in real superheroes!"

I found that part hard to believe, but still craned my neck to see the news report. What I saw almost made my heart stop and for a moment, I was sure that I had, to top it all of, also lost my mind now.  
While the news-anchor talked about an attack on a soiree in Stuttgart, they showed pictures of the rescue mission. They had indeed brought in their superheroes - that guy in his iron armour and another one in America-themed spandex. It was their nemesis, though, that made my head spin.

Loki looked pale and worn-out and his hair had grown quite a bit. He was glaring at the camera, which rendered his eyes curiously blue. Most importantly, he looked very much alive.

I swayed in my spot, suddenly feeling dizzy. Tears were driven into my eyes while they showed recordings of what had transpired. One woman in front of me cried out - Loki had conjured up dozens of illusions, scattering around the crowd in Stuttgart. The news anchor was talking about magic tricks.

"Hey," the man from before said, worry sparkling in his brown eyes. "It's all right, they got him, _hein_?"

I stared at him, uncomprehending. It took a woman behind the guy to hand me a Kleenex so I realized that he tears were streaming down my face. Why _was_ I crying? They were not happy tears. I barely remembered what happy felt like, but this was most certainly not it.

"No, it's fine," I said quickly when more people started to gather round me, concerned by the sudden emotional display in their midst. "I just... have family over there."

An elderly woman patted me on the shoulder. "I'm sure they're safe, _ma fifille_."

Ironically, I knew they were perfectly safe. Safe, being guarded by self-proclaimed superheroes in ludicrous costumes. Who knew where they would take him.  
Maybe they would take him to the authorities... Maybe right now, Loki was sitting in some kind of rotten prison cell in Stuttgart.

It hit me as if I had run smack-down into a wall. Loki was in Stuttgart. Stuttgart was maybe three hours away with the train. He was so close, it felt like I could touch him already.  
My breath started coming in shorter gasps and more shallowly than before and the people around me probably started thinking I was having some kind of panic attack.

I started making my way to the exit, saying 'Non, merci' to people offering their help or to bring me home more often than I could count. None of those people could help me, anyway. I had to get to Germany as fast as I could and then I needed to find my brother.

It was still raining outside, perhaps even more violently then before. To top it all off, it looked like there was going to be a proper storm - the first lightning bolts were already crossing the sky.

I would just have to stop at my apartment, grab a few essentials and then would be off to the train station. How many trains were there between Paris and Stuttgart in the day? I would do whatever it took to get on the very next one. If luck would have it, I would never return.

I contemplated the groceries freshly packed into my fridge. What an absolute waste of money, in retrospect. Loki could not have made an appearance a day earlier, could he?

Once back in my flat, I pulled out the blue travel bag that served as my only means of baggage - I did not have the money for a proper suitcase nor enough belongings to put in there. My clothes were crammed in within minutes, toothbrush and other toiletries within the next.  
It did not take long, but it felt like I was crawling more than walking. I felt like a snail when I wanted to be a cheetah, buzzing inwardly with how fast I wanted to move. Every time I attempted to move faster, things got knocked over or dropped to the floor.

I should have been better prepared, should have considered such eventualities. Once more, I cursed the loss of my magic, cursed it as the single worst thing my father had ever done to me. If I still had it, I would have sensed Loki ages ago, I was sure of it.  
Besides, packing would be a lot easier.

There was a knock on the door.

I froze, straining my ears for any other noise, anything to give away who my visitor was. I never got visitors. I had never even spoken to my neighbours, just once to the landlord. There were no friends here, no coworkers, no acquaintances of any kind.  
I was not supposed to have visitors. I did not want to have visitors, especially not now when I wanted to up and going.

Another knock. Obviously, they were not going away.  
" _J'suis pas là_!" I called, one of the few phrases I had learnt so far. Perhaps if they knew they were unwelcome, they would turn around and leave.

They were not so easily deterred. In fact, the knocking intensified. I wished I had not agreed to an apartment three stories above the ground. First floor, I might have dared climbing out of the window.

"Go away!" I called. Another knock. I cursed under my breath. The zipper got jammed and I almost pulled it out, trying to get it to move. By the time it closed, I was ready to push whoever was pounding on my door through the opposite wall.

My fingers wrapped around the handles of my bag and I stomped over to the door. They would get a piece of my mind now, whoever they were.  
I wrenched the door opened and got almost hit in the face by the big fist banging on the wood. My heart stopped for a second time that day when I caught the intruder's face.

My brother Thor was standing in the doorway.

* * *

 **Review, please ;)!**

 **Also, I still can't get over the depiction of Stuttgart in Avengers - I've grown up near that city and they really did not put any effort in making it resemble actual Stuttgart in the film. It's my only big problem with Avengers :P**


	31. Thunder Road

**Thanks to everyone who read, fav'd, alerted and most of all to all the people who reviewed (some on several chapters): allthatglimmers, xxvampirebitexx, dymondkds, SavySnape7, Onitsu Blackfeather, ThoseEvilDucks, sarahmichellegellarfan1, mybonded, Forbidden Moons and guests "Guest" (no worries, dear, thanks for your review! Have a little patience, but we'll see how the Avengers react ;)) and "Scarlett" (yes, I did! We'd have some buildings that would fit such an occasion, but they don't look anything like in the film ;) The address they name in the film is actually a shopping mall, so...^^ Thanks for your review!)**

 **Now onto the chapter!**

* * *

 **Thunder Road**

* * *

In retrospect, this was the most trivial thing to notice, but his hair had grown longer and, if I was not mistaken, he had put on even more muscles. It could have been the separation, though, and perhaps my memory simply failed me.  
There he stood, my brother, proud and tall. If I had not just seen pictures of Loki on television, I probably would have thought to be hallucinating.

He blinked at me, his fist still hovering in the air in front of my face. It sank slowly and he cocked his head to the side, his eyes travelling up and down, taking me in.

"You look..."

"On my way," I interrupted.

His eyebrows pulled together. "What?" he asked.

"I am on my way," I reiterated and lifted my travel bag for emphasis. "Whatever it is that you came here for, I don't have time for it."

He was so perplexed that he let me push him aside and stumbled over a bag he had brought himself. It would never have worked had he put in even the tiniest bit of effort, but alas, I was already halfway down the staircase before he called after me.  
I was almost ready to ignore him - why would he show up here, anyway? Was this some cruel ploy of Odin's, to rub in what I could never have again? - when he mentioned the one name that could stop me.

"It's Loki!" he called and I spun on my heel.

I grabbed for the railing to keep myself from plummeting down the stairs as I swayed. "You know that he is still alive?" I asked.

His jaw dropped at that. "How do _you_ know?"

I dropped my bag onto the stairs and started climbing upwards again. "He was on television-"

"What?"

"Moving pictures in a box, didn't you live here a year ago?" I waved my hand impatiently, dismissing the question before he could answer it. "Why are you here if you came looking for Loki?"

He could not possibly think that Loki was here, could he? That I would open the door and storm out of here if our brother had come to me? Then, if he truly thought Loki was here, he probably would have busted the door open instead of just knocking more or less politely.

Thor's eyebrows drew together and he shook his head slightly. "They've taken him - I need your help to find him. Father says you should be able to do a locator spell."

A humourless laugh escaped me. So this really was our father's plan - a sick joke, played on me perhaps to delay me, to put uncrossable distance between me and Loki. I should have never turned around to hear Thor out. I could have been at the metro station by now.

"Did you believe him?" I challenged. "Have you forgotten, what he's done to me?"

"You talk as if he enacted some outrageous torture, when he's done the same to me-"

"But he really hasn't!"

Apparently, I had now become that one obnoxious neighbour that always argued and shouted in the hallways - no one had come to complain yet, but if Thor's flinch was anything to go by, someone would soon appear to end the racket. Perhaps I should stop shouting, but his attempt to downplay my suffering was too much for me to bear.

"You have no idea what it means - being robbed of my magic. It's not just pretty tricks! It's an energy, ever buzzing inside, like a second heartbeat! A part of me as essential as breathing! And he took that away! I don't care for immortality, or strength or even beauty - but I did care for that." I shook my head at him. "I would rather he had killed me at once."

At that, Thor drew himself up to full height. A smile played around his lips. "Well, it's a good thing he didn't," he said. "Because he sent me to you to give your magic back."

My mouth dropped open. As far as cruel jokes went, this was the worst one that I had ever been subjected to. Indignant tears were rising in my eyes, enraged that I would be forced to endure this.  
Yet Thor looked absolutely honest. His bright, open face shone with excitement. If this was some trick, he was not clued in.

I darted down the stairs to retrieve my back and then waved for Thor to follow me back inside my apartment. This was a discussion for behind closed doors. If any of my neighbours had overheard our conversation, they would probably be calling the medics right now, to have the lunatic locked away.

When the door closed behind us, I motioned for Thor to explain, but he was too busy inspecting our sparse surroundings to notice the gesture. I cleared my throat as loudly as I could.  
"Tell me how," I said.

Thor nodded eagerly and retrieved his own bag. He deposited it on the table opened it and pulled out the very shackles that had bound me on my last day of Asgard.  
"He said the power was pulled into those - and that you should be able to pull it out again. Something like that," he added with a shrug. "He used it to send me through the portal, and here."

"And how does he intend to bring you back?" I asked, glancing at the shackles. It was true, he had taken my magic when I had been wearing them, perhaps he had pulled all the energy into them. Harboured it, so it might be of use at a later time - but I could hardly believe that he would give it to me.

"The Tesseract," Thor said. "Loki has it. It's why I'm here."

I huffed at that. Of course, this was not some noble rescue mission, not the longing of a father. This was the fear of what a powerful artefact in enemy hands would do.

"I see," I said and pulled over the shackles. Honestly, I did not have the first clue how to do this. My fingers wrapped tightly around the metal. I sucked in a deep breath and exhaled slowly. The memory of my first pulse of magic came back to me, all those centuries ago, with Loki in the library.

"Does it work?" Thor asked eagerly.

I sent him but a quick glare. "It's not like swinging swords, Thor. Magic requires patience."

He pulled a face that was almost sarcastic and I closed my eyes again so I would not have to see it. I took another deep breath and concentrated on the shackles. I tried to push my mind forward, testing the waters. It felt like I was barricaded, surrounded by a high brick wall.  
Then, as my frustration was at a high point and my fingers tightened once more, I suddenly felt it. The light pulsing, the gentle glow of the power. My soul wrapped around it with greedy fingers and with an almost inhuman effort, I pulled it back inside me.

It felt better than the first time. It felt as if a limb I had lost was suddenly reattached. The buzz started in my fingers and spread through my whole body. I released a breathy laugh and had to slap my hands down onto the table as I swayed with the sudden emotion.  
Perhaps it did not feel so much as a lost limb as it felt like being reunited with an old friend.

"It worked," I announced to Thor, but my voice was shaking.

"It did?" he asked, and I flinched with the loud sound of his voice ringing in my ears.

With a wave of my hand, the crack in the wall knitted together effortlessly. The energy was sizzling through my fingertips and I swayed again.  
It might have been the newness of it all, but it felt more powerful than I remembered. I could feel Loki's presence - it made my heartrate speed up, that final confirmation that he was, indeed, alive - but the whole connection seemed fuelled by additional power. Maybe Thor was right about the Tesseract.  
What in the Nine Realms did Loki need so much power for?

"Looks like it did," Thor acknowledged and pulled me out of my reverie. "Can you find him, then?"

I licked my lips. "Of course. Give me Mjolnir."

His eyes narrowed at me at once. "Why?" he demanded, but dropped the hammer onto the table nonetheless.

"We're going to travel by it, aren't we?" I said.  
Luckily, the choice was not Hard since I only owned one kitchen knife. It cut through the flesh of my palm effortlessly and the blood leapt forward. My brother's eyes widened in horror as I dragged my hand across the weapon, smearing the blood on it. "I can sense him - and this'll give the hammer the power to find him as well. But we should hurry. It's no good when it's dry."

I had always been curious what flying felt like to Thor. I had imagined he must feel very powerful, sailing through air like that. Now that I experienced it myself, hurtling through constant rain and storm, the only thing holding me my own fingers wrapped around the handle of a hammer, it did not seem quite as glamorous.

The good news was: Loki was not very far away. I had sensed him from the beginning and the feeling got stronger with every mile we passed south. It was when we passed over the mountains of the Massif Central that the feeling really took grip. I felt that I might turn my head at any minute and see him standing there.

We suddenly dropped a good distance and a scream ripped from my throat at the sudden fall. Just in time, too - a jet passed over us, its machines howling.  
I flailed, clutching onto Thor and made us sway awkwardly through the air while the feeling of connection buzzed so strongly inside me that I almost passed out with the euphoria. I knew he could feel it too.

"He's in there!" I yelled to Thor over the storm.

"You sure?"

"As sure as I can be!"

We dropped again, until mere feet above the ground. Thor pulled my fingers from the handle and let me unceremoniously drop to the ground. I cursed as my knees scraped over the cold, wet stones. With a shout that was probably something like 'be right back', Thor darted off again, his silhouette disappearing in direction of the jet.

Another lightning bolt stroked through the air, illuminating the night for a short moment. It ceased raining almost the second after. Drenched to the bone, my hair dripping, I stood on top of a ragged mountainside and stared into the night, where somewhere, my brother was chasing after a jet plane. This was absolutely insane.

I could see the impact as much as I could feel it - about half a mile away, two figures landed heavily on the mountain, dust rising around them. The earth shook with their landing, which made their identity undoubtable. Thor had managed to grab Loki.

"Oh Hel," I muttered to myself.  
I had never been hiking in my whole life, and as I found out that night, I did not like it. My feet first sank deep into muddied grass before they slipped of wet stone. My balance was lost several times along the way, largely because I could barely see my hand stretched out in front of me.

It was my questionable luck that I could soon follow my ears instead of my eyes. My brothers, as always, were arguing loudly. It took a bit until I could understand words, but what I heard was not very pleasing.

"Do you remember none of that?"

\- "I remember a shadow! I remember you tossing me into an abyss! I who was and should be king!"

"So you take the world I love as recompense? The Earth is under my protection, Loki!"

\- "Oh, and you're doing a marvelous job with that!"

Loki's laughter was by far the most disturbing thing about that conversation and it drove me the last few feet above the slope and onto the edge where my brothers were glaring at each other.  
"That's quite enough!" I announced - and revelled in the way Loki's mouth dropped open.

Until now, I had thought that while the connection of our magic was strong, our emotional connection was still cut, but now I found that it was not true.  
I _could_ feel him, but what I felt was more questionable. It was as if he was speaking to me through water and the only thing that reached me was an incoherent mess of bubbles.

Thor pointed an accusing finger at our brother. "He thinks himself above them! A throne would suit him ill."

Loki hissed dangerously. "I've seen worlds you've never known about! I have grown, Odinson, in my exile! I have seen the true power of the Tesseract!"

"Who showed you this power? Who-?"

"HEY!" Both of them shrunk at my yell and turned to me. Thor, at least, bowed his head sheepishly. "Instead of arguing," I said. "Could we focus on getting out of this forsaken place? Where's the Tesseract?"

Despite everything, the impish smile on Loki's face was unmistakable. "I don't have it. I sent it off, I know not where."

Thor groaned and I huffed in annoyance. "Perfect, now I'll be stuck with the two of you here for all eternity," I spat. "Just as I wished."

Meanwhile, Thor had stepped forward, the hammer waving dangerously in front of Loki's face. I had been a fool not to count on this rescue mission quickly escalating into a fight. It was always foolish to assume there could be such a thing as a happy reunion between the three of us.

"You listen here, brother-"

A little buzzing in the back of my ear suddenly turned into the howling of machines and I was thrown backwards as blinding rush of gold and red flew past me. Thor uttered a sound somewhere between a groan and scream as he was taken away and knocked off the ledge.

Loki shrugged. "I'm listening," he announced.

I arrived at the edge and shoved him to the side so I could peer down into the valley. It was the man in the iron suit that stood opposite my brother.  
"Shut up," I ordered when Loki shifted next to me.

"You seem to have really missed me," he noted.

I turned from the scenery below, were Thor had yet again raised his weapon. I wondered who would win their fight - for a human, that man in the suit seemed rather stealthy.  
Loki was watching me avidly, though his emotions were still shrouded. Warped as it was, it could have been curiosity and longing, but I could have been ever so wrong.

"I thought you were dead."

He scoffed. "Thor said so much. Did you mourn?"

My throat constricted at the thought of those first days and of the weeks that followed. Of the months spent in ever lasting coldness, of me barely making it out bed in the morning because the weight of it all seemed just too heavy.  
For him to doubt that - to doubt me and the depth of my feeling - it made my heart race and my fists clench.

"I learnt the truth," I said instead of answering his question. "Why Father kept us apart - why he tried to raise me to obedience. Such a beautiful picture, you on the Jotun throne and me at your side, as your wife."

Loki recoiled and his features hardened. "You lie."

"Don't you think him capable?" I challenged. When he did not answer, I shook my head at him. "That is the burden that I had to bear alone because you let go," I continued. "I was robbed of everything, banished and powerless. I don't even know how I'm alive anymore and you ask me if I mourned."

Loki had always been the master of blank expressions, but it had never unsettled me as it did now. It made me want to shove him down the ledge, hopefully into the waiting arms of his enemies. It made want to scratch his eyes out, to make him feel just an inch of the pain that his indifference made me feel.

Shaking with anger, I added, "And for what? All of it, for what?"

His expression shifted suddenly and before I knew, he had pulled me closed and pressed his lips to mine. I mewled, first in protest and then because the soft movement of his lips on mine made it all to easy to melt into his embrace. His fingers laced into my hair and gently tucked while my arms wrapped around his neck.  
All the doubt, all the anger and sadness that I had harboured for him was laid to rest for that moment - this was where I belonged. Norns, I had missed him.

At a loud crash and smoke of dust from below, Loki pulled away and stepped out my arms. I moved to pull him back, but he turned away and peered down from the edge.

"It seems our brother has for once lost," he said and seemed curiously calm at the prospect. "I think it's best if you return me to my captors."

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 **Review, pretty please ;)!**


	32. The Man of Iron

**Thanks to everyone who read, fav'd, alerted and most of all to everyone who reviewed: Lady Lilith La Belle, Cassiopeia Herveaux, Savysnape7, ThoseEvilDucks, RocketRaccoonGirl83, Forbidden Moons, Toad-sage66, Belco, Draegan88, sarahmichellegellarfan1 and guest "Scarlett" (It really is - to be fair, it's right across from like the castle square, which would have been a great backdrop, but that's not at all what it looks like ;) ANYWAY thanks for your review!)**

* * *

 **The Man of Iron**

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Loki's 'captors' as he had so derisively called them were a group made up of people dressed in black that carried heavy weapons and looked grimly upon everyone else. They called themselves 'S.H.I.E.L.D.' and turned their nose up at my frown as if I should have heard of them and they expected me to drop to my knees in awe.

They also had a massive ship which sailed through the air. It was not just an aeroplane - I knew aeroplanes and I knew spaceships and while I had never actually ridden one, they seemed quite trustworthy. This was more than that.  
This was a fortress. It was almost a city in an of itself and it hosted more people than I could count - and I really tried in these first moments when they led me inside.

It was only due to Thor's very loud and very energetic insistence that I was allowed to step on it as a free woman. They had shackled Loki and surrounded him with black-clad soldiers, though it was not hard to detain him. He had gone with them, as was my impression, quite voluntarily.

Thor was soon in deep conversation with a middle-aged man in a suit. The man in the star-spangled costume was guided away by redhead in tight leather. People were running around calling him 'Captain America' with a reverence that was only attributed to great warriors in Asgard.

The Man of Iron seemed worse for wear - he was not one to lament over his wounds, but I had grown up in Asgard where no man ever dared to show the pain he felt. I knew what a painful wound looked like and the man looked almost as dented as his armour after his encounter with my brother. I recognized the little flinches and hisses; he showed all the signs that indicated pain despite his bravado.

It was almost too easy to slip away. Everyone was too busy with their heroes and villains to keep watch on a seemingly harmless girl. They did not know about the magic.  
The man had been ushered into a side room and been put onto a rusty cot. As I watched, he sent away the doctors who were frantically moving around him. He attempted to do it nicely first but soon grew rather harsh when they protested. They filed out of the room and past me without sparing me a single look. It was safe to say no one noticed me slipping into the room.

I assumed this was why the humans were always so exited when they met celebrities. It was a strange sensation to see someone existing who until then only lived on a screen. Even I would have recognized Tony Stark anywhere and I had to say that the scratches suited the kind of roguish look that he was usually going for.

He struggled to sit up when I stepped inside and his eyes narrowed dangerously.

"Stay down," I advised. "You got hit with Mjolnir, sitting up can hardly be comfortable."

He groaned and sank down again, but his brown eyes remained fixed on me. "What the hell is a mjolnir?" he asked.

"Not a Mjolnir," I chided gently as I approached him. " _The_ Mjolnir. My brother Thor's hammer."

He nodded at that. "I'm glad you gave it a name," he said. "I don't think I can combine calling it 'Thor's hammer' with my sexuality."  
I snorted and his eyebrows pulled together. "Oh please tell me you're not one of those weird cultures that marry their own family members until you all go insane."

I could not help the bitter laugh that escaped me. "We don't usually do that, no."

He grinned at me. "Good." His face fell and he was suddenly frowning again. "He's your brother?" he asked as if it only now dawned on him. "You're another Asgardian."

The last sentence came out neither as a question nor as accusation but rather in a tone of defeat. Typical Thor, I thought, going around and turning potential allies into enemies with a throw of that forsaken weapon.

"Yes," I told him. "I am. My name's Eirlys."

"Pretty," he breathed out. "I'm Tony Stark."

"I know," I said and his expression turned incredibly smug. "Your building is all over the news. They're plastering your face on anything they can. It was the first thing Midgard threw at me: Stark Industries is building a really cool tower and none of it made any sense to me."

He laughed a little and tried to sit up yet again. "Well, when I heal up, I'll be sure to show you, it's quite impressive-"

"All right," I interrupted when, as he made it to his feet, he almost crumbled. He seemed rather surprised when I managed to catch him. Most Midgardian women probably could not support a man's weight so effortlessly. "Be a good boy and get back into bed, I'll heal you."

Stark complied and his features relaxed visibly as he sank back down onto the cot. He could not resist another little jab, though. "If I had penny for every time a woman's used that line on me," he muttered.

I rolled my eyes at that. "You'd have, like, no money," I retorted.

He chuckled weakly and I sat down on the side of his cot. The sound turned into a slight hiss as the mattress moved. His eyes closed tightly to shut out the pain, and I tentatively reached out to touch him. Most of his wounds were just little cuts and bruises, nothing that would not heal within the weak.  
There was, however, a broken bone in his arm that would need tending to. I supposed that it could be easily healed with my magic.

I needed the chance to practice again. I had missed it terribly and was eager to use magic again, but I would have to start small.

"Did you just come here for a chance to grope me?" Stark inquired and I looked up to find him fixated on my hand hovering over his arm.

"Hardly," I said. "You've broken a bone."

"But not-"

"Don't," I interrupted before he could say anything gross. "Please don't say it. I want to help, you know, but if you're being crude, I'm just going to leave and you can let this heal the old-fashioned way."

He grinned at me, but he thankfully remained silent.  
To test it, I traced a finger over one of the scratches on his shoulder. The flesh knitted together and looked as smooth as if there had never been an injury. A bruise on his collarbone healed over just as easily.

He hissed when I touched his broken arm and gently stretched it. In truth, I did not have much experience with healing broken bones, but when I could almost feel where the bone had cracked through the skin. He fidgeted a bit and I had to dug my fingers in deeper to fixate him.  
His face crunched up while I released a long deep breath. Along with the air, the magic left me. It wrapped around his arm and inside, the bone stretched to grow back into place. I released him and watched as he moved his hand and raised the arm to inspect the work.

"Wow," he muttered. "That's great - hey, are you okay? You're shaking."

I nodded. My muscles were indeed twitching - perhaps I should have organised something to eat beforehand. "I'm all right," I said. "This was just a little more streneous than I anticipated."

"Well," he said and swung his legs to the side so he could sit up. "Tell me how I can make it up to you."

"For starters," I said. "You could tell me all that I should know about these people."

The good news was: Stark did agree to give me a crash course and he seemed quite enthusiastic about it. The bad news was, even the basics of what there was to know were ranging from slightly worrying to triggering my flight reflex.  
He did not much like the American soldier, mostly because he was good man if I gathered correctly. Stark was, in turn, exited to meet a certain Dr Banner, who was a smart lad but also turned into a green, aggressive giant when he got angry. Concerning the redhead I had seen earlier, Stark advised to stay as far away as possible because she was 'only trouble'.

"And if you see a dark, sinister dude in leather and with only one eye," he added as he led me through the metallic hallways of what he called a helicarrier. "Best try to avoid him, too. He's in charge here and he'll drag you mercilessly into his mess."

"Only one eye, huh?" I said, wondering why people in charge tended to lose their eyesight. "What's his name?"

"Fury." I raised an eyebrow at that and he rolled his eyes. "I'm not even kidding."

I looked sideways at him and nodded slightly. Hopefully, my healing skills had made me sympathetic enough that he would not take my next question the wrong way.  
"And what is their issue with Loki?" I asked.

Stark stopped in his tracks and frowned at me. "He's stolen the Tesseract. Fury wants it back."

I tilted my head to the side. "The Tesseract is an ancient artifact and it holds unimaginable power. My people have searched for it for centuries and rulers much worse have looked for it, too. What does your sinister, one-eyed human want with it?"

Stark shrugged at that. "I don't know that yet," he admitted. "But I am going to find out."

I nodded again. If any of what I had heard of this man was true, he was brilliant and he would find out whatever he wanted. He cocked his head in the direction we should continue moving. I fell back into step beside him and he sent me a shrewd look.

"And what about you? What's your issue with Loki?" he asked.

"He...found out that he's adopted," I said. "Didn't take it too well. Things went a little crazy and after he fell quite literally from the edge of the world - they said he was conspiring to kill our father, the king, and that I had helped him. And now here I am, banished to earth and only dragged into the chaos because Thor's bad at geography."

He pulled a face. "You're not telling all of the story."

"No," I said. "It's very complicated."

His eyebrows twisted funnily, but he ultimately shrugged. I got the distinct feeling that Tony Stark, at least, would not mind the truth. He would joke about it relentlessly, but he would not mind.

We turned another corner - it did not look much different on the other end, just as grey and mechanical as it did everywhere on the plane. The area became, however, much more crowded. Voices echoed through the corridors and we got pushed aside over and over again by men and women in uniform that seemed professionally busy.

Another corner, and a large control area opened up before us. People were typing away and staring intently at computer screens. Some where moving between their colleagues and refilled coffee mugs. It was nothing like I would have expected a super secret organisation to look like.

More importantly, a small team had gathered on the platform we emerged on. My brother was pacing up and down, arms crossed and eyebrows drawn together. The red-head sat at a table, frowning at everyone she laid eyes on. A brown-haired man with glassed was leaning next to her. The American soldier was still dressed in full gear. He straightened when he spotted us, even though the rest of the group did not notice our arrival.

I did not care to announce my present, either, because just as we entered, the topic had turned to my brother imprisoned somewhere else on this ship.

"I don't think we should be focusing on Loki," the bespectacled man said.

Stark nudged me gently while Thor approached the table. "That's Banner," he said. "Big, green, angry, you remember?"

I nodded, though I would have expected a big green angry monster to look quite different. The man continued regardless of my musings.

"That guy's brain is a bag full of cats," he said with a shake of his head. "You could smell crazy on him."

"Have care how you speak," Thor interrupted and I had the sudden urge to scratch his eyes out. "Loki is beyond reason, but he is o Asgard, and he's my brother"

The woman sneered at his words. "He killed eighty people in two days," she reminded him.

Thor's face fell slightly. "He's adopted."

If only that was all of the story, then we might not have been in so much trouble.  
Before I knew what he was doing, Stark had stepped past me and strode into full view. The unnerving grin on his face was enough to know that he was up to no good.

"And the girl?" he challenged. "Your sister, is she adopted too?"

My brother winced and his eyes darted to see where Stark had come from. He took me in and his mouth dropped slightly open. I raised an eyebrow at that - I was dying to see what he would answer.

"No," Thor answered without taking his eyes from me. "But she and Loki have always shared a... special bond."

"You can tell them the truth, you know," I said pointedly. "I am not ashamed."

His jaw tightened visibly and he straightened up. I squared my shoulders in response. "You should be," Thor ground out. "Your own brother-"

"Not my brother, though," I said. "Not by blood. And I am glad, because I am thoroughly disappointed by the brother that I do have."

We glowered at each other while the rest of the group looked back and forth between the two of us. Perhaps Thor did have a reason to be angry - it could not be easy for him, either, to come home and find his family in ruins. Yet the Norns knew that it had not been easy for me, either.

"So, wait," Stark suddenly broke through the silence. "You slept with the Lokimon?"

The rest of them groaned while Thor whipped around with a murderous look on his face. "Yes, I did," I said, ignoring the ridiculous nickname. "Problem?"

Stark let out an incredulous laugh and the American soldier looked decidedly uncomfortable. Banner did not dare look at me, either.  
Thor, however, was slowing turning red and looked as if he might explode any second.

"When we get back, you're to marry and this whole scandal will be forgotten within the century," he announced.

My eyebrows shot up at that. Thor had never been one of the most perceptive people. I had many times called him a fool myself, but now he was being utterly ridiculous.  
The Allfather would not want me to return and if he wanted Loki to come home, it was only to lock him away. No better fate would await me if I decided to come back.

"I am banished," I said. "Not allowed to return, Thor, even if I wanted to."

"Because you aided Loki in his usurping-"

"He was the rightful king!"  
I disliked fighting in front of ann audience, at least when it was the shout-and-cry-and-scream kind of fight. At that accusation, though, I could not help but raise my voice.  
"You were gone, father was asleep, Loki was heir to the throne!"

Thor looked a bit taken aback, perhaps because he knew that I was right. His expression fluctuated somewhere between outrage and frustration and yet he did not deny my words.  
"You could have sat on the throne," he finally muttered.

I scoffed. "Right," I said, shaking my head at him. "I should have considered that. Father sure raised his only daughter to be a ruler and not an obedient price to be handed over to the Frost Giants."

He pointed an accusing finger at me. Again, it had to be difficult for him. Even he had to see the error of our father's ways. "Don't tell your lies"

"I do not lie," I snapped.

My brother's shoulders suddenly sagged. "Eirlys-"

"We said enough," I told him and then turned to the room in general. Even the agents in the room below were now watching us, though all of them hastily pretended to work when they saw me looking. "Now, if you don't mind - I will visit our brother."

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	33. The Stuff Of Legends

**Thanks to everyone who read, fav'd, alerted and most of all to xxvampirebitexx, Ichigo0-0Rose, Toad-sage66, Savysnape7, ThoseEvilDucks, RocketRaccoonGirl83, .2016 and guests "guest"(1) (I'm glad you enjoyed it! We'll get some perspective on Loki this chapter, but I still agree: she stands rather firmly at his side.) and "guest" (2) (He's Odin, what did you expect? And I don't think Tony's particularly shocked; he'll tease her, but he's not one to judge that sort of thing ;)) for reviewing!**

 **ANYWAY. Let's get on with the chapter.**

* * *

 **The Stuff of Legends**

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It was not as easy to get into high-security area on the flying fortress of a secret government organisation as I had thought.  
Truth be told, I had not thought much on it before, but as I found myself facing a very grim Director Fury, I found myself reflecting on it. It would have been a hard task to get into the dungeons in Asgard, too, but chances were, I would have found that one guard that would bow even to me. Midgard knew no such devotion; the only thing that counted here were what you wanted and what you were willing to pay for it.

I also found that Tony Stark had been very accurate in his description of Director Fury: he was dark and sinister and the eye-patch he wore reminded me much more of my father than I cared to think about. He also wore a long, black leather cloak that looked slightly ridiculous but probably made for a mean swing when making a dramatic exit.

Luckily for me, I was not the only one who wanted something and the director was in a hurry to get to the point.

"Can you make him tell us where the Tesseract is?"

I hummed in response and attempted to glance at the corridor behind his back. He had stepped in my way at the last second, no doubt alerted by one of his many minions roaming the helicarrier.

"Well?" he prompted.

"I can try," I told him. "But if I'd promised you answers, you'd have to call me a liar."

"If I can't be sure that you're on our side-"

I raised an eyebrow at that. "You can be sure I don't want power such as that of the Tesseract in the wrong hands," I said. "I should think that is enough."

He glared at me, but it could have been more malicious - I supposed he tended to glare at everyone. After a good minute or so, he apparently came to the conclusion that it was, indeed, enough. He stepped aside with a fabulous swing of his coat.  
My words had been ambiguous at best and I could not help but think that the good director did have the kind of wrong hands that I meant. If he knew that or not, I could not tell. He was a hard man to read.

For months, I had dreamed of being able to touch Loki again. I had longed for the sound of his voice, the cool touch of his fingertips, the sound of his heartbeat under my ear. I had yearned for his very presence, had dreamt of his existence. I had been so sure that should I ever be so lucky to see him again, I would run into his arms and not let go of him for days.

Things had changed since I dreamt those dreams.

Loki did not smile when he spotted me approaching, but he luckily did not sneer, either. He was locked in a round glass cage, surrounded by a steep metal walkway. A suspicious wind hissed through the room.  
The only thing he had in that cell was an in-built bench which he sat heavily down on as I approached.

"Have you come to let me out?" he asked.

"No," I said.

I did not offer an explanation and he did not ask for one. Instead, I sat down on the walkway and leant back against one of the control panels. We sat in silence for a while and neither of us even looked at the other. It was still better company than being with Thor, given the mood our brother was currently in.

"I can't believe he really banished you," Loki said suddenly and my head snapped around to look at him. "Odin's precious daughter."

"Well, he banished our brother, too, so-"

"Your brother," he corrected, but it did not sound as harsh as it could have been.

"Our brother," I repeated. He let out a disgusted sound and I chose to change the topic - back from the brother we both could not admit to love to the father we both despised. "I bet if it hadn't been for Mother, Odin would have burnt me at the stake - called me a witch and traitor and sent me to Helheim."

I shook my head, mostly to myself. I could have faced fates much worse than this banishment. Of course, if I were to ever get a chance for revenge, I would grasp it at once.  
I looked back to Loki and found him watching me, an almost haunted look on his face. He looked unhealthy either way, but the facade of composure had fallen. It was quite enough to change the subject again as quickly as possible. I just wanted to see him smile for once. A true, honest smile.

"These mortals, you know," I said lightly. His eyes narrowed at me. "They think up the strangest stories... I wonder what they'll make of us here."

He clearly recognized my attempt at distraction, but indulged with a small roll of his eyes. "What do you mean?" he asked.

I cleared my throat. "For example, they... they say you gave birth to Sleipnir."

His eyebrows knotted together. "How am I supposed to give birth to an eight-legged horse?"

I shrugged. "And they say you've been locked in a cave with a snake over your head to drip poison in your face. The only thing to protect you is the vessel your wife holds over your head," I continued.

I had hoped he would be amused, but he pulled a face. Maybe he thought I was making this up, but I very much was not. Once I had found that there were stories about us, I could not help but read them. They were not very accurate.

"My wife?" Loki ground out.

I smiled wryly at that. "That's the best part. They think Sigyn's your wife." Much to my own satisfaction, he looked rather horrified at the idea. "Right?" I said. "As if she was any match."

He smirked then and it was a nice sight, even though it was not the smile that I had hoped for. Perhaps this was what I should have aimed for from the beginning.  
"Are you jealous, love?" he asked.

"Hardly," I shot back. "Of all the girls you could have, you'd be mad to touch Sigyn with a ten-foot pole."  
Maybe I was jealous. Just a little bit.

He was smirking still, but suddenly averted his gaze and stared at the floor with much concentration.

"What?" I asked.

"I missed you," he said, so quietly that I barely heard it. What would Thor think, I wondered, if he heard Loki say such a thing. Never would he belIeve it when I told him - even I barely trusted my ears.

"And I, you," I told him. "More than you can imagine."

The moment was gone just as quickly as it had begun. His face tensed and the vulnerable looked vanished as if it had never existed. His soft smile curved suddenly into an ugly sneer. He rose from the bench and approached the glass. He lacked his usual grace and his steps swayed slightly, but I still had to fight the urge to back away. Yet I had not even backed away from Odin, I would certainly not start with Loki.

He flung his hands against the glass and it whipped and rattled with the blow. It did, however, not break. I raised my chin high and he glared right back at me.

"You didn't search for me," he hissed. "You didn't defend me - you came to me with _Thor_." He spat the name out with distaste. "And now they let you through - what did you promise them? What is it that they want to know?"

"I didn't promise anything," I said. "They want to know about the Tesseract and rightly so. You have changed and there's no telling what you'll do."

"Don't you trust me?" he challenged.

I scoffed. "No."

"You've grown bitter," he growled.

"I've grown realistic," I shot back. "I see you for who you are and - mind you, I still love you. But I'm not going to stand by and watch as you send another realm into chaos."

His breath escaped as a hiss between his teeth and he hit the glass again. When I did not flinch again, he turned his back to me. I watched as his fists opened and closed, the change of tension visible throughout his every muscle.  
"Leave me," he demanded.

"Gladly," I retorted, turned on my heel and went back the way that I had come.  
If Fury asked, I would tell him to shove his Tesseract where the sun did not shine. I did not want to hear of it again. I did not want to hear of anything concerning Loki ever again.

I did not run into Fury again. Instead, my path lead me steadily back towards the bridge. I found no one there, at least no one that I knew. In the absence of their heroes, the agents had all returned to their work with more focus. A brown-haired woman pointed me to a laboratory overlooking the control room and told me Stark and Banner would be working there.

I followed her direction without much thought, but hesitated in front of the door. I was not entirely sure what I would want there, not even if I wanted to see people or talk to them. Yet I did not have any other place to go or other people to turn to, so I decided I might as well be here.  
With that new resolution, I pushed the door open.

Midgardian science was not my field of expertise, but Stark and the good doctor were only standing by a computer screen and staring intently and it did not look like science to me.

Stark looked up when I entered. "Did you get anything out of Rudolf the Mad Reindeer?"

I frowned and he gestured in the direction I had come from. He was supposedly referring to Loki, though I did not know what that had to do with reindeers.  
"No," I said. "He's rambling a lot. What are you doing?"

"Well," Doctor Banner said as he, too, turned from the screen. "We're trying to use the scepter to find the cube, but it's a bit harder than we thought. Also, Tony here thinks that S.H.I.E.L.D may be up to something."

"I think that's safe to say," I answered. "Any idea what it is?"

Stark nodded and circled across the long table that held Loki's scepter. "We don't know specifics yet - but what do men want with a lot of nuclear power if not build weapons?"

I bit my lip - I would have liked to argue against it, but there was not much to say against his logic. It was also not completely unreasonable for the humans to arm themselves, if they were up against Asgardians and other such forces. Still, if the history books I had read held any merit, humans did not do too well with dangerous weapons.

Stark grabbed a bag from the table and offered it to me. "Blueberry?"

I waved his offer away. "If you're right - about the weapons - what are we going to do about it?"

Banner scoffed quietly. When I raised my eyebrows at him, he asked, "We?"

I shrugged slightly. "Now that I know about it, I can't just close my eyes, can I?" I asked. "Besides, Loki may be mad, but he's at the mercy of these people and I'd rather he be safe."

Tony wiggled his eyebrows at me and I scoffed in annoyance. Perhaps letting the cat out of the bag had not been that good an idea after all. He and Banner exchanged another meaningful glance and I hurried before yet another comment showed its face.  
"Okay," I said. "Tell me what you're doing here."

It was amazing to see the doctor's face light up. He launched into an extended explanation about radiation and signals and tracking programs, while Stark kept nodding along. Banner handled the scepter delicately but with a certainty as if he handled otherworldly weapons every day.  
I also noted that he attempted to explain it in the easiest terms possible - and I appreciated it. Not that I could not comprehend the complexity, but in Asgard we called things differently and I was not schooled in such topics. The good doctor really wanted me to understand what he was saying.

After about ten minutes, Stark wandered by the computer again and hummed pleasantly. "We're almost there."

A throat cleared behind us and we all stopped to turn and see who it was. Director Fury had walked in with crossed arms and was frowning at us. I supposed that was his default expression.

"What are you doing?" he demanded.

"Kind of been wondering the same about you," Tony retorted with another glance at his monitor. "What is Phase Two?"

I flinched as, with a loud metallic clank a rifle was slammed down on the table next to me. The American soldier had returned and his furious expression even put the director to shame.

"Phase Two," he said. "Is S.H.I.E.L.D. uses the cube to make weapons."

I cocked my head to the side. "Wow, this really came out of nowhere."

Fury stared, his gaze switching between the four people opposing him and he started gesticulating as if that helped to explain anything. Stark watched with raised eyebrows and Rogers shook his head with an expression almost akin to disgust.  
At that moment, my brother walked in with the redhead in tow. Doctor Banner shifted next to me and his shoulders tensed visibly.

"Did you know about this?" he asked the woman, pointing to the weapon.

"You wanna think about removing yourself from this environment?" she asked.

"I was pretty well removed!" he shot back.

Stark's description was suddenly more vivid in my mind. If he gets angry, Stark had said, he turns into an green rage monster. He had called it amazing, but confined in the air, inside such a narrow space, an angry giant did not sound too appealing to me.  
The woman seemed to think the same. She straightened and raised her hands slightly as to calm the doctor.

"Bruce," she said. "Loki's manipulating you."

"Hey!" I said. "Leave my brother out of this."

Fury scoffed loudly. "Your brothers are why we're building weapons in the first place!"

I scoffed, while Thor's mouth dropped unceremoniously open. That was just grand, that they would use my brother and his presence on this realm as an excuse.

"My people want nothing but peace with your planet," Thor said.

"But you're not the only people out there!" Fury said. "We had to come up with something."

Before I knew how it happened, everyone was shouting. Steve was shouting at Tony. Tony was shouting at the director. Fury shouted at Thor. Doctor Banner looked more agitated by the minute and he was shouting, too, mostly at the agent. Their voices kept ringing in my ears, making it hard to form a coherent thought.

The blue gem inside the scepter was glowing brightly and as I saw it, my mind was surprisingly clear. It drew me closer, my steps as if directed by a foreign mind. Maybe all of this was its doing, multiplying the aggression that was already present. Surely, this was what was influencing Loki as well...  
Meanwhile, Thor had rounded on Banner and the smaller man was already clenching his fists.

My fingers wrapped around the scepter and I shuddered with the power that it held. No wonder Loki seemed so overzealous. It felt magnificent. Once holding it, it was impossible to let go.

They did not even notice me slipping out of the door. I had to get it away from them, as far as I could on this ship - or maybe I should find a different solution all together. It ought to be away from Loki, too.  
This was yet again something that could not fall into the wrong hands. I wondered how to get off this ship, wondered even if I might survive a jump; with the power it held, I might just be able to soften the fall enough.

With a loud bang I was suddenly thrown off my feet. My heart skipped a beat and a scream was torn from my throat when I hit the next wall. The whole aeroplane dropped suddenly to the side and I slid across wall onto the floor. The skin on my arm was scratched off in the process and I hissed in pain.  
Another bang and I was thrown forward, tumbling head-first down the hallway. The scepter slid out of my grasp and I screamed again, scrambling to get back to it, but it fell a lot faster than I did.

That was when the ceiling came crashing down on me.

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	34. The Fall

**Thanks to everyone who read, fav'd, alerted and most of all to Toad-sage66, ThoseEvilDucks, mybonded, .2016 and guests "Guest" (1) (It will be about as different from the movie as the rest of the story has been - slightly different, but basically following the same line ;) Thanks for your review!) and "Guest" (2) (Here is some more! I'm glad you enjoy the story!) for reviewing.**

* * *

 **The Fall**

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I groaned and propped myself up on my elbows. Dust and little brocks of metal fell from my head and shoulders. I coughed as the dust hovered about my face. I was pretty sure some of the rubble had gathered in my hair and that one wayward piece had cut my cheek and it was bleeding.

More importantly, my leg was buzzing with pain. I twisted slightly and squinted through the smokey darkness. A larger bit had fallen right on my left lower leg and had trapped it underneath. I was probably lucky that it had fallen like that and none of my limbs had been pierced.

Pain shot through me as I twisted and I hissed with the effort to turn my leg under the plate and sit up. I grit my teeth and I pushed at the plate. My palms dug into the metal and the rough edges cut into my flesh and drew blood once more. The plate did not move with physical force. I cursed and stemmed myself against it again. Nothing.

A dull thud echoed above me, followed by a metallic clang. I had no idea what was happening, but the helicarrier was still swaying dangerously in the air and - if I was not mistaken - we were losing height.  
I nodded to myself and closed my eyes. Was I a witch or not? My fingers and my magic wrapped around the edge of the plate again and I pushed once more.

Using magic in this state was exerting, but it did work. The plate moved and I could pull my leg out from beneath it. It hurt even more now that the blood rushed back into it.  
I scrambled backwards and tried to inspect my wounds. It was hard to say in the dark, but I did not think anything was broken, just bruised. It would give me some trouble with walking, though.

It was almost a lucky coincidence that I had to crawl first; I was not actually sure where the ceiling started again and how high it would be. After the last explosion, I was not at all sure where I was in the first place. Above me, something crashed, a crunching sound followed by a roar and another thud.

My knees scraped along the floor and bits of rubble. The bruised leg smarted with every little contact. My hands stretched out in front of me to lead the way.  
My fingers suddenly touched something more smooth than expected, languid and rounded and my heartrate speed up with the realization. It was the scepter, so easily lost before, that had found its way back to me.

"Thank the Norns," I whispered to myself as my fingers wrapped fully around it. I felt a lot stronger now that I had found it again. Another explosion ripped through the air and the helicarrier swayed again. I wondered if they would manage to keep us in the air - I definitely did not want to test my endurance by falling from the sky inside this mess. I needed to find Thor and Loki and we had to get out of here.

The scepter provided and excellent light and lead me along the hallway. It seemed that the walls and ceiling had dented and broken in certain parks. At one point, I had to rob along on my belly, my nose almost scraping the floor, to get through.  
After what seemed like ages, the ceiling opened up over me and light shone on me. I was relieved for a hot second until my happiness was immediately quashed.

A loud roar sounded above me and then a green shadow leaped above me. My mouth dropped open - Tony had clearly not exaggerated. There was no doubt in my mind that this was the Hulk everyone was so afraid of.  
My breath grew shallow when I heard a familiar voice. Thor was at it again, getting himself into battles that he could not win.

My fingers wrapped tighter around the scepter and I stretched my arms up. My hands grabbed the edge of the hole above and with all the strength I had left, I pulled myself up.

The Hulk was even bigger than he had seemed from below. I figured even the Frost Giants would be intimidated at the sight and my brother stood facing him, the hammer at the ready and his face already bruised.  
The monster swung at him and he side-stepped the blow, leaving me in plain sight. Dark eyes fixed on me and narrowed in anger.

It happened almost without thought. I yelled 'Duck!' to Thor and raised the scepter to about chest-level. When the green giant charged, it fired.  
It was a power unlike anything I had ever wielded. It shot with a blue stream of energy and hit the Hulk right in the stomach. He was thrown backward and crashed through a wall, not to be seen again.

With wide eyes, I looked from the hole in the wall to the scepter and back. "Wow," I muttered to myself. "That was awesome!"

Thor picked himself up from the floor and stared at me open-mouthed. "What in the-?"

"Unimportant," I said. "We need to go get Loki. Right now."

He took a deep breath and then nodded somberly. "Follow me," he said. Good thing too, because I did not know where I had emerged. Meanwhile, I thought I heard the sound of bullets.

Thor was charging forward and I had to limp behind. I had not been wrong in my earlier assessment: the fabric of my jeans was torn and beneath there were cuts and heavy bruises, though they were only bleeding slightly. Despite the discomfort, I could probably count myself lucky.  
The helicarrier dropped once more and swayed dangerously. As it was, it would be bloody miracle if we made it out of here alive. How very ironic, that I would survive on my own and be killed the very moment I had my powers back.

One agent who had evidently guarded the cell was lying sprawled against a wall, his head bleeding profusely. He had probably been thrown against the wall with one of the explosions.  
Thor looked back to me, but I shook my head. We did not have the time to heal strangers right now. Instead, I stepped over the unconscious body and followed Thor around the next corner.

The detention tract was largely undisturbed, which spoke for the quality of S.H.I.E.L.D's cells. As we turned the corner, Loki was just stepping out of said cell. Thor stiffened and let out a roar as he charged forward. Evidently, we had different ideas of what we were here to do.

Loki dropped into fighting stance but as Thor reached him, he passed right through. Loki's illusion simmered and disappeared and the real him stepped out from behind a panel.  
"Are you ever not going to fall for that?" Loki asked. His eyes settled on me and he walked forward. He stretched out his hand and gestured for the scepter.

I shook my head slightly. "What are you going to do?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?"  
He reached me and plucked the scepter straight out of my hands. It was as if my vision suddenly cleared as the power of the scepter left me. What had I been thinking, stealing it away like that? I had thought to be wielding its power, but looking back, it was rather the scepter itself that was using me.

Behind me, Thor smashed Mjolnir hard against the glass of the cell. The room shook with the impact, but the glass barely cracked. Loki cocked his head to the side and a smile spread slowly on his face. He sauntered past me towards the control panel, the scepter clutched firmly in his hand.

"The humans think us immortal," he mused. "Should we test that?"

"Loki, no!"

His head snapped to me. "Are you going to stop me?"

"You're not going to drop him," I said. "You're not. Not like this - Loki you don't want to do that, I beg you."

He raised an eyebrow at me. "You want me to spare him?" he asked, sounding incredulous, as if the thought itself was too ridiculous to consider.

"I'm asking you to spare me," I said. "To spare me the pain of seeing yet another of my brothers falling into certain doom."

Loki's lip curled. "You're pathetic."

"And you're insane," I shot back. "It's the sceptre, Loki, it is influencing you, if you just think for one second-"

He swung said scepter and it halted just shy of my throat. I could almost feel the tip gracing my skin. He could probably run me through in one smooth stroke if he set his mind to it.

"That's quite enough," he ground out.

"I agree," a voice said behind us. It was one S.H.I.E.L.D's agents - brown hair, a determined expression; I had definitely seen him before, though I did not know his name. He was holding a gun that looked suspiciously like the one the American soldier had procured before. "Move away please."

Loki lowered the the scepter, but reached out and shoved me unceremoniously out of the way. The agent fiddled with the weapon.

"You like this?" he asked as he held the gun up. "We started working on the prototype after you sent the Destroyer. Even I don't know what it does. Do you wanna find out?"

Loki's jaw clenched for a second before I felt the slight pull of magic. In the next second, the agent was gasping breathlessly and blood was flowing freely from his chest. Loki's scepter had pierced through him from the back, as easily as I had suspected it would. Loki pulled the scepter back out and blood splashed everywhere. The agent twisted and sank against the wall.

Thor roared and smashed his fists against the cell wall. My breath grew shallow as I watched the blood drip from the scepter. I scrambled forward, my knees shaking as I tried to approach the wounded agent.

"I can fix this," I whispered desperately. "I'm sure I can fix this!"

Loki stopped my approach easily by lowering the scepter and I recoiled before the blood could touch my skin or clothes. "Leave him," he ordered.

I turned with him as he approached the control switch again. Thor had stepped back from the glass and shook his head, tears risen in his eyes. He did not say a word, but he did not need to to beg. Loki's fingers rested on the button and he looked to his brother once more.

"Loki, please," I breathed.

His lip curled and he pushed down on the button. The floor opened beneath Thor and with one last, cold look, Loki dropped the cell. Wind howled through the room and carried away my desperate wail. My legs gave out then. I sank to my knees as tears sprung to my eyes.

"He's going to make it," I muttered to myself as I rocked back and forth. "He's going to make it."

"I doubt he'll survive this." Loki had closed the hatch and walked over to me. When I looked up he crouched down to meet my gaze. "He's probably already dead."

"I hate you," I said through my tears.

He smiled at that. "You're a terrible liar, my love." He pulled me up and I struggled and thrashed until he had to grip both my arms so tightly that they would probably bruise like my leg. "Stop it now," he ordered through clenched teeth.

"You're gonna lose."

The grip relaxed slightly, but a seething breath escaped Loki as he turned back to the wounded agent. At the rate the blood was leaving him, it was a right miracle he was still alive.

"Am I?" Loki asked.

"It's in your nature." My eyes locked with those of the agent he moved his head sharply to the side.

"Your heroes are scattered, your floating fortress falls from the sky - where is my disadvantage?" Loki challenged.

It almost seemed that the agent smiled. "You lack conviction."

I ducked and twisted out of Loki's grasp. He huffed because I elbowed him in the stomach in the process. He cursed and reached for me again, but that was the moment that the agent fired his gun.  
It shot with a loud crack and bright light and it blasted Loki backwards and right through the next wall behind him.

"Huh," the agent muttered. "So that's what it does."

For a long moment, I stood frozen, staring at the shattered wall, unsure if I should feel relieved or worried. Surely, if he was dead or severely wounded, I would feel it. I took another look at the agent, whose eyes had fallen shut. There was nothing left to save on that front, I concluded. Instead, I approached the wall with staggering feet.

"Not another step!"

If I made it out of this mess, I never wanted to see anyone with an eye-patch again. I would have to live out my days on Midgard without watching pirate movies.

"Or what?" I retorted. "I'm afraid I do not fall into your jurisdiction, Director Fury."

I gazed through the rubble, but could not make out even a single sign of Loki. There was absolutely no one there.  
My stomach turned. He had left. He was gone and had left me all alone, amongst his enemies and opponents. When I thought we would die, I had come to save him, but when the situation turned around, he had left me. I closed my eyes tightly to not let the tears escape. My fists closed so tightly that the nails dug deep and painfully into my palms.

I squared my shoulders before turning around to S.H.I.E.L.D.'s director again. He was aiming that horrid weapon at me.  
My eyebrows rose at that and I fought for a small smile. "Seems l'll stay here after all."

* * *

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	35. A Friendly Turn

**Thanks to everyone who read, fav'd, alerted and most of all to Savysnape7, allthatglimmers, SabertoothUnicorn321, .2016, ThoseEvilDucks and daytorem for reviewing!**

* * *

 **A Friendly Turn**

* * *

Before I knew it, I was surrounded by agents once more, questioned, dragged along and this time, no one was there to speak on my behalf. I did not speak up, either. There was nothing left to say.  
At least we survived, for their aeroplane did not drop from the sky. People were throwing around Tony's name in awe and praised Captain America once more, even as they escorted me through their flying fortress.

As it turned out, they did not only have vitreous cells but had also installed the dark, dusty type of cells. Considering the cot and the small desk, though, they might have used it as regular rooms for the agents. It was not like the poor men and women would complain about it to Fury's face.

Every surface in the room apart from the thin, worn out mattress on the cot was made of a cold, hard metal. My back hurt within the first five minutes of sitting down and after ten, my eyes were hurting due to the neon lighting.  
After a quarter of an hour, I started pacing up and down. Four steps up, turn sharp on your heel, four steps down. Another half step and one could press their nose against the door.

Twenty minutes, and I could not take it anymore. I was clearly not suited for imprisonment.  
My mind was on overdrive. I could be sure that Loki was alive. There was no doubt in my mind that I would feel it if his power suddenly left me. About Thor I could not be so certain.

It seemed unimaginable that the mighty Thor might succumb, no matter what the challenge, but I had seen the drop myself. If he had not freed himself from the cage before it hit bottom, he would shattered along with it. The thought made my stomach turn and the bile rise in my throat.

That Loki had dropped him so unceremoniously - as if he did not care at all - was beyond my comprehension. It was enough to make me want to pull my hair out. I could not understand how he could be like this, how he could kill without flinching, even his own brother - it boggled my mind, how detached he had to be from himself right now.  
For I knew he cared about Thor, about me. Whatever had happened to him this past year, it could not possibly have erased all of his heart.

The door flew open when I was just two steps down towards the back wall. It was Stark, scratched and bleeding once more. The agent thad had opened the door for him looked mildly terrified.

"What are you doing here?" he demanded.

"Didn't heed your advice and got in Fury's way," I said.

"They say Coulson is dead and Loki killed him-" I nodded when he searched my face for confirmation. He looked almost disappointed. "They say you helped him."

"Not true," I said. "I wanted to help the man, I did, but Loki did not let me."

Stark crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Is that right?"

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Would I lie to you?" I shot back.

He cracked a grin at that. "Hell if I know," he said. "Listen, about Thor, we haven't heard anything yet-"

I nodded. "If you can get me a map, I can try and find him. And a knife," I added as an afterthought.

Stark's eyebrows pulled together at that. "How?"

"We share the same blood," I explained with a strained smile. After seeing him fall, I had very little hope that I would find anything even if I did get the chance to search. "As long as his heart is beating, I can locate him. If you get me a map, I'll show you where you can pick him up."

He pulled a face, but nodded. He was already halfway out the door when he stopped once more. "And Loki?"

I let out a hissing breath between my teeth. "Can we take care of the brother in lethal danger before we talk of the one who _is_ the lethal danger?"

Another nod and I was left alone once more. My knees had gone weak and I sat heavily down on the cot. It was a hard landing and my bruised leg hurt like Hel with the impact.  
My heart was throbbing heavily, so much that I could feel the throbbing in my throat. I did not want to see the blood blotting over that map. I did not want to see the confirmation that my brother was dead. It was almost as if I was to kill him myself, as if the attempt to locate him would somehow deliver the deadly blow.

So Tony found me, shaking from head to toe, when he returned almost an hour later and brought the American soldier and the female agent in command with him. It was this brown haired woman that held the knife and map I had requested.

"Hey Princess, you all right?"

My eyes flitted from Stark to his companions. "Did you get my supplies?"

"Yeah, we're not giving you a knife," the agent said.

"What Agent Hill is trying to say," the soldier said quickly. "Is that we're a little worried."

I leant forward. My hands were splayed on my upper legs and my elbows shook trying to support the weight put on them. I hoped that they would not notice. "About what? I can assure you that if I wanted to attack, I would not do it with that pesky knife."

Stark laughed, but the others did not seem amused. Agent Hill crossed her arms and glared, a trait she had no doubt learnt from her boss, and Captain Rogers shifted nervously in his stance.

I wondered if he had ever seen real magic. My fingertips prickled with the desire to show just how little need I had of that knife.

"Come on," Tony said. "Just give her her things."

"One wrong move," the agent warned and put both map and knife on the small table across from me.

I rose and she stepped slightly to her side, but her eyes remained glued to my every move. I knew because she flinched slightly when I picked up the blade. My own eyes moved over the map - I recognized but a few of the big names, but hardly knew where north or south was, let alone where we were.

"Someone show me where we're at," I demanded.

They exchanged glances once more and then the soldier stepped forward and pointed at a location quite in the middle of the map. He had to pull his finger away mere seconds later with a surprised little squeak. Blood sprinkled in a clear line along the are he had pointed out, staining the material, probably forever. I felt the sting of the cut in my palm only when it was already done.

"What the heck?" the soldier breathed.

"I need something to transmit the energy on the map," I said without glancing at him. "Easiest to use a part of what I am already searching for. My own blood."

I splayed my hands on the edges of the table, ignoring the sting of my left hand. I inhaled deeply once, twice, a third time and then closed my eyes.  
The blood on the map had left my body, but I could still feel it, the energy inherent in it even now. I could feel it pulsing, almost bouncing with eagerness to fulfill its purpose.

When I opened my eyes again, it had pooled at one spot, right where I had sprinkled it on. My stomach dropped and my breath started coming in shorter gasps.  
They were whispering behind me, but I did not hear the words. My fingers wrapped tightly around the edges of the desk. My knuckles turned white and the tabletop started shaking.

Then it started moving. My eyes widened and my arms sagged so that I bent down over the map. A thin line dragged over the map, halfway across a part labelled 'West Virginia'.

I let out an incredulous laugh. "He's alive," I said, my voice shaking helplessly. "He's still alive."

"Mark the spot," Agent Hill ordered.

I rolled my eyes at the demanding tone. I had every respect for those humans and their democratic tendencies, but teaching this woman some respect for royalty did seem very tempting. I did not give in to that desire. Instead, I took up the knife again and cut an 'x' at the ending point of my trace.

"Now Loki," she said.

I raised an eyebrow at her. "I thought I was collaborating with him - why again do you assume I'll help?"

"Stark said you would try and find him after locating Thor," the soldier said gently.

"That's because I trust Tony, even with a matter as delicate as my brother's life." Stark seemed to swell a little with the compliment and I berated myself internally for feeding his ego. With a nod to the agent, I said, "I don't trust these people."

"Neither do I!" Captain Rogers said, clearly offended. "Fury's got the same blood on his hand - right now, we've got to put that aside and get this done."

I bit my lip and looked back at Stark, who nodded slightly at me. My lip curled in disgust, but I did turn back towards the map. The blood was still running when I moved the paper. I spread my hands again and let the magic build - and felt like I was slammed head-first into a brick wall.

I gritted my teeth, straining with the effort, but the invisible wall would not budge and meanwhile, the blood started to pool around my own fingers instead of going anywhere else.

"What's happening?" Stark asked.

"He's blocking me," I concluded. "He doesn't want me to find him, or a least he doesn't want to make it as easy."  
Or, I added in my mind, it was whatever power that controlled Loki, the power of the scepter or the Tesseract, that made it so I could not find him.

"And what do we do now?" the agent asked.

I pursed my lips. Instead of answering, I grabbed the map - it crumpled in my hand - and shoved it at her. She took it before it fell but blinked at me in obvious confusion. When she looked down on it, her face wrinkled in obvious disgust. She had laid her fingers right on a puddle of blood.

"Go pick up my brother, why don't you?" I said. Stark chuckled and even the captain was smiling slightly when I glanced in his direction.

Agent Hill rolled her eyes but nodded a me. "Captain, you watch her."

"I can watch her too!" Tony was not honoured with an answer and he shook his head when the door closed behind the agent. "You'd think I'm a loose cannon."

"I saw your suit on TV, you kind of are," I said.

Pacing got increasingly difficult with three people in the small room, especially with three people who felt the need to move when they got nervous - and we were all nervous.

Loki was out there and if I was being blocked, it meant that his plan - whatever it was - was ready to be put in action. Without a device to track him, it was hardly possible to locate Loki, though. He could be anywhere on the world by now and it was not like he had any favourite spots or hiding places that we would know of.

"Look," Steve said after I voiced those thought. "If we'd just figure out what Loki needed-"

"He wants to bring in an alien army," Stark added and then turned to me. "So, my dear alien, what would he need?"

I scoffed at his calling me an alien. "He'd need an additional power source," I said. "He would have to open a portal, but last time he did it, with just the Tesseract, the connection did not hold."

The captain rubbed a hand across his face and Tony plopped down heavily on the cot. "I thought the Tesseract had unlimited power."

"Nothing's unlimited," I shot back. "And portal's are tricky. It costs a lot to build them and even more to pass through. Loki would have added his own power to the mix, but it was not enough to make the portal stable for longer than just his passing - now imagine he'd want to pass a whole army through."

"So Loki needs a power source," the captain said. "If we can put together a list-"

"He made it personal," Tony suddenly said.

The captain sighed heavily and crossed his arms in front of his chest. I wondered what might have been happening between the two of them. The American soldier seemed awfully exasperated with the other man.

"That's not the point."

Stark shook his head. "That is the point - that's Loki's point. He wants to beat us and he wants to be seen doing it, he wants an audience."

I hated to admit it, but he was probably very right with his assessment. "So a very public power source?" I said. "That should narrow it down."

"I'm not wrong, am I?" Tony asked me. "He's the kinda guy who wants flowers, parades, monuments built in the skies with his name plastered-"

He realized it the same moment that I did, too. It truly was the perfect spot, Stark Tower: very public, very powerful, a splendid place to control the action from above and keep a clear view of everything. It took away something that was dear to his enemies, too.  
Once more, I had to salute Loki's ability to scheme. I had not thought that I would ever have to stand against him like this - and I did not like it at all. He was a dangerous opponent.

"Sonofabitch!" Stark hissed. "That's my baby."

Despite the seriousness of the situation, I could not hold in my laugh. "It's a tower."

"You're right," he said. "It's better. I can take 88% of the credit for it, I couldn't do that with a baby." I mouthed 'eighty-eight?' to the captain, who shrugged noncommittally. "All right," he continued. "Let's go."

"She's not supposed to leave," the captain said, earning two sets of raised eyebrows.

"Right," Tony said. "Feel free to stop her if you can."

The Captain did not stop me; he did not even try.

Getting out was still a bit of an adventure. No one was very suspicious of _Captain America,_ not even when he walked the corridors with someone who should be in detainment. People were, however, very much suspicious of Tony Stark walking around with someone who should be in detainment and we had therefore be shuffled into a room off the main way which was even smaller than the previous cell - indeed, it could barely be called a broom cupboard, while the good soldier went off to organize both aeroplane and pilot.

He did not only return with a pilot - a guy with a face as if he was constantly grumpy and who also kept rubbing the back of his head - but with the red-headed agent from before who had to be talked into taking me along for five minutes until she sighed demonstratively and ordered me to call her Natasha.

We practically had to move through the whole helicarrier as an entirely too large group of five, including Tony who was unable to keep his voice down for longer than a minute at a time.  
We nearly got caught more times than I could count, but ran into trouble only once and that was directly in front of the jets. It was a good thing Natasha was so intimidating, too, because when she claimed that she had orders and would sent everyone onto the ground who tried to stop her, even the toughest agents cowered before her. It was a magnificent sight.

Tony called his suit right before we boarded and his metallic hand wrapped around my arm for a last second. "See you on the other side of the war, Princess," he said.

"We'll see each other sooner than that," I prophesied.

He cracked a grin at that. "I should hope so."

Then he was gone as a fleck of red and gold and I climbed the stairs into the jet. I wondered if I would see my brothers equally soon.

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	36. Epiphany

**Thanks to everyone who read, fav'd, alerted and most of all to Toad-sage66, .2016 and guest "Scarlett" (Here it is! Thanks for your review!) for reviewing!  
** **Last chapter did not inspire a lot of reviews, so hopefully this one will be more to your liking ;) Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Epiphany**

* * *

In hasty whispers, Captain Rogers filled me in on our pilot. It did not take long to explain, though the soldier attempted to use as many words as possible. He clearly could not quite wrap his head around what had happened - or was perhaps still happening to other people.  
Truth be told, the thought of it made me slightly sick. How could Loki, who had always valued his own free spirit, take away another person's free will? I was glad I did not have the scepter anymore; I did not ever wanted to be tempted to use it like that as well.

Either way, the story was quite enough for me to scramble through the jet and inquire whether I could disturb our pilot. He still looked rather grumpy, but his voice did not sound like it.

"Agent Barton, I wanted to apologize," I told him when he nodded for me to speak. "On Loki's behalf, that is, for what he did to you - I honestly can't imagine, you must feel so violated-"

"Yeah," he said. "Something like that."

"I am sorry," I reiterated. "I don't know why he would... But, I want you to know that neither Thor nor I would support such action, none of my people would and if I could do anything, anything at all to make this right again, I would-"

At that, his lips twitched and it almost looked like he would smile. He did not, not really, but just the small lift at the edges made him seem a lot friendlier.  
"Tell me you can fight," he said.

"Huh," I said. "I can probably set things on fire."

"Good enough," he shrugged. I smiled and nodded. I was almost back at my seat when he called after me. "Also, I'm Clint."

Clint was a good pilot, albeit a bit reckless. Indeed, his style of flight made me a bit sick to my stomach, but I was dreading the arrival even more than continuous flight.  
When we arrived, Loki would have called his army. I could only hope to talk him off the edge, but given the last conversations we had, it was unlikely I would succeed.

Should I survive whatever chaos he had planned, I would spend the rest of my life apologizing for his actions, just as I had done to Clint - and that was the best case scenario. There was the vague possibility that Loki would win and who knew what would happen then.  
What was his plan for me, anyway? Did he care enough for me to allow me to live or would he treat me as a traitor - just like our father. How ironic.

New York appeared on the horizon. Even I, only on Midgard for such a short time, recognized the skyline. It was an impressive sight, even though it made my heart clenched.

"You okay?" the captain asked when he noticed me glued to the window.

"We'll see, I suppose," I said.

"I have connection to Stark," Natasha announced. "He's talking to Loki."

"How's it going?" Steve asked.

"Uh," she said. "Pretty badly. As you'd expect."

We soared into the city at such a low height that I was sure this was not usually allowed and also very dangerous. Given what I saw when I looked out of the window, though, a low flying plane was probably the least of New York's problem.

It was hard to say whether the attackers were robots or living beings, but they did look a bit like giant lizards. Colourwise, it was hard to distinguish them from the grey, chariot-like vehicles they were carried by. They zoomed through the air; every now and again, one of them opened its snout to utter a terrifying shriek that could even be heard inside our jet. It was no wonder the Midgardians called them aliens.

"You ever seen anything like those?" Clint asked before he had to hurtle the jet sharply to the side. Two of the aliens raced by us and one of them looked straight at me as he passed the window, sharp red eyes glowing menacingly.

I swallowed hard. "I'm happy to say no."

Meanwhile, Natasha was conferring with Stark yet again. His instructions came out muffled and a little bit sarcastic over the speakers, but Natasha kept waving for Clint to follow them.  
That was when Stark Tower appeared right in front of us. Tony swooped around it, the suit already dented slightly.  
When he ducked, my gaze was drawn by another sight on one of the tower's terraces: My brothers - both of them, and both as angry as they could be. They were swinging at each other again, most of what I could make out was just a blur of weapons.

"Can you drop me there?" I called to Clint.

"Well...," he said before Natasha interrupted. "Sure! Will you jump?"

She did not give me a chance to answer before the ramp behind us was already opened. Steve yelped as a loud rush of wind enveloped us. I almost fell before we even reached the tower because as I got up, Clint swung around sharply once more and Natasha started firing at the aliens.

Would I jump? I remembered the day - it seemed so long ago - that Loki and I had gone to Jotunheim. I had not dared to jump then - he had had to push me.  
The wind was ringing in my ears, as well as the shrieks of the aliens and the zooming of their transport. If I missed the platform and fell, I would be dead, Asgardian or not. The terrace came into sight right beneath me, and Thor was just throwing Loki backwards across it.

I jumped.

It hurt my knees and especially my already wounded leg to land on the metallic platform, but it was nothing compared to how Loki and Thor looked. These two knew no restraint, especially when it came to each other.  
Right after I landed, Loki fired at Thor with the scepter and my brother slid across the terrace, the hammer on the floor causing an unpleasant scraping noise.

Thor groaned and I offered a hand to pull him up. His eyes widened slightly when he took me in. "You're here! I worried he'd hurt you."

"He wouldn't," I said. "Not like that."

It was that very moment that Loki fired his scepter at the jet. Clint should have gotten out of here long ago - why was he lingering? - but as it was, the jet now steadily hurtled towards the ground, parts of it already aflame.  
Thor let out an enraged yell, charged at Loki and tackled him to the ground while I hurried to the edge of the terrace.

The jet had come down more than a block away and from that distance, I could not make out anything specific. My heart clenched as I wondered if Clint was a good enough pilot to save them considering that kind of drop.

Meanwhile, Thor and Loki were rolling across the floor like a pair of common boys on the streets battling over sweets. With a groan of effort, Loki pushed Thor backwards to sit up, but Thor grabbed him at once.

"Look at this," he ordered. "Look around you! You think this madness will end with your rule?"

Loki struggled, but against Thor's brute force, he had no chance. "It's too late," he said. "Too late to stop it."

"We can," I said. For the first time since I had arrived, Loki's eyes found me. He looked mildly confused at my presence. "With your help, we can end this."

"Yes," Thor urged. "Together."

For the shortest of moments, it seemed as if Loki would change his mind. His eyes widened with something akin to hope and Thor immediately loosened his hold.  
Which was a mistake, for Loki abused this mercilessly. He lunged forward, something silver shone in his hand and Thor keeled over, falling backwards.

Loki's lip curled and he shook the bloodied knife. "Sentiment," he hissed.

"What did you do?" I started forward, but Loki threw out his arm and stopped my progress before I could reach Thor.

"What are you doing here?" Loki asked.

"What do you think?" I shot back, gesturing around us.  
People were screaming in the streets; gunshots rang through the air, every few seconds a window or so exploded and splinters rained down on the masses. The city was already burning.

His jaw clenched tightly. "I didn't think they'd let you go."

My brows furrowed. "You let them them take me - you left me on purpose..."

He blinked at me. "So you wouldn't get hurt," he said, waving his hand at our surroundings just as I had. "What did you think?"

I opened my mouth to answer, but no words came out. It was terribly tempting to believe him - but I was not that stupid. He could be making this up on the spot, he could be just saying things that he thought I would like to hear. I did not know if I had ever meant something to him, but right now, I did not mean enough to be exempt from his scheming and his lies.

"I want you to end this," I said. "Look around-"

"I can't," he said with simple finality. "What's done cannot be undone."

Behind us, Thor had scramble to his feet with a guttural roar. He looked dangerous, almost feral as he approached. It was enough for me to want to make a run for it - if they had to fight, I did not want to be caught in the middle.  
Loki seemed to have the same thought, but I still wished he did not act on it. When Thor started his advance, Loki reached out and pushed me out of the way - and had me topple right over the edge of the terrace.

We all cried out. My stomach dropped before me and at least as deep as my fall would be while my heart jumped into my throat. My body crashed hard against the side of the building as I scrambled for a hold on the edge. My finger scraped along the wall, the skin torn open in the process.  
Another scream was torn from me when I slid further down, the fall seemingly unstoppable.

Two hands wrapped securely around my wrist and my other arm. They had both moved impossibly fast and yet Loki and Thor had only caught me in the last second. Both of them.  
My bad leg protested harshly when they pulled me upwards and it scraped against the edge. I could barely breath due to my heart beating violently against my rib cage.

I sat for just a moment and then scrambled as fast as I could away from the edge. One near-death experience was more than enough.

Loki's brows had furrowed as he watched me. "I'm-" he started, but did not get any further.

"Stay away from her!" Thor bellowed at the mere sway in my direction.

Loki swallowed hard. He glanced behind him at the edge, then back to me - took one step, two; and fell just as I had.  
Gone was my fear of the abyss. Panting, I got to my feet and rushed forward. All colour had drained from Thor's face, but when I could see from the edge, I found that I need not have worried.  
Loki had been caught easily by one of the alien's flying chariots. He saluted me when he spotted me on the edge.

"I need to get down to the others," Thor announced when some of his colour had returned. "It's perhaps best you stay up here-"

"And wait for one of those monsters to shoot me? Certainly not." My brother shifted uncomfortably at my declaration. "I want to fight."

"You don't know how-"

I raised an eyebrow at that. Of course I was not a warrior, but I would be able to at least do some harm and take care of myself. I figured that was all we really need at the moment.  
Begrudgingly, Thor had to follow my demand. Mjolnir carried us effortlessly down into the streets of New York. Beneath us, our friends had assembled in a quick moment of relative peace.

"The cube is unreachable," Thor announced.

Stark's voice came muffled out of some speaker and Clint tossed me a little piece of electronic and gestured for me to put it in my ear. Sure enough, Tony's voice was now more pronounced, as if he was speaking directly to me.

"We gotta deal with these guys," he just said.

Natasha pursed her lips. "How do we do this?"

"Loki's gonna keep this fight focused on us," the Captain said. "That's what we need. Without him, these things could run wild. We got Stark up top, he's gonna need us-"

He got interrupted by the rustling, hollering sound of a small motorcycle making its way past rubble and fallen aliens up the street. Doctor Banner was driving it, smiling slightly at our confused expressions. He appeared a bit rustled, but overall at ease with the situation not like he would turn into a green rage monster any time soon.

"Stark," Steve said. "We got him."

"Banner?" Stark cried out.

"Just like you said."

Tony let out a relieved laugh. "Tell him to suit up," he ordered. "I'm bringing the party to you."

I had never been to a party on Midgard, but I was pretty sure that they did not look anything like that. When Iron Man swerved around a building on the next corner, he was followed by what looked like a malicious flying whale. It was ridiculously large and had the same half-organic, half-metallic structure that the aliens had. With their armoury, they looked like the scaled skeleton of a big serpent.

"Now might be a really good time for you to get angry," the Captain said in direction of Doctor Banner, who smiled grimly in response.

"That's my secret," he said. "I'm always angry."

True to his word, his body started to change. It stretched and swelled and became decidedly more green. Soon he had reached an enormous height, but this time, his anger did not turn against us. Instead his bulging eyebrows pulled down as his eyes narrowed at the aliens. Perhaps the Hulk was not quite as mindless as we had thought.

He stretched out an enormous green fist and hit the upcoming flying whale square in the nose. The thing had seemed unstoppable before, crashing through the street like a fright train, but now it screeched to a halt and with all its former momentum turned in the air and landed with a loud metallic clank on its back.  
Enraged screams of the aliens filled the air, but the serpent did not move again.

There was no time to celebrate this small victory. Natasha pointed upwards to the portal edged into the sky and we found another battalion of aliens emerging. Everyone was quite speechless, but the captain was first to come back to his senses. He started dishing out order, sending us off in different directions.

The streets had seemingly flooded with attackers. The first one got his skull crushed as I sent him flying into a lamp post. The next one got his neck snapped with a flick of my wrist. It was so easy that it almost made me sick. The next one dropped out of the air on his chariot and landed on three others. None of them moved again.

There was no shortage of attackers though. One I narrowly escaped by teleporting across the street. Unfortunately, that led me right into the arms of another.  
It hissed dangerously and I did the first thing I could think of: I tried to burn it as I had the Frost Giants. It caught fire sure enough, but did not seem the least bit bothered by it. The entire arm blazing with flames, it advanced on me again, undeterred by the wall of fire I raised in front of me.

I scrambled backwards - I wondered how they killed when they did not use their weapons? Would it bite or claw at me? My skin prickled at the thought.

It had almost reached me when it froze. Quite literally. It started at the burning hand and crept across his chest and down his legs, it encompassed his head - within seconds, the blazing monster in front of me had turned into a block of ice.  
One of their chariots sped by above me.

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	37. Heroes and Villains

**Thanks to everyone who read, fav'd, alerted and most of all to Savysnape7, ThoseEvilDucks, duchesslynn4, .2016, SeriouslySirius0409, vintage87, and guests "guest" (That's all so nice to hear, I'm very glad you enjoy the story and like Eirlys, all imperfections included ;)) and "Scarlett (He did! There's still some good left in him, it appears ;))**

 **I know I'm a day late with updating, but I unfortunately had to go to the A &E yesterday evening with an allergic reaction; I'm fine, though, they fixed me super quickly, I just came back groggy and didn't have the energy to put this up anymore.  
**

 **Late or not, I hope y'all enjoy the new chapter!**

* * *

 **Heroes and Villains**

* * *

My breath had not quite caught when Tony touched down in front of me. The iron suit looked even more battered now, but he was smiling at me - even though it looked a little strained.

"Hand-to-hand combat is dangerous, princess," he chastised gently with a nod to the frozen alien

I swallowed hard, but tried to be as nonchalant as possible. "If you think I let these things touch me, you're very wrong."

"Okay," he grinned. "I still need you out of the streets."

Tony's flying was a lot different from Thor's - it was more of a push and less of a pull - but it worked just as well. For a second, just before he dropped me off on Stark Tower again, I feared I might slipping, losing my hold on the metal of his suit, but he had me in a death grip.  
He landed us, quite safely, on the terrace leading to his penthouse, at least if I interpreted the scattered remains of his living room correctly.

"I do want to fight," I told him.

"I know," he said. "But distance's a pretty great thing. Hey Jarvis! Gun, please!"

My protest ran short at his call and I asked, a bit dumbstruck, "Jarvis?"

"My AI," he said as if I was supposed to know what that meant. It did not matter either way; the gun he had spoken of basically dropped out of thin air, though I surely just missed where it had originated from.

I knew about guns - I had obviously already seen them in action, but had absolutely no idea how to use them or even how they worked in general. Stark seemed to notice my hesitance as he handed it to me.

"You just aim and then pull the trigger right here and it should-"

"How does this work in the first place?" I asked, crossing my arms in front of my chest. From the look of this thing, I was more likely to hurt myself than to shoot one of our enemies.

"Well - basically, it's a bullet that's shot out at high speed and if you aim-"

"Can you take them out?" I interrupted. "The bullets, I mean."

He blinked at me as if I had gone crazy, but I had not. The truth was, rather than on any kind of technology, I wanted to rely on myself. At least that way, I knew what would work and what would not. My actions would be a lot more helpful that way.

A click and a pull and some rustling and he dropped about a dozen of little projectiles in my outstretched hands. "And now?" he asked.

I picked up one of the projectiles - funny how something so small could have such an effect - and with a little effortless push sent it right into the back of one of the aliens passing by on their chariots across the street. It stiffened and then tumbled off its vehicle.

"Now," I said. "I get to work."

Tony had been right - distance was a great thing. The bullets were sent away pretty soon, but I found that little pebbles of rubble strewn across the terrace worked just as well. The magic reliably delivered whatever I chose exactly where I wanted it to go - and from what I could see, the others took down their fare share of enemies.

Yet they just kept coming; for every one that was slain, three more seemed to arrive. I did not know how long we would be able to hold them off, but by the look of it, it was not long. All of this would mean nothing if we could not close the portal.

Another chariot passed by and I was almost ready to send the deadly bullet out when I saw who was riding on it.  
With a cat-like movement, Loki had snatched something out of the air. His attention was focused solely on wherever it had come from - it would be so easy to take him out now. Whatever the humans said, we were not immortal. Just a little push and he would... but I could not do it.  
The clenching of my heart at the thought told me that I did not want Loki dead, no matter the circumstances. I knew how it could crush me.

As I watched, the chariot exploded. Or perhaps it was not the chariot at all, but whatever he had been holding. Either way, Loki was thrown, in a hot blaze, through the air and crashed, mere feet above me, into the already damaged penthouse.  
There was no time for contemplation, because the moment he crashed, the building shook again. A tense glance down told me the Hulk was climbing upwards steadily. I would have entrusted Dr Banner with Loki's life anytime, but I could not trust the Hulk.

My leg throbbed with the strain as I climbed the stairs to the penthouse as fast as I could. When I arrived, Loki just rolled himself up in a flurry of broken glass. Our eyes met for a split second before the Hulk burst into the room. The giant advanced, dark beetle-like eyes fixed on Loki.

"No!" I wondered if Dr Banner knew how much control the Hulk really had, for the monster stopped when I stepped in his way. "I can take care of this - don't hurt him. I beg you, Bruce-"

The roar was unlike anything I had ever heard. It shook the air around us, it shook the very walls, it rang painfully in my ears. My knees were shaking with the sight of angrily balled fists and teeth that could probably crush my skull. I did not move.

"Enough!"

It was Loki's shout that made me crumble, that made me turn and step aside when I saw him standing tall and with an evil glint in his eye.

"You are, all of you, beneath me!" he yelled at the Hulk. "I am a god, you dull creature and I will not be bullied-"

My mouth opened to scream, but no sound came out. In a move too fast even for my eyes, the Hulk had grabbed Loki by his legs and with a grand haul, slammed him down onto the floor. Left, right, and again until the floor had dented and Loki lay, motionless within it, covered with blood and rubble.

"Puny god," the monster uttered.

Loki's whimper was the most pathetic sound I had ever heard from him. I dropped to my knees by his side and reached out to touch him. He attempted to shake his head, but I stopped him at once by placing my hands against the sides of his neck. With every right, too - I was not a healer and it was hard to be precise, but I thought it probable that he might have cracked a vertebra.

"It'll heal," he whispered.

His face was contorted in pain, but his eyes appeared much clearer than they had in long. It was as if he had only now properly woken up. When he attempted to move again, I pressed my fingertips lightly into his skin and he let out a pained groan.

"I can give it a little push," I offered. "We ought to get you back on your feet."

He breathed out in a stuttered sigh. "You need... your strength."

I bit my lip. If we did get in trouble, if I did need my strength, it would do us no good if only I was on my feet. I could perhaps open us an escape route if we got under attack, but I could not fight a larger number of foes, not at the rate they were coming in. Considering the condition Loki was in, the aliens would not listen to him, leader or not. I needed him at least able to walk.

"If they come," he said and my eyes widened. "You run and leave me alone."

Perhaps if I had not been so preoccupied with this predicament, I would have noticed sooner - but much like his eyes, our connection was suddenly crystal clear again. That tornado of emotions - sadness, wounded pride, fear, inexplicable affection - was not mine. It was his.

I felt suddenly light like floating, despite everything. I could feel him again and could barely remember the last time I had. It was a bit overwhelming, much akin to when we first created the bond and it was just as exhilarating.

"I won't leave you," I said and his lips pulled slightly upward. "If I could, I wouldn't even be in this realm."

"You have to-"

"I won't," I said, as assuredly as I could. I straightened in spite of it and shook my limbs that had started prickling in my bent position. A sharp sting shot through me; as soon as we were out of danger, I would have to take care of that bloody leg. "You have five minutes, then I'll speed up the process."

His protest fell on deaf ears. He apparently did not know what was good for him and he had never known what was good for me. Loving him, I decided, did not necessarily mean listening to his orders.

I reached the windows just in time for a peculiar display. The portal was still open, a deep black hole in the sky and yet there was a figure approaching it that did not look like one of the aliens at all. It was hard to make out from a distance, but it seemed to be some kind of missile - and beneath it was something that seemed to consist of red and gold.

My stomach twisted into a tight knot. He would not - would he? Tony was not the hero type, absolutely not the type to self-sacrifice. Yet there the shape went, closer and closer to the portal.

Then he was in - I know felt decidedly sick. For a horrible long moment, nothing happened - then it exploded. My eyes closed off their own accord, but the light shone through anyway and it stung behind my eyelids.  
When I could bring myself to see again, the aliens were dropping out of the sky like flies and in the midst of them dropped, quite lifless, the Man of Iron.

Tears sprung into my eyes and I slapped a hand over my mouth to stifle a sob. I suddenly felt very uncomfortable up here with Loki - how would I ever be able to look the others in the eye again, when Tony dropped dead from the sky and I was taking care of the very man who had caused it?  
I tried to blink the tears away, but every time my eyes closed, I saw the echo of Tony's fall before me. He could have survived, though, could he not? Who knew what that suit could do! He got hit by Mjolnir and only broke one bone, he might have survived a fall... but then, he had fallen so far.

Loki had drawn himself into a sitting position and watched my tears with a frown. "Are you leaving me?" he asked.

"You told me I should," I said.

"Yet you are the only one who doesn't look upon me with hatred," he said. "I'd rather you didn't."

A moment of honesty, I could feel it. "And I won't," I said.

He nodded at me. The first step towards him was hard to do, and then every one got easier until I crouched next to him again. His neck felt much more stable when I touched it again.

"How does it feel?"

Loki let out a hollow laugh that made both of us wince. "Terrible," he said.

"I see," I said.

"I was afraid you'd get hurt," he said suddenly. "You shouldn't be fighting."

I snorted. "I did fine," I told him. "You helped me though."  
There had been no time to think about it in the middle of a war, but that one of the aliens would freeze was no coincidence. Even through all the hatred in him, Loki would not let me get hurt. He smiled and reached out to touch me, but had to drop his arm at once with a groan of pain.

"I should just-"

"Why do you want me healthy?" he challenged. "Are you gonna help me flee from your friends?"

I swallowed hard - indeed, was I going to do that? Leave the destruction unavenged, all our pain, Tony's death? Loki was looking at me quizzically - but loving him was not enough to justify that. My love for him did not make him exempt from good and evil. It should not cloud my judgement as it had in the past.

"No," I finally said. "I'm not."

"Good," Loki said. "'Cause they're already here."

He was right - when I turned to see where the rustling was coming from, I found the group approaching us - our brother, bloodied but confident, the monstrous Hulk, an even more grim captain and Clint and Natasha; and, in the midst of them, looking more determined than all of them, Tony.

A tiny squeal escaped me and my heart soared. Already, the tears were drying on my face.

"If it's all the same to you," Loki muttered. "I'll have that drink now."

Tony could hardly suppress a grin, but the rest of them seemed less amused.

While the upper part of the tower had suffered quite a bit from the attack - in fact, most of the big letters had fallen into oblivion - the lower levels had survived in better shape. They consisted mostly of offices, but it was enough to sit down, hydrate and patch up the wounds. It was also enough to lock criminals away and Thor insisted on playing guard to our brother himself.

"I thought you died," I said when Tony tossed me a water bottle that, much like everything in this building, had his name branded on it. "I saw you fall."

"Yeah, the big guy caught me," he said and a curious look passed over his face. "It was pretty close."

As if on cue, a roar sounded from an adjoining room, where Natasha tried to convince the good doctor to return from the greenery. There was no doubt in my mind that she would succeed; Natasha was a force of nature that not even the Hulk could withstand.

"You held your own pretty well," Tony said. "Though you did switch teams in the end-"

"Did not," I said at once. "I wouldn't have helped him escape."

He took me in from head to toe and finally nodded. "I know," he said. "You're crazy like that."

Was I? Loki was a danger not only to those that suffered his wrath, but to himself. I had known this since the faithful day he had gone to Jotunheim without me and nothing had changed since. My hope was that if he was brought back to Asgard as was Thor's plan, he would finally have the time and peace to return to who he once was.  
Making him a fugitive, a wanted criminal, would not provide him that opportunity, even if it left him his freedom. Not to mention that I firmly believed crimes committed should be punished.

"Perhaps," I said.

"You could be an Avenger, too, you know?" Tony said and at my raised eyebrow added, "Earth mightiest heroes kinda thing. Fury thought it up for us."

I smiled at that. It was awfully nice of him to offer it - but one look at him told me I was not made for this. I had seen his fall to save the world, had seen Doctor Banner face his innermost demons for this fight. Steve and Clint had looked grim, last I had seen them, and had gone off to search for Clint's lost arrows. For the next time.

All of them looked a lot more damaged than I had, and they seemed to have passed the point of exhaustion. I did not know what still kept them on their feet. They all looked so battered and so triumphant at the same time. They shone with a bravery I could only hope to ever achieve.  
Me, I had cared for myself and my own more than anything else while they had risked their life for others. Perhaps this world, as pretty as it was, did not mean enough to me - or perhaps I was just not cut from the same cloth.

"I don't think so," I said. "But if you ever need to be patched up again, I'm happy to help."

Tony smiled, but it looked a little strained. "It's unlikely, but I hope I'll never need your help."

I did not say it, but I felt the exact same way.

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	38. Homecoming

**Sooo, thanks to everyone who read, fav'd, alerted and most of all to the amazing people who reviewed: Lady Lilith La Belle, Toad-sage66, .2016, chilly47penguin, ThoseEvilDucks and guests "Scarlett" (Only somewhat, yes, but still ;) Thanks for your review!) and "yosh" (I'm glad you enjoyed it :) )**

 **So, as you've probably all figured out, we've pretty much finished the Avengers plotline last chapter and are now moving straight into The Dark World - enjoy!**

* * *

 **Homecoming**

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"You can come home!"

The boisterous smile on Thor's suggested that he thought this to be excellent news. I, myself, did not quite share his enthusiasm.

"How do you know?" I asked.  
Due to the destruction of the Rainbow Bridge, usage of the Bifrost was still not possible and where communication with Asgard would have been easy before, it was impossible now.

"Father said - before I left - that if you took a stand against Loki, he would welcome you back with open arms," Thor said.

I just so resisted the urge to scoff at him. Not that I thought Thor would make this up - he was far too devoted to our father to overrule his authority like that - but I doubted he had insight into whatever compelled Odin to his choice. There had to be a deeper reason; Odin did not act out of something as sentimental as paternal love.  
Just like he had not given me my magic back out of benevolence but out of necessity. The only question that remained was: what did he want?

"I will never stand against Loki," I said instead of voicing those thoughts. "Not in the way he wishes it."

"Eirlys-"

"Perhaps it would be for the best if I stayed here," I suggested.

I would not want to exploit Tony's hospitality, but having connections to someone like him sure bettered my prospects. Life on Midgard did not seem as dreadful anymore as it had a week ago. Not with friends and magic in the picture.

Thor's expression had fallen at my words. I expected words of persuasion, anything from the beauty of Asgard to the will of our father, but what he chose, that obvious thing, I had not planned on.  
"Mother would be devastated."

It was quite terrible of him to play that card. I had not forgotten the horror on my mother's face when Odin had sent me away, I had not forgotten her tears and her pleadings - and I longed for her.  
How was anyone supposed to get by without their mother? She was the very thing I missed most about home - and the thought of hurting her was unbearable.

"She misses you-"

"I get it," I said before Thor could make things even worse.

He smiled tightly at me. "I would be missing you, too," he said, which definitely made things worse.

I uttered a defeated sigh. "If that's what it is," I said. "Then I'm coming home."

The wide grin returned and he clapped me on the shoulder so hard I almost toppled.

Perhaps it was a good thing to go back with him. Thor loved our brother, but it was doubtful he could protect him from Odin's wrath. I, on the other hand, did not have a lot to loose.  
With Loki firmly alive, my magic stood strong; I did not fear coming back here and I most certainly did not fear for my reputation or any nonsense like that. That was the good part of losing any honour you once had.

They put Loki in a muzzle and the very same handcuffs that had once stolen my powers. I wondered if they had abilities that I had failed to notice, considering the rush that I had been in whenever they made an appearance.

Loki's eyes were narrowed in an outraged glare and he shook me off sharply when I touched his arm to ease the tension. We had not gotten the chance to talk; Tony had strictly forbidden it and I had not wanted to argue after the battle we had endured.

There was no saying if or when I would return, but still not many words were exchanged. Truthfully, I suspected the Avengers were all happy to see us go.

I shook hands with Dr Banner and hugged Natasha; Tony punched me slightly in the arm in a gesture of companionship. While Thor said his goodbyes, I joined Loki who stood, rolling his eyes, a few feet away.  
The Tesseract was placed between us, glowing in an almost innocent blue. It was our one way to go home, but it made my heart rate speed up. Even without touching it, I could feel the ancient power that inhabited the cube.

Thor joined us and picked it up with one arm. Loki and I exchanged a quick glance and both grabbed it as if in a single movement.  
The world started spinning, faster and faster until everything around us was just a blur of colour and movement. The longer it took, the more ill I felt. Wind lashed through my hair and cut sharply across my face. For a short moment, it felt like being pressed into the tiniest of places and in the next it seemed you were pulled on the rack.

It was over as suddenly as it had begun, though at first I did not notice. As solid as the ground beneath me was, the shaking of my legs negated the effect. It took a good minute for my eyes to focus again and when they did, my heart soared at the sight.

We had landed on the Rainbow Bridge facing the city of Asgard - and it was _beautiful._ I had forgotten the regality and the elegance of my realm, had forgotten that the gold shone so brightly and the trees were so green, the waters so blue. I had forgotten the millions of colours of the bridge and how it sparkled when the sun gleamed brightly.

"Welcome home."  
Behind us, Heimdall stood perched on the very edge where the bridge had broken off. When I turned to face him, it was perhaps the first time I saw the Gatekeeper smile.

"How are the Nine Realms?" Thor asked.

The smile drained from the Gatekeeper's face. "In disarray," Heimdall said seriously. "It is good that you have returned."

The rest of the realm seemed less ecstatic to have us back. Not even Thor's good humour could break the stone-faced expressions of the Einherjar and I saw, not only one time, how they pulled a little too harshly on the chains they had slapped on Loki. He himself was stoic, but I could almost taste the thirst for vengeance on my tongue.

Thor was the first to be ushered away ( _"the king waits for you_ ") and the guards tensed around us. They shackled Loki to a metal bar and then looked uncertainly to me.  
I raised my chin, hoping to crush even the idea of doing the same to me. "Take the muzzle off," I ordered.

"Milady-"

" _Your Highness,_ " I corrected. "I really don't want to force you, but I will if you don't do as I said."

One of them followed my order, albeit hesitantly - his hands were shaking when he took off the muzzle. The smile on Loki's face was triumphant and our connection brimmed with something akin to pride.  
Ignoring the guards, I approached him and knelt down by his side. His skin was still marred by the wounds given to him by the Hulk and I turned his arm slightly to inspect the scratches. I wondered if Odin would grant him the mercy of Eir's healing prowess.

Behind me, the Einherjar shifted nervously and it was the most ridiculous thing - yes, we could have probably broken Loki out, but I certainly would not do it. It was not smart, not now. If we fled now, it would lead to an eternity of running, skipping through the realms looking for refuge.

Loki flinched and attempted to pull his arm back when I traced over one of the scratches. I murmured an apology and otherwise kept my grip on the arm. I might as well heal it now, make at least the obvious wounds gloss over. Perhaps that would be better if he were to step in front of the king.

He twisted again. "I don't need your help," he said.

I looked up to meet his eyes, but he turned his head away at once. I felt the shame and the outrage either way. There was another scratch on his cheek and I reached up to touch it. His skin glowed a bluish white as it knitted together.

"Please don't make this worse," I said quietly.

At that, he whipped his head around to glare at me. "Define worse," he spat as if he thought it could not get worse at all. I knew he was wrong.

"Worse for us," I said. "You might have forgotten, but I did get banished for you, so-"

"And yet here you are," he said through gritted teeth. "Safe and sound, free of any limitations, the cherished princess-"

"We don't know that yet," I said with a shake of my head. "You know that whatever the outcome, this is not by my design. I can promise you that I will not grovel and I will not hesitate to defend you where you deserve it."

He scoffed. "Where I deserve it... who decides that?"

My eyebrows lifted at that. "I do," I said. "I see you quite clearly, the good and the bad. I can assure you, you won't find a better advocate."

Our eyes met. His green eyes sparkled with affirmation - he did not need to say a single word to signalize his agreement. He or I would never find anyone who would know us as the other did. I could feel him, again, and it made my heart melt.  
Loki deserved punishment but he also deserved the empathy of those that knew him. For a short moment, I was tempted to kiss him, right then and there, the watching guards be damned.

I probably would have, too, if that had not been the moment Thor returned.  
"Eirlys," he said. "Father's awaiting you."

We had barely set two feet into the throne room when, with a joyous sob, Mother threw herself at me. I swayed and almost fell as she held me tightly.  
She was as elegant as ever, even as her eyes were reddened with tears and her intricate hair had flayed slightly when she had run to us. Mother was smiling brightly at me and her hands stroked down my arms and over my hair and cheeks, as if she could not quite believe I was real.

"You look...," she said, but trailed off without appropriate words to say.

"Older?" I suggested. "I feel I've aged at least two decades."

It was clearly not what she had wanted to say, but she nodded in acquiescence. Her arms dropped as I pulled away and instead turned to the front of the room.

Odin was sitting stoically on his throne without so much as a twitch of his eye to betray what he was thinking. Thor muttered behind me, probably and advice of humility, but I approached the throne with my head held high. My steps echoed through the long hall until I came to a stop at the bottom of the stairs.

He did not even wait for me to bow. "Have you learned your lesson?" the Allfather demanded.

I bit down the strong urge to spit in his face and instead forced myself to smile. I hoped it looked as false as it felt. "I certainly learnt a few things," I answered. "Though I don't know if it was the lesson you intended for me."

His eyebrows rose, which made the skin around his eye-patch stretch uncomfortably. "You did not help Loki in his slaughter."  
He sounded surprised, though oddly proud, which was insulting at best. I could not recall a single time that I had assisted Loki in _slaughtering_. In fact, I had attempted to stop him since the very moment he had gone off the edge.

I should not be surprised, though - Odin had not believed me the first time that he had judged on this matter, why should it be any different today?  
However, I had given Loki my word and did not intend to go back on it.

"Loki is...confused," I said. "He does not bear all of the responsibility for his crimes."

The king leant forward. "What are you implying?"

"The scepter," I said. "It had the power to rob others of their will. I held it but for a few minutes and yet, during that time - I did never want to let it go. It seemed to know, itself, what it wanted to do."

Odin exchanged a glance over my head, probably with my mother and then his focus returned to me.  
His expression was still stern and I added, "I have every reason to believe that Loki was influenced and never intended for his actions to be so severe-"

"They were still crimes," he reiterated.

I squared my shoulders and willed myself to swallow down every ounce of fear or uncertainty. "I am sure he will suffered _just_ punishment," I answered. "That your judgement will take into account every aspect of this story."

Truthfully, I did not think that Loki would be treated justly, it was my very fear. When it came to his adopted son, the Allfather knew no mercy and no forgiveness.  
At least - and it was small consolation if any - I was sure he would survive. There was no way Mother would let Loki get executed. Despite the faults that I could hold even against her, I did not doubt for one second that she loved all her children and Loki in particular.

"As for you," Odin said and I clenched my jaw, hard. "You seem to have repented."

I just so kept my mouth from dropping open. A look over my shoulder showed me the soft smile on my mother's face. This could only be her doing.

"This means that you will be restored in your old honours," Odin continued. "Of course, that comes with the old responsibilities, too."

My stomach did a curious flip. Surely, he could not be implying what I thought he was.

"The Nine Realms are in uproar - with the Bifrost gone, we have lost effective control. Now, more than ever, Asgards is in dire need of allies," Odin explained and concluded, "A proper marriage."

The cold laugh that escaped me could not have been held in even if I had wanted to. Again, Odin looked surprised, but it was clearly not as pleasant as before. "Oh, that's just gold," I said. "I will not marry according to your whims. You can't dictate my fate anymore. You have forsaken every right you once had to do so."

He straightened in an obvious effort to look more imposing, but I did not falter despite my heart beating violently in my chest. I would not cower. I refused to cower, even if it sent me directly back to Midgard, even if it sent me straight to the dungeons.

"Do I need to remind you-?" Odin boomed.

"No," I interrupted. "Whatever you intended with my banishment, it has not weakened me - you have no idea of the power I hold. As long as Loki is unable to use his magic - as he is when in your chains - all of his power goes to me, untarnished, without a single bit of it lost. And he, too, has unlocked powers unlike he had before in his exile. Don't give me a reason to use it."

"Is that a threat?"

"Why yes, I think it is."  
Mother's protest fell on deaf ears and I raised a hand to stop her from interrupting. She had come up by my side and I tried to soften the blow with a smile in her direction.  
"It's also a promise," I said. "That I will do what is right for Asgard, but that I will be the judge of right and wrong. And I will not shackle myself and my magic to you or any man."

Odin looked stern still, but he also seemed vaguely impressed. I wondered if even Mother had ever dared to speak to him like this and I did not know if I would manage to do it a second time if given time to think things through.

"Is this how you talk to your king?" he asked finally, though his voice sounded less harsh than the words suggested.

"It is how I speak to my father," I told him. "Who has to earn my respect before he can reap its fruits."

It was an unbelievable luck, or maybe just the will of the Norns, that in this moment the Allfather decided to be merciful. He did not scream at me, as I suspected he would, he did not order me banished or threw me in the dungeons.  
He nodded gravely, exchanged yet another look with his wife and then with Thor. When finally, his gaze returned to me, he seemed so tired that I thought he might fall into Odinsleep again.

"I suppose," he said. "That your marriage is a conversation for another day - far as it may be."

I, in turn, supposed that was as good as it got. Neither of us could give in right now - he not for the sake of his reputation and I not for the sake of my sanity. We would see how long this tender peace could last.

* * *

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	39. World At War

**Thanks to everyone who read, fav'd, alerted and most of all to Lady Lilith La Belle, Toad-sage66, ThoseEvilDucks, SavySnape7, .2016 and velvetSunset for reviewing!**

* * *

 **World At War**

* * *

When Loki had been heard by the Allfather, I had felt terrible despair. The fear and sadness that had overwhelmed him were so consuming that even I found it hard to keep on my feet as they shot through me.

I wondered if it had been as keenly felt before, if the emotions had been equally overwhelming back when we first had started, but I could not remember. It had become second nature all too soon - then it had been torn away and now... Even when his emotions were terrible, I preferred to feel them. I hoped I would not have to miss it again.

Either way, I felt his despair but did not get to see him. Mother would not let me leave her side and when I was finally allowed to excuse myself, they had already dragged him to the dungeons, to cells buried deep in the belly of the palace where the sun never reached.  
My stomach twisted at the thought of him there among the scoundrels, rebels and crooks.

It was for that reason that the very next day, I attempted to see him. Guards were positioned even along the corridor that lead to the entrance and I was stopped at the very beginning. No amount of arguing or pleading would soften their hearts and I had to leave without seeing him.  
The same happened the next day and the next until I finally stormed into my mother's chambers fuelled with rage. She must have already expected my demand for an explanation, because she launched into said explanation without my prompting.

"Your father has ordered you should be kept from him," she said.

It should honestly not have been as much of a surprise as it was. "My...?" I blinked. "You surely are jesting."

She shook her head. "No one is to see him," she said. No tears fell, but her face was that of someone worn down by time's many hardships. "Not even I."

"So he is to rot away?" I asked with a shaking voice. "Odin should have swung the axe, then. It would have been more merciful."

My mother suddenly squared her shoulders and an odd determination crossed her features. "Perhaps it is for the best," she said. "That the two of you should be separated."

It seemed that every part of me tensed at her words. "I always thought you so wise and yet," I shook my head but slightly. "I've longed for your counsel, but if it is this, than I would rather not have it."

To her credit, she looked sad when I turned to leave, almost as if she regretted her words, but she did not take them back.

The truth was that even my mother, who I had always thought stronger than anyone else, was powerless against Odin's order - by choice or force, I did not know, but she could not go against his word.  
Where she could not, I remained relentless and so, despite the knowledge that I would be turned away, I tried my luck every day at the dungeons.

Every day I would arrive at the corridor and every day I would be turned away, to the point that I knew the guards by name, no matter whose shift it was, and we would have pleasant chit-chat when I arrived.

Meanwhile, Loki's emotions had shifted from despair and indignation - with the occasional fits of anger, of course - to resignation. Nothing much changed over the course of the days and sometimes it seemed to me that time stood still with him; our connection become a monotonous hum in the back of my head.

The Nine Realms, on the other hand were not at all monotonous. The Bifrost was under reconstruction, but in the mean time, travel was close to impossible.  
Every now and again, a messenger would make it through one of the many portals, but it was risky business and not many wanted to take it up a second time. In fact, most of them stayed safe and sound behind Asgard's walls.

From what they said, it appeared the other realms had sunken into chaos. With the might of the Allfather out of reach, rebels had attempted to take charge and kings had been disposed; even Jotunheim was struggling with rebellion, though our knowledge of it was merely hearsay - Jotun diplomats did not come to Asgard anymore.  
Everyone and their third son seemed to smell the chance of building a fortune or grasping power and it did not do the population any good. Even Asgard now felt the shortcomings of this year's harvest.

Unaccustomed to hesitating in the face of danger, Thor and the Warrior's Three were getting ready to depart for Alfheim, the portal to which seemed relatively stable. Sif was preparing as well and seemed unperturbed by a potentially bad outcome, or at least so she proclaimed when I asked her.

"You don't get it," she said to me. "You're not a warrior."

I was tempted to tell her that for an entire battle, I had not only been a warrior, but part of the Avengers. "I'm not," I said instead. "But I wield magic and I know that portals are sometimes tricky."

She raised a black-painted eyebrow at that. "I'm not scared of such tricks."

I pursed my lips at the insult, but did not attempt to convince her any further; perhaps I had to accept that with some people, such attempts were futile.  
Sif was very firm in her opinions and while it did not do me any favours, I was glad for it. Despite Thor's shortcoming and his unawareness of Sif's affections, she remained as loyal to him as ever. It was enough to excuse her less than pleasant attitude towards me.

Thor, indeed, was working tirelessly to prepare for what might await him, endless days spend in the sparring grounds and endless nights debating politics with the king. Underneath everything he did, though, lay a deep melancholy. His smiles faded quickly and his laughter seemed dampened.

Several nights, when I would sit by the window because a part of me felt so _restless_ , I would see him make his way across the courtyard and out towards the Rainbow Bridge and I wondered what he was doing.  
It was about a week until I could not take it anymore and had to indulge my curiosity. Having seen him walk by, I waited in front of his chambers for his return.

He appeared only in the early hours of the morning and his eyes widened when he spotted me leaning against the wall beside his doors.  
"What are you doing here?"

"Waiting for you," I said. "I feel we need to talk."

Truthfully, I could not remember ever having a heart-to-heart with my brother and if the furrowing of his brows was any indication, he did not, either.

He did not comment on it and instead opened the door and waved me through first. I had not been in his chambers since childhood, but nothing much had changed in terms of untidiness. Not that anything was really dirty, the maids would not let it come to that, but everything seemed a bit disorganized.

Clothes were thrown across the chairs and food was left, untouched, on the tables. In a stark contrast to Loki's rooms, there were no books to be spotted, but the shelves were instead filled with board games, trophies and little trinkets from all over the Nine Realms.

Thor swiped a stack of cloaks from an armchair and gestured for me to sit while he himself grabbed an apple and sat down, cross-legged, on a rug on the floor.

"Where were you?" I asked.

Thor had bit into the apple and chewed prominently before he swallowed it down. "With Heimdall," he said. I raised my eyebrows and he sighed at my prompting. "He tells me about Jane."

Then it all spilled out of him, the whole story of his banishment that he had not yet had a chance to tell me off. He told me about the woman that took him in; about her beauty and her intelligence and her delight in learning from him about the Nine Realms. He told me about the trouble he had given her, about S.H.I.E.L.D.'s meddling and about Loki's attack. He told me how he had come to care for her - how he loved her and how he did not have a chance to see her and did not know if he ever would.

By the time he ended the story, I found myself on the rug by his side, feeling this was no time to remain distant.

"So I ask Heimdall," Thor finished. "Every night, to make sure she is healthy, and happy."

"Is she?" I asked.

Thor shrugged. "She keeps looking for me... but of course, she can't come here."

"That's a shame," I said and meant it. "I would like to meet his woman that has taken my brother's heart."

He smiled wistfully at that. "I've been thinking about that a lot, in days long past," he said. "About whoever you would pick - you and Loki. How I would make sure that it would be someone worthy. I imagined I would tease you and be happy for you... it would have been my duty to make sure neither of you got hurt."

I reached out and grasped his hand, squeezing it gently. My throat felt tight at his words and I had to blink back the tears. I had never known that Thor would care for such things.

"Perhaps it's for the best," he continued. "What is between you two. I can't imagine either of you finding a better match."

I bit my lip so hard I actually tasted blood. "So you're not... disgusted?" I asked finally.

He laughed at that, though it sounded a bit hollow. "I was a little, let's say, appalled at first, but... well, I've come to realize, you're both my siblings and I want you happy more than anything."

The tears rolled freely then and my heart swelled at his words. I could only hope that Loki would believe me if I ever got the chance to tell him; he probably needed to hear such words much more than I did. I scooted even closer and hugged Thor, wrapping my arms tightly around him.  
I was reminded of times long past, before Loki and I had been close and I had not admired anyone as much as I had admired Thor, my big brother, my hero. I suddenly wished it could be like that again.

"Okay," Thor said, patting me on the back awkwardly. "No need to cry-"

"There really is," I said as I pulled back and wiped the tears away. "Just so you know - I really want you happy, too. I hope you get to see your Jane again."

He shook his head somberly. "With the Nine Realms in the state they're in," he said. "Maybe it's for the best if I don't see her again."

Perhaps it was in an effort to keep his beloved safe or perhaps it was in the hope to see her again despite his claims that Thor launched into the preparations for his travel with even more vigour after our conversation.

Only a few of the Einherjar would follow him and his friends into battle. It was a bit of a hassle of how exactly they would pass through the portal - none of them held any magic of their own. Sending the Tesseract away again was out of question and the Casket of Ancient Winters would only set the Jotuns on their trail.  
In the end, everyone was staffed with magical trinkets worn by the diplomats from Alfheim and ordered to cross the portal one by one. The messengers, no doubt, now prayed for a hasty reparation of the Bifrost more than ever.

They departed one early morning at sunrise and hoped to reached the portal by midday - it lay at the far off end of Asgard, where the palace's shadow did not reach anymore.  
Fandral was trying to joke, but everyone else kept stone-faced. The king, as he said goodbye to his son, looked especially grim. My mother's expression was less stern, but the lines of worry were edged deep into her skin.

Thor reached me last and hugged me tightly. In a hushed voice so that none of his comrades would hear, he asked, "Will you go to Heimdall for me? And inquire about the Lady Jane?"

I nodded without hesitation. "I shall go every day," I said. "By my life."

"I thank you," he said, smiling. "And when I get back, I shall make sure that you and I get to see Loki again."

It was a hollow promise, one he could not even hope to keep, but I appreciated the sentiment. At least, after everything that had happened, he had not completely given up on our brother and that was more than I could say for anyone else in Asgard.

"Just come home safe," I told him. "We'll see about everything else afterwards."

He nodded at me and then returned to his comrades. Back in the day, I had mostly worried for Loki when they went to war, but had ultimately never doubted their success. I had never doubted that Thor would come back from battle and victorious nonetheless.  
Things were very different now. Odin would not be able to storm in and save the day if things got tough; there were no additional troops to be sent, not extra help.

Perhaps it was because I had since seen battle myself - and I now knew that there was no guarantee of safety or survival. The fact that, should he die in battle, Thor would join the heroes in Valhalla was only a small comfort to the thought of never seeing him again.

That night, I went to inquire about Jane the first time.

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 **I KNOW this is a bit of a filler, but I feel we needed to take a tiny pause before we plunge back into action ;) Also, this is chapter 39, so according my plan, we only have 10 chapters left. That's still quite a bit, but it does feel** **strange being that close to the end.**

 **ANYWAY, please leave a review, it would make me very happy!**


	40. Convergence

**Thanks to everyone who read, fav'd, alerted and most of all to velvetSunset, Toad-sage66, .2016, ThoseEvilDucks and guest "Scarlett" (Everything ends! We still have a bit to go and who knows, maybe there'll even be a sequel at some point ;) ) for reviewing!**

* * *

 **Convergence**

* * *

In the next few weeks, while the rebuilding of the Bifrost was constantly progressing, I learnt more and more about this woman my brother loved.

Heimdall told me more about her work than I thought Thor even comprehended. I learnt about her friends, the patience she treated them with despite the occasional spouts of anger and the loyalty she exhibited. I learnt about her curiosity and the passion she held for her studies.  
He told me of her tireless research, her brilliant epiphanies, the experiments. He told me that the woman cried herself to sleep some nights, because she missed Thor as much as he missed her, despite it being two years already since they had last seen each other. For a human, such was a long time.

The more I learnt about her, the more astonishing it seemed that my brother would love this woman and it made me almost giddy with excitement to know that he did.

In the weeks that Thor was gone, I grew almost fond of Jane Foster even though I had never seen her and so it was that I was not very concerned when Heimdall said she was making progress in her research. I imagined our parents would not be as pleased.

"With the convergence coming," Heimdall told me. "It's quite likely she'll stumble upon a portal of sorts."

"Convergence," I echoed. I had only ever heard of it in passing, no more than whispered rumours even on the pages of my books.

"The realms will align," Heimdall explained. "The boundaries between the worlds become thin... it is quite beautiful to see, though it is dangerous."

"How so?"

The Gatekeeper grew even more serious. "Last time, Malekith waged war on all of Yggdrasil."

Malekith. Something stirred inside me at the mention of his name. I had probably read his name somewhere before, but could not remember where. For Heimdall to speak with such gravity, though, he must have been a great threat; Asgard usually liked to brag about its victories.

Heimdall gazed into the depths of the universe, his vision clouding over as he did so. "It's an unpredictable condition," he said. "We will see what awaits us this time."

The Gatekeeper's ominous words did not sit well with me at all. I felt that I had had enough catastrophes in the past few years and did not long for more. I was not a warrior and not made for constant warfare. I hoped it would not come to the worst.

The Bifrost was repaired half a year after I had come home. The final adjustment was a bit of genius that even I could admit: to restore the power of crossing realms, they incorporated the Tesseract. Its terrible power now served us and it was protected as best as could be at the same time.

Trade with Vanaheim opened again and the people danced in the streets for a week to celebrate. The hunger and fear was soon forgotten and on some nights, even I could not resist the temptation to walk the streets and sing with the people as they rejoiced.  
They did not seem to mind; none of them uttered even a word against me as they had so freely in the past. It seemed that with Thor gone and Loki bound, they were glad to at least have me in their midst.

The messengers from all over the realms returned to their respective homes, leaving the palace relievingly empty. The halls had brimmed over with delegates and it had been exhausting having to keep up intergalactic relations day and night.

It also allowed me, for the first time since my return, to use the library in peace. I had to search three days before I found my answers about the convergence in the chronicles of five thousand years ago.  
My parents had still been young, then, around my current age. Odin had not yet claimed the throne and it instead belonged to his father, the great king Bor. Statues had been built in his memory all over Asgard and the warriors still sang hymns in his honour.

It was also in the chronicles that I found the name 'Malekith' again, though I was sure this was not where I had first read of him.  
The Dark Elves, so it said, had used the convergence to flood the realms and plunge the universe back into darkness. Under Bor's attack, they had luckily not succeeded.

It took another week to find out more about the Dark Elves, for their existence seemed to be clouded in mystery. So it was that I found them only in books about legends, next to such things as giant seasnakes and greedy dragons.  
What I read made my stomach turn. If there was any truth to it, I was beginning to fear the convergence. The words I had read kept turning in my head for days.

 _Born out of darkness and made of it_ , the books had said. _Terrible and tireless in their ambition._ It had talked of the deep slumber they had fallen in, only to awake with their next chance to fulfill their plan - and it had talked of the powerful relic, the Aether, they had used to do so. No one knew where it had landed after they had been defeated and no one had seen it since. The tale reminded me eerily of the Tesseract.

Heimdall did not mention the Convergence any more in the next few weeks, only kept nodding gravely when ever I asked about it. There was no one else to ask, at least no one who could have greater wisdom on the matter and ease my mind and so I kept the worry to myself.

In the meantime, the fighting in the Nine Realms had almost ceased. With the reconstruction of the Bifrost complete, Thor and his fellow warriors kept hopping from realm to realm, reestablishing the order and fighting back the rebels. Rebuilding was next, and it was so that after at least three months, my brother came home from war.

He returned victorious, albeit with a forlorn look about him. He asked me about Loki first and when I had nothing to say, asked about his Jane. I assured him she was well, but that seemed to not satisfy his thirst for news. Before I could offer to tell him more, he had been whisked away - important business, the _Allfather_ wanted to speak with the _Crown Prince_ \- and looked absolutely miserable at the prospect.

Our mother, who had been quite silent upon his return, though smiling brightly, now turned to me. "How fare you, Eirlys?"

"How fares Loki?" I shot back. "Or should I tell you? He feels resigned in his fate to be forgotten."

She shook her head at me, but did not say anything to deny my words. I huffed and followed the steady progression of courtiers back into the palace - the prince had returned and there was nothing left to be seen here.

The calm did not last for long; in fact it only lasted until shortly after midnight.  
Sif, Fandral and Volstagg had returned also. They had left Hogun behind to help in the rebuilding of his native realm, Vanaheim, but were nevertheless intent to celebrate their successful return. They had convinced me to join them for the celebrations in the great hall, mostly because I still preferred their company over the likes of of girls like Sigyn, but had staggered off to a tavern downtown when the cooks had called it a night in the palace's kitchen.

Up until that moment, Thor had been with them. He had hung back slightly and I would not have been surprised to see him make off towards Heimdall's at once. I was, however, surprised by the sudden bright light of the Bifrost illuminating my chambers in the dead of night.

By the time I had reached my window, the light had already extinguished and while I was sure I had never hallucinated in the past, I thought I might have started now. Why would anyone attempt intergalactic travel in the middle of the night?  
With the lump that settled in my throat, it was hard to go to sleep and so it was unsurprising that I witnessed the second lightening as well. There was no doubt about it now; something must have happened.

My hair already loosened, I threw a mantle around my shoulders and exited my chambers for the fastest way down to the Rainbow Bridge. The hallways were empty except for the patrolling guards. Every now and then, a bout of laughter would ring through the palace due to people still celebrating, but they seemed to all have at least returned to their private chambers.

I met them in the courtyard. Thor, looking worried and jubilant at the same time, and the woman at his side, a look of absolute wonder on her face. I would not have needed Heimdall's description beforehand, would not have needed to know about brown hair and brown eyes and delicate features, to know that this had to be Jane Foster.

Thor faltered in his steps and his girl took a few steps forward without him before she noticed anything was amiss. Then she saw me, blinked hurriedly a few times and looked back to Thor for support.

"Uh," he said. "That is, Jane, this is the Princess-"

"Eirlys," I interrupted and swept forward to shake her hand as I knew was custom on Midgard. "I'm his sister."

"Oh," Jane Foster said. "I didn't he realize-" She whirled around, glaring at my brother. "You didn't tell me you had a sister!"

I had to laugh at her genuinely outraged tone. "How he wounds me," I said.

Thor shifted uncomfortably and finally decided to take action. "Jane is unwell," he informed me.

I furrowed my brows at that. She did not look unwell at all. "Fine," I said. "Let's take her to Eir, then."

Eir was not at all pleased to be called upon in the middle of the night and certainly for the benefit of a mere mortal. While Jane Foster - who was rather small and therefore had to struggle - climbed onto an examination table, I turned to my brother who watched the scene with furrowed brows.

"Why have you brought here?" I asked quietly so that she would not hear. Meeting her was one thing - seeing her surrounded by Aesir, this woman in her flower dress and Midgardian jacket, was quite another.

"Heimdall could not see her," he said. "And afterward - something's not right with her and I fear... Something's within her, you see?"

My teeth dug painfully into my lower lip. No, I did not see, but my brother was not one to imagine mystery where there was none. I could only hope that Eir would be able to find a solution before anything too bad happened.  
In the meantime, the woman had started to question the healers about the procedure and they were less than impressed with her.

"That's a quantum field generator, isn't it?"

Eir pulled a face. "It's a Soul Forge," she said.

Amazingly, Jane Foster was able to pull the exact same face, which had some cheek especially with someone the humans regarded to be the Goddess of Healing. "Does a Soul Forge transfer molecular energy from one place to another?"

The healer's expression fell at that. "Yes," Eir admitted.

Jane grinned at Thor in victory, and he smiled back with unknown affection. I had never before seen my brother so smitten. In fact, his conquests had tended to be short-lived and his bragging about them rather crude. He had not talked that way off Jane Foster. It was all the more worrying that the healers seemed decidedly concerned.

There was a bit of rustling a the door and one of the young girls in training rushed in to hold the door open. Odin strode through without sparing her a single glance, his gaze instead fixed firmly on his eldest son.

"My words are mere noises to you that you ignore them completely?" he demanded and caused Thor to shift uncomfortably.

"She's ill," Thor sought to explain.

Odin huffed in annoyance. "She is mortal. Illness is their defining trait. She does not belong here in Asgard any more than a goat belongs at a banquet table."

My mouth dropped open, as did Jane Foster's. She sat up and looked from Thor to Odin and back when both remained silent at her indignant look.  
She finally fixated on the king. "Who do you think you are?"

Odin's good eye narrowed dangerously. "I am Odin," he proclaimed. "King of Asgard, Protector of the Nine Realms."

Jane slumped slightly and uttered a defeated 'oh' and I felt the sudden urge to rush to her protection, since no one else felt inclined to do so.

"He's also king of excellent manners," I said and was relieved to see the woman crack a small smile.

"Watch your tongue, girl-"

"This is what you get when you banish your children to Midgard," I told him, spreading my arms. "They learn to sympathize with the mortals. May I present to you the consequences?" I pointed to the mortal on the examination table and watched her squirm under the scrutiny. "We believe there's something within her," I added. "A curse of some sort."

Odin seemed to contemplate, but I guessed his decision before his expression hardened. "Her world has its healers, let them deal with it. Guards!"

So he had not come alone. The Healer's Ward was not typically guarded heavily, or guarded at all, so he must have brought the Einherjar with him for this purpose.  
Jane now looked decidedly paler and Thor held up his hand to stop the progress. The king clearly knew no hesitation in this matter.

"Take her back to Midgard," he ordered.

The guards followed their orders as they always did, swift and precise, though Thor stepped forward when they reached out for Jane.

"No, I wouldn't-"

His warning was ignored, but the guard that grabbed her arm was dealt his punishment at once. In less than a second, a reddish black glow had spread across Jane's skin and with an electric zap, the guard was thrown backward and landed against the next wall, moaning over his burnt hand.

"Touch her," Thor finished lamely. "Jane, are you all right?"

"It's impossible," Odin muttered, his face crestfallen as he took in the still apparent glow on Jane Foster's arm. His jaw clenched and he straightened again, looking suddenly as imposing as ever. "Eirlys, you go tell your mother of this. Thor, take the girl and come with me."

"What do you think it is?" I called after him and forced him to stop dead in the doorway.

I could see him thinking even as his back was turned to me. "I think it's the Aether," he finally answered.

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	41. Human

**Thanks to everyone who read, fav'd, alerted and most of all to Savysnape7, .2016, ThePhantomismyLove and guest "Scarlett" (I KNOW RIGHT? Why are we screaming ;)? Thanks for your review!)**

 **Only four people, though - we can do better than that! I hope y'all will enjoy this chapter more than the previous one :)**

* * *

 **Human**

* * *

My legs were shaking with every step of the way to my mother's chambers.  
The Aether, of course - it was truly not that much of a surprise that it would turn up at such a time, but it was a terrible coincidence that Thor's mortal lover would stumble across it. As for the makers of the wretched thing, I could only suspect the worst. If the artefact was not destroyed as it had been told, then who was to say the Dark Elves had been crushed? That Malekith would not return in search for his weapon?

Perhaps Mother would know how to confirm my suspicion or otherwise ease my mind. She was knowledgeable in the world of dark objects and ancient incantations and in such things, my mother often possessed a foresight that bordered on divination. Sending me to her was the only order of Odin's in a long while that I agreed with.

Her chambers were not guarded, which I thought was surprising. As I stepped closer, I heard muffled voices through the door and stopped dead with my fist already raised to knock. That was very curious - who would my mother confer with in the dead of night, alone in her chambers no less?  
I decided to forego knocking and instead pushed down on the door handle as to open the door as silently as possible. It slid open and I stepped inside gingerly, intent on making no sound.

My breath caught. She stood in the middle of the room and in front of her, pale but decidedly more healthy looking than I had last seen, was Loki. He raised his head and looked past our mother. I was standing right in his line of vision and my mouth dropped open, but in my surprise was struck mute.

His head turned as if in ignorance and he focused instead on the queen once more. "You're not," he said, probably to pick up the conversation they had beforehand.

It was then that I realized he could not see me. _Because he's not here,_ I added in my mind. She was projecting, making it possible to converse with Loki in his cell and the version that I saw was merely an illusion.

Mother had stepped closer to him, but when Loki reached out to take her hand, his figure shivered and dissolved and my mother's hand fell to her side as if defeated.

I cleared my throat and she turned swiftly, her eyes widening when she took me in. "Eirlys-"

"I saw enough," I told her before she could ask ridiculous questions like, _How long have you been here?_ "Why didn't you tell me you were seeing him?"

She smile ruefully. "Because I'm not supposed to," she said. "And I'm not letting you."

"Mother-"

She shook her head and I immediately knew it was pointless to argue. "If Odin catches you doing this, he will not again be so merciful."

"I would risk it anyway," I told her.

Her eyes shone as she nodded. "I have no doubt... but if it is any consolation, I did as best I could for Loki. Brought him furnishings and books and things alike."

"Why?" I asked.

At this, she turned away and walked over to her writing desk. Her fingers ghosted absentmindedly over one of the books propped up there. "Because he's my son, and you, my daughter, were right," she said finally. "It truly is unmerciful punishment."

It felt like hugging my mother might be he appropriate response, but I did not. If anything, the thought of Loki locked deep in the dungeons, albeit with a bed and a book, left me too melancholic for such a response. Instead, I walked up to her and and placed a hand over hers.

"We are fortunate to have you," I said.

"It is rather the other way round," she told me and then straightened. Her fingers pulled out from beneath mine and smoothed down her dress. "Why did you come to me?"

My stomach dropped at her words. Loki's presence had distracted me, but at her words our dilemma returned to my mind as fast as it had gone. The words spilled out of me then, a hurried explanation from Jane Foster's arrival to the moment I had reached my mother's door and I watched her eyebrows draw together little by little.

When I had finished my account, she had sunk down onto a cushioned stool. "I had hoped it would not happen again," she said. "But I see now that such hope has been foolish."

I swallowed hard. "So you think he will return?" I asked. "Malekith?"

Mother nodded. "I think that is for sure." She sighed deeply and then pushed herself up once more. "I shall seek out your father. And you, Eirlys," she added and gently stroked her knuckles over my cheek. "You should go to bed."

Until she left, I had every intention of not heeding her advise, but when I had sat down for barely a minute, I realized that fighting it was futile. My eyes stung with the need for sleep and once sitting down, it was hard to get up again. Eventually, I dragged my relucant limbs up and towards my chambers.

It was a short night, but I still did not dare to obey the demands of my body to stay buried in the blankets for _just a bit longer_ and instead forced myself up when the maids came to wake me. There was no time to dally if the convergence was so close that even mere mortals where sucked through random portals.

We had to find a way to defeat the Dark Elves and, perhaps more importantly, a way to extract the Aether from Jane's body and destroy the weapon before any foes could get their hands on it. So after my almost traditional visit to the soldiers guarding the prison, I headed to the library.

I had been studying the convergence anyway and already had two tables in the library covered in books that might offer information, but had also already found out that none of it was very precise. I added another stack of books about possession and dark curses, though I doubted their merit. This was no ordinary curse that could be counteracted or cut off. This was an ancient artifact in liquid form that possessed living beings of its own accord. I had never heard of such a thing before.

Someone cleared their throat and I raised my head to see Jane Foster standing at the other end of the table. She was clad in a flowing beige gown and a blue coat that I suspected my mother had lent to her.

"Thor thought I might like the library," she said. "He... he said I might find you here."

"So you did," I answered and gestured for her to sit. Going to visit the library on her first day; she appeared to be a girl after my own heart. My brother had made an impressive choice.

"What are you studying?" she asked and her eyes flitted over the books strewn across the table.

"The convergence," I said. "Heimdall told me you did the same."

She had reached out for one of the volumes closest to her but halted midway at my words. "I did?" she asked.

My lips twitched at that. "I suppose you only noticed the symptoms, but did not know there was a name for it," I said. "It's not surprising, given it's been millenia since it last happened."

"Do you think it is the reason why I went to that other place?" she asked. "And found that thing that is now inside me?"

"Actually, I'm certain it is," I said. "Look here." I shuffled through my various stacks until I could pull out from one in the middle a map illustrating the Nine Realms. With it, I had tried to determine where the barriers between the realms would be broken; but I was not that apt at mathematics and could not say for sure.  
"This is Yggdrasil, the world tree."

"Thor has shown me that before," she said. "Though this is much more detailed."

I bit down the remark that at the time they met, I would not have believed that Thor even knew all the the realms by name. "I don't doubt it," I said instead. "The realms rotate on their axis, and every five thousand years or so complete the cycle. In that moment, the worlds align perfectly."

I traced along the map with my finger to show the alignment and left behind two clear charcoal lines, forming a clear cross over Ygdrassil.

Jane looked up at me with wide eyes. "I didn't think magic was real," she confessed and sounded more excited than afraid.

"Well, you better believe it, because you are going to experience more of it," I said, pointing back to the map. "When the worlds align, the barriers become porose. All the portals open up widely and there's no saying who or what will pass through; what usually requires such skill suddenly becomes involuntary even for nonmagical creatures. Probably also for inanimate matter. It's not quite upon us, but I think you got the first helping of this particular dish."

Jane licked her lips as she bent over the map to inspect it more closely. The look on her face as she took it in was amusingly familiar; I knew that studious expression, the hunger for knowledge. I suspected that she and Loki could have intense discussions for days on end.

"I believe," I said when she raised her eyes to me again. "That you were in Svartalfheim." I pointed the realm out on the map. "The Dark Elves used to reside there."

"Your... king," she said with some disdain. "Told me of them."

"We thought them dead," I said. "My grandfather dealt them a great defeat at the last convergence. We thought the Aether gone as well, but we were clearly wrong. I think you passed into Svartalfheim and stumbled across it. And you being the first living soul it encountered in five millennia, it latched onto you at once."

She looked a bit green in the face at my explanation. It had to be a scary thought, to carry such a dangerous and potentially violent thing within you and without your consent, too. It had to be even worse for a Midgardian like her, so unexposed to the vastness and wonders of Yggdrasil.

"As for the king," I said to divert her attention. "I wish to apologize for his words last night. For someone who sat on the throne this long, you'd think he'd handle the situation with more grace."

Jane pushed her hair out of her face and took a deep breath. "You have some nerve to speak to him like you did," she admitted. "He is very imposing."

"Indeed," I said.

"He thinks the Dark Elves are all dead," she told me with a renewed nod towards the map.

I raised an eyebrow at that. Surely he could not really think that? Mother did not think so, either and it was hard to imagine that he would not listen to her in this matter.  
"Well, I disagree," I told her. "In fact, I'm sure they survived and they'll come for the Aether as soon as they can."

She shifted uncomfortably, and while I did not want to frighten her, it was no use sugar-coating things. I suspected the Dark Elves would have little respect for a mortal's life and she would have a hard time defending herself when they came for her. The least we could do for her was prepare her for the inevitable. Knowledge was a warrior's sharpest weapon.

"Do you have any idea on how to get it out of me, then?" she asked.

"Working on it," I said.

She had the look of someone who had been told that their ailment was incurable. It made my heart clench. She was still young, even in human years and did not deserve such fate - and Thor would be devastated if we could not save her from this. They had too little time, anyway.

A loud ringing echoed through the grand room, bouncing off the high ceilings and filling every corner. My shoulders tensed and Jane looked around with obvious concern.

"What is that?" she asked over the loud, shrill sound.

"An alarm," I said. "As if to warn off an attack."

"Do you hear this often?" she asked, but the shaking of her voice suggested that she did not believe that.

"Not in earnest," I said. "I should go see what is happening."

She did not even hesitate to follow me. Jane Foster, it seemed, was no frail maiden, at least not in spirit. Albeit pale, she held her head high and kept my pace with brisk steps.

The librarians were already locking the doors and told me they assumed it was some kind of prison skirmish. My stomach twisted at the words.  
Surely Loki would not... actually, he would, but it was still hard to imagine that he would create such a fuss. If Loki was to escape, I would have felt the pull of magic he would need and no one else would notice until it was well too late. This had to be something different.

They were less than pleased to have me pass, but in the end did not dare defy my orders. Jane on my heels, I exited the library and the heavy doors were locked behind us.  
Thuds and screams echoed through the long hallways and the alarm was still shrilling.

"Are you going to fight?" Jane asked.

In the first moment, it sounded preposterous, but the longer I thought on it, the more it appealed to me. I had fought in New York, though with the magic that Asgardians considered merely tricks; I had never held a sword in my life. It was tempting to see what Odin would say if I set his foes on fire.

Jane would not be safe without me, though. The Aether would protect her from any enemy's touch, but that did not make her immune to arrows and the like. She would only be a hindrance in battle.

"No," I said. "Let's go to the throne room, I'm sure we can get some information there."

A valiant effort on our part, but foolish in retrospect.  
The throne room was, as suspected, brimming with people; a few Einherjar, a myriad of maids and other servants that had gathered when the alarm started. None of my family were to be seen, though, and none of Thor's friends - it was not surprising, but disappointing nonetheless.

"So?" Jane asked.

"Well, I'm not a fortuneteller, I don't know-"

My words were interrupted at once by a terrible crash from above. A loud bang and the stone ceiling began raining down on us. Screams rang terribly in my ear and I pushed Jane down to shield her.  
Before our very eyes, a large flying ship had dropped straight through the ceiling. It sailed through the hall, turning as it did so. Columns crashed to the ground. A few feet away, one of the maids was covered under a large block of marble and did not stir again.

The spaceship dragged its destruction through the hall and finally came to rest in front of the throne's steps.

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	42. Prayer for the Dying

**Thanks to everyone who read, fav'd, alerted and most of all to those who reviewed! I somehow missed answering even one of you, but I got super busy, sorry about that ;)  
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* * *

 **Prayer for the Dying**

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My arm shot out to stop Jane's advance with the first step she took. She had tilted her head to the side and watched the ship with interest. As she collided, her head snapped back to me and her eyes widened.

No movement came from the fallen ship. As the Einherjar approached slowly and with raised weapons, I pushed Jane just as slowly backwards. Perhaps we could fade into the shadows.

They did not come out to attack. In fact, the first thing they did was fire. Their weapons were not like the Midgardian one I had held, though; they did not fire bullets but laser beams, a bright zapping light that took out whoever stood in its way.  
I pushed Jane again and with a small wave of my hand made her invisible. The glamour made her fade effortlessly into the background, like a chameleon.

The guards were more or less helpless; it was no good to fight a gun with a spear. The attackers had clearly realised this as well and crawled out of the wrecked ship.  
It was then that I saw the Dark Elves for the first time. They were tall and slander, and covered completely in armour. Even their faces were completely concealed by masks - pale with large dark eyes, and pronounced pointy ears.

It was also in this moment that I realized we should be running. I did not know if they could feel the Aether, but I did not care to find out.

"Run," I said to Jane. "Don't touch anything."

If she did, the glamour would fade, or at least flicker and I did not want her to be seen. Either of us, to be sure, and I dropped the glamour over me as well at that thought. It slid over me like cool water.

It was a long way back through the throne room and not easily made. My heart was pounding hard against my ribcage, almost making it impossible to breathe. We had to climb over parts of pillars and ceiling and make an effort not to look at any dead bodies. Behind us, the battle was raging, spears clinging and weapons firing; shouts and groans filled the air. The only things I heard from Jane were gasped little breaths.

A renewed explosion sounded behind us. Jane screamed and stumbled, her form lighting up shortly as she hit the ground before I could drop the glamour back on her.  
I turned on shaking feet. Asgard's throne was gone, utterly destroyed. At its former feet, another of the Dark Elves stood, this one without a mask. First, I could only see the back of his head, white braided hair and sharp ears, then he turned. He was as pale as the masks were, with deep sunken eyes and scars edged into the skin of his face.

His eyes locked directly on me and my stomach dropped as if from the top of Yggdrasil to the deepest depth of Hel. I was sure he could not see me, that my magic could not be so easily penetrated, and yet his eyes fixed on me and seemed to pierce into my very soul.  
There was no doubt in my mind as to who stood in front of me. It was Malekith and he had come to collect his weapon.

 _To Hel with invisibility._ I grabbed Jane's arm and in the moment that we both flickered into vision, took us away.

We appeared again in my mother's chambers. I swayed on my feet and had to lean on the mortal woman for support. Transporting one was straining enough, but two? Jane herself looked decidedly green in the face.

"Eirlys!"

Mother hurried over to us, but tended to Jane first when I waved in her direction. I was just shaken by magical exertion, Jane was mortal and carried the Aether.

When Jane had sat down and gulped down a glass of water, she raised unsteady eyes to me again. "What happened there?"

I had sat down on the stool Mother had used yesterday and swayed with my head in my hands. Instead of answering her question, I addressed my mother.  
"It's Malekith," I said. "I saw him. He came to get her."

"Did he see her?" Mother demanded while Jane blanched once more.

"I'm not sure," I said. "But I suspect he'll be able to find the Aether no matter what."

Her lips set into a tight line and she nodded at me. Jane's breathing had meanwhile steadied and she looked between my mother and I. The question of what we were going to do now hung unspoken in the air.

Mother was pinching the bridge of her nose when she spoke next. "Can you cloud her?" she asked. "Her and the Aether's magic?"

"I can certainly try," I told her. As long as Loki remained safe and sound in his cell and did not use his magic, I was in fact pretty sure that I could do it, though I had already strained my capacities today.  
I wondered if Loki was thinking of escaping in the chaos of this attack... but perhaps he had no idea of the fighting and would not be tempted. For once, I did not want him free, but needed him on lock-down.

She nodded again. With a snap of her fingers two new figures flickered into life in the middle of the room. Jane gasped slightly while the corners of my lips tugged up into a small smile. The detail on both illusions was stunning, though real life Jane was decidedly paler than her projection and I felt that mine was a little more well-rounded than I was.

"Mother, if he traces us here and comes for you-"

"I was a shield-maiden before I married your father, you know?" she said with a raised eyebrow.

This time, it was I who shook my head yes. I had never seen my mother fight a real battle, but she had trained Thor and Loki when they had been very, very young and I remembered how she swung her sword and how graceful she side-stepped every attack thrown at her.  
Of course, the attackers this time were not boys in the early stages of training and either way, this had been centuries ago.

"I can help," I said.

"Yes you can," she said. "Take Jane and hide." She gestured to a door leading to the private parts of her chambers; bedroom and bath and the like. "I will hold them off."

Something inside me roared at the prospect. I had dragged Jane here and if they came to attack the queen, it would be entirely my fault. It was therefore also my responsibility to ensure nothing bad happened. I wanted to fight, I wanted to _help_ , I wanted to make sure Asgard would be safe - and my mother.

My mother was stone-faced and I therefore drew in a deep breath and hauled Jane to her feet by grabbing her arm. She followed without complaint and as we walked I dropped the clouding spell over her. To my senses, it was like she did not exist, even though I looked at her and had my fingers on her arm. I hoped that it would fool Malekith, too.

I ushered Jane through the door and then closed it firmly behind us. I pressed my back to it and slid down until I was sitting on the floor. Bile was rising in my throat as I strained my ears for any noise behind the door. Jane stood motionless in the middle of the room, her arms wrapped tightly around herself.

There was a thud in the other room and heavy steps followed. My heart started beating faster once more and I had to wipe my sweaty palms against the fabric of my dress.  
It was impossible to say what was being said, but I heard the light clear voice of my mother through the door and grumbling, deeper one to answer her.

The clashing of metal was impossible to miss, though. They were fighting and everything inside me screamed to jump up and run to my mother's aid - but Jane was standing in front of me, shivering, eyes widened in fear and I knew that I could not leave her alone, could not reveal her presence.

I heard the scream before I noticed that the sounds of fighting had died down. It was immediately followed by a guttural roar and the kind of earth-shaking impact that only Mjolnir made. My brother's voice was shouting unintelligibly and then there was silence once more.

Jane was still shaking with every breath she took and so was I. We stared at each other, both unseeing, both praying for any sound while the silence continued without any more shouting or clashing. My heart would not stop pounding. I eventually climbed to my feet, swaying as I stood.

"Are you-?" Jane started, but I put a finger to my lips to hush her.

I pushed the handle down and slowly opened the door, first by only a sliver and then wider to confirm what I thought to see.

In the middle of the room kneeled Odin and Thor, cradling between them the bleeding, motionless body of my mother.

It was my fault.  
It was all so very clearly my fault. Thor had taken to hugging me whenever he saw my eyes watering, but I clearly did not deserve it.  
I should never have brought Jane to her - we should have run and hidden away and if Malekith had found us, it would have been me, and not Mother. We should never have left the library in the first place.

What would Tony say if he saw me now? So much for being able to join the Avengers - I was clearly a coward. One who would hide away while others died for her.

The only one, I felt, who could have eased my grief was my mother and she was not here anymore and _it was my fault._ If only I could trade our places, if at least I could apologize, speak to her one last time... I was unsure how anyone could function without their mother. Who would we go to now, with our misery and our happiness and our questions? Who would we turn to now when we were in dire need of help?  
I had taken her from all of us, from me and my brothers and all of Asgard - and there was no way to ease my pain.

I attempted to see Loki once more and argued it with Odin while on the brink of tears. It should have come as no surprise that he denied me, but I had still hoped for that little scrap of decency.

"She's his mother!" I cried. "He deserves to learn this from me and not from some random guard-"

"It is not your place to decide what Loki deserves," he said gravely. Odin looked worn-down, worse than he had even in the aftermath of Thor's banishment. He looked suddenly old.

"And is it yours?" I asked him.

He rubbed a hand across his face. "He will live out his years in isolation," he said. "These rules are ancient to Asgard and who am I to decide-"

"I thought you were the king."

He had no response to give and I did not have the strength to argue any further.  
I still felt it when Loki received the news; his pain was like a stab to the heart or perhaps more like the heart had been wrenched out all together. Either way, it was accompanied by a sudden pull of magic, a short, violent outburst that made my insides twist in fear both of him and for him.

We held the funeral at sunset two days later. Seemingly all of Asgard had gathered at the waterfront and all of them wore faces of genuine grief. It was a warm summer night, but I still felt cold; I could see goose-bumps rising on Jane Foster's skin.  
They had laid her body out on a wooden bark, the sword she had last carried laid across her chest as if in tribute to a warrior. Thor gently put a hand on my shoulder as they pushed the boat from the shore.

There were so many more. At least a hundred of our people had died under the attack, servants, soldiers and citizens in the streets. Yet even as their barks lit up, hit by the archers' burning arrows I could not keep my eyes away from my mother, floating ahead of them, her vessel equally alight.

She had almost reached the edge, where the water fell with a guttural roar into the nothingness of Yggdrassil. My father slammed Gungnir on the ground and with the echo of it, the bark rose and instead of dropping continued to drift beyond the water.  
Small specks of light started rising from the flames, gathering and dancing in the night sky. My vision swam with tears as the lights ascended, higher and higher, taking Mother's very spirit to the halls of Valhalla.

Behind me, the traditional light orbs rose into the sky. In the past, I had always thought them beautiful and a wonderful way to say goodbye. Today I only wished that I did not have to send one of my own on its way.  
Thor handed one to me and I cradled the small, bluish-white ball of light carefully. "I'm sorry, Mother," I whispered as I raised the orb. "I love you."

The sky lit up as if the sun had come up once more. With the tiniest push, the orb rose and sailed into the air, joining hundreds of others in tribute to everyone we had lost.

Jane had stepped close to Thor, cradling his arm. He did not cry, but the tears shone unshed in his eyes. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me into him but I refused to break.  
I did not have the right to - while my brother had fought valiantly to save her, I had caused the danger to Mother's life in the first place.

More importantly, I remembered my mother in that moment; the way she had held herself with grace and steadfast courage even in the face of tragedy; that she had been wife and mother, but she had also been the queen.  
If she could not be here anymore, then the least I could do was do as she had done and give courage to our people. I would hold my head high and ensure their safety - and show them that despite our loss, Asgard would stand tall now and forever until the universe ended all together.

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	43. Trust in Me

**Thanks to everyone who read, fav'd, alerted and most of all to RocketRaccoonGirl83, ThoseEvilDucks, Savysnape7, .2016, mybonded, lacomtessa and guests "Scarlett" (I know, I'm sad, too :( Thanks for your review, though ;) ) and "Kim K" (You've read this in two days? This thing has novel length already, I'm sorta impressed. And also honoured ;) Thanks for your review!) for reviewing!**

* * *

 **Trust in Me**

* * *

While during the next day the restoration of the throne room was set into motion, I stayed firmly locked inside my chambers. I felt ill and insecure on my feet. The maids came and brought food and drink, but I turned them away. Huddled in several blankets because I still felt cold, I sat on the broad window sill overlooking the courtyard and did not move for hours.

Loki was swaying between anger and sadness and I felt little pulls of magic with every twinge in his mood. I wondered what he was doing - if he was just wrecking his cell or going as far as to attempt a breakout.

More than anything, I longed to see him, but was not sure if I could even look him in the eye. Mother had talked to him, had projected herself into his cell and I would probably be able to do it - but what to say, then?  
I had been upset when Odin turned down my request, but in retrospect, I was almost grateful. How was I to tell Loki that it was my fault? That while I had promised to fight for his freedom, I had caused the death of the one person who would support such a cause? How would I tell him that _his mother's death_ was my fault?

It was late afternoon when Thor came to see me. He moved carefully about the room and as he turned his back to me I could see the tension in his shoulders.

"Father doesn't want to act at all," he said finally. "The protective shields have not been restored yet, the throne room is in ruins and he just wants to wait for Malekith to return. He thinks Asgard invincible."

I shifted beneath my blankets to sit up a little straighter. "This time, we couldn't even protect our civilians, much less our queen and they only came to reclaim the Aether - what hope is there if they come back for a real war?"

My brother nodded grimly. His jaw was clenched tightly and I could see the muscles twitching. "Father has taken Jane into custody. I don't know what he wants with her, but she is weak. If he sends her back to Midgard, she'll die."

I bit my lip. "It's the Aether... it's powerful and vicious. To be honest, I'm surprised she's holding up as well as she is."

Thor growled at that, a feral sound that I had never heard before. "I am going to take Jane off-realm," he said. "To Svartalfheim, against Father's orders. I will need every help I can get."

My lips twitched into a bitter smile. What a joke, that he was hoping for my aid, when I only brought such destruction. "You must be very desperate if you come to me in your hour of need," I noted.

He shook his head and met my gaze straight-on. "Not desperate," he said. "Hopeful."

He meant it, I could tell by the way his eyes were searching my face. He wanted Jane safe and he wanted Asgard safe and he was even ready to defy the king's orders for it.  
I wondered what Mother would have thought of the matter, but it was a futile thought. I did no have parents to rely on anymore and it was time to free myself from their judgment of my actions.

Besides, I had already caused one death, and though nothing would make that all right again, I could at least save someone else's life as part of recompense.  
"What do you need from me?" I asked.

The tension in Thor dissipated slightly and he nodded at me. "I need to cross between realms without the Bifrost. You're the most powerful sorceress there is-" He stopped himself at the look I gave him. "I will need Loki as well," he amended. "But I don't trust him."

"And you think I can keep him in line?" I guessed.

Thor very seriously shook his head. "I think you care about Asgard," he said. "And I think you want to avenge Mother as much as I do."

"I think," I answered. "That this is the very thing you should tell Loki."

Just like that, I was in the middle of a plan that was much more cunning than I had ever expected to see from my big brother. In fact, I thought the only thing that Loki and I would have done differently would have been to include less people.

It seemed as if Thor included everyone he knew in his secret plan. With hoods drawn deep into our faces, we met Sif, Volstagg and Fandral in a tavern that night. It took me a long moment until I realized that I had been there before: two years ago, when Loki was still free and a part of the group.

While I was still pondering this, there was a bit of shuffling and next to Sif, Heimdall himself sat down. His face was grim and his eyes gleaming. Thor greeted him as if he had expected him and I was left to wonder when the Gatekeeper had decided betray Odin's trust for Thor.

"We must move Jane off-world," Thor announced to his waiting friends. "Eirlys and I will take her to Svartalfheim."

Sif shifted a little closer. "The Bifrost has been shut down and the Tesseract locked away in the vault," she said.

"There are other paths off Asgard," I told her.

Heimdall cocked his head slightly to the side. "Such ways are only known to a few."

"Indeed," I said.

I exchanged a glance with Thor while the others suddenly caught on. Sif's eyebrows drew together tightly and Fandral was shaking his head frantically.

"No," Volstagg said imploringly.

"Yes," said Thor.

Sif let out a strangled huff. "Loki?" she said with some disdain. "Can't you see, Thor, that this is just some ploy of hers to free him from prison-"

"Have care how you speak of my sister," Thor interrupted and my heart swelled at his defensive tone. "This plan was not hers."

She was clearly sceptical - as were the others - and I could not exactly take it bad on them. In fact, this was an excellent opportunity to free Loki - but it was still not the plan I had made and not the motive for my action.  
Sif had some nerve to speak like that with me not sitting more than an arm-length away.

"He will betray you," Fandral said.

Thor nodded solemnly. "He will try."

Fandral leant back and slumped against the back of his chair with a frown. The others exchanged equally worried glances.

"I will go and free Loki if he agrees to help," Thor said.

"What about Eirlys?" Sif asked with raised eyebrows and I shook my head.

"I can't go the cells," I told her. "Everyone knows that I've been trying to see him, if one of the Einherjar sees me sneaking around, they'll grow suspicious. Thor, however, he can waltz in wherever he wants and no one will say a thing."

The group nodded along and even Sif did not argue again. Fandral however was rubbing a hand over his beard, watching Thor thoughtfully.

"But what then?" he asked. "Your lovely mortal is being guarded by a legion of Einherjar guards who will see you coming from miles away."

"Which is why," I said. "Thor isn't the one who comes for her."

Sif's eyes widened when I looked to her.  
She was the obvious choice, the one who would be last expected to free Jane. Sif's affections for Thor were an open secret; the guards would not expect her to free her strongest rival.  
People who thought like that, however, had forgotten one thing: that more than anything, Sif's love for my brother inspired loyalty of the highest degree. She had proven that over and over again in the past.

As expected, she huffed and puffed, but finally agreed to do as we asked her to do. "All right, fine," she said. "But what of the Allfather?"

All eyes turned to Heimdall, who looked even more serious than he usually did. No other emotion was betrayed by his expression and he spoke without hesitation. "It is my sworn duty to notify him of crimes against authority," he said. "So I will inform him of my own treason."

I almost expected someone to gasp, but we were warriors and royalty and everyone had the composure not to. The tension was still thick following the Gatekeepers words - back in the day, he had once not followed the command of his king, but that had been Loki and Loki had been quite mad; betraying Odin himself was a very different matter.

"I thank you, Heimdall," Thor said. "I shall never forget it."

"Nor I," I nodded. "This is indeed great service."

Heimdall inclined his head in acknowledgment. Without another word, he pushed back his chair and rose. Heavy steps carried him away and the rest of us were left to watch him make his way through the tavern. I wondered if a man like Heimdall ever had second thoughts.

Volstagg cleared his throat and I watched Sif shake herself a little. Thor, next to me, had grabbed the edge of the table so tightly that his knuckles had turned white.

"Assuming you can get Loki's help and you can free this mortal," Volstagg said. "What good would it do? We'd all be dead the minute we step one foot outside the palace."

"We won't be leaving by foot," I said. "Thor and Loki will grab the plane that has landed in the throne room - it is guarded, though, so we are going to need a distraction."

Volstagg let out an exaggerated sigh as if he was always tasked with being the distraction, but agreed with much more enthusiasm than Sif had.

"And you?" he asked.

"They will need to switch planes," I said. "The one in the palace is too big and too obvious and they will be followed. So it is my suggestion that Fandral and I steal one of Asgard's own ships and steer it in the right direction - when we're over water, Loki, Jane and Thor can switch without too much of a fuss."

A large grin spread on Fandral's face. "If you want to spend time with me, you can just say so."

"If ever I have the desire to torture myself, I will," I promised him.

Volstagg let out a barking laugh and it only took a split second for everyone else to join in - not that what I had said had been that funny, but it broke the every building tension like a rubber pulled taut being let loose. Fandral himself was the last one to stop chuckling.

"All right," he said. "When do we start?"

We agreed to start the very next day, in the early hours of the morning, preferably as soon as the sun started to rise. It left me with very little time to sleep, which turned out to be a blessing - rest escaped me completely that night. I counted the minutes as I walked about my bedroom, contemplating our next steps.

I wondered, as I so often had, if we were doing the right thing. Neither of us had spoken to Loki since his imprisonment and I vividly remembered the viciousness of our last encounter, the rage that had been embedded deep inside him. What if none of that had changed? Could I trust Loki to have my back when it came down to it? Even if could - could Thor?  
The thought made me sick. There had been a time when I had trusted Loki without hesitation, when I would have laid my life in his hands without second thought. Had he really changed so much that I could not do it anymore? Or had I?

The sun came up and drenched the room in hesitant light. The carpet was already dented where it had been continuously pushed down by my pacing.

In the end, it did not matter if we could trust Loki or not. We had to get Jane away from Asgard and we had to get the bloody Aether out of her and we needed Loki to do that.

There was the vague thought within me that he might have changed, after all. He might have settled and practiced some introspection. His time in the dungeons might have redeemed him and brought back the man I had known before he became so bitter... the man whose greatest crime had been changing a mean girl's hair colour.  
As much as I wanted to, I did not believe in it.

A heavy knock on the door announced Thor's presence. I grabbed my cloak and Jane's Midgardian jacket - stolen back discretely from the Healer's Ward- and a heavy bottle of water from where I had laid them out on a chair and then, when he knocked yet again, hurried to open the door for my brother.

He looked as if he had slept about as much as I had, but his jaw was set and his shoulders squared in determination. "Are you ready?" he asked.

I shrugged at that. "As ready as I can be," I said.

Thor nodded grimly and then turned on his heel. I followed him without question. The heavy door to my chambers fell shut with a resounding thud behind us.

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 **Okay... guys, I know it's been really long, but we're going to reunite with Loki next chapter. I promise ;)  
Until then, please leave a review, that would make me really happy :)**


	44. Hitch A Ride

**Thanks to everyone who read, fav'd, alerted and most of all to mybonded, Enigmatic Rebel, .2016 and guest "Scarlett" (Who would, really? As much as I love him, he's not very reliable :P Thanks for your review!) for reviewing.**

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* * *

 **Hitch A Ride**

* * *

My assessment from the day before had been right: my brother did not get questioned, no matter where he went. As he lead me through the hallways of he palace in the wee hours of the morning with a grim expression and determined steps, no one stopped to ask where we were going. We even encountered a few Einherjar, but they merely offered Thor polite nods and went on without single word uttered.  
To me, who could not even go into the direction of the dungeons without being interrogated, this experience was just short of a miracle.

Sif, Fandral and Volstagg were waiting for us in a side passage by the courtyard-entrance. It was connected to the servant's pathways and would enable all of us to leave without being noticed.  
Thor would be the first to go and Fandral and I would follow soon after; we would make our way through the stables and through a small water gate to reach the ships. Sif and Volstagg would get to their respective tasks about half an hour later - we need to remain inconspicuous for as long as possible.

All of them looked tired, but Fandral still grinned at me and nudged me lightly in the ribs. "Excited, m'lady?"

"More like concerned," I muttered. "But sure, if excited is what you call it."

"Oh come now," he said. "I'm sure Loki will be thrilled."

That was one thing he was surely right about. A daring escape including distractions and mind games, possibly risking our lives and certainly our reputation - this would be right to Loki's taste. That thought, however, did very little to calm my nerves.

"I should be going," Thor announced. His fingers wrapped around my arm, not roughly but forceful. "Do be careful."

"We've all seen worse than this," I said. "I promise you we will be all right."

His grip tightened in response before he abruptly let go. He nodded to his comrades and then turned the next corner. His steps continued echoing and only when my ears could not pick them up anymore did I turn to Fandral.

"Let's go," I said.

The corridor lead to a small door at the very edge of the courtyard, where maids and stablehands could pass through without being seen. Unfortunately, they tended to be up and about early. I was surprised to find so many already on their way, passing through the gates, carrying baskets and linen or eating on their feet as they hurried to their work. How come I had never known they had to rise so early?

I shrugged the thought of, for there was a more pressing matter at hand. Fandral and I were too recognizable to just pass through and we had momentarily dug behind a corner to be out of the way.

"Perhaps," Fandral said, "I could distract the maidens and you could-"

"You'll do no such thing," I retorted. "No sexual exploits today, all right?"

He grinned. Fandral smiled so easily, even in such tense situations. "Do you have a plan, then?"

"I do," I said. "You'll call it a magic trick."

He shuddered when I dropped the glamour over him. Unlike Jane, I did not make him invisible, bu instead altered his appearance. It was both easier and a lot harder; easier, because hiding substance all together cost more energy, but harder because making him wear another face called for so much more detail.  
He frowned at first, but his eyes widened when he looked at me once more. Wearing face and costume of a maid, I doubted anyone would recognize me.

"That's a wonderful trick," he complimented. He must have seen things like this a hundred times from Loki, but he did sound sincere. I could have been wrong, though; I was not as skilled a liar as Loki was.

Silently, I motioned for him to follow me. I had not managed to alter his voice as well and was willing to bet that quite a few of the servants would recognize Fandral's voice.  
We kept our head down and hurried out the gate, which allowed us to melt effortlessly with our surroundings. No one even looked too long at us as we crossed the courtyard and headed for the stables.

They were an extension of the palace's walls, stone walls with a hint of gold rose to the heavens and the ceiling bowed in gentle curves high above us. The building was large and rambling with smaller and larger passages making their way between the wooden boxes.

Here, Fandral took over. He was unwilling to specify why he knew the stables like the back of his hand, but he did. We could hear the neighing of the horses and the scraping of the pitchforks as boxes were cleaned, but we did not encounter a single person on our way through.

True to his word, there was a water gate at the backwall. It would be a pretty tight fit, especially for him, to pass through, but it was there, clear gurgling water leading inconspicuously out of the palace and towards the ship decks.

"Surely, you can make us waterproof," Fandral said.

My lips twitched at that. "I suppose I could," I said. "But where's the fun in that?"

I stepped into the water and gave a startled yelp - it was deeper than I had expected and I sank up to the hip into the stream. Fandral was watching with furrowed brows and after having regained my footing, I grinned at him.  
"See you soon," I said.

I let myself sink down and, when I was emerged to my shoulders, I let go of the edge.  
The stream carried me away at once. It was a lot faster than I had expected it to be. I closed my eyes tightly when I passed the gates and then the wind of the outsides brushed against my face and tangled in my wet hair.

My eyes shot open when I felt myself drop. It was already over by the time I realized what had happened; there had been a small waterfall leading from the palace into the lake below that I had not been prepared for.  
I came up sputtering and coughing. When I pushed the wet strands out of my eyes, I could not help but laugh breathlessly. Fandral had shot out the same way I must have had and water splashed everywhere at the impact. He came up sputtering as I had and shook his head a bit like a dog would.

"You could have warned me," I called to him.

He huffed. "Where's the fun in that?"

I laughed, but quickly sobered again. The stream had ebbed into the lake, but was still carrying us underwater and the decks had come into sight.

Fandral and I climbed on shore in the shadow of one of the pedestals. Despite my earlier words, I dried both of us with the flick of my wrist before we crept along the shor below the decks.  
It had to have been expected, but they were heavily guarded. There were at least four guards for every ship - some were guarded by as much as a dozen.

I tipped Fandral on the shoulder and pointed to a ship at the very end of the decks, half-hidden by a willow at the water-edge.

"That's an old one," he protested.

I shrugged. "It doesn't have to be brand new, it needs to do its job."

"If it falls apart beneath you in the middle of Svartalfheim, that's entirely on you," he said.

"I can live with that."

Given that it was indeed an old ship - it was quite rusty - it was only guarded by a group of four and three of them looked like they were half asleep. In fact, one of them was sleeping soundly; Fandral pulled a disgusted face when he heard the man snore.

"Asgard's finest," he murmured to me. When I chuckled, he pointed to the one man still standing and wide awake. "I'm going to take care of that one first."

He did not look pleased at the prospect, but Fandral was not one to hesitate. With a warrior's courage, he stepped forward. The guard heard him coming and raised his spear - but before he could move, Fandral had knocked the spear from the guard's hand with his sword. It glimmered as he twisted it around and hit the man, hard, against the head with the pommel. The guard sagged and Fandral caught him before he hit the floor.  
The snoring guard was still sleeping soundly, but the others had stirred. The main threat out of the way, I hurried towards them. With two fingers on their foreheads, I pushed both of them backwards. They barely moved, but started screaming within seconds.

"Witch!" one called desperately while the other one cried, "I can't see, I can't see!"

The sleeping man had stirred, but Fandral had already bound his hands and legs before he could give us any trouble. As the other two would not stop screaming I waved my hand once more and they fell silent - their lips continued moving, but no sound came out.

"What did you do?" Fandral asked breathlessly.

"Nothing that will last," I said, though my heart clenched at the sight of the two men scrambling for anything they recognized, unable to communicate. "Once I leave the realm, they'll be just fine."

He fell terribly silent after that. We climbed aboard without another word and I created my illusion to throw the other guards off our trail. The vision of the boat would probably fade even before I left the realm, but it would hopefully last long enough for us to get away.

The water sped by beneath us, glimmering in the light of the early sun. Fandral stirred and I kept a lookout for the arrival of my brothers. When it happened, it was impossible to miss.  
The large ship swerved through the air unsteadily, followed by at least three others, smaller ones like ours. Lasers shot through the air, wildly firing to stop Thor's getaway.

"Fandral," I said. "On position."

He hummed his acquiescence and gave the steer a flick. The ship soared to the side and closer to the middle of the lake. Thor's ship approached and with it its attackers. The motors roared above us and the fired shots rang painful in my ears.  
We were drenched in the shadow of the larger ship as it reached our position.

A scream sounded from above and my head snapped up. A figure was hurtling down from above and my heart sped up - there was no mistaking the black hair and the leather garments.

It was to late to slow down the fall, but a wave of my hand could at least make the ground he hit a little softer. Loki landed with a groan and a dull thud on his back, directly in front of my feet and bounced slightly on my spell at the impact.

His hair had grown longer, I found, and my perception from Mother's illusion had not been wrong either: he looked a lot healthier than he had on Midgard.  
He picked himself up and his eyes rose to look at me. "Eirlys," he said with a small smile. "I should have known."

I wanted to launch myself at him, hold him - just touch him, really, to make sure that he was truly here, that he was real - but we were not alone.

"I see your time in the dungeons has made you no less graceful, Loki," Fandral commented and Loki's lip curled back in a sneer. His retort was cut short, though, because Thor landed next to him, Jane cradled in his arms.

I could see her eyes flutter. "Oh no, is she-?"

"Dead?" Loki said. "Unfortunately not."

"All right," I bit back. "I wanted to know if she was all right."

He glowered at me and I squared my shoulders. Whatever this was, we did not have the time for it right now. I had hoped for a happier reunion, but if he did not want that, he could have a fight as well.

Thor gently laid Jane down at the front of our ship. She was visibly shivering - we had to get her away from Asgard and the Aether out of her as quickly as possible.  
Thor seemed to have the same thought. "Do as you promised," he said to Loki as he stood again. "Take us to your secret pathway."

All of Loki's previous anger was suddenly gone, like a cloud blown away by a sudden wind. A delighted grin spread on his face and he replaced Fandral at the tiller.

"You chained him?" I whispered to Thor at the sight of Loki's bound hands.

He shrugged. "What do the Midgardians say? Better safe than sorry."

I swallowed my response in Loki's defense down. Again, this was not the time and even if it was - who was to say Thor was not right? Loki did not _feel_ very volatile right now - angry, yes, but not hateful - but he had proved unpredictable in the past. As much as I wanted to, we could not trust him blindly.

The ship veered to the right and the mountains approached. As Loki pulled the ship higher above the water, the zip of firing laser could be heard again. A look behind me told me that we had been spotted - another ship much like ours was following at high speed.

"My spell probably broke," I said. "Fandral?"

He nodded in agreement. His hand wrapped around the tow at the side of the ship and he stepped onto the edge." For Asgard!" he cried and jumped.  
I stepped to the edge to see him swinging along with the rope and landing elegantly on the ship following us. It was a matter of seconds before the soldiers were knocked out and the fire stopped. Fandral saluted us with a grim smile.

I released a shaky breath. This was it. We would reach Svartalfheim - the prospect seemed a lot more daunting now that it was definite.  
The ship swerved again and now headed for a rocky mountain peak. Thor was kneeling by Jane, his hand resting on her shoulder, but his gaze was fixated on the narrow cave coming into sight.

"Loki," he said warily.

Loki's voice was laced with laughter when he answered, "If it were easy, everyone would do it."

"Are you mad?" Thor shot back.

"Possibly!"

The cave was even closer now; I wondered if the ship would even fit between the narrow stone walls. My heart was suddenly jumping into my throat, making it hard to breathe. I closed my eyes, preparing for the clash-

We passed through, but barely. The edges of our ship dragged against the walls and the cutting noise made it seemed like the cave was shrieking at our invasion. The cave seemed to continue into never-ending darkness and Loki pushed the ship, making us whizz through faster and faster.

Then I felt the familiar pull of magic, clutching at me, calling me from across the realms. The darkness was suddenly not all-compassing, but littered with little flecks of light dancing before my eyes.  
We emerged into a sudden heat. The sun shone mercilessly onto black sands and rocks. The ship bumped a rock below and ricocheted off across the sand, encompassing us in a cloud of dust.

"Ta-da!" Loki sang.

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 **Also, to prepare you for the upcoming trauma, there's only five chapters left to go... I miss it already ;)**


	45. Anger Issues

**Thanks to everyone who read, fav'd, alerted and most of all RocketRaccoonGirl83, ThoseEvilDucks, .2016 and guests "Scarlett" (Only copying the film is so boring, I figured I needed something new ;) Glad you liked it, even though we're getting closer to the end!) and "Loverlover" (Thank you very much, I hope you read on and enjoy the rest of the story!) for reviewing the last chapter.**

 **I know that I missed a week - but as I said on my profile, which I don't know if you read, I had, and still have, pretty severe pain in my back and I've been to the A &E twice and it was really painful to sit, so writing and editing the chapter was out of question.  
BUT! I'm getting better, so I'll stop rambling right now. Please enjoy the new chapter.**

* * *

 **Anger Issues**

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We soared above the black sands of Svartalfheim. I had once found beauty in the icy widths and cold winds of Jotunheim, but there was nothing here to find beautiful. It was nothing but a barren wasteland, black and devoid of any sign of life.  
More than that, the heat was stifling; the sun was burning down on us and even the shadows of the old ruins did not offer much comfort.

Strewn across the land where the wrecks of ships alike to the one that had shattered the palace ceilings, their wings rising high and abandoned from where they had been drilled into the ground. We had to swerve between them, searching for our way as if passing through a labyrinth.

Loki was wiping away the sweat from his forehead, which turned into a difficult task as his hands were still bound. Meanwhile, Jane was still shivering in her sleep. Thor had covered her with the jacket I had brought along, but it did not do much good. I feared she would not make it much longer.

As I watched my brother gently stroking the woman's brown locks, Loki leant closer to me.  
"What I could do with the power that flows through those veins," he said quietly.

I shook my head at that. "I'd rather not have it," I said. "The Tesseract, the Scepter, I had quite enough of ancient mystical power, thank you very much."

His lips pressed tightly together. His eyes suddenly cast down and he grumbled under his breath. It was in that moment that I thought he did not look quite as healthy as I had assumed.

"You didn't come to see me," he said finally.

My stomach clenched. Did we have to talk about this right in this moment, when so much was at stake and we had no privacy? I glanced at Thor, but he was consumed with observing Jane's breathing and did not listen to what we were talking about.  
"I wanted to," I said. "I tried every single day. I argued with Mother-"

"She came to see me. Often," he said. "Why not you?"

My heart ached for him. I felt his sense of betrayal as acutely as he did - and I wished I had a more satisfying answer to soothe him. "That was my mistake. I didn't think that it was possible, projecting into the dungeons like she did, so I didn't even try. Mother told me but a few days ago and before I could convince her to... she..." I had to take several deep breaths before I could speak again. "It's my fault."

His eyebrows knotted together. "What do you mean?"

"Her death, I mean - I brought Jane to her," I whispered. "If I hadn't... This is my fault, if I had just stayed away... she'd be alive and I'd be dead and things would be all right and-"

Loki had started shaking his head, but I only fell silent when he harshly grabbed my arm. Yet I could not feel even a trace of anger in him, only a deep sadness and something that turned my stomach like the familiar feeling of guilt.

"You're wrong," he said. "It's my fault."

It took several seconds for his words to register, seconds in which my mouth opened and I blinked incoherently. "What-?"

"The prisoners escaped," he said slowly. "One of them was a Dark Elf... he had a device that exploded and it blew up the cell... I told it how to get upstairs, I thought it wanted to go to the throne room, because I just assumed...he must have deactivated the shields."

A hollow laugh escaped me. Yes, perhaps Loki had sent up one of the Dark Elves and perhaps it had been the reason for the attack, but that did not remove my guilt. If I had just thought things through instead of blindly running to hide behind my mother's skirts, she would still be alive.  
What a pair we were. We had assembled so much guilt in the years of our shared existence and now we had even killed our own mother.

"We will avenge her," Loki said. "And when we killed them all, we can lay our guilt to rest."

I raked a hand through my hair, my own bitter laughter still ringing in my ears, even though it had been so quiet. Loki was watching me avidly and my own despair was reflected within him.

"I don't think it will be quite that easy," I said.

"You'll see," he said.

I reached out and laid my fingers on his bound wrists. He released a stuttering breath and met my eyes but for a split second. What a pair, indeed.

"She's asleep," Thor suddenly announced, turning from Jane for the first time as if on cue. "But she grows weaker by the minute."

Loki raised an eyebrow at that. "Say goodbye," he advised.

"Not this day."

"This day, the next, a hundred years, it's nothing. It's a heartbeat. You'll never be ready," Loki said. "The only woman whose love you prized will be snatched from you-"

"Loki," I protested gently and he snapped at me at once.

"What?" he seethed. "She's but a mortal, she'll be dead before they've even settled down-"

By this point, Thor was gritting his teeth. "And will that satisfy you?" he demanded.

Loki sneered. "Satisfaction is not in my nature."

"Surrender is not in mine."

They glared at each other and I had the terrible thought that if Thor was going to hit, Loki would have a hard time defending himself, wrists still bound. In this moment, I tried hard to remember the time when we had been a family and arguments had been petty and meaningless and not feuds to the death.

"Stop it," I said. "Both of you. What would Mother say?"

One could see the tension break. Loki leant back and his lips twitched into a smile.  
Thor's shoulders slumped and he took a step backwards, glancing at Jane over his shoulder. "She wouldn't want us to fight," he finally admitted.

"Well, she wouldn't exactly be shocked," Loki said.

They both chuckled at that. Loki reached for the steer and gave it a little tuck to the right to take us away from the wrecks, while Thor returned, ever faithful, to Jane's side.  
I scooted over and settled against Loki who raised his hands so I could snuggle against his chest and leant back to accomodate me.

"I really wish I had my hands free now," he said lowly.

I scoffed. "We wouldn't want to traumatize our brother, now would we?"

His lips pressed against the top of my head. "No," he said. "We wouldn't."

My eyes fluttered shut out of their own accord. I had not slept at all that night and it was taking its toll on me. Before I knew it, Loki's scent and closeness had lulled me into sleep; it had been too long since I had had him by my side.

I slept restlessly. My dreams were haunted by shadowy creatures and bloodied, torn gowns. Even though I had never heard them, my mother's pained screams were echoing through my mind. I was hunted by the faceless monsters, but there was no escape.  
Whenever I woke, Loki would shush me, his fingers stroking gently wherever they could reach and he would guide me gently back to sleep.

When I woke for good, it was already late afternoon and Loki had rested his chin on the top my head. His heart was beating steadily beneath my cheek.  
I stayed as still as I could and tried to keep my breath even as to not alert him to the fact that I was awake.

It did not work. He allowed my pretense for a few moments before he shifted beneath me. "You know I know, right?"

I smiled, but kept my eyes closed. "If I stay like this, this moment can last forever and reality won't catch up."

I could feel the breath leave him in a long heavy sigh. "There's no need to worry," he said with sudden determination. "I'll crush Malekith's skull with my own bare hands before I'd allow him to touch you."

"I can handle myself," I said. "Won't you instead protect yourself?"

When he did not answer, I finally disentangled from him and ducked out from beneath his arms so I could look at him. A short glance to the front of the ship told me that Jane was still fast asleep, and Thor, still by her side, had nodded off as well.

"I need you to be safe," I said to Loki. Something twist inside him and I had the sudden urge to go on. "I've lost you too many times already," I implored. "Please don't do it to me again."

"How could I promise that?" he asked.

"I love you, Loki, so much," I said. "Won't you stay alive, for me?"

Loki still did not look up, but he nodded sharply. It was not enough to convince me, but I doubted that I would get anything better than that. Asgardians were a warrior's race and my brothers were prime examples of that. One would have thought that I got accustomed to their impending deaths centuries ago, but I had not.

I barely knew how I had survived the last time I thought Loki to be dead and I was sure that I would not make it through that a second time.

"We made a plan," Loki said lowly. "Thor and I."

"What is it?" I asked.

He shook his head with sudden determination. "Leave it to us."

I mirrored his gesture at once. "You know I can't-"

"It's better like this," he said. "I'm afraid you'll just have to... Just trust me."

Everything inside me screamed to demand an answer, to tell him that I would not be kept apart, that I was not some damsel that needed protection; I wanted to tell him that he had not warranted any trust lately, and that I would not be so easily appeased - but when he finally looked at me, his eyes were so tortured that the words died on my tongue. At the look on his face, I could not do anything but agree to whatever he wanted.

"All right," I said. "All right."

His eyes narrowed at me. "Do you trust me?" he asked.

"I used to trust you with my life," I said. The trouble was, I did not quite trust him with his own life.

The past tense was obviously not lost on him. His lips twitched and something inside him twisted in obvious displeasure. "And now you don't."

I raised an eyebrow at his accusatory tone. "We've all changed," I said. "After everything, can you fault me for being cautious?"

"No, I can't," he said. "But for now, I need you to trust me despite all of it. Trust me, trust Thor, trust in my rage and my lust for revenge, whatever you choose. Just trust me. Won't you?"

I bit my lip. If it was only my life at stake, it would have been easier to accept it. I had used the past tense, but truthfully, I did not think he would break my trust. This was about Jane's life, though, and it was about Asgard's fate and I did not think his intentions to be pure where those were concerned.

I could not help it, though. If Thor had agreed to whatever the plan was, it could not be half bad - and, perhaps, a little bit of trust put in him was exactly what Loki needed. Continuous mistrust would only make him more likely to betray us, like some twisted self-fulfilling prophecy.

"All right," I said again.

My answer did not seem to satisfy him. His fingers started drumming on his legs and his shoulders were tense. If his earlier proclamation had been truthful, though, no answer I could have given would ever satisfy him. Whatever it was that had caused this particular foul mood, Loki nodded back at me and I accepted it with a smile.  
I would trust him and in turn, he would hopefully look after himself. The cautious agreement we had made was probably the best either of us could get out of the other.

Another look to the front showed Thor still asleep. I suddenly wondered if Loki had been the only one awake this whole time. He did look very tired. My suggestion that he should get some rest was met with blatant refusal, no matter how I insisted.

As the sun begun to sink, the heat finally lessened some and when we passed hills or wrecks, we were sometimes drenched in a gentle shadow. It was welcome relief, though it was still warmer than it ever was on Asgard. Only Jane unconsciously tugged her jacket tighter around her. Whatever plan my brothers had, I hoped that it would be swift in its execution or things would look dire for Thor's love.

Thor stirred with Jane's movement. He turned first, muttering under his breath until he suddenly sat up with a yawn and a mighty stretch. His first look went to Jane and when he was assured that she was as well as could be expected, his attention shifted to me and Loki.

Loki was very pointedly staring in another direction. "It's good you're awake," he said when Thor stood to shake his limbs. "We're almost there."

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	46. A Little Fall of Rain

**Thanks to everyone who read, fav'd, alerted and most of all to chyanne200, .2016, ThoseEvilDucks, mybonded, SabertoothUnicorn321 and guests "Scarlett" (I feel a lot better already, thanks :) And thanks for your review, I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter!) and "Chloe" (I wasn't even gone that long ;) Thanks for your review! I'm happy you liked it.) for reviewing.**

* * *

 **A Little Fall of Rain**

* * *

We landed behind a slope of black rubble. While Loki and Thor walked off to inspect our surroundings and discuss some last minute plans, I stayed behind to get Jane on her feet.  
She woke easily when I shook her gently, but she looked pale and sick nevertheless. When I helped her to her feet, she swayed and I had to steady her for a few minutes as she walked around the ship with shaking steps until she felt less faint.

"What are we doing?" she asked, waving her hand weakly along her body. "About this?"

She looked at me with such hope that I did not have the heart to tell her that I had no idea. "We're getting it out of you," I promised. "Don't worry. Thor would never let you get hurt."

I watched her swallow hard. "I know that," she said. "You wouldn't, either."

She did not say anything about Loki and I could not take it bad on her. In her mind, Loki was nothing but the vengeful monster who had sent the Destroyer and attacked New York - when even I doubted his trustworthiness, how could she trust him?

As if on cue, my brothers returned to our ship. They both looked grim, but determined and not particularly desperate. They looked as if they were going into a battle that they were hopeful to win.  
Jane stepped readily into Thor's arms while Loki joined me to lean against the side of the ship. I glanced at him and he sent me a short smile. He still seemed tense, but the deep worry I felt seemed to belong only to me.

"What is going to happen?" Jane asked Thor in that moment.

"Malekith is going to be here soon," he said. "He is going to pull the Aether out and when he has done so, I will destroy it, and him."

Jane blinked at him and then asked what I, too, was thinking, "What more than that?"

There was a beat of silence in which Thor looked to Loki and Loki nodded sharply in response. I saw Jane follow that glance; her mouth opened in protest seconds before Thor said, "Nothing." Her eyebrows shot up and my brother hurried to add, "Nothing to worry about, all right? You can trust me."

A loud thud echoed from behind the slope and we all started at the sound. Thor gripped Mjolnir's handle a little tighter and I saw Loki's adam's apple bop as he swallowed. There was no doubt about what we had just heard - the Dark Elves had arrived and our time of reprieve had ended.

"Ready?" Thor asked.

"Whenever you are," I said.

We climbed up the slope, slipping as we went on the sand and rubble beneath our feet. Jane was huffing, but even my breath came shorter than usual - my heart was pounding in my chest. I had been in battle before, but it had evidently not been enough to calm my nerves. If Loki's tension was anything to go by, this did not get any better even after centuries of experience in fighting.

Just before we reached the cliff, Thor stopped short and turned to me. Unceremoniously, a dagger was thrust into my hand. "Just in case," he said.

"That's not how I fight," I said.

"And yet," he said. Without further discussion, he turned back and took the final steps onto the cliff and into open sight. Fingers trembling around my newly acquired weapon, I followed him.

The Dark Elves had arrived in an enormous flying dome which loomed darkly behind them. The ship they had dropped in the throne room seemed like a bad joke in comparison.  
Beneath us, Malekith was stalking forward, a large terrible elf behind him. I could feel Loki's heart clench and wondered if I saw the murderer of my mother in this very moment.

"You know," Loki said with a gulp. "This plan of yours is going to get us killed?"

Thor's lips twitched. "Possibly," he said.

The Dark Elves had turned their heads up to us, clearly watching as we walked the edge. My stomach dropped at the sight, but my brothers were still standing in amiable silence.

"Not to rush you or anything," I said. "But right now would be a good time to do whatever you have planned."

The grin dropped from both their faces and they, too, looked down to see the approaching elves. Thor's jaw set and Loki held up his cuffed wrists, shaking the metal for added effect. Thor drew in a deep, ragged breath.

"You still don't trust me, brother?" Loki asked.

"Would you?" Thor shot back, but released him nevertheless.

There was a beat in which they stood facing each other, both finally free and neither moving. There was a glimmer of metal that I had once seen before and like that time, it plunged everything into chaos.  
Thor cried out and slumped as Loki drove the dagger into his side. With an additional shove, Thor lost his footing and tumbled down the hill.

"No," Loki said. "I wouldn't."

I felt as if I might throw up any second. Before I could stop her, Jane had screamed and started down the hill, running after Loki who was stalking towards our brother with long steps.

"Do you really think I cared about Frigga? About anybody?" Loki demanded while Thor turned, groaning, in the sand. "All I ever wanted was you and Odin, dead at my feet!"

By now, I was stumbling down the slope myself. My stomach was turning, my heart pounding loudly in my ears. This could not be happening - surely, I was still asleep or hallucinating due to the uncomfortable sun. Loki had said to _trust_ him.

Thor's hand stretched out feebly and behind me, the sand crunched as Mjolnir set into motion. Loki hissed and the dagger swung through the air again. Thor let out a guttural, terrifying scream and blood splashed through the air and onto the ground. Jane staggered to a halt, as did I, while Thor pulled the bloody stump that was now his arm closer to his body.  
I was truly heaving now, bent over and trying to catch my breath, tears stinging in my eyes. The cut-off hand lay abandoned on the sand.

Stepping past his groaning brother, Loki hurled Jane unceremoniously closer to himself and turned to the approaching elves. Malekith stopped dead in his tracks, an unreadable expression on his pale scarred face.

"Malekith!" Loki called. "I am Loki of Jotunheim and I bring you a gift!" He pushed Jane and she landed in a heap at Malekith's feet. "I ask only one thing in return," he continued. "A good seat from which to watch Asgard burn."

The elves' king turned to his henchmen and they muttered to each other. Malekith strolled over to Thor and kicked at his side. My brother rolled over with obvious difficulty, groaning in pain.

"Leave him alone!" I called as the rushed beating of my heart suddenly drove me into action. Loki threw out his arm to stop me and dug my fingernails as sharply as I could into his flesh in response.  
"How dare you?" I demanded. "Look at this-"

There was something to look at, too. Malekith had raised one arm and it had, by some magic of its own, lifted Jane into the air. She was struggling against her invisible bonds, which tipped her head back and stretched her body.  
It was then that I saw it for the first time. The Aether was a reddish liquid, seeping out of Jane in long strands, twisting and turning amongst themselves. Jane arched even more and her mouth opened in a silent scream.

She slumped suddenly and dropped, motionless, in the next second. The Aether hovered eerily in the air above her.

"Loki!" Thor yelled. "Now!"

A turn of the wrist, and Thor's hand materialized again, flesh knitting together and melting as if there had never been so much as a scratch. His arm shot out at once, summoning the weapon from where it still lay in the rubble.

"Get Jane," Loki said to me and pushed me forward.  
I stumbled, but quickly broke into a run, my mind turning just as fast. He had said to trust him - because this had been the plan all along and all he had needed from me, and from Jane, was a believable reaction.

I fell to my knees by Jane's side and was relieved to find that she was breathing steadily, she was even regaining consciousness already. A hand on her shoulder, I twisted to see Thor swinging at the Aether. Lightning cracked through the air like a whip and cut across the Aether. It splintered into a thousand pieces, little red crystals hanging in the air.

"Come on," I urged Jane. "Come on, you have to get up, we have to move-"

True to my word, Malekith had drawn closer. He stretched out his fingers, which were more like claws and seemed to pull at the Aether. The pieces twisted, straining towards him. It drew into him, little by little and for a moment, his skin glowed in the same reddish colour that Jane's had.

"Come on." I shook said woman again. "Jane, please-"

She groaned, but her eyes flickered open and she focused on me at once. "Eirlys-"

"We're in battle," I said. "Get up."

Just in that moment, Mjolnir was hurtling past us once more, Thor rushing at its heels towards Malekith's ship. There was an explosion of dust and rubble, which clouded the ship in black smoke. It rose from the disaster like the phoenix from the ashes, towering large and dark above us until it gleamed and vanished within a moment's notice.

Jane's breath was coming in short gasps as I pulled her to her feet. My brothers had darted off across the field, but had failed to notice a group of half a dozen elves advancing in my direction. Their faces were hidden behind their white masks, but I felt that they were probably smiling lecherously. My fingers fumbled for the dagger that Thor had given me.

I pushed Jane firmly behind me. "If I'd tell you to run, would you do it?" I asked.

"Probably not," she said. "It'd be a mess."

"This will be a mess, too," I warned her.

One of the elves was fumbling with a small ball in his hand and I suddenly recalled the throne room and the grenade that had obliterated what had once been a seat of power.  
I turned my wrist and the elf's wrist broke. With a howl of pain, the grenade was dropped and exploded on impact. Its wielder was engulfed in red and seemed to implode. Jane gagged behind me.

The others launched themselves at us. Another turn of my hands made three of them drop with their legs broken. In the meantime, one had reached me and swung his sword. I ducked, rolling on the ground to escape the blow. My cloak tore on a sharp rock, but there was thankfully only scratch on my arm.

I climbed back to my feet just in time to see Jane, short of any other weapon, punch my attacker straight in the face. In surprise, he stumbled back for a second before it grabbed her with a roar of revenge.  
Jane cried out and I jumped forward to her aid. I did not quite know how it happened, but suddenly my dagger was lodged in the elf's throat. Jane's eyes widened as she struggled of his grasp.

With shaking fingers, I pulled the dagger back and blood gushed over my hand, covering it with the warm sticky liquid. The body dropped at my feet and I had to swallow down the bile rising in my throat.

"Well," I said. "That's a mess."

I had killed before; that was what battle was. Chitauri had dropped from their ships at my hands, Frost Giants had burnt due to my magic, but having real blood on my hands was something quite different.

There was one of them left and I had no time for remorse - or even time to change my cause of action. My bloodied hand pressed against his face, his head snapped back and the neck broke. He dropped as dead as the other one.

I turned to Jane, who was still watching me with wide eyes. "You're... you're quite something," she finally managed.

"I'll take that as a compliment," I said. "And that was good punch."

"I wish I'd punched Loki like that when I had the chance," she said.

"Loki," I breathed out.  
Where were my brothers? I turned at once, scanning the plain for them.

Thor was easy enough to spot. He was battling the huge elf that had loomed behind Malekith before and it seemed he was losing. It smashed him repeatedly into the ground and I was uncomfortably reminded of the Hulk - what I would not give to face Banner now instead of the Dark Elves.

I started off into their direction, the bloodied dagger still firmly in my hand. Logically, I knew that this tiny weapon would not kill the monster, but I could not do _nothing._  
Jane and I were halfway across the field when Loki appeared. He spotted me as well, and thrust out a hand, gesturing for me to stay away.

I did not. I could feel the tension in him, the determination but also the fear. My heart was pounding so hard that I felt slightly dizzy by now.  
While the elf was still beating onto Thor, Loki had reached the pair and, with a mighty push, ran the monster through with his blade. It roared, but did not drop as quickly as one would have thought.  
It swayed and for just a short moment, this looked like victory - then it turned and grabbed Loki in one move. The sword, so firmly impaled in its chest, pierced Loki just as easily.

"NO!" The scream was torn from my throat and I was suddenly running, stumbling as I went, yelling for Loki.

Loki was flung to the ground like a puppet and landed with a grunt in the dust. The monster, however, seemed unaffected by its wound or the sword still protruding from its chest.  
If only I could reach them in time, if only I could fling my dagger at the creature or burn its face-

I did not need to. I was not close enough to hear words yet, but the elf suddenly looked down, horror struck. It only took seconds before he was engulfed in reddish light, being torn apart and sucked in at the same time by one of its own grenades.

I reached Loki at the same moment that Thor did. We both dropped to our knees by his side and Thor reached out to steady his head.  
All colour had drained from Loki's face and the wound on his stomach was bleeding profusely.

"You fool," Thor wept. "You didn't listen-"

"I know," Loki responded, his voice shaking. "I'm a fool, I'm a fool."

His fingers wrapped around my wrists as I pressed my hands onto the wound in a feeble attempt to stop the bleeding. The monster really had run him through and even seeing the wound made my head spin. It was a right wonder Loki was still breathing in this moment.

"I can fix this." The words rushed out of me. "I'm sure I can fix this - this is nothing, Eir would scoff at this-"

He moved his head and I thought he was trying to shake it. I shook my head in turn, trying to convince myself as much as I tried to convince him.

"I can," I said. "Of course I can, we are so powerful - nothing we can't do, right, nothing we can't do together, just stay with me-"

"I'm sorry," Loki rasped. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."

Tears welled in my eyes. It had become hard to breath and my insides felt like they had dropped into an abyss, just so clinging to the edge.

"No, Loki, I-"

"Sh," Thor suddenly said. "It's okay."

We shared a look and it was what made me drop for good; it was the utter lack of hope in Thor's eyes, replaced only by the urge to make that last moments more bearable, that crushed me.  
While any coherent thought but unbelievable pain was pushed from my mind, Loki's expression calmed and despite his ragged look, his breath seemed to even out.

"It's all right," Thor said. "I'll tell Father what you did here today."

"I didn't do it for him."

Our fingers entwined and I squeezed as tightly as I could while his skin turned an ugly shade of gray somewhere between white and an ugly washed-out blue.

"I love you," I whispered desperately. "I love you so much, forever, Loki, I swear-"

He did not respond anymore. As I whispered, he grew still and his fingers became limp in my hand. His eyes stared unseeing at the dull sky above us.  
My scream of anguish broke through the night and rang painfully in my ears, but it was as if I did not hear it at all through the emptiness inside me.

* * *

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	47. Look Down

**Thanks to everyone who read, fav'd, alerted and most of all to everyone who reviewed: Lady Lilith La Belle, ThoseEvilDucks, Belco, mybonded, .2016, SaoirseTheSelkie and Midnight Penguin!**

* * *

 **Look Down**

* * *

It was worse even than the first time, or perhaps it just felt like it. I kept rocking back and forth by his side as if the movement alone could wake him again. The tears rolled from my cheeks and dripped onto my shaking hands and his unmoving chest.  
Thor's heavy hand landed on my shoulder and it felt like I might drop with the impact. My strength, it seemed, had drained along with Loki's life.

I heard the crunching of sand beneath feet and figured Jane had finally reached us. I did not turn to check. While I could not see any more than shapes through my tears I could not turn my gaze from Loki. If I looked away, it would be real. If I left him here, he would be dead for good.

"Eirlys," Thor said. "Sister-"

I shook my head as quickly, as violently as I could. I did not want to hear it, did not want his feeble comfort or his own saddened voice. This could not be real, I would not allow it to be real.  
Yet I could not feel Loki anymore. The whirlwind that was his emotions was gone, as well as the steady pulsing that had been his magic. It had been so long since we had been connected - it felt like I had never been so weak.

"We should go," Jane's voice said. "We have to find a way to get back home-"

"Home?" I asked hoarsely. "What home?"

Thor's big hand now wrapped around my upper arm and hurled me to my feet. "We have to, Eirlys, he wouldn't have wanted us to-"

"Oh, yes," I snapped. "Tell me what he would have wanted, I'm sure you know best."

Thor had the good grace to look taken aback. His grip fell away and he took a step back. We stood facing each other, glaring, with Loki's body between us until Jane loudly cleared her throat.

"I know this is terrible," she said. "But we really have to hurry."

Unfortunately, she was right. Around us, wind had started picking up. It lifted the sand into the air, made it splash about and howl around us.

Thor carried the body for a while, but it soon became impossible. The storm became so thick that we could not see anymore and had to raise our arms to at least shield our eyes from the sand.  
Despite my screams and cries, we had to leave him behind. Shielded behind a large black rock, Thor laid Loki to a temporary rest.

I had half a mind to lie down next to him and wait for the inescapable death, but my brother would not let me. He dragged me back to my feet and away, never ceasing his pull even when I cursed at him.

My legs were shaking, almost incapable of carrying me any further, when we finally found a cave large enough to house the three of us. We stumbled inside with a last great effort.  
While Thor shook the sand from his hair, I sank down against the far wall, uncaring of the stone scraping against my back.

Jane ruffled her hair as well. "He's gonna unleash it," she said breathlessly. "Not just on Asgard or on a star. Malekith is going to destroy everything."

It did not seem too terrible. Should Malekith destroy the universe, I did not care. The apocalypse could swallow me whole, at least that would end my suffering. At least then I would see him again and I would never have to lose him again. Once had already been too much. Twice - how was I supposed to bear this? How was anyone supposed to bear it?

"I saw him on Earth," she continued. "Why would he go to Earth?"

"If he starts his rupture on Midgard," I said hollowly. "Chances are, it will cause all of Yggrassil to collapse. Destroy it from the middle, so to speak. The Convergence will make it possible."

Thor stared at me speechlessly, while Jane ran a hand through her hair yet again. "None of this would have happened if I hadn't found the Aether," she said, her voice strained.

"I agree," I said.

This time, Thor's face twisted in anger at my words. He walked towards me with long, heavy steps, his fists clenching tightly. Something inside me stirred that suggested I might have been nicer to Jane - but the world had not been nice to me, why should I not return the favour?

"She's right," Jane said. "I only found it because I was looking for you and now we're trapped here!"

"She is not right-"

Before he could finish his sentence, he got interrupted by muffled music playing. Midgardian music; the kind of music that had a man talking all over a melody and saying 'yo' a lot.  
Thor turned to look at Jane in puzzlement while she blinked in equal confusion.

"It's... not me," Thor said finally and Jane started frantically patting along her jacket to find her phone. It must have been in there the whole time and I had not even noticed when I grabbed the jacket for her.

Jane finally found the phone and started fiddling with it to answer. "Hello? ... Richard! Where are you?"

Thor let out a strangled sound and Jane shot him a short, confused glance. My fingers clenched tightly around the fabric of my coat. How dare he worry about this right now? How dare Jane's acquaintance be worrisome enough to forget the death of his brother? More important than Loki, who was not even dead for an hour and whose body was now buried beneath sand somewhere on a foreign, vengeful realm.

"My God!" Jane cried out, as inappropriately cheerful as was possible. She walked about the cave, raising the phone this way and that to test the connection. "This is amazing!" The voice from her phone was answering, but I could not make out what was said. "How am I getting service here?" she continued.

Thor turned to me and gestured to Jane in confusion. My fingers, still wrapped around the fabric of my coat, clenched even tighter. Had it not occurred to him that I was not in the mood to answer his silly questions, that this was not the time that I wanted to play his sidekick? He demanded that I function when it felt like watching the world through a veil, like their contours were rugged and their voices muffled.

"The Convergence," I said tiredly. It was not fair, I thought as I watched wheels turning in Thor's head, that he would rely on me as he had on Loki, when he had never cared if we ready and able to help.

Jane almost dropped her phone. "There must be a portal here somewhere!" she cried and then hurriedly assured the voice on the other side of the line, "No, no, no, whatever you do, don't hang up-"  
She let out another cry and held up a lilac can of some Midgardian beverage or other.

"The Convergence," Thor repeated. "We can cross to Midgard! We can leave this place-"

"I'm not leaving Loki," I said.

Thor's jaw dropped and Jane let the phone slowly sink from her ear. There was a tense silence between the three of us before they started talking at once.

"We're not leaving _you-"_

"This place is so dangerous-"

"What if I never find you again, Father will kill me-"

"How would you ever get home?"

"Loki is dead."

It showed on Thor's face as soon as the words had left his lips that he had said the wrong thing. I leaped up from my sitting position and crossed the cave with firm steps. He gulped. I was nowhere near his physical strength, or even his height, but my whole body was coursing with the electric power of my magic, angry as I was, and he must have sensed that.

"I'm not leaving him," I reiterated. The cave surrounding us caused a bit of an echo. For the first time, I noticed that Thor's cheek was scratched open, still bleeding slightly. "I'll not spend my eternity knowing that he rotted away on some black pitch in Svartalfheim. I will return to him and bring him home and see to it that he has the burial he deserves. He died with such virtue that he might as well reach Valhalla and I will not deny him that just because you're scared for my miserable little life."

Thor and Jane exchanged a glance - the kind, I supposed, that parents shared when their child was about to do something particularly stupid.  
I did not care if my plan of action was stupid. I did not care if my chances of success were low or if this was going to get me killed. All I knew was that I had to do this. Loki had to go home, finally, after all the trials, and I could not abandon him.

"Sister-"

"You go on," I said. "You don't worry about me and go to Midgard and make sure that Asgard still stands when I return to it."

Thor looked torn and it was Jane who finally came to a decision. She laid a hand on Thor's arm and nodded towards the far end of the cave.  
"We need to go through before it closes. Eirlys will be fine."

I did not feel fine. I felt everything but fine, but I would do my best to be safe, at least until we were all safe back in Asgard. I owed Thor that much and I owed our people that much.  
Afterward, when things had settled and Malekith was defeated, could I succumb to my grief however fast I pleased.

My brother pulled me into an abrupt, bone-crushing hug before he trod solemnly in the direction Jane had pointed out for him. Jane, herself, reached out to me and squeezed my hand for a short moment before she headed after him.  
I heard her say something about car keys - "Unbelievable!" - and they were gone. I was finally alone.

The storm was still howling outside and I did not dare set a foot out of the cave for the next hour, despite the creeping fear that I might not be able to find Loki again.  
I could almost see it already: my heavy footsteps dragging me across the wasteland, desperately looking behind every slope, checking if it was _the one_. Already, my fingers seemed dry and chapped from digging through the sand, because _he could be buried beneath here_.

The longer I sat, cross-legged, at the entrance and watched the sand drift by, the more I understood Thor's worry for my safety. Yet I felt that if I should succumb in my pursuit, I would welcome death with open arms. At least then, the weight pressing on my heart would cease, the prickling behind my eyes come to an end.  
I wondered if in death, Loki and I would find the peace that we never had among the living.

The storm finally let up and while it had taken away all traces of our path, it was easy enough to spot the great hills were we had fought the Dark Elves - my chest tightened until I almost could not breathe - where Loki had died.  
I did check behind ever slope, though, because I could not remember if we had left him at the first or last we had seen; after a while, I began to wonder if I we had laid him in such a place at all or if it was a trick my bruised mind was playing on me.

I sensed the new presence before I could see or hear them. It started as a prickling on my neck and quickly spread over me as goosebumps.  
They had not noticed me - it was a single Einherjar, which I recognized only due to his helmet. I did not doubt, however, what he was bending over; the soldier had found Loki's body before I had.

I called out to him and saw him start. It was hard to run across the sand, for my feet kept sinking into the ground, but I managed to hurry either way. The soldier would have a means of transportation; he would know how to get to the portal or if we could call for Heimdall. All of a sudden, dying in this desert did not seem as appealing as going home.

My spirits were only elevated for a moment. When I reached the man, I found that the usual numb expression of the Einherjar had been replaced with narrowed eyes and a frown.

"Well met," I said as means of appeasement. "As you see-"

"You are under arrest," he said.

It was like a slap in the face. "What?" I said.

He swallowed hard and a slight look of worry played across his face. "Allfather's orders," he said finally. "Will you come peacefully?"

He did not bind me - he did not need to. Numb from the pain of the day and stunned by this new information, I followed him without question to the small ship that he did, indeed, have. The guard had lifted Loki's body effortlessly and I had to turn my gaze away until the body was covered with a large blanket - had they expected to find a corpse here? - I did not think that I could stand to see the death in his once so lively eyes.

"We will use the Convergence to return," the soldier offered and held a hand out for me to help me onto the ship.

I had the thought that he was suspiciously courteous for someone who planned to imprison me when the thought was driven away by a sharp, electric sting as my hand touched his.  
I recoiled, just so not falling over backwards. I narrowed my eyes at the man, who glanced back impassively. Was this some kind of fighting tool that the king had thought to give his guards?

"Apologies," he said. "But we have not time."  
He hauled me onto the ship, this time grabbing at my waist to lift me of my feet instead of pulling me up. I did not have the strength of mind to protest.

I let him sit me down silently and remained so as the ship lifted into the air. For the rest of our travels, I concentrated on not looking at the covered body of my love.

* * *

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 **Also, only two chapters left! We're really approaching the end, I'm afraid...**


	48. I'm Still Hurting

**Thanks to everyone who read, fav'd and alerted!  
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* * *

 **I'm Still Hurting**

* * *

The passage through the portals was more ruptured than expected - realms flashed before my eyes in quick succession and I heard the soldier groan with the effort of steering our ship in the right direction through the midst of it.

My stomach felt suddenly heavy when I thought of Thor and Jane. They would not be able to escape a fight and Malekith would no doubt attack with all his might. After all, he finally had the Aether in his possession. Leaving them now seemed foolish and cowardly.

Asgard rose gloomily from the whirlwind of the Convergence. Clearly, the shields had not yet been activated for we passed into the city without hindrance.  
Asgard was a lively city, usually bustling even in the late hours of the night, but there was no one to be seen tonight. With building ruined from the attack and Thor's subsequent flight, my home felt like a ghost town - it painfully reminded me of the wrecks sunken deep into the sands of Svartalfheim.

We were greeted by a horde of guards when we reached the decks and the soldier anchored the ship. I tried to breathe deep and steady - I would need to keep a clear head if I wanted out of this situation.

"Take her to the dungeons," my soldier ordered and pushed me towards his comrades, careful to touch no skin this time.

"No," I said, shaking my head. "No, no, I need to speak to the king."

There was a moment of silence until he said, "It's the Allfather's order that she be placed in the cells at once."

"No," I said again as the first two of them grabbed me. I screamed first, the shrill cry of a terrified little girl, before my eyes fell on the covered body still lying on the boat.  
 _Loki._ He would have ridiculed my weakness until he had driven it out of me. If they took me to the dungeons, I would be passing his cell, I would be cut off from the world as he had been and all would have been for naught - I had to see him off to Valhalla as I had promised, I had to tell the king of what he had done.

My teeth gritted together. No way. There was no way I would allow it to end like this. My hands clenched tightly into fists and in the next moment, it were the Einherjar who were screaming. Where they had touched me, the skin of their fingers had melted off. Raw flesh and bone could be seen - it looked terrifying and I briefly hoped that Eir would be able to fix it -

The moment of sympathy was short-lived. The next soldier grabbed me around the waist, careful not to touch bare skin. I let myself drop and rammed my elbow against the side of his knee as hard as I could.  
The pain shot through my whole arm, but he also howled and let go of me. I rolled away and clapped my good hand onto the floor, creating a crack between me and my attacker and stopping his approach.

"You can't lock me away without a hearing!" I cried. "It's against the law!"

Another pair had made their way to me; their hands passed through me when they reached out and I reappeared across the pier, breathing heavily. I had forgotten how straining such magic truly was.

"I have to speak of the Allfather." They were approaching me with lowered spears, some with drawn swords. A wave of my hand let the front row cry out in panic about their lost eyesight. A mere illusion, but they dropped their swords and staggered with outstretched arms.  
"The crown prince is on Midgard," I continued when the remaining men were not deterred. "Malekith has the Aether, the king has to know-"

Over the heads of the approaching soldiers, my eyes connected with the Einherjar that had found me on Svartalfheim. He wore a curious expression; not one of malevolence and caution like the others, but almost one of doubt. He very slightly inclined his head.

A sharp pain erupted at my temple and spread through my head at light speed. The world was spinning and I just so felt my legs giving out beneath me. My vision was already blackening at the edges when I realized that one of them must have snuck up on me - and struck me with his spear across the head.  
The last thing I felt as a twinge deep in my heart - a tug that felt strangely familiar - and the prickling of magic in my fingertips.

My head was thrumming terribly. I groaned and tried flexing my fingers and toes to see if they still functioned. My fingertips brushed against something soft - had I not last been on a wooden pier?

I groaned and tried to roll over, but the movement felt like my skull was being crushed. My hand came up to cover my eyes as I fought off the following nausea. Bloody hell... what had happened?  
Shielded by my hand, I forced my eyes open and I immediately regretted it. Despite my attempt to reduce the blinding, the light was seering and the pain was piercing like needles into my eye sockets.

At least the pain forced the memory back into my mind. Damned Einherjar and their spears. So much for fighting honourably; sneaking up on a maiden like that and knocking her out - what kind of warriors were they, anyways?

When - after an unknown time - the world came back into focus, I found that they had indeed brought me into the dungeons. The Healer's Ward might have been too much to ask.  
I turned my head to the side and through the dizziness could make out a cell decorated with furniture and books across the hall.

It was lucky that I had not eaten, for I was heaving within seconds. _Loki._ They had brought me into a cell right across from his.

What kind of sick, cruel, twisted mind could form such ideas? I had been right to turn my back on Odin and if I ever made it out of here again, I would make sure that he would _never forget_ what a grave mistake he had committed today.

Panting, I raised my head and once more saw the cell across from me. Loki was dead. He had died to save his brother and for the good of Asgard and this was the thank-you. I had no hopes for a proper funeral now. I should have never hoped for it.

Through the throbbing of my head, I prayed that at least Thor would be successful. If he failed as well, all would be in vain - the prospect of Malekith's success did not have any appeal for me anymore. If he won, my own chance at revenge would be forever quashed. I owed more to Loki than dying here, locked out of sight and forgotten.

It was hard to tell time in this place, but while I stayed lying right where I was, the guards appeared twice to bring food that I never even looked at it - and when they took the second plate away, grumbling among themselves, the world still had not ended.  
Nobody told me anything and nobody came to get me. No trial for the shunned princess of Asgard. Not that I would have been able to walk all the way to the throne room with my head up high - I got dizzy and struck down by headache like lightning even when only my head turned.

Another plate came and went - they also brought a maid that they sent over to me to pour some water into my mouth. It was more than undignified and yet I was thankful. My mouth had been dry like sandpaper ever since morning.

It was painful to just exist - I longed for someone to talk to and yet could not imagine anyone I would want to talk with. Loki, who would have pulled me from my misery through his sheer presence, was dead. My mother - I would have loved nothing more than to be hugged by mother in this moment - was dead, by my fault no less.

Heavy steps echoed through the dungeons, accompanied by yelling voices. I would have known the responding grumble anywhere. Despite my world temporarily losing focus, I sat up - and my vision cleared just in time to see Thor step into view. He looked sombre, but healthy and my heart soared with relief.  
For a short, terrible moment, I thought that my brother was not the family member I had wanted, but that he was good enough.

"Brother," I said, my voice raspy and small. "Are you-?"

"Fine. And Jane as well," he told me. "She and our friend Erik were able to stop the Convergence. Malekith is dead."

I breathed a shuddering sigh of relief. "Oh thank the Norns... no one here will tell me anything, I worried-"

"Yes," Thor interrupted as he stepped closer to the force field keeping me separate from freedom. "I have a solution for that."

My eyebrows drew together. Thor was Odin's favourite, but it was still hard to imagine that he could free me if the Allfather had put his mind to letting me rot here.  
"Do tell," I said. "But I doubt you'll succeed, whatever it is you plan to do."

Thor smiled wryly at that - it was a strange sight. He was not usually for one for subtlety; it was either a booming laugh or nothing with him.  
"I refused the throne," he said. "I will never be king."

My mouth dropped open at that. "You - what?"

"I'm not made to be a king. I couldn't do it - the brutality, the sacrifice." He shook his head. "Loki was made for it, but I am not. I would not make a great king, but I can be a good man."

If I had not already been sitting, I would have dropped in that very moment. He could not be serious - could he? All those years complaining that Thor was not ready to take the throne, and when finally he seemed to have matured, he did not want it anymore.

Thor scratched the back of his head. "Have I made you speechless, sister?"

"Quite," I said. "And Father?"

"He is not pleased," Thor said with a shrug. "But he has no other choice than to let me go."

"Huh," I breathed.  
I still could not quite believe that this was truly happening. It seemed so unlike Odin, too - to let his son go, his only heir, the one he had groomed and praised all those years. What did the king intend to do now?

As if he had read my thoughts, Thor said, "Don't you see? You're the only one left now."

Perhaps when he soldier had hit me, I had lost some of my intelligence because I could not wrap my head around what he had just said; and I was pretty sure I was blinking stupidly at him.

"With Loki dead and me gone - you are the only option Odin has left; not that I - well, I don't want to say you're the last choice, if you get my meaning-"

"I - no, that's all right," I assured him quickly.  
My mind was still racing with the possibilities. Thor was right of course. I was the only option Odin had left, I was heiress to the throne and he could not very well keep me here or execute me in that situation.  
Could I do this, though? Could I be queen? I did not think that Asgard had ever had a queen to rule them... and I was not exactly popular with the people here.  
"Do you... do you truly think-?"

"I think you will do well," Thor said. "You're strong and you're smart, smarter than I'll ever be."

"But I'm not a warrior," I reminded him. How often had he said that to me? That no, I could not do this or possibly become that, because I was not a warrior?

"You don't need to be," he said. "I shall defend Asgard to my dying day, I just won't do it from the throne. I and Mjolnir will always be at your service."

It was almost unfathomable, but a small smile tugged at the edges of my lips. Not an hour ago, I would have sworn that I would never smile again, but Thor's announcement had changed everything.  
To be queen - what a chance! My one chance to make everything right, to do so much better than my father ever had; to make peace with the Frost Giants and everyone else Asgard had repelled - my chance to be worthy of my mother's sacrifice, my chance to make Loki proud.

"Brother, what a gift you are giving me-"

"You are giving me the gift," he said. "I shall return to Midgard, to Jane, within the hour."

"I wish I could hug you goodbye," I said, gesturing to the force field.

Thor grinned. "We'll meet again, sister," he promised. "Just promise me, that for once, you'll stay safe."

"And you," I shot back. "You attract danger like no other."

We smiled at each other. He bowed slightly to me and I did the same to him. I watched with a twisting heart as he made his way back upstairs.  
With him leaving for Midgard, the last friendly face would be gone - and yet, I could not dread the future too much. No one could hurt me anymore. I was heiress of the throne now and whoever opposed me would certainly regret it.

* * *

 **Sooo... people, the next chapter will be the last (I'll really miss this story)  
BUT I will not be able to update next week. I'll be working at a kid's summer camp and will have no internet connection - and even if I had, I wouldn't have the time. I'll do my best to get the last chapter out the weekend after that, though :)**


	49. Be Prepared

**I'm back! I made it back from camp pretty much in one piece and relatively healthy and also awake enough to update tonight ;)**

 **Thanks to everyone who read, fav'd, alerted and to duchesslynn4, ThoseEvilDucks, .2016, GiottoAuditore and guests "Guest" (1) (Here is more ;) ), "Anastasia" (I'm glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for your review!) and "Guest" (2) (It's right here, published just when I said it would be ;) ) for reviewing.**

* * *

 **Be Prepared**

* * *

It took another day until the king called for me.

I finally ate the food they brought me - a bit of sweet butter cake and a few fruits. It was not a lot, but it was better than nothing; and I felt that I would need my strength once I faced Odin. He would be forced to bear with me if he did not want to lose his last chance at a family legacy, but he would not be glad of it.

My head was still hurting, but it had been reduced to a dull sting where the spear had hit me - when I got up, the world did not spin out of focus anymore.  
For the first time since they had brought me here, I could feel the prickling of magic in my fingertips. Until that moment, it had almost seemed like it was gone, never to be heard of again, but that morning the power's presence was unmistakeable.

Odin sent five Einherjar to bring me to him. They all looked uncomfortable, like they expected me to strike at any second. Perhaps it was due to this fear that they did not bother chaining me. I would not have let the, yet I was glad to be spared the fight.

The throne room was empty save for two more guards and the king, sitting leisurely on his high seat. The throne had been restored to its full glory after Malekith's attack and the rubble of broken columns had been taken away and stored at the sides. The place reminded me of the old ruins of Rome.

As they marched me towards the king, I attempted to hold my head as high as I could. I would not let him see any weakness, not after what he had done to me.

Yet the closer we got, the stranger he seemed. Odin straightened when I approached, his good eye obviously taking me in from head to toe. His eyebrows pulled together slightly as if he was displeased. What had he expected after me being knocked out and locked in prison?

"My daughter," he said and I raised an eyebrow.

"We are far beyond such niceties," I said. "A father would have brought their wounded child to a healer instead of letting her rot in the dungeons for the next days."

He twitched a little. This was not much like the Odin I knew - he would not flinch at such accusations in the past. He had proved again and again that he did not care for my well-being; why start now?

"A misunderstanding occurred, I think," he said gravely. "Your brother took all of the blame for the acts committed."

"And the other took a sword before he could do the same," I shot back. "Let us not pretend that this is about family."

It almost seemed that he was about to smile, but did not. I could not remember when I had last seen Odin smile. Maybe the blow to my head had been even harder than assumed and I was starting to see things.

"Yes," Odin said. "Let's not. This is about Asgard and the crown."

I nodded at him. Odin's fingers tightened around the armrest of the throne, a barely there movement that still caught my eye. Could it be that the great Allfather was nervous? The idea filled me with a strange satisfaction.

"I heard the news from Thor," I said. "How very gracious of you to let him go. Though it puts the two of us in a difficult spot."

"Indeed," he said. "But that is a matter that we should discuss in private." The end of Gugnir landed sharply on the marble floor, the clang echoing through the vast hall. "Leave us," the king ordered.

The soldiers were not happy to follow this order. I could tell by the grudging glances they sent me and the low muttering that took over when they filed out at the back of the hall. They would not be far, for sure, ready to be called in at a moment's notice.  
Hopefully we would not have use for them. I held quite some contempt against Odin, but I could not spend the rest of his live fighting with him if I was to rule after him.

I turned back to face the king and found him watching me closely. The skin at the back of my neck started prickling. Something was not right about him - the way he spoke, the way he moved - but I could not put my finger on what it was.

"Come on," the king said and it seemed that his voice had changed. It was not usually so smooth. "Surely you can figure it out, love."

I _felt_ it first. He allowed the connection again and the hollowness disappeared, filling me with power and emotion that already seemed foreign even after so short a time.  
For once, however, it was not hard to differentiate. The satisfaction that flooded me was not mine, nor the triumph or the giddiness. None of it was it was mine, it was all his. The only thing that I consciously felt - was anger.

A green glow enveloped the king and flooded along his body like a waterfall. Loki was grinning broadly and his green eyes were sparkling.  
My fists clenched so tightly that the nails dug into the smooth flesh of my palms. I was shaking with the heat of my rage and he was _so very calm_.

Loki leant forward, studying me from head to toe. "I thought you'd be happier."

"Happier?" I echoed. "You thought I'd be happy?"

"Well," he said. "I am here and well and-"

"I thought you died!" I yelled and was granted the small satisfaction of seeing him flinch. "You made me believe you were dead!"

His head tilted to the side. His happiness was dissipating steadily - at least he still seemed to care slightly, though that was hardly enough to appease me.  
This time, he had gone too far. He knew how I had suffered the first time, all the time that we had been separated - he knew how I had fought to get him back, had defended him at every turn. How had he spent this time? Apparently by finding a way to sever our connection at his will and making plans to destroy me completely.

"You locked me in the dungeons," I continued. "Right across your cell - do you delight in torturing me?"

"You know I don't."

"Do I?" I demanded. "None of your actions suggest that you care about my well-being."

Loki seemed taken aback. Could it be true that he had not anticipated my anger? He, who knew me better than anyone else in the Nine Realms?

Another thought suddenly crept into my mind - if Loki was here and sitting on the throne, where was Odin?  
Loki seemed to notice my nervous glance around and an ugly sneer spread on his face. A familiar bitterness filled him and I straightened my shoulders.

"What did you do to him?" I asked.

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

"Yes," I shot back with more venom than I had anticipated. "I would indeed like to know if you killed our father."

His lip curled. "Our father," he repeated. "All those claims of hatred and suddenly he is _our father_."

I huffed. He did have a point, but he used it only to manipulate me and I would not let him. "I thought you capable of a lot, but I did not think that I would have to add patricide to the list."

He swallowed hard, but finally shrugged. "I killed one of my fathers, why not both?"

Indeed, there was no reason not to, not in his eyes or mine; Odin had never been a great father and Laufey had never been there at all. Perhaps, subconsciously, I had thought Odin safe because he was not a Frost Giant, the impact of my youth suggesting to me who was monster and who was man.

Apparently, I had never been a good judge of that - for when I looked upon Loki now, I was not sure anymore, either. What kind of man did such a thing to their family? What kind of man let his brother believe him dead and locked his lover in the dungeons? Were not these the action of a monster?

"I brought you back here," Loki said with a dangerous edge in his tone. "I wanted you safe until Odin and Thor were dealt with-"

I blinked in confusion until it clicked - the Einherjar, who had acted so strangely from start to finish, had been Loki all along. He probably had also killed the poor soldier that truly came looking for us.

"You wanted me out of the way," I said, my voice shaking. "Because you knew I would not let this stand."

"Eirlys-"

"And now you want to make peace," I said, my tone rising in volume with every word I spoke. "So I won't take the throne that is rightfully mine. So I won't challenge you."

His features had hardened and tension was radiating from him. There was a certain rage inside him; and, if I was not mistaken, a hint of fear. I wondered how far he would go if he thought I was taking his throne.

Which I was. He was clearly a lunatic. Odin, ever so intent on his legacy, did not deserve anything better, but Mother did. I would not allow her memory to be tarnished by the mad son that had succeeded her and the daughter that had abandoned her people.  
I did not yet know how, but I would take the throne and toss him from it if I had to, expose his disguise if that was what it took. For it would certainly not be enough for Loki to simply rule in peace - nobody knew where his lust for grandeur ended.

"I am warning you," Loki said. "Don't do something you'll regret."

"Like what?" I challenged. "Like not bowing to you?"

"You don't want to fight me," he said. "I can cut you off and take my power away from you, but you cannot do the same."

I squared my shoulders, trying to make myself as tall as I could. "Then I'll find a way," I promised. "And when I have, I will kill you myself, so I can finally be sure."

His rage was like no other. It radiated through my veins and licked painfully at me like fire. Yet he was still sitting calmly, not even a finger twitching as he regarded me from the height of the throne.  
It could well be that some of this anger was originating within me; my whole body was shaking with the sight of him, so confident, so triumphant when he had already destroyed all our family.

"If that is the case," Loki said in his silky voice, which suggested that I was treading on the most dangerous ground. "I think it is better I return you where you came from - to the dungeons."

My mind started spinning. If they brought me back, locked me in, I would be doomed - there was no escaping from the dungeons, not even with magic. At least there was no way that I knew off. I would be trapped without any chance of stopping him or contacting someone who could.

The clank of his spear against the marble floor called the guards back inside. It did not even take as long as it took to blink and Loki's disguise was perfect again. His demeanour changed with his appearance - when he had acted strangely before, it had clearly been done on purpose.

"Take her back to the dungeons," the king ordered. "Where she will await her trial."

"On what charges?" I asked as the first guard wrapped his hand around my upper arm.

"On the charges of being a traitor," Loki boomed. "And a _witch._ "

If he had been close enough, I might have spat at him. _That_ , I thought to myself and hoped that my emotions would make him understand, _was a mistake._ This was the difference between a quiet coup-d'état behind the scene and waging a full on war. No one, least of all him, was allowed to call me a witch.

If he wanted to me be that, though, he could have his witch.

He should not have allowed our connection again, for while the Einherjar still believed to have me in a death grip, fresh wind was already whipping around me as I approached Heimdall's observatory.  
Back in the day, my wish to have the illusions solid had been merely a quest for power - I had wanted more, always more - but now I was proven right. This was what I needed magic for.

It was hard to uphold, but my illusion had taken a fast form in the palace while I had already teleported out of their reach.  
I had to hurry, though. The simple guards might be fooled, but Loki would not be; he would have felt the pull of magic and would have seen through the disguise of my clone.

"Heimdall!" I called, but found that he already had the sword poised over the control panels when I entered.

"I saw," he said simply.

It was hard to believe that Loki could have been so foolish. That for once, he had not cared to shield us from the Gatekeeper's gaze, but I was thankful for it.

"Good," I said. "Can I trust you to not betray me?"

Heimdall pulled himself to his full height, towering high above me, until suddenly his gaze dropped and he bowed deep. "You are my queen," he said gravely. "My duty is only to you."

"And I promise I will not disappoint you," I said, though I could not be sure yet. "But for now I have to leave."

"I would send you to Vanaheim," Heimdall offered. "Where Hogun is among his people and can offer you shelter."

I had but a second to think it over - the Bifrost was already booming, itching to send me away. The only other option would have been to go to Midgard, from where Thor would surely hurry back to defeat his wayward brother.

He did deserve some peace, though, for once - he deserved to think, at least for a little while, that all was well. A not-so-small part of me also wanted to make it so things were well, by myself and without having to share the glory with my big brother.

"I will take your advise," I said. "And thank you."

The observatory was already spinning around me. I turned once more, while the forces of time and space were pulling at me and regarded my home - the glistening gold of the towers, the heights of snow-topped mountains and the rushing of crystal-clear water. How I longed to stay, but in safety and peace, as it had been so many years ago.

My heart ached for the Asgard of that time and I swore to myself that when we would see each other next, it would be a glorious return.

* * *

 **So, this is it. This story is done and I already miss it terribly.  
However, as you can probably detect from this chapter, I do want to write a sequel. It's just that it'll have to wait a bit, at least until spoilers for Thor 3 are a little more reliable, because I sure would like to incorporate that in the next story.**

 **Until then, feel free to check out my other stories; I'm also going to upload a new Harry Potter one in the next few days, so if you're into that, I'd be happy to see/read you there ;)**

 **To finish up, I'd like to thank everyone who reviewed and fav'd and alerted and read over the course of this story. I hope you all enjoyed it as much as I did.**

 **Have yourself a lovely day :)!**


	50. Announcement

**So, I know it's been very long, longer than anticipated, BUT the sequel is finally up. It's named "The Secrets in Telling Part Two – The Drums of War", so there should be no trouble finding it on my profile.**

 **I'm excited to see some of you over there!**


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